Blade Runner (1982)

VERDICT:
8/10 Paranoid Androids

Took me a while, but I finally get it.

Blade Runner is about a future cop who’s tasked with hunting down a group of renegade “replicants” who think, look and act just like humans after they hijacked an off-world military transport and made their way to Earth to find the guy who created them in the hopes that he might be able to increase their four-year life spans.

So, up until recently, I was never really on board with this movie and the pedestal it’s been placed upon by so many folks over the past 28 years. First time I saw it, I was in High School, watched it over the course of a week for a Film Studies class, didn’t get the hype, but then again, my teacher sucked. Second time was in college, started it up at 1 in the morning, fell asleep by the time Sean Young showed up. Third time was a couple years ago, tried to watch it while exercising on my stepdad’s treadmill, got bored, wasn’t exactly pumping me up, turned it off by the time Sean Young showed up.

But I don’t give up that easy, I knew this was a movie that was right up my alley, a movie that I definitely should have liked and deserved a fourth try despite my past experiences. So I woke up bright and early yesterday morning, found I had some time to kill before work, gave it one last shot, and for some reason everything clicked.

The trick with Blade Runner is that you need to know two things going in: a whole lot of people think it’s the bomb and that the pacing is effing horrendous if you’re not in the right frame of mind. That right there was the foolproof formula that kept me coming back and helped me to finally appreciate it for what it is rather than what I kept expecting it to be. And to everyone who’s in the same boat I was, cross your fingers and follow suit.

Because Blade Runner is the bomb in many ways, even if some them aren’t immediately apparent.

One of the biggest things it has going for it is its story. It’s based off the short story Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick (the dude who also inspired Minority Report, Total Recall, A Scanner Darkly and a couple other adaptations that kinda sucked even though his stuff was where it’s at) and, in a nutshell, it’s freakin’ brilliant. Not only does it serve as a fascinating insight into the qualities that define us “human”, but the premise is a stroke of genius and it’s totally original in the way it blends science fiction with film noir. Point is, Phil was the man and this was a huge selling point. That guy was a trendsetter alright.

What’s too bad though is that the dialogue here isn’t nearly up to snuff with the story driving it. There are some great characters, but it’s unfortunate that the coolest line of the whole movie is, “Wake up, time to die!” and the rest of it feels like it’s just there to move the plot along. Thank god there’s so much stuff to look at because there ain’t a whole lot to hear most of the time.

And the other bummer is that Harrison Ford was totally miscast as the blade runner himself, Rick Deckard (good name though). Hopefully I’m not treading on sacred ground here, ’cause I’m not gonna be the guy to start taking on Han and Indy fandboys, but he really doesn’t bring that trademark…slickness to the table like he usually does. It’s also a bit strange that he’s a great detective but seemed to skip every combat class at The Blade Runner Academy because if he didn’t have his future gun on hand, this movie would have been over in a fuckin’ flash. Oh he looks the part, he just didn’t make Deckard seem very cool or interesting and it also looks like he’s a horrible kisser who has no idea what the hell to say or do to get a girl in the sack. No idea what Sean Young saw in the guy.

But luckily there’s Rutger Hauer – a man who desperately needs to make a comeback – as the chief “skin job” on Deckard’s hit list, Roy Batty. It’s a shame that his best stuff came out in the ’80s, ’cause Hauer was a certified lunatic and that comes across in spades here. Still have no idea how he managed to tame a wild pigeon at the end of the movie, but whatever, he’s the most memorable character of the bunch and for good reason.

Oh, and Sean Young‘s in it, and she’s fine. Pretty sure it was a law in the ’80s that Sean Young be casted for every role in every movie. Definitely sure actually.

But the real star of this movie is director Ridley Scott and the outrageously convincing futuristic world he creates. The city itself is as much a part of the movie as the cast and the script, it’s insanely intricate and detailed and it is really something else to take in. It’s like someone commissioned the architects who put together the Nostromo, threw some neon lights and a crap ton of metal tubes their way and told them to build a city with exploding smokestacks, and they deliver, and it is awesome. And if you make sure to keeping on soaking up the setting, it makes the pacing feel a whole lot smoother in turn. Another good Blade Runner survival tip.

For some, Blade Runner might be a home run on the first viewing, but if you wind up counting those electric sheep, trust me, don’t write it off. It’s amazing how fresh the visuals still are and how outstanding the story still is, and for all its minor faults, I am very much on the bandwagon now even if it’s not quite on a pedestal just yet. Love that ambiguous ending though.