Sex and the City (2008)

VERDICT:
4/10 Cosmopolitans

The best thing that’s ever happened to film, writing, New York, clothes, men named “Big” and the human race in general. Alright, maybe that’s a bit generous, but it’s still alright.

Sex and the City is about a notoriously single fashionista living in NYC who writes a popular relationship column about the various romantic trials and tribulations that she and her three friends come across while having sex in the city (scandalous!). Then one day our gal’s on-again, off-again boyfriend of ten years decides to pop the question, so the estrogen levels skyrocket, but then the guy acts a damn fool by standing her up at their wedding, and the estrogen levels drrrroooooop (like how the Beastie Boys would say it) and the dude spends the rest of the movie trying to win her back while the once-again-single gal recuperates and tries to figure out what went wrong.

Hopefully I didn’t just spoil anything for the three ladies out there who haven’t seen this, but if you haven’t caught on, this movie isn’t exactly what you’d call “up my alley”. Like any good boyfriend, I’ve watched my fair share of reruns – which aren’t so bad to be perfectly honest – but let’s just say that my gut instinct whenever I come across a SatC marathon on TBS doesn’t even come close to “drop everything and cancel Christmas, this is what’s going on right now”.

So rather than try and attempt to get all analytical on this sucker – because something tells me that writer/director Michael Patrick King wasn’t targeting all the male, twenty-something, Tarantino fans with this one – here’s my list of things I did and didn’t like.

The Most Excellent

1) Jennifer Hudson wasn’t too bad. Doesn’t have the best storyline, but she’s charming and I guess she keeps it real.

2) The storyline with Miranda and Steve was good. Made for some awfully interesting back-and-forths between me and my good buddy Fred. My thoughts: they were both in the wrong, but that whole mid-sex “Let’s just get it over with” line from Miranda was rough. Ladies, don’t do that, that’s not cool.

3) I like Steve. He’s a-okay, except for the whole cheating thing. Cheating’s lame.

4) The writing’s not terrible, but it was sharper and noticeably better in the show. Too much fan service, but that’s coming from a non-fan, so my opinion doesn’t really count on that one.

5) Charlotte getting explosive diarrhea. Awesome.

The Most Harsh

1) The scene where Big decides to ditch Carrie at the altar and then realizes ten seconds later what an effing idiot he is? What the fuck was that? That was ridiculous and it bothers me that the rest of Carrie’s whole damn story lines is a result of that.

2) The blood-letting, hermit-like depression that Carrie falls into after the said ridiculous scene. Good lord, woman, take off your shades, stop listening to The Cure and get a grip on your life! That gal was a hot mess, far more so than any human being should be.

3) A 145-minute running time was way too long for this thing.

4) Samantha‘s story line isn’t very interesting.

5) Charlotte’s story line isn’t very interesting.

6) Too much drawn-out grudge-holding. They really milked this stuff out. Are women really like that? I’m awfully curious.

Okay, maybe I’ve seen more than a few reruns since I’m talking about these characters like I own the box sets and watched them with my girlfriends in our jammies over a tub of Edy’s, but what can I say, I’m good with names. So aside from the questionable state of my manhood, Sex and the City‘s probably pretty decent for everyone who’s already on board, but it’s not gonna be making a convert out of anyone who’s never cared. Like I said, this is coming from someone who can appreciate why folks like the show even if I’m not on the bandwagon, so take it as you may and enjoy the sequel!

Man, those chicks really like shoes and shit.