Hanna (2011)
VERDICT:
6/10 Jane Rambos
When it kicks ass, it destroys, but there just ain’t enough to balance out the boring rest of it.
Hanna is about a teenage girl who lives with her father in the Arctic tundra and has spent her short life being molded by her pops into a perfect killing machine for the sole purpose of snuffing out a mysterious woman who she’s never even met. So when she finally reaches the peak of her abilities and starts wondering what life is like for 16-year-old girls who don’t know how to hunt and dress reindeer, her pops gives her free reign to open pandora’s box and within a matter of hours she finds herself in a secret service holding cell. These military chumps underestimate her, she proceeds to raise hell before breaking out like a total boss, and then she catches a lift with some road-trippin’ family who helps her learn about the real world while she’s being hunted down by the said mysterious woman.
So it’s directed by Joe Wright, and for someone who’s made a name for himself with stuff like Pride and Prejudice and Atonement, this isn’t exactly familiar territory for the guy. As far as I know, Jane Austen wasn’t exactly what you’d call an adrenaline junkie, but more power to Wright for pulling a full 180 and totally rocking the most important parts that a whole lot of seasoned action directors can’t even get right. I mean, you watch something like Atonement and it comes off clear as day that this guy knows what the hell he’s doing behind the camera, and in that regard, this genre actually seems like a natural progression even if the final product left me pretty underwhelmed. But I’ll get to the Debbie Downer stuff later, ’cause let me tell you about these action scenes…
Alright, there’s a handful of ’em here, and for the most part they didn’t really do a whole lot for me, but there were two parts in particular that felt like a kick to the brain in the best way possible. The first is when Hanna busts out of her holding cell and leaves a sea of gun-toting goons in her wake, the second is this stunning continuous shot that starts with Hanna’s dad getting off a bus and ends with him as the only dude left standing in a six-on-one train station death match. The first feels like a music video mixed with a rave mixed with the final showdown from The Professional, and the second is just freaking’ gorgeous with all its invisible cuts and baited progression from perfectly normal to life-or-death. When those scenes were happening, this movie was floating a verdict of 8 or 9 and Joe Wright deserves a high-thirty of the highest order for putting those together as well as he did.
And the original soundtrack by The Chemical Brothers really is something else. Never really listened to them before, but this is one of those things that couldn’t have been more fitting and will make you want to start getting familiar.
But as unforgettable and awesome as those two scenes were, the rest of the movie makes them seem like a blip on the radar, and I guess that’s because the writing is so damn disappointing, or at least disappointing in comparison. Take, for instance, the huge chunk of time that Hanna spends with the family on their vacation where she tries to fit in even though it’s pretty obvious to everyone around her that something’s up with this girl. It’s one of those detours that I’ve seen before and hoped wouldn’t be coming, but alas, it came, completely sapped the pacing, overstayed its welcome, and added nothing to story nor made me care any more about Hanna in the least. And by the time all the plot twists and reveals finally come around, they don’t come as a surprise because of the blatant hints along the way that let you see everyone’s hands way before the cards are laid out on the table. I don’t know, the structure here is just bizarre and continually shoots itself in the foot for reasons I don’t understand.
As if that wasn’t enough, the ending is ultimately decided by the kind of shoes that Cate Blanchett decided to wear and how they probably weren’t the most practical choice when setting out on a global manhunt. Just a completely disappointing, copout way to wrap things up and avoid a golden opportunity to give us some “wow” factor.
But the cast is solid and I can’t fault them for any of this shit. Saorsie Ronan runs train and pulls it off with ease as Hanna; Cate Blanchett plays a good heartless bitch as Hanna’s target, Marissa (even if I have no idea how she manages to stick around so long against the likes of Hanna and her dad); and Erica Bana ain’t bad as Hanna’s dad, either. Man, it’s nice to see Bana in a good movie for once. Hasn’t been in a good movie since Chopper. What’s up with that?
Anyway, it’s rare that I find myself knocking a movie because I wish it had more action and less talking, but when the action is this good and the talking is this blah, Hanna would have been so much better if everyone had just shut the hell up and let the fists/Chemical Brothers do the talking. It’s still enjoyable, but it’s your textbook case of style over substance and altogether a pretty forgettable experience with the exception of those two stellar throwdowns and the fluidity that Wright creates amidst chaos. But like I said, props to the guy for trying something new even if he was already knocking ’em dead with British period pieces. Would love to see him take another stab at it if he can find a script that’s as good as his camerawork.
And the REAL best picture of 1998 was…
SAVING PRIVATE RYAN!
Man, what a FUBAR call on the Academy’s behalf. 1998 will always be a mystery to me, but hey, at least us moviegoing folk know what’s up.
Good voting, ya’ll. Shakespeare never really did it for me either.
RESULTS:
– Saving Private Ryan: 14 votes
– The Thin Red Line: 5 votes
– The Truman Show: 5 votes
– American History X: 3 votes
– Life is Beautiful: 2 votes
– Out of Sight: 1 vote (probably would have been my vote)
– Shakespeare in Love: 0 votes (word)
– Elizabeth: 0 votes
– A Simple Plan: 0 votes
– Bulworth: 0 votes
– Gods and Monsters: 0 votes
– Other: 1 vote for Happiness (good times) and 1 vote for The Big Lebowski (damn, good call).
Scream 4 (2011)
VERDICT:
8/10 iKillers
Surprisingly awesome for a series that seemed like it was wearing a bit thin towards the end there.
Scream 4 picks up ten years after all the killings and such that went down in the original Scream. Sidney Prescott is back in good ol’ Woodsboro (because why wouldn’t she want to go back to Woodsboro?) to plug a new book she wrote about how she’s a survivor and doesn’t dwell on the past and stuff, but then a bunch of local teens get shanked to a pulp on the day she arrives and it quickly turns into the worst book tour of all-time. But since this is a new Williennium we’re dealing with and you ain’t cool if you ain’t gots a smart phone, our guy/girl Ghostface is playing by a new set of rules that’s skyrocketing the body count, making everyone a suspect, and giving every fool with a smartphone a front row seat to all the gory details.
So for all intents and purposes, I don’t think I’d be overstepping any bounds to say that the original Scream is one of the best horror movies of the ’90s and is arguably the smartest to boot. It turned the genre on its head, made every cliche’ feel brand-spankin’-new, that’s what we loved about it and that’s why it managed to squeeze out three sequels over the next 15 years. That and casting The Fonz as Woodsboro High’s principal. But as good as it is and how I agree with everything I just wrote, I still haven’t seen the first two sequels. Not sure why that is, guess it never quite made its way up on the Netflix queue and I was probably too big of a wuss to see ’em in theaters, so with that being said, I don’t really have a whole lot of comparisons to make.
But on its own and being familiar with how it all started, I’m actually pretty impressed by the script that Kevin Williamson threw together this time. On the one hand, it’s the same old shit, but I’m pretty sure it’s the same old shit that’s kept the masses coming back for more. The plot for each of these movies is modeled after the plot that Friday the 13th, Elm Street and every other iconic slasher went by back in the day, only here the characters are all self-aware and use horror movie trivia to their advantage and whatnot. What makes this different instead of a carbon copy pretty much boils down to two things: cell phones and the internet.
So on the other hand, it actually does work and ultimately winds up going in a surprisingly different and unsurprisingly smart direction that left me with more than just cheap scares and a recycled storyline. Can’t say too much about it and I don’t want to ramble to the point where folks’ll read this review and get the impression that this some post-modern re-imagining of Hamlet or some shit, but in staying true to form, props to Williamson for keeping it brainy, keeping me guessing, and elevating things to a new level while simultaneously keeping it old school. And major points for placing such a heavy emphasis on cell phone usage in a horror movie and never once having a character’s call drop on them. Could have been a real easy road to go down, but thank God that Williamson steered clear and stayed the course. Now that I think of it, I don’t think I rolled my eyes once during the whole damn thing. Can’t beat that with a stick.
And in terms of how Ghostface’s “rules” have changed over the years, he’s pretty much got a no-holds-barred mentality going for him since charming fellows like Eli Roth and Alexandre Aja were given free reign to go nuts over the past ten years. And while this isn’t torture porn in the least, I tell ya’ what, Ghostface is not screwing around this time. There’s a ton of major players in this cast of victims and it’s bonkers how efficiently they all get gutted, gored and goosed by this dude like he’s running a goddamn assembly line. Seriously, when you consider that none of these characters are nameless victims and all play some kind of halfway important role, this bad boy’s got a death tally for the record books. Nice that none of them are stupid though, and I can’t really knock ’em for getting outsmarted either.
On top of that, it is scary, but then again, I really am such a wuss when it comes to horror movies. I love ’em, but the last thing I need on any day is for some dick with a knife to jump into frame while 20 different speakers go from crickets to 11 all in unison. Still, it moves along at a solid pace, and since there’s so many people that need killing, there’s hardly any down time between one butchering and the next. Pretty suspenseful stuff, yo’.
And the cast gets it done, too. Nothing stand-out, but it’s cool to see the original crew back in action and having some fun with it. The years have been kind to Neve Campbell, the same goes for Courteney Cox even if see does look a bit botoxy, David Arquette is fine even if he does look like a certified creep when rocking that mustache, and…well, I guess those are the only folks still alive 15 years later. Still, I dig that they came out for this even if it is weird seeing Cox and Arquette play opposite each other these days. Always seemed like a peculiar couple anyway, probably ’cause they named their kid Coco.
Not being a die-hard fan of the series and not expecting all too much to begin with, I gotta say, I had myself a time with Scream 4. Wish I knew where to rank it amongst the quadrilogy since the only thing I can remember of the other two sequels is Jada Pinkett Smith getting offed in a movie theater and that Liev Schreiber played a guy named fucking Cotton, but in comparison to the original, it didn’t disappoint and it’s great not to have Matthew Lillard around anymore (even if it seems like I’m the only guy on the planet who couldn’t effing stand Matthew Lillard). It was fun, it wasn’t mindless, and Anthony Anderson has one of the best movie deaths I’ve seen in a good long while. It’s only 15 seconds long, but it might just be worth the price of admission.
And the best Sidney Lumet movie is…
12 ANGRY MEN!
Damn right it is. Would have been my vote as well, and it doesn’t hurt that it’s in my Top Ten, either. Really gotta watch this again some time and review the hell out of it. One of the best scripts ever written.
But then again, if there’s anything to be said about Lumet, it’s that the guy had one truly amazing career behind the camera. Not only that, but the rate at which he was putting out movies was flat-out nuts. Dude was operating at Woody Allen’s pace for a while there, and that, boys and girls, is no easy feat. 12 Angry Men is a hard one to top, but seriously, these are all phenomenal movies (even if I can’t vouch for The Wiz). If you haven’t seen ’em, check ’em out, and you will understand how awesome Lumet will always be.
Good voting, gang.
Results:
– 12 Angry Men: 15 votes
– Serpico: 5 votes
– Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead: 3 votes
– Network: 3 votes
– Dog Day Afternoon: 3 votes
– The Verdict: 1 vote
– Murder on the Orient Express: 1 vote
– Other: 1 vote for Prince of the City (never seen it, probably should).
Source Code (2011)
VERDICT:
8/10 Minute Men
Yet another great reason to rally behind Zowie Bowie.
Source Code is about a military pilot who wakes up one day to find himself trapped in a metal room with no recollection as to how or why he got there, but soon comes to the realization that he is in fact Uncle Sam’s latest lab rat. His mission – which he has no choice but to accept – has him being transported into another guy’s body so that he can find a bomb in the eight minutes before it goes off and prevent a subsequent terrorist attack from wiping out all of Chicago. At the end of the eight minutes, he inevitably dies, zooms back to his body in the mini-prison, gives a SITREP, and then gets sent back out once again to the re-live the same eight minutes in the other guy’s body until he finds the bomber. As he gets closer to fingering the culprit, he starts to fall for the guy’s traveling companion, weird stuff starts happening all around him, and the truth behind his exceptionally peculiar situation starts to unravel at the seams.
Okay, it took me a really long time to write that summary and I realize that it may very well make zero effing sense ’cause this ain’t exactly the easiest premise to break down in four sentences. Maybe an easier way to think of it would be if you combined Minority Report with Groundhog Day, only with more focus on precogs and less focus on Ned Ryerson. Still lost? Well, that’s the best I’ve got. Just run with it.
So, yeah, some of this stuff is a bit on the confusing side, but it would be a whole lot more frustrating if it wasn’t so well-structured and compelling from start to finish. As much as I’d like to say that a lot of that credit goes to director Duncan Jones, the love here is actually gonna to go Ben Ripley’s first stab at big league screenwriting. Yeah, the way the hero of our story’s private prison and psyche are brought to life are all Jones’ doing and they are very much worth mentioning, but the things that makes this movie memorable are the ideas that fuel it.
I’m a big fan of movies that shoot for five-run homers when it comes to originality and Ripley’s got that in spades. This is one of those scripts that make it easy for me to overlook its shortcomings because I know for a fact that I could never come up with something this heady and wild without taking a fistful of peyote, watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, and having a voice recorder on hand to capture all the bizarro crap that pops into my head. It’s all the surprises I didn’t see coming even if I’m not the type to guess in the first place, it’s the way Ripley had this whole thing figured out from the get-go and stages it so that the audience feels like he’s just playing the plot by ear, and it’s the way the script completely shifts from one genre to the next the more things start to unfold. On top of all the sci-fi thrills, it’s actually got a good little message to boot about a range of things from “semper fi” to “carpe diem”, and that’s always a surefire to elevate any movie from popcorn escapism to something substantial.
And I’m also a big fan of scripts that provide its audience with info on a need-t0-know basis and only fleshes out at the pace that its horribly confused protagonist learns it. Man, it’s just nice to go into a movie for once and not know what the hell is gonna happen next because it’s not borrowing from stories you’ve already heard; and by the time it’s over, chances are you’ll be wondering what the hell just happened. With that being said, I’m not sure whether I liked or disliked the ending here, and that’s not so much because it doesn’t make sense, but I’m more just waiting for someone to explain it to me so I can get some freakin’ sleep already. So if there’s anyone out there who’s cracked this sucker and can give me the lowdown, I’m all ears. I’m pretty sure it makes sense since the rest of the script is so consistent in following the rules that Ripley lays out along the way, but if it isn’t and the whole thing is malarkey, I might have to readjust that verdict. But either way, it’s a trip, and the characters that support are surprisingly good, too.
Now, when I think about movies like Primer and Inception, one can assume that it must be pretty hard to develop both ideas and characters without ultimately leaning heavily towards one side or the other. But the thing with those two movies is that the characters more or less served as a means to end, and that’s not really the case here. When things are explained, they’re explained briefly over the length of the entire film rather than in one big lecture, and even though the driving force behind the plot is for this guy to find the bomb, that actually ends up playing second fiddle to what’s going on with the guy himself. I don’t know, it’s hard to to explain in detail without giving anything away, and while it’s not operating on the same mind-blowing level as Primer and Inception, I don’t think anyone will walk out of this saying, “Been there, done that.”
And the cast ain’t bad either. Jake Gyllenhaal and all the silly little faces he makes when he’s angry is good as Captain Colter Stevens; it’s wonderful to see Michelle Monaghan getting some stead work these days as Colter’s gal, Christina; Vera Farmiga’s got a good, interesting role as Colter’s military superior of sorts; and Jeffrey Wright’s a smarmy little bastard as Farmiga’s military superior of sorts. Nothing really stand-out, but they all get it done and do it well. Sweet.
It’s beyond me how such a fun and smart movie ended up with such a shitty trailer, but that’s just one surprise of many that this thing has going for it. Even though I’m still thinking about some of the ideas it puts into play days after walking out of the theater, this isn’t one of those movies that I’ll be racing to see again if only because I’m not quite sure an extra viewing would even be enough to get it straight and there are only so many Mementos in the world to keep me coming back until I could write a goddamn thesis on it. But then again, that really is a royally minor gripe in comparison to what a refreshingly original, intelligent, and entertaining ride Source Code is. Nothing wrong with getting treated to a Summer blockbuster in April, but that’s not fair, Summer blockbuster rarely have this much brains about ’em.
The American (2010)
VERDICT:
8/10 Waiting Games
A great take on a worn sub-genre…so long as you’re not expecting George Clooney as Jason Bourne.
The American is about an assassin who finds himself laying low in the Italian countryside after some angry Swedes unsuccessfully try to snuff him out. Since there’s not a whole lot to do in town aside from push ups and prostitutes, he takes a job to keep himself busy and decides it’s gonna be his last before getting out of the hired gun industry for good. But then the Swedes catch up with him again, he starts falling for his favorite call girl, and since it’s never easy telling the boss that your days as a trained killer are over (trust me, lots of paperwork and shit), this mysterious Yank has to fight his way out to if he plans on having any chance at a new life.
So I don’t know why I got caught up in all the ho-hum press this movie got last year, because right off the poster, I should have been there opening weekend. Not only does this baby happen to have the best poster of 2010, but I’m of the general mindset that George Clooney is a genuine old school badass, and it also happens to be the sophomore effort by director Anton Corbijn. If you didn’t see his first movie, Control (which was fantastic), then you might recognize him from all the awesome photographs he’s taken of rock stars and A-listers over the years. But if it’s still not ringing any bells, then just trust me on this one. He’s legit.
With that being said, I’m not really sure what it was about this movie that disappointed so many folks, but for starters, I’m guessing some cats out there found the pacing here to be a bit on the slow side in comparison to what was implied in the trailers. On the one hand, yeah, this isn’t much of an action movie. The shootouts that are here are may be straightforward and boss, but they’re also over and done with pretty quickly; it’s going more for realism than it is for “wow” factor, and the final job that Clooney takes is actually just him making a pimped out gun from scratch for two hours. And I get it, that would be disappointing if you paid 13 bucks to watch Danny Ocean go John Rambo. But on the other hand, go ahead and blame the trailer because that’s just not the movie this is.
It’s not as though Corbijn screwed the pooch or anything and simply didn’t know how to make an action movie, ’cause if anything, this is a character study and it’s a damn good one at that. I don’t know about everyone else, but it didn’t come off as slow to me, it felt like Corbijn was taking his time to create a mood, to get us invested in the man behind the trigger. From the first scene where Clooney barely avoids getting bumped off in a Swedish forest, it’s like an invisible noose has been placed around his neck and the rest of the movie is us watching him wait for the hangman to come kick the stool out from under. As a result, the plot becomes this slow boil of baited suspense that keeps him looking over his shoulder with every waking and sleeping minute until everything comes to head. In short, there wasn’t a single scene that I felt should have been taken out or cut short, I actually thought it was cool as hell watching him make that gun from start to finish, and it totally worked and totally kept me on edge.
And better yet, there’s hardly any dialogue here. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before, but it is so damn refreshing and rare to find a script that truly understands the power of silence, the many benefits that come with keeping things short and sweet, and knowing when to shut the fuck up. Too many movies today are just shameless examples of people talking for the sake of talking, and after realizing that most of it is stuff I’ve already heard before and heard it done better, I’m getting tired of listening. So I hope someone and their friend gave Rowan Joffe a high thirty for recognizing that when you don’t say much to begin with, people tend to listen when you speak up. Always amazes me how much you can say without saying anything at all.
But the double-edge sword of Joffe’s script is that there will always be an audience for this kind of stuff because hitmen will always be interesting, but there’s only so much on the subject that hasn’t already been said. Like I said, the unique thing about his approach is the way he places so much of an emphasis on Clooney waiting for the hammer to drop, and I don’t have a bad thing to say about that, but as far as the plot is concerned, it’s somewhat by-the-books. It’s a fine formula to go by, it’s just that you can probably guess the direction that things ultimately go in, and it’s the ending in particular that made the whole thing seem underwhelming and unfortunately predictable in light of the strengths that seemed so new. It’s a bummer and I really wish it had taken a different route, but then again, I’m crazy about the second-to-last shot of the movie and that alone kinda made up for what was actually going on in the scene itself.
And George Clooney is great as Jack because that guy’s got a face that speaks volumes. He looks like a professional, he acts like a professional, and the minor expressions he’s got at his disposal absolutely complement the sparse script he’s working with. It’s not a flashy movie, it’s not a flashy performance, and that’s why Clooney kick ass in it. Paolo Bonacelli is also swell as the town priest that takes a particular interest in Jack, and the super-naked Violante Placido aint’ too shabby either as Jack’s lady friend from the local whorehouse.
I consider myself lucky that I didn’t go into this expecting a John Woo thrill ride, because I can imagine how that would have taken away from an experience that I found really freakin’ impressive. Thanks to the scenery, Corbijn’s eye behind the camera, and the intentional patience of it all, this is a gorgeous movie to soak up and it’s got so much more to offer than so many thrillers that sacrifice substance for thrills. You gotta take it for what it is, and if that’s your mindset, The American might just be an 8 for you, too. A nice change of pace if anything else.
And Robin Williams’ best roles are…
THE DRAMATIC ONES!
Folks, couldn’t agree with ya’ more, but he sure does make for one awfully convincing psychopath. Just glad to see that “comedic” didn’t win. With the exception of Mrs. Doubtfire, that whole mental patient-on-crack bit of his just doesn’t do it for me.
And on that note, solid voting, y’all.
RESULTS:
– Dramatic: 19 votes
– Comedic: 11 votes
– Psychotic: 11 votes
Man, I really need to revisit Dead Poets Society. What a freakin’ movie.
Three Days of the Condor (1975)
VERDICT:
7/10 Murder-gates
Doesn’t hit the same chords as it probably did when Nixon was running the place, but still pretty wild after all these years.
Three Days of the Condor is about a government bookkeeper of sorts who leaves the office to grab lunch one fateful day, then comes back to find that all his co-workers have been filled up with bullet holes. Rather than wait for the gunmen to come back and finish the job, the luckiest bookworm in the world hits the streets, takes some poor gal hostage, and starts making calls like gangbusters to figure out who wants him dead, why anyone would do such a thing, and who’s gonna pay for messing with the wrong ’70s heartthrob.
So this review is coming from the viewpoint of someone who didn’t live through all that Watergate stuff and the reign of Tricky Dick, and that probably played a part in regards to the impression this movie made on me. Not that it isn’t a freaky concept all these years later, but these days I’m a lot more worried about whether the world is gonna explode next year than I am about whether or not the fat cats on Capital Hill are gonna send some hitmen to snuff me out while I’m sitting on the john. I’m guessing that this must have been some pretty freaky deaky shit for all the baby boomers out there, but even if you’re not in that bandwagon, it’s still a rush.
The reason it all works is partly due to all the conspiracy theories, but it’s mostly ’cause of the way it’s structured. From the get-go, the audience has absolutely no clue as to what’s going on. It’s hard to say what Robert Redford does for a living or what he’s talking about, we have no idea what these cats did to get themselves waxed in such a stone cold fashion, and that general of feeling of anonymous terror is what fuels the whole damn movie. The bonus is that Redford’s character, Joseph Turner (codename: The Condor), is on the same page we are. He’s running around like headless chicken and playing it as smart as he can without putting his trust in the wrong people and getting a lead salad in return.
It’s fun, it’s intense, and the novelty keeps up even after the last unsettling line. I don’t know, after watching all these James Bond movies as of late and coming to the realization that the worthwhile entries are the ones that don’t lay the cards on the table within the first 15 minutes, I’m very much digging this script. Also has some pretty solid dialogue throughout, so that’s sweet.
But the one thing that prevented this sucker from getting an 8 is the way Joe Turner goes from a flat-out clueless, accidental fugitive to the craftiest mother fucker in the Big Apple. I mean, unless this guy had been moonlighting at Con Ed since high school, there is no logical explanation for the way he jacks the NYC phone system and uses all the tricks in the book (that he apparently wrote) to turn the tables on the dudes who want him dead. Granted, I’ve never been in the CIA (or maybe I have…), I don’t know what the hell they teach those guys (or maybe I do…), but I’m gonna call “bullshit” on this one (yeah, I’ve never been). It’s not that it’s unrealistic in the sense that it can’t be done, it’s just ridiculous to think that someone could actually pull this stuff off without doing it before, and there’s no way he’s ever had to do this stuff before. You gotta see it for yourself.
But let’s take a moment here to talk about Robert Redford. Up until recently, my opinion of the guy was that – while equally legendary – he was no Paul Newman. But after checking this out and revisiting Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid…well, I guess that hasn’t really changed much. Although I will say this: Robert was and always will be cooler than cool (ice cold, even). It’s the perfect hair, it’s that killer pea coat, it’s the way it all comes naturally to the guy, Redford’s just the total package when it comes to your all-time Hollywood he-men. I do need to see more Redford movies because I’m sure this isn’t the primary reason women worship the guy and men want to be him, but, damn, Joe Turner is one very watchable fella’ and a whole lot of that is thanks to Rob. Glad I’ve finally seen the light on this matter.
And Faye Dunaway is quite awesome as Turner’s hostage-turned-lover. I’ve never been one to understand Stockholm Syndrome, but she’s got a surprisingly solid little character arc, and while her relationship with Turner might not be the most believable of Hollywood romances, it works for what it is. Nice to see her loosen up as the story goes on, girl’s got a good wise-ass sense of humor. Man, Faye Dunaway rocks.
And speaking of people who rock, Max von Sydow is here as the main assassin on Turner’s tail, Joubert. Hopefully that last sentence speaks for itself, ’cause Sydow’s a natural badass, “Joubert” is a pretty badass name for a trained killer, and, yeah, he’s the man. Enough said.
So if you’re really into government conspiracies and are 99% sure that Uncle Sam is tapping your phone lines, Three Days of the Condor is a movie after your own heart. But if you’re like me and are more prone to getting caught up in the plausibilities of fictional spy tactics than worrying about the mailman putting anthrax in your birthday cards, there’s still a hell of a lot to enjoy. Even 36 years after the fact, it’s very creepy from a political standpoint, it’s very effective from a suspense standpoint, and Robert Redford is a total boss from a bitchin’ standpoint. Not much to gripe about, just a swell, smart, and fast way to spend two hours.
And it’ll totally make you wanna buy a pea coat.
Trust (2011)
VERDICT:
4/10 Easy Prey
Yup, it’s settled. Never getting my kid a cell phone, a computer, a carrier pigeon, or anything that would allow them to communicate with the outside world. Thanks a lot, NAMBLA.
Trust is about a 14-year-old girl who strikes up an online friendship with a 16-year-old boy after her parents get her a fancy new laptop for her birthday. Eventually things start heating up, they get together to meet in person for the first time, and it turns out that he’s actually a 35-year-old man. For some reason, the girl finds it in her to look past the age difference, hangs out with him for a day, and winds up getting raped by the dude in a hotel. Eventually her parents find out about it, she starts taking the pedophile’s side instead of, you know, not taking his side, and the whole thing tears the family apart.
It’s the sophomore directorial effort by good ol’ David Schwimmer, and what a way to switch gears after kicking off this new chapter in his life with Run, Fatboy, Run. Definitely lacking in the comedic department this time around, then again, I didn’t exactly hear great things about Fatboy and this might be a step in the right direction for him. Not much else to say on the matter since there’s nothing all that noteworthy about what he does behind the camera, but hey, Ross Geller’s directing again. Neat!
Anyway, if you’ve seen Little Children or Hard Candy in particular, you can probably guess to a tee how the first Act of this movie plays out. Well, if you read the synopsis, that’s exactly how it plays out, but trust me, I’m not spoiling anything for ya’ and you probably could have guessed as much from the poster. And while seeing it coming from a mile away is bad enough, the biggest drawback of this whole damn movie is how infuriated I got by watching it all go down.
On the one hand, this is very realistic in the sense that there’s a reason To Catch a Predator ran for so many seasons. The fact of the matter is that there are some effed up dudes out there who rope in 14-year-old girls through the powers of instant messaging and there are 14-year-old girls that absolutely get taken in by them. So the scenario is believable, but on the other hand, there’s our 14-year-old victim, Annie. My issue with Annie is that I just can’t freaking believe how gullible this girl is. Alright, some red flags should have gone up when the kid she was talking to revealed that he’s not a sophomore in high school but rather a sophomore in college, but I guess I can let that go. But the next two times he widens the age gap by five years, you block that mofo and get a new MacBook, stat; and when you see him in the mall and he’s older than your dad, you run the fuck away, get the fuzz on speed dial, and start flirting with all the horny boys in homeroom like everyone else.
The fact that she somehow ends up modeling the lingerie he bought for her in a hotel room and then winds up with a mean case of Stockholm syndrome to boot is simply beyond me. Again, I’m sure it happens, but it’s infinitely sad and frustrating to watch this girl chug the Kool-Aid when neon signs should be popping up in every inch of her being with the words “THIS DUDE WILL RAPE YOU” flashing like wildfire. Granted, I’m no expert on the teen-girl-going-through-puberty subject, so my opinion only holds so much weight, but, come on, I like to think that she would have a better head on her shoulders than that. Also wasn’t a big fan of her character aside from her horrendous decision-making skills, probably because I have zero tolerance for anyone who texts more than they talk to people in real life. Hated having to experience her whole courtship with her future rapist via emoticons and LOLs.
And the script ain’t much help either. Just tons of little touches that betray everyday common sense for the sake of brewing up drama for yet another screaming match that could have been easily avoided. For instance: Clive Owen walks into his daughter’s room while she’s sleeping, he turns on her iPhone to see if she’s been contacting the pederast, then puts the phone down right next to her head, doesn’t turn it off for some reason before leaving the room, then she wakes up five minutes later, sees the phone has magically turned itself on, and she now has one more thing to yell at him about. Just turn off the fucking phone, man. The button’s right there on the top, you can’t miss it and you probably have one yourself. Ugh, tack that on to a handful of other instances that all start and end the same way and you’ve got what could have been a perfectly credible family drama turned into a mess of idiotically structured, blatantly manufactured Hollywood temper tantrums. Lame.
But it does get better.
The good thing about this plot is that it eventually focuses more on the way Annie’s parents, mainly her father, deal with the whole situation. It’s interesting because that’s the one approach I haven’t really seen before in a movie that deals with this kind of subject…well, as long as you don’t count In the Bedroom since that revolves around a different kind of family tragedy (but you totally could count it and it would blow this out of the water). Nevertheless, Clive Owen and Catherine Keener do a great job as Annie’s parents and if it weren’t for their presence to balance out how much I couldn’t stand Annie, this probably would have been a 3 and they were this close to bumping it up to a 5. Strange how what they’re going through was so much more interesting than anything their daughter was processing. And I wish I could say the same about newcomer Liana Liberato as Annie, but it’s just one of those instances where a character is so aggravating that I feel the same way about the actor just by association.
I don’t know, gang. Trust does have its merits and I dug how the spotlight ultimately shifts towards the parents, but all that good stuff unfortunately came around far too late to overshadow all the shit with Annie that drove me crazy. There are much better movies out there that deal with a lot of the same issues that this brings up, and while I’m sure this would hit home in a far greater way for anyone that’s ever had to go through this (God forbid) than it did for me, there just wasn’t enough to set this apart.
Stupid ending, too. Totally unnecessary and a weak swan song for the story line. A whole lot of potential flushed down the crapper for the sake of semi-scaring all the parents in the theater. Again, lame.
And the worst movie of all-time is…
ANYTHING BY AARON SELTZER AND JASON FRIEDBERG!
Take a good look at those two rat bastards with the shit-eating grins on their faces. Those are the guys responsible for Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, Vampires Suck. They are everything that’s wrong with movies today, I don’t know what the fuck they could possibly be laughing at, and you voters could not have picked a more fitting bang for your buck than these scumbags.
Well done and bring the hate.
RESULTS:
– Anything by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg: 12 votes
– Troll 2: 6 votes
– Batman and Robin: 6 votes
– Freddy Got Fingered: 5 votes
– Anything by Uwe Boll: 4 votes
– The Room: 3 votes
– Battlefield Earth: 2 votes
– Gigli: 2 votes
– Anything by Ed Wood: 1 vote
– Other: 1 vote for Love Story (will continue to avoid that), 1 vote for Birdemic (will probably see that), 1 vote for The English Patient (AMEN TO THAT!), 1 vote for Titanic 2 (would totally see that), 1 vote for Knowing (yeah, I don’t know why I didn’t hate that), 1 vote for Plan 9 From Outer Space (fits into the Ed Wood category, but whatever, I hear that one’s a winner), 1 vote for License to Wed (will continue to avoid that), 1 vote for Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (will probably see that), 1 vote for I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (one of many solid Adam Sandler choices), 1 vote for Manos: The Hands of Fate (never seen it, looks like I should though), 1 vote for The Eagle (didn’t know anyone actually saw that), 1 vote for Pluto Nash (one of many solid Eddie Murphy choices), and 1 double vote for The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions (you said it, brother).
And apologies for dropping off the face of the Earth this past week. As predicted, the new job has been keeping me mighty busy, but I’ll keep on keepin’ on with the reviews as best I can like I promised. Anywho, I love you guys. Continue to keep it real.
Cut The Crap Movie Reviews 