Avatar vs. The Hurt Locker vs. Inglourious Basterds vs. Up in the Air
Hey folks,
Recently got together with a couple of my fellow bloggers over at Ross v. Ross & Fandango Groovers to stage a Best Picture battle royale over at Metro.co.uk. My pick was for Basterds, and the more I think about it, the more I really would be giddy as all hell to see it win over the big dogs. Anywho, check it out over here, good stuff all around. That is all.
- Aiden R.
VERDICT:
7/10 Atomic Situps
Almost makes me want to go work out. Almost.
300 is the re-telling of the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 BC (good year) where an army of 300 Spartan warriors nearly took down an entire army of Persians that were aiming to burn their homeland to the ground.
Freakin’ Persians, man. No respect.
I remember the first time my roommates and I saw this back in college, our immediate consensus was to hit the gym pronto. Never before had we felt so emasculated by watching a movie. I think a lot of guys had that reaction after seeing dozens of badass actors donning 8-pack abs that would shatter your hand if you tried to punch them, then grabbing a chunk of flab from under our wifebeaters, wondering, “What the hell have I done to myself?”
But that ended right quick when we remembered how much easier it is to play video games and drink beer.
Point is, this is a guy movie. I’m sure some of the ladies out there will appreciate all the eye candy and how any guy will deny to the teeth that watching shirtless dudes sweat and grunt for lengthy periods of time is so not homoerotic (except for Xerxes, he’s pretty homoerotic), 300 is essentially about hardcore killing machines going on a bloody rampage for two hours. There’s one or two “romantic” plot lines thrown in there for good measure, but that’s probably not gonna make your girlfriend like in any more.
It’s directed by Zack Snyder and I’m still up in the air as to whether or not that’s a good thing. He follows Frank Miller’s source material to a tee and really does his best to make his movie look like a graphic novel in motion, but ever since Watchmen, I don’t know. It’s just that he’s so focused on the visuals and overall aesthetics that subtlety and storytelling end up playing second fiddle, which sucks. Granted, not sure how subtle he could have made this thing to begin with, but some of the macho shit and epic speeches are pretty ridiculous.
Nor does it help that the guy was apparently born with a slo-mo dial in his hand, which gets old fast. It’s just more fun to watch guys get rocked in real-time is all. Call me crazy.
But whatever, I’m being way too critical about this, time to tone it down and stop being such a snob. You boot up 300, you check your brain at the door, you get prepped for some masculine itching and you get ready for some crazy violence backed up by a verifiably kickass true story. Though some liberties are definitely taken – that was Miller’s call, not Snyder’s – the main story of the Battle of Thermopylae is pretty intact and that story is right up there with Gettysburg as one of the all-time great battles.
And even though he can be a little much at times, Gerard Butler is also pretty freakin’ awesome as Leonidas. Doesn’t take a whole lot to make a Spartan look cool, but he does it quite effortlessly. Too bad he’s done nothing but horse shit ever since.
A couple days ago I saw that the folks over at IGN hailed this as the best movie of 2007, and while I’m not really sure how many cupfuls of salt I need to take that one with, that’s some pretty high praise for an action epic. The action scenes are pretty sweet, the whole thing pretty much convinced every male viewer that they were born in the wrong century and for all its over-the-top bi-curious manliness, 300 is still a pretty boss time. Not a best-movie-of-’07 time, but “boss” works.
Alright, I’m off to go bust out a 300 workout session. I am gonna be so ripped, bro.
FINDING NEMO!
Gotta admit, I’m kinda surprised. Had no idea there was so much love for this movie, but hey, it’s Pixar, the sucker’s gold! Looks like another marathon is in order.
Good voting all around, folks. Biggest turnout yet! Woohoo!
RESULTS
- Toy Story: 8 votes (classic)
- A Bug’s Life: 3 votes
- Toy Story 2: 1 vote (surprised, always tops the Rotten Tomatoes poll for best animated movie of all-time. still, wouldn’t have been my vote)
- Monsters, Inc.: 1 vote (hilarious)
- Finding Nemo: 12 votes
- The Incredibles: 5 votes (awesome)
- Cars: 1 vote
- Ratatouille: 1 vote
- WALL-E: 7 votes
- Up: 8 votes (would have been my vote)
And so begins Oscar month…
VERDICT:
8/10 Healing Processes
A fascinating take on getting two-timed by your spouse.
In the Mood for Love is about two couples in Hong Kong that move in next door to each other on the same day. Husband (A) works late hours and never gets to see his wife (A). Wife (B) also works late hours and never gets to see her husband (B). Being that these kinds of things are never good for relationships, husband (A) and wife (B) eventually use their detective skills to find out that that wife (A) is having an affair with husband (B) behind their backs, probably because their schedules match up. The two night owls form a bond in light of the said discovery and try to figure out where to go from here.
Sorry if that was more confusing than it needed to be, been racking my brain for the past day about the best way to word it. Point is that their spouses are cheating on them.
Ouch.
Didn’t hear about this movie until recently after perusing some of my fellow bloggers’ “BEST MOVIE OF THE DECADE” lists and found this one nabbing some top spots. So thanks to the wonders of modern technology that allow me to stream Netflix through my PS3, I got on this one stat.
Judging by its Skinemax title and the grope-a-thon poster, I went into this movie expecting things to start getting hot and heavy pretty damn fast. To my surprise, In the Mood for Love is not not the Chinese predecessor to Y tu mama tambien that I thought it would be, but is instead an incredibly insightful and refreshingly different view on a premise that’s old hat by now.
What sets it apart is writer/director Wong Kar-Wai. I love watching movies where you can just feel how personal it is for the director, that this movie is their baby and they are thoroughly involved in every step of the process. I really got that in Kar-Wai’s direction here and it’s something you don’t see a lot in movies.
For subject matter that’s typically handled as emotionally explosive, the tone of the story here is very, very subtle for a change. Through its characters and the way they go about their lives in dealing with their loved ones’ infidelities, the stroke of brilliance on Kar-Wai’s behalf is that he doesn’t let his characters fall into the people we expect them to be. Instead of having them freak out, start bawling like ninnies or have them go at it like jack rabbits to get even, they make a conscious effort to be the opposite of the people who hurt them and get over their pain and anger the right way.
A lot of writers and directors would probably use this story line as a shouting match showcase, but I quickly respected these two characters a lot more because they were morally sound and they weren’t melodramatic stereotypes. Folks in Hollywood could learn a thing or two from Kar-Wai in this regard.
At times it can be a little too subtle where you might just miss a huge plot development because you weren’t paying close enough attention or weren’t getting the miniscule hints that are dropped by the characters along the way, but I actually really liked that aspect, too. The reveals end up carrying a lot more weight when you figure them out on your own.
And from a visual standpoint, this baby sucks you in. The colors pop, everyone looks cool as hell like they’re all employed by Sterling Cooper’s China branch, and there’s just an air of beauty in how Kar-Wai continually focuses on the littlest of details that most would overlook without thinking twice. Straight up gorgeous.
The acting from Tony Leung and Maggie Cheung is also wonderful and strong without being overpowering. Really complements the overall vibe this movie has going for it.
In the Mood for Love might be a little slow and inaccessible if you’re looking for a more predictable interpretation of this story (not sure those are the words I’m looking for, but hopefully you get what I’m saying), but it is an original. Then again, I don’t know you and you may very well be as impressed with this as I was. Very poignant, very honest, very good, I need to see more stuff by this guy.
(NOTE: Somehow this thing got posted before I was done writing it, so sorry about that and my apologies to anyone who’s comments accidentally got deleted when I trashed the first copy, didn’t know that was gonna happen. Freakin’ WordPress…)
VERDICT:
5/10 Octopus’ Gardens
One hell of an ambitious movie, but I think I’ll just stick to The White Album.
Across the Universe is the story of a lower-class British boy named Jude and an upper-class American girl named Lucy who meet in the ’60s, fall for each other, become peace activists against the Vietnam War and try to work it out in world filled with so much fighting and confusion.
Word.
The thing that separates this movie apart from every other movie ever is that the story and characters are pieced together from Beatles songs and the whole thing is pretty much a musical celebrating the Beatles’ extensive and legendary career. Cool idea, but like I said, a little too ambitious for its own good.
Well, the first thing Across the Universe has going for it is that it’s a freakin’ Beatles musical. Maybe I’m delusional, but doesn’t everyone like The Beatles? Honestly, what’s not to like? From Please Please Me to Let it Be, it’s all gold. With that being said, director Julie Taymor has some pretty phenomenal stuff to work with.
On the other hand, it doesn’t always work in her favor.
The real challenge in putting together a movie like this is making a story that the audience is going to care about using unrelated songs as your source material and doing so without it just coming off as fan service. This is not an easy task to undertake, but ultimately it all goes back to the songs.
Now, some of the covers here are great. They’re fun to watch, they’re wonderfully choreographed, they get your feet a-tappin’ and it’s hard to eff up a song when it’s so damn good to begin with. Then again, some of the covers here are not so great. This is no fault of the actors, the finger actually gets pointed right over to the Fab Four and Taymor on this one.
Look, the Beatles are unparalleled, they’re immaculate, but like any band, they had some pretty shitty songs peppered into the mix. For a good while in this movie, everything’s just peachy, I was diggin’ it head to toe. Then we eventually get to the period in the Beatles’ career where they discovered The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, things take a sharp turn to the bizarre and oh how quickly my verdict did drop.
It all culminates in this one scene where all the characters find their way into a circus tent – one that clearly wouldn’t have existed without the help of our good pal LSD – and thus force the audience to sit through Eddie Izzard as what can only be described as a zombie/carnie inbreed performing the strangest, most idiotic cover of “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!” I ever did see. It was at this point that my good buddy Fred and I turned to each and started laughing out loud in the theater.
This was a hard scene for me to shake and the rest of movie never really recovered from it.
It’s just that when you have the entire Beatles catalogue to work with, why in God’s name would you be inclined whatsoever to start singling out songs that most Beatles fans would skip over without thinking twice? The answer to this question is beyond me, but “Mr. Kite!” is just one of numerous song choices to Across the Universe that were totally unnecessary.
The acting’s also fine, nothing memorable, but the one other thing I liked about this movie was the way the plot mirrored the Beatles’ own changes as a band, both in their songs and appearance. John, Paul, George (my favorite) and Ringo had a pretty fascinating career from the time they joined up to the time they got Yokoed and I liked that this aspect of the group managed to finagle its way into the script. The world in 1960 was a much different place ten years later and the Beatles – John in particular – have always been a pretty good barometer of that transformation, a musical history lesson if you will and something worth studying.
Even though Across the Universe wasn’t really my thing, I can appreciate why others might dig it. As far as musicals go, it’s pretty epic and it has the balls to match, and while some of the song choices are a tad suspect, the soundtrack remains a major selling point. Definitely has its moments, but me, I’d rather spend two hours re-watching A Hard Day’s Night or buying a bag of whatever those kids were dropping during “Mr. Kite!” and having myself a time listening to Abbey Road on repeat.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
VERDICT:
6/10 Lightning Rounds
The ultimate in Arnie guilty pleasures.
The Running Man takes place in the distant future of – wait for it – 2017 where a good cop has been convicted of a mass murder he didn’t commit. Because giving him the chair or locking his ass up is so 2010, he’s instead sent to appear on everyone’s favorite homicidal reality TV game show where he has to fight for his life against a slew of heavily armed opponents a la American Gladiators with Chainsaws and Lite-Brite Jumpsuits, clear his name and expose the government that tried to frame him in the first place.
By all accounts, this is not a very good movie. The dialogue is as cheesy as an Arnie movie from 1987, the costumes look like something out of Richard Simmons’ take on Mad Max, and the acting can be quite a freakin’ riot. But then again, that’s kind of the appeal to The Running Man, that and a premise which I actually think is pretty kickass.
Man, I remember seeing this in Middle School and thinking it was the. shit. Wasn’t quite sure why I never got the same response when I tried talking about it with wiser folk, but after seeing it again a year or so ago, I couldn’t help but smile and laugh at 12-year-old Aiden R. and how excited he used to get over this thing. Looking back, I’m not quite sure what it was exactly that drew me to The Running Man, but after all these years, it’s still a fun movie.
The reason this movie works more than it should is because it doesn’t take itself seriously. It totally plays up the Arnie appeal from back in the day by having old women call him “One mean motherfucker,” and giving him choice winners like, “I’ll be back,” before being sent into the game show, only to have the host reply, “Only in a re-run.” And I can’t help but grin like an idiot whenever I hear Arnie lose it and scream, “I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your goddamn spine!“
Too good. That was always my favorite clip back during the whole prank-call-people-using-the-Arnie-soundboard phase I couldn’t get enough of in High School.
But the best thing this movie has going for it is easily Richard Dawson as The Running Man’s evil host. Whoever thought it would be a great idea to get Dawson – the real-life host of Family Feud from ‘76 to ‘85 (thanks, Wikipedia!) – to play the bad guy and essentially do the same thing he’d made a career out of, only meaner, deserves a high-ten for that casting call. He’s really entertaining to watch and it’s ’cause of him that this movie carries any credibility whatsoever.
And bonus points for having Jesse Ventura and Jim Brown play two of the “stalkers” that are hunting Arnie down.
It’s weird, the more I write the more I’m having trouble finding the redeeming values of this movie, but what can I say, I’ve got a soft spot for it. Watching Arnie ham it up and whoop some ass while cracking shit one-liners is still good times in my humble opinion. No, it’s not the best Stephen King adaptation out there, and your brain’s not gonna get much of a workout, but The Running Man is a pretty amusing version of the future that’s apparently going to take place in seven years where, as far as I can guess, we all decide to vote the lead singer of A Flock of Seagulls into office.
So if you’re looking laughs and gore, grab a beer and saddle up, folks. The Running Man has heard your call and he is in a full-on sprint.
Oh, and one of the “stalkers” is this buffoon of a character - an obese opera singer named Dynamo that can harness electricity while grinding on chicks in his tightie whiteys. Easily one of the worst villains ever put to celluloid, but like I said, hilarious.
VERDICT:
4/10 Babyfaces
Cool idea, lame execution.
La Moustache is about a guy who up and decides to shave off his mustache after having it hanging off his mug for a good 15 years. So, he gets rid of that sucker, he’s lookin’ all naturale, he shows his wife and friends the big change, but, wouldn’t ya know, no one notices. Naturally, he’s confused, so he plays along until the joke stops being funny. As if that weren’t enough of a head trip, they all claim that he’s never even had a mustache, ever!
“What the eff is going on!” proclaims the Frenchman. “Am I crazy? Is there some kind of facial hair conspiracy going on that I don’t know about? Is this what happened to Tom Selleck?”
And that’s why I will never shave again.
I can see how some out there might find this a stupid premise for a movie, like my good buddy Fred who asked, “How can you make a whole movie about that?”, but it managed to peak my interest all the same. It takes this simple idea of a dude and his la moustache and turns it into this whole new thing that I quickly found myself really wanting to get to the bottom of. Maybe it’s just me, but I dig stories like that.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t pan out as I’d hoped it would. Fred was right again.
The first Act starts out well enough because it’s all about the gimmick and it keeps cranking up the paranoia until no one in the movie or in the audience has any idea what to make of the situation at hand. That’s where it works and it kept me watching in the hopes that it would keep this air of mystery up until the end where it all finally makes some kind of sense. But that’s the things with gimmicks – they’re just gimmicks.
Once the second Act kicks in, it ends up being more of the first Act, just more nonsensical and boring than before. The real problem here is that the main character stumbles upon photographic evidence of his mustache existing but for some reason never tells his wife about it. Why wouldn’t you do that? Don’t be stupid, if someone’s fitting you for a straitjacket, you use whatever ammo you can get to prove their ass wrong. I would have rubbed those Polaroids in my wife’s face like you wouldn’t believe.
Ugh…frustrating.
But then there’s the third and final Act, and who knows what the hell that was about. Not gonna spoil anything, but I couldn’t help but think that the writer here really had no freakin’ clue where to take the story after page 60, so why not take it nowhere. Double frustrating.
If it weren’t for a phone call I received midway through this thing, I would have zonked out on the spot and I probably wouldn’t have cared about what I missed either. It’s not often that I fall asleep during movies and this one just narrowly avoided being in the minority.
La Moustache is one of those movies that may very well be brilliant underneath the surface and have a good deal of payoff for anyone willing to dissect the hell out of it, but I’m not gonna waste my time, I got reviews to write. The acting’s not bad, particularly on behalf of our mustachioed protagonist, Vincent Lindon, and a nice bit role by Mathieu Amalric, but that’s about it. There’s something here, something good, I just know it, it’s just that it sucks to sit down and get invested in something only to feel like an idiot after it’s all said and done.
Damn abstract French films…
9/10 Health Code Violations
Pixar, man. That gang sure knows a thing or two about making good movies.
Ratatouille is about a rat living in the French countryside with aspirations to be a chef at the once-famous Gusteau’s restaurant in Paris. After getting run out of the hills and separated from his family, the rat finds himself in Paris and develops an unlikely friendship with the garbage boy at Gusteau’s. The rat starts cooking hit meals, everyone thinks the garbage boy is behind it, so the two work together to keep their job and achieve their dreams.
Since coming to the realization this past year that Pixar movies aren’t just for kids and are actually freakin’ amazing with each new installment being just as great as the one before it, it was due time I got around to this one and stopped being such a biased twentysomething. It’s not quite as good as Up, but who am I kidding, I enjoyed the hell out of this movie.
It’s written and directed by Brad Bird – the same guy behind The Incredibles, which is also an easy 9 out of 10 for a lot of the same reasons this is – and Brad Bird is a storyteller if there ever was one. Even though I’m not really sure how you actually direct an animated movie, let alone critique one, whatever, Bird’s got this game down pat and there’s not a thing I can knock him for in this regard. There’s something to be said for a movie that was made entirely on a computer yet has more heart and humanity embedded in it than most live-action movies you’re likely to come across.
Everything about this script from the way it had me laughing out loud like a total buffoon to the numerous lumps it jammed in my throat is nothing short of out of sight. The dialogue, the sight gags, even the character models are a total riot. Everyone in the story looks like a human caricature with all their unique features from towering fiveheads to Jabba the Hutt-esque jowls playing seamlessly into their personality types.
Man, I can’t remember the last time a movie had me laughing so hard and smiling so wide, just goes to show that good comic writing and timing is something that defies its medium. On top of it all, the characters are all incredibly well-written and fleshed out and you can’t help but gravitate towards them as soon as they enter the picture. They’re easy to connect to because whether they’re vermin or human, they’ve all got the same dilemmas and aspirations that we do.
The voice acting is also great, and even though I’m not really sure how to critique voice acting either, the actors seemed to fit their roles quite nicely. Patton Oswalt, Janeane Garofalo, Brad Garrett, John Ratzenberger (FUN FACT: has a voice acting role in every Pixar movie), Will Arnett, Brian Dennehy and a fanastic job by Peter O’Toole as the evil food critic, Anton Ego, it’s a knock-out cast and it’s always nice to see actors get so lost in their roles like this.
And the animation absolutely gorgeous. No surprise there.
Good lord, I realize how positive this review is and that I’m beating you guys over the head with it at this point, but Ratatouille is just a wonderful movie that made my weekend. Even gave it a little round of applause when it was all said and done. It’s completely entertaining for all ages, it has some really insightful and subtle things to say about things that are innate in all of us despite our inherent differences, and if you’re looking for a way to just feel good about yourself and what you’re capable of, look no further.
I could write more, but you get what I’m driving at. It’s not often I come across a movie that I can wholeheartedly recommend to anyone and everyone with a clean conscience, so trust me on this one, folks. It’s a good’n.
And isn’t just fun to say “ratatouille!” in a French accent? Good times.
TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY!
Yeah, that really is the best Arnie joint. Not much else to say, T2 just kicks that much ass.
Well done, dear readers.
RESULTS:
- Conan the Barbarian: 1 vote (ouch)
- The Terminator: 6 votes
- T2: 16 votes
- Predator: 7 votes
- Total Recall: 5 votes (awesome movie)
- True Lies: 3 votes
- Jingle All The Way: 2 votes (got us some Sinbad fans in the house!)
- Other: 2 votes for Junior (men getting knocked up = comic gold), 2 votes for Kindergarten Cop (that “It’s naht a toomah!” line sure goes a long way), 1 vote for Commando and 1 vote for Pumping Iron (good call)
Not a whole lot of guys can pull off a life like yours, but for a guy who made his start by smokin’ doobies and shootin’ roids, you get a big ol’ pat on the back, Arnie. You made it, man.
Numero uno indeed, Ahnold. Numero uno indeed…
VERDICT:
7/10 Unhealthy Obsessions
Not your typical sports movie, and that’s one of the many reasons I dug it.
Big Fan is about a single, middle-aged shlub from Staten Island with a dead-end job as a parking attendant, a seemingly permanent room at his mom’s place, and one passion in life – the New York Giants. One day, this guy manages to meet his favorite Giants player and through a course of events happens to get his ass beat to a pulp by the said star quarterback. So that’s where he’s at, press charges against his hero and risk his team’s chances at a Super Bowl title or let it slide and be the loyal fan he takes so much pride in being.
Not a true story or anything, not like Eli Manning is going around putting his fans in comas behind closed doors, but a pretty solid premise all the same if you ask me. Nothin’ fancy, just an ordinary guy dealing with a shitty situation. Simple yet complicated, a tough balance to strike that’s a thing of beauty when done right.
This here is the directorial debut and second screenplay by Robert D. Siegel, who’s first screenplay was none other than The Wrestler. Not too shabby, Rob, not too shabby at all.
From a writing standpoint, Big Fan is a step up for Siegel. Well, the problem with The Wrestler was that the story wasn’t anything new and the best dialogue was all the ad-libbed stuff. Wasn’t bad, but there was room to grow. This time around, you can tell he’s starting to find a voice for himself instead of just letting the actors do the talking for him. The dialogue’s better, the people are more believable and the end product is a really dark dramedy that at times borders on depressing but for the most part does a great job of keeping you as interested in what’s going on as much as the characters are. Only problem is that it almost takes a nose dive into tragically dark, barely pulling out before crashing and burning.
The plot is also pretty unpredictable to the point where I really had no idea what was going on in the third Act until it was staring me in the face. Siegel doesn’t outright tell you what’s going on in his characters’ heads or what their motivations are, their actions speak for themselves and it’s always fantastic to come across that kind of subtlety in movies. Although, this vibe of keeping the audience in the dark can also make for a painfully uncomfortable experience to sit through when you think you know what’s coming and are expecting the worst. Not so much a complaint as an observation.
Script’s got its flaws, but good job, Siegel, all the same.
And our big fan, Paul Afiero, is played by one of my favorite comedians out there right now, Patton Oswalt. If you know Patton, you know he’s one funny mother-effer. If you don’t know Patton, go YouTube Patton and nod to yourself in agreement that he is indeed one funny mother-effer. But all the same, Paul Afiero isn’t Patton, at least not Patton you probably didn’t just YouTube. He can be a funny dude at times, but not piss-your-knickers-from-laughing-so-hard funny. Paul’s just a average joe with a serious jones for the Giants and Patton fits the bill surprisingly well.
Can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but he pulls off the role of endearing loser pretty naturally without making you feel sorry for the guy. That probably sounds like a back-handed compliment, but considering that I’m sure Patton is nothing like Paul in real life, I assure you, it’s a front-handed compliment all the way (if that’s even a thing). His life and affairs aren’t exactly anything to admire, but it wasn’t long before I found myself legitimately caring about him and seeing his situation in a whole new non-pathetic light.
Good protagonist all in all.
Also features some pretty entertaining side roles by Michael Rapaport as Afiero’s arch-nemesis of sorts and Kevin Corrigan as Paul’s best friend (aka: “those guys from every movie ever”).
Been meaning to get around to this one for a while now and even though it’s probably not gonna linger long in the memory bank for too long after this review, it’s great to see an awesome dude like Oswalt shine in the spotlight. If you’re going into this expecting a laugh riot or a formulaic feel-good yarn a la The Blind Side, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed, but hey, it’s something new. Siegel’s not quite there yet, but he’s getting there and Big Fan is a big step in the right direction.
VERDICT:
10/10 Rock Hounds
It’s in the Top Five. Shocker, I know.
The Shawshank Redemption is about a man in the 1940s who gets sent to prison with a life sentence after being convicted of murdering his wife and her lover. He settles in, makes friends with a guy named Red and spends the rest of his days in the big house getting busy living instead of getting busy dying.
Look, if you’ve never seen this movie, stop reading now and go watch it, what the hell have you been doing with yourself all this time? This is one of those universally admired movies that rarely comes around and 11 times out of 10 makes on impact on its viewers in some shape or form. Really, go ask anybody their thoughts on this one, anyone. Even better, pull your face away from the screen, yell “Shawshank!” up in the air and get ready to tally how many people race over to your cubicle/living room/toilet stall to talk about how hard this movie rocks.
I remember the first time I saw this movie was after asking my dad if people can make friends in prison (I was younger then). Anywho, TBS loved playing this sucker on a 24 hour loop back in the day and it wasn’t long thereafter that I sat down with my dad and watched it straight through. Shook me to the core back then and the sentiment hasn’t yielded in the countless viewings since. That doesn’t happen very often in movies, maybe it does for one or two scenes in a movie, but hardly ever when it comes to the whole damn thing.
With that being said, there’s no one thing that this movie does right. It’s the entire package that brings it all together and if the 10 out of 10 wasn’t indication enough, one might argue this gem as flawless, and that one fella’ might be me. Something tells me I’m not the minority in this line of thought either.
Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman were already established by the time this little ditty came around, but damn if Andy Dufresne and Red aren’t the best roles of their career; might not be the pinnacle of their acting abilities, but the characters themselves could definitely be argued. Robbins make it easy to see why all the other prisoners more or less live vicariously through Andy, and Red serves as the perfect narrator for an audience looking from the outside-in. They’re both great in their own rights, but the friendship between them is what ties everything together and brings the movie’s message of hope full circle in a setting where hope lost. Just a great relationship to sit back and watch as it blossoms into something everyone strives for in life – true friendship.
But I think a lot of the credit as to why this movie is borderline perfect is owed to writer/director Frank Darabont. Folks, this was Darabont’s first big time motion picture. Let me repeat that. Frank Darabont’s debut effort as a film maker was THE. SHAWSHANK. REDEMPTION. If I were him, I might have just up and quit while I was ahead, but since we have him to thank for The Green Mile as well, he has free reign to do whatever the hell he wants regardless of how bad The Majestic and The Mist were (at least that’s what I heard).
One of the best aspects of Shawshank is not only the phenomenal array of genuinely good and straight-up evil characters who are all just as memorable as the next (major shout-out to Bob Gunton as Warden Norton and Clancy Brown as Captain Hadley – some seriously mean mofos), but also all the great stuff that comes out of their mouths. The dialogue here is really out of sight from start to finish and I feel like this is something that gets overshadowed in relation to everything else that’s so memorable. It’s sharp as a whip, much in the same way King’s writing and dialogue is, it’s really funny when it wants to be and it makes everything feel that much more legit without making it hokey. Some of the stuff here definitely could have come off as corny, but somehow Darabont and King and the cast pull it off like it’s no big thing. Very awesome.
I read the short story by Stephen King that this movie was based off a while back, and while I absolutely love King, isn’t it great to come across movies that actually improve upon the source material? The only big difference between the book and the movie is that Brooks plays a greater role, but that’s about it. Everything else is fleshed out far more substantially by Darabont and, as you can see, it all really works out wonderfully in the end.
I like to think of The Shawshank Redemption as a ’90s version of Cool Hand Luke in a lot of ways – just kinda replace Luke with Andy in a sense – and considering that Cool Hand may very well be my favorite movie all-time, that’s quite the complement. So many memorable scenes that break your heart or lift you up, so many characters that you connect with like old friends or make your blood boil like a common enemy, and a story that is truly timeless. This movie will never get old, it’s messages will never be dated and if you’ve never seen it before, I thought I already told you to stop reading this thing a while ago.
Man, I love Forrest Gump as much as the next guy, but Shawshank deserved Best Picture.
Near perfection.
VERDICT:
8/10 Wives’ Worst Nightmares
One sexy and cruel little bastard of a movie. Not your typical Woody.
Match Point is about a tennis pro in England that starts up an affair with his soon to be brother-in-law’s fiance’ – which is naughty and kept hidden – while already developing a open relationship with his brother-in-law’s sister – which is warmly embraced by all. Since monogamy is the relationship of choice in this situation, the tennis pro eventually has to let one of them go, and that’s when things get really crazy.
If you’re walking into this expecting Sleeper or Bananas, I’m afraid you’re going to be sorely disappointed. This is not a funny movie and there is little wit to be found that doesn’t carry some heavy-handed sexual undertones along with it. Match Point is about a bad dude with a horribly warped moral compass and there’s not much to admire about him outside of his being one of the best liars in movie history. Guy could punch you in the face and convince you that you did it to yourself, and after five minutes, you’d totally believe him.
Maybe I’m just out of the loop, but this is some new territory for Woody Allen. He’s never been exactly famous for his efforts in the erotic thriller genre, but apparently he’s had it in him all along. While I can’t really say much to Woody’s visual style other than that this movie look awfully crisp, I’ve always found that Woody’s largest strength as film maker was in his writing and the visuals always kinda played into what was in the script to begin with, like some of the more memorable scenes from Annie Hall that get into what men and women are really thinking rather than what they’re actually doing or saying.
But that’s for another review.
Woody’s dialogue here is great and steamier than a Turkish bath, it’s all about the characters and his characters are endlessly watchable, and some of the plot twists will leave you watching this thing mouth agape. The whole analogy between tennis and luck is also pretty cool (e.g: the ball hits the top of the net, could fall down on either side and win you the point or lose you the point; you get the gist), if somewhat unnecessary.
But what’s most intriguing about Match Point is that this sucker is borderline evil and it revels in every minute of it. Not a huge fan of Jonathan Rhys Meyers, but his character, Chris Wilton – our anti-hero of the hour – is one mean mofo. He’s got the art of manipulation down to a science, he’s dead set on having his cake and eating it in front of everyone’s faces without them even knowing and it’s not long before you realize that this dude needs a good hearty dose of comeuppance. But that’s what’s different about Match Point, Chris is our villain and he’s our main character. He’s not very likable, but you can’t help but see how he weasels himself out of each new situation until everything comes to a head. You want him to get caught so bad, but he’s not stupid when it comes to these kinds of things and luck is very much on his side.
I’m sure it’ll leave a bad taste in some folks’ mouths, but that’s actually one of its selling points. Match Point isn’t a safe movie and it’ll rightfully leave you shaken up. Nobody wins in these kinds of situations, but it helps to have a stone cold heart.
Also features a pretty good performance by Scarlett Johansson as Chris’ back door woman, Nola. Still think she’s more eye candy than anything else, and when she yells she sounds like a guy, but hey, good character who doesn’t take very well to playing second fiddle to anyone. Well-written role, decent casting choice.
Match Point really is something else though. There’s tons of great erotic thrillers out there, but this one feels new in both its tone and plot. It’s not the feel-good movie of ‘05 by any means, but if you’re up for some crazy shit involving some crazy people, this one’s a winner. Who knew Woody had such an awesome mean streak?
And Brian Cox is in it, too. Might just be the best movie ever now.
Hey folks,
So, yeah, new banner going on up there. Was getting tired of staring at the same screengrab from Once Upon a Time in the West, figured it was time for a change. And what a badass change it is if I do say so myself.
The artwork, design, colors – all of it was done by one Ben Bishop. Check out more of his stuff at www.bishart.net, guy is a phenomenal artist and I was lucky enough to grab a copy of his first graphic novel, Nathan the Caveman, a couple years ago and the sucker blew me away. Highly recommend picking yourself up a copy at www.bishart.net/nate/#order, I assure you it’s money well spent and, come on, you gotta support the local artists. I promise he’ll sign your copy at Comic-Con.
Anyway, I love it, hope you all dig it, too, and word on the street is that Ben is more than happy to take requests. Just sayin’.
Keep it real, dear readers,
- Aiden R.
VERDICT:
4/10 Crap Vacations
Not as good as the game. Color me shocked.
Silent Hill is about a woman and her daughter who get in a car accident. The woman gets knocked out, she wakes up soon after to find her daughter gone, she heads on into the nearest town which also happens to be the creepiest damn town she’s ever been to in hopes to find her daughter (what an idiot). Night falls, weird shit starts happening in spades, and she quickly realizes that she needs to find her kid and get the eff out of Silent Hill a.s.a.p.
It’s based off the video game series of the same name, a series which also happens to kick a gratuitous amount of ass when it comes to the survival horror genre (at least the first two did). So, as a fan, I had higher expectations going into this than I usually would for a movie that’s more or less doomed to suck because it’s become an unwritten law of sorts that good video games inevitably make for crap movie adaptations. It’s a damn shame, that unwritten law, but such is life.
I’m gonna start off with the few things it does right because there are a lot of video game movies that don’t do anything right whatsoever.
Pretty much all of the credit here goes to director Christophe Gans in this regard because it’s clear that this guy has in fact played the games before. The games have never been about scaring you so hard that you shit yourself, it’s about placing the audience a living, breathing nightmare and replacing the jump-out-your-seat moments with some of the weirdest, eeriest stuff you’ve ever seen, the kind of stuff that raises the tension to its breaking point and has you walking double-time past dark alleys.
Gans doesn’t exactly make a very good horror movie in this regard to the point where it’s actually scary, but that trademark Silent Hill vibe is still very much there. Won’t have you losing sleep or anything, but it’s awful cool to look at and it gets major points for doing the source material justice in at least this category.
The acting is whatever, but the thing that’s holding this movie back from even a 5 out of 10 is the garbage script by Roger Avary. If it weren’t for my scouring of message boards for an hour after I saw this which finally helped me to understand what the hell was going on, the story here pretty much makes zero sense the first time around. Now, if the story were good to begin with, this confusion might work in its favor in a Mulholland Dr. kind of way, but it’s not one of those situations. Ends up making you more angry than confused.
The script is also way more over-the-top violent than it should have been. The final Act is barely even watchable as it culminates in a skinning, a human barbecue and a barbed wire rape. Yup, that last part actually happens and it ends with the victim exploding. It is just totally ridiculous, totally unnecessary and completely strays from everything that made it an even somewhat effective horror movie to begin with. That kinda trash isn’t scary, it’s torture porn.
Roger Avary, man. There’s no way this guy co-wrote Pulp Fiction. I call “bullshit”.
But the thing that separates Silent Hill from the cesspool of other video game movies out there is that it actually had promise to begin with and at least manages to kinda tap into it. Silent Hill is a good game that is really freakin’ scary and one that had a seriously harrowing and original storyline to work off of. Movies like Doom and Super Mario Bros. didn’t have a chance to begin with because, honestly, what the fuck are you gonna do with those? You shoot things and jump on stuff, roll credits. They’re fluff games with non-existent stories and adaptations like that are always a recipe for failure. Fortunately, this isn’t the case here, unfortunately, it doesn’t really flesh out the way I’d hoped it would.
From an aesthetic standpoint, Silent Hill nails it, everything else, not so much. If you’re familiar with the games, Silent Hill is worth a watch. Everyone else, go play the games. It’s still one of the better game-to-movie adaptations I’ve come across, so I guess that’s a good thing.
Man, will someone make a Metal Gear Solid movie already? Jesus H. Murphy…
VERDICT:
8/10 Big Mamas
Works really well for a movie that could have been boring as hell.
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? is about a twenty-something fella’ living in a middle-of-nowhere town in Iowa with his two catty sisters, his autistic younger brother and his morbidly obese mother who hasn’t left the house in seven years. After his father leaves the family and commits suicide, Gilbert becomes the man of the house and takes on everyone else’s responsibilities to the point where he doesn’t know how to take care of himself. Dude’s got a lot riding on his shoulders and, you guessed it, it eventually starts to eat away at him.
This is an unusual movie. When you think about captivating movie premises, an everyday weirdo family living in the most dead-end town in America isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind. But apparently that line of thinking is completely irrelevant in this case because that’s exactly the thing about this movie that sucked me in. Well, there are other things, too, but sometimes keeping it simple is just what the doctor ordered.
Haven’t seen anything else by director Lasse Halstrom, but props to him for serving up such a nice little slice of humanity. It’s a very character-driven movie and since there’s not a whole lot else to focus on outside of the sunsets in Endora, IA, Halstrom does a good job of focusing the story on the people that make it unique. Those Swedes and their sunsets…
But this little ditty is about Gilbert, and Gilbert is one interesting guy to watch. He’s played by Johnny Depp and even though I’m still no fan of Captain Jack Sparrow, it’s great to see Depp in downplayed roles like this that don’t play to his handsome devil looks. Granted, Depp’s never been one to buy into the whole “pretty boy” category, but all the same, he’s good.
Gilbert’s just a great character in that he really does make you wonder what’s eating him. He’s soft-spoken about his feelings, a lot of his actions are surprisingly hurtful and go against what most would consider better judgment, and he’s morally flawed when it comes to many of the relationships he has with family, friends and lovers. The more you get to know him, the more you think, “What the hell is up with this guy?” You really do want to find out more about him and it makes the title a lot less strange.
But for all the qualities that would make him an otherwise unlikeable protagonist, his obvious love and devotion to his autistic brother, Arnie, is what makes up for it. Gilbert’s a very complex dude, more complex than you would initially guess, and it’s really great to watch him shed his layers and take control of his life.
And as for Arnie, well, Arnie’s freakin’ awesome thanks to one unreal performance by Leonardo Dicaprio. Still have my issues with Leo – I mostly blame the newfound Boston “accent” – but he brings it home like you wouldn’t believe. It’s a really tough role but the kid steals the show; had me cracking up and welling up throughout. If I hadn’t known that he wasn’t actually autistic, he would have had me fooled without thinking twice. Might just be the pest performance he’s ever given, barely edging out Catch Me If You Can. Too bad he had such serious competition at the Oscars that year, ’cause this would have been an award-winning performance on any other day.
Also features a solid performance by Juliette Lewis – something I never thought I’d find myself writing – as Gilbert’s main squeeze and good side roles by Crispin Glover, John C. Reilly and Mary Steenburgen.
First time I saw this movie way back when, didn’t think much of it. But since I was half-watching it and multi-tasking like an idiot while it was on and only really remembered the ending, I’m glad I took up my good buddy Fred’s suggestion to give this one a second chance. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? is a really subtle, honest and fascinating character study about family and the weight of responsibility that just feels real. It’s people dealing with people, people dealing with life, and those are the kinds of movies I dig.
That Fred…always listen to Fred.
THE DUDE!
“Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
Huge voter turnout for a runaway victory on this one, folks. That Jeff Lebowski, that’s a guy who has things figured out. Glad to see we all abide.
Good job this week, dear readers. Go ahead and pump up the Creedence, gang, you did mighty good this week. I dedicate this poll to all my fallen brethren back in ‘Nam.
RESULTS:
- Spicoli: 7 votes
- Saul Silver: 4 votes (that was a damn good burnout performance)
- David Wooderson: 1 vote
- The Dude: 21 freakin’ votes
- Smokey: 1 vote
- Brian: 1 vote (probably should have included Thurgood and Scarface)
- Kumar: 0 votes (probably should have included Harold)
- Meth & Red: 1 vote
- Cheech & Chong: 5 votes
- Jay & Silent Bob: 2 votes
- Other: 2 votes for Floyd from True Romance (kicking myself that I didn’t have that one on the list to begin with, good call)
Brad Pitt, man. What a pothead.
VERDICT:
7/10 Ghost Writers
The best thing Robin Williams has done in ages. Yup, even better than Old Dogs.
World’s Greatest Dad is about a High School English teacher with dreams of becoming a big time published author. When his estranged a-hole, porn addict son accidentally kills himself via autoerotic asphyxiation (Google that at your own discretion), like any good dad he covers it up as a suicide and writes up a heartfelt suicide note for him. The note ends up getting published in the school newspaper, it becomes a huge hit with students and faculty alike, and the dad decides to capitalize on his newfound fame despite how totally wrong it is by writing even more stuff under his son’s name.
I’ve tried describing this movie to a couple other people since I saw it and the general reaction hasn’t exactly resulted in uproarious laughter. As it usually goes with movies about suicide, this sucker is pretty dark and isn’t going to a draw the same kinda crowd as Paul Blart. It’s grim, it’s messed up, it’s twisted, but it’s also surprisingly honest and freakin’ hilarious.
It’s written and directed by, of all people, one Bobcat Goldthwait – of Police Academy 2 fame – a guy who I’ve always found to be annoying as all hell until now. For those who don’t know the guy, you’re not missing much, but what can I say, turns out he’s a really funny dude when he’s not in front of the camera and talking in that idiotic voice. The script is really well-written, not only as a dark comedy but also in regards to its insights on teen angst, parenting and fame, and he happens to be a pretty solid director, too. The movie turns into a music video here and there, but whatever, this guy has redeemed himself and I am happy to have my foot in my mouth right now.
That was shocker number one for me, shocker number two here is Robin Williams.
When it comes to Robin and comedy, I’m not on the bandwagon. When he’s being serious, he is awesome, but with the exception of Mrs. Doubtfire, his whole “mental patient on speed” shtick drives me up the goddamn wall. An absolutely infuriating experience to be subjected to in every regard. But, thank the lord, such is not the case with World’s Greatest Dad.
He tones it down and pulls off acting like a normal guy with a shitty life with ease. For all his faults, I liked him right off the bat, it’s one of the better performances I’ve seen all year and he is a rip from start to finish. It’s all in the delivery, it’s not flashy or zany, and it’s off-kilter roles like these that renew my faith in Robin. I’d take him in a cursing match with his son over Good Morning, Vietnam any day.
The son is also great, too. Never seen Daryl Sabara in anything else before, but it’s too bad he dies because the dialogue between him and Robin is some of the best stuff in the movie.
I don’t know, it’s great to come across comedies like this that aren’t safe and revel in the venom thats coursing through its veins. The first Act is fantastic, the final Act finishes up fantastically, but World’s Greatest Dad’s biggest weakness is its second Act that drags on and had me checking my watch more times than I would have liked. The other thing is that this one may very well be a little too dark for some of the more innocent viewers out there. Go re-read that synopsis up there, if you’re still wincing at it, guessing this might not be your thing.
But hey, if you’re up for a choice dark comedy along the lines of something like Observe and Report, slap this sucker on the Netflix queue.
Keep it up, Robin. You and Bobcat are a damn good team.
VERDICT:
8/10 Broken Hoovers
Might just be the best musical of the past decade.
Once is about a street musician in Ireland with ambitions of greatness and the pianist he meets along the way. The two become quick friends and they start writing and performing music together while working through their own complicated relationships with their estranged significant others.
I’m thinking some folks out there might take issue with this movie being categorized as a musical, but I ain’t hearing that noise, I’m not really one for musicals to begin with and this is about as good as it gets for me. This isn’t a musical in the traditional sense where the cast is singing the plot along, it’s more like watching an album play out on screen as the lyrics reflect the characters’ feelings that they don’t bring to the surface when they’re simply talking to one another.
As a result, the final product ends up feeling refreshingly natural without coming off as dramatic as say, Chicago. And that’s the biggest strength of Once, that you buy it, that it’s like watching ordinary people with extraordinary gifts interacting with one another rather than a trip down Bob Fosse lane.
The acting on behalf of newcomers Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova are a big contributor to this whole vibe. These two aren’t actors and, thankfully, they’re well aware of that. The reason this ends up working in their favor is that they don’t dress up their performances, they act as though the cameras aren’t there. When they’re not playing music, it’s just great to listen to them talk because they’re very grounded and endearing personalities that are clearly very comfortable around one another. They don’t ham it up or get over-emotional about the stuff going on in their lives, they let the music do the talking and that’s exactly what makes their characters work.
The script by writer/director John Carney is also wonderfully honest and colloquial in the ways it moves the story along and organically (throwing out some fancy words now) develops its characters. Had me cracking up here and there, too.
But Once is as much about the music as it as about anything else. The whole soundtrack is more or less the brainchild of Hansard and Irglova and some of their performances gave me the chills it was so good. Not only does it all sound great and was totally deserving of the Oscar it won, but it is really something else to watch these two get so wrapped up in their music to the point where their passion for what they’ve created is nothing short of palpable.
Just phenomenal music and even if the style’s not your thing, it’s hard not to appreciate it in some regard. Always nice to see the little guys beat the biggies, too.
And hey, if you end up going head over heels for the stuff, these two lovebirds are now on tour under the name of The Swell Season. Been meaning to check ‘em out, betting it’s quality.
Once is one of those movies that I love to hear other people talk about. It works extremely well regardless of gender and I just dig subtle movies like this that veer away from the formulaic and go for what’s real. It’s not flashy, it’s not an A-list movie, but it’s got more heart than most musicals I can think of and that’s one of the many reasons why it’s great.
And it’s set in Dublin. Dublin rocks.
VERDICT:
1/10 Failed D.A.R.E. Graduates
Yeah, it’s controversial, but it’s also a piece of crap.
Kids is about a bunch of underage kids in New York City whose day-to-day routines are made up of smoking weed like chimneys, drinking enough malt liquor to make N.W.A. look straight edge, and having more unprotected sex than Ron Jeremy’s clone army.
Apparently my High School years were pretty freakin’ timid.
Didn’t really know what to think of this one the first time I saw it back in my teen years, but due to a recent refresher viewing at the suggestion of my good buddy Fred, I’m kinda surprised at how clear my hatred for it has become. Funny how much things change over the course of eight years.
Here’s the deal, the movie primarily follows two kids named Casper and Telly. Within five minutes of meeting these little a-holes, you realize that there is not a single redeeming quality about them. It’s not so much that the stuff they’re doing is unrealistic, because I’m sure there are a good deal of kids out there who can very easily relate to Casper and Telly, it’s just that they made me want to punch them in the face from beginning to end. These are the kids that get chewed out by drill instructors and sent off to boot camp on Maury because all they care about is raising hell and ruining lives. These are not the people I want to spend ninety seconds with let alone ninety minutes, these are the kids who deserve to get their ass beat like clockwork, but that’s unfortunately who we’re dealing with.
Don’t have much to say about Casper because he’s pretty much playing second fiddle – even though he is a totally despicable individual in his own right – but Telly…where do I even start? Telly is easily the most absurd thing about this movie for a number of reasons. He’s played by newcomer Leo Fitzpatrick, and I don’t know what he’s like nowadays, but he was one awful child actor. Laughably bad. It’s hard not to roll your eyes at anything he says or does because Telly doesn’t look the part either. He talks like an idiot, he’s skinny as a rail, I bet he had as much game in real life as the Anime Club did at his actual High School, and my good buddy Fred pointed out that he also bears a striking resemblance to McLovin.
Telly’s a stud? My ass he is.
Casper, for all his awful character flaws, at least looks and acts the part. Telly’s just a joke. But honestly, are there really kids out there who really talk all day every day about how many girls they violated and how they went about doing it? Huge chunks of this movie are completely devoid of plot and simply revolve around watching kids get high and rant about all their sexual escapades for lengths at a time. Is that really always the topic of conversation and are there actually other kids who want to hang out with these kids?
Give me break, man. Fuck those kids.
The only thing this movie has going for it is Chloe Sevigny as Jenny – one of the many girls that Telly screwed over. I’ve been on a major Big Love kick as of late and it’s cool to see how she got her start as the only member of this cast I actually believed. It also features Rosario Dawson in her first role, which is cool, I guess.
It’s also got a pretty decent soundtrack, but whatever, I refuse to give this movie a 2.
Look, I get what Kids was going for, I get that it’s a wake-up call, but this wasn’t the way to go about it. I couldn’t help but think about how much better this movie would have been if it were a documentary with real kids talking about the real drugs they’re doing and the real sex they’re having. Now that would rattle some feathers and make it less of a spectacle than it ended up being. Shock value only works for so long and when it becomes a movie’s cornerstone, it’s bound to crumble.
Telly. What a ridiculous casting choice.
VERDICT:
8/10 Death Wishes
A pretty captivating movie for a pretty unlikely subject. Apparently tightrope walking is cool as hell.
Man on Wire is a documentary about the life of Philippe Petit – an eccentric French acrobat that managed to break into New York City’s Twin Towers in 1974, string a steel rope across the two skyscrapers and walk over it without any regard for his own well being…for nearly an hour.
Dude totally copied me.
I guess the easiest way to sum this movie up would be in two words: awe-inspiring. It’s a very well-constructed movie in its own right, but considering how atypical and larger than life the subject matter is, the movie quickly takes on a life of its own that’ll give you goosebumps and leave you short of breath. And if you’re afraid of heights, well, I warned ya.
So, yeah, the whole death-defying antics are pretty insane to watch, but some of the more amazing aspects of this movie are the technical ones that took place in the editing room in ‘08 and with a handheld camcorder in the ’60s.
The structure here is more or less broken up into two parts: re-enacting the break in at the Two Towers and chronicling Petit’s life from the moment the Towers were being built to the moment he was finally on top of them. It’s pretty wild how easily the first part immediately pulls you in and plays out like a thriller more than a documentary as Petit and his ragtag crew manage to pull this totally nutso feat off with such limited resources, such wide room for error, and how by some grace of God that they never get caught. It’s as enthralling as anything you’re likely to see out of a Summer blockbuster and the fact that it’s all true just makes it that much more unbelievable.
But the thing I always come back to when I think about Man on Wire is how this whole story felt like it was destined to be told specifically in this medium. The sheer amount of archived footage capturing Petit and his crew preparing for this final moment had me doing double-takes throughout until I finally just had to admit that it was in fact legit. It’s as though they all knew this was going to be big, that one day a director named James Marsh would stumble across their story and they would be ready for him. The only thing that isn’t shown to the audience at the very moment it’s happening is the said re-enactment in New York, but literally everything else you see as is.
It’s really something else. I think someone had a hunch, that or they wanted to document their innocence in case Petit ate it.
But the star of the show here is Petit himself, and boy howdy does he eat up the spotlight. He knows damn well that this is his moment, that this movie may as well be titled Philippe Petit: So Much More Awesome Than You Are and he does not forget that for a moment. He’s off-the-wall, he’s a totally entertaining storyteller, he’s got one hell of a life story, but on the other hand, he’s also kind of a dick.
For the most part, Petit is actually quite charming, but then he gets his first fifteen minutes of fame walking over NYC and all that changes at the flip of a switch. After he’s brought down and taken into police custody, he immediately cheats on his devoted girlfriend with a total stranger who happens to have a fetish for carnies and on top of that, a couple of Petit’s friends actually got exiled from the United States altogether as a result. Once that goes down and Petit more or less abandons his friends for fame and glory – the friends that made it all possible for Petit to get his ass up there in the first place – it’s hard not to think, “Wow. What a dick.“
What can I say, not a big fan of folks who cheat on their girlfriends.
But Petit’s questionable life choices aside, the stuff that makes up Man on Wire really is something to behold. It’s truly amazing to watch ordinary people achieve their dreams while conquering the impossible. I don’t know why it took so long for someone to make a movie out of this thing, but hey, better late than never. Easily one of the most accessible documentaries I’ve come across and I was definitely one of those guys with a lump in his throat when Petit finally got on that wire. But it’s cool, you’ll be that guy (or girl), too.
VERDICT:
9/10 Days in the Life
Deserves more than just the Best Actor Oscar.
A Single Man is about a middle-aged college professor in the ’60s struggling to cope with the death of his partner of 16 years.
Pretty straightforward but it’s got a lot to say.
So far, this is the one movie that’s made me regret jumping the gun after putting up my Best of ‘09 list before seeing everything that was out there. With that being said, the necessary changes have been made; such is the wonderful advantage of being a site administrator. Let’s just hope Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel doesn’t make me have to backpedal any further than I already have.
The best place to start here has gotta be with Colin Firth as our single man, George Falconer (what a great name). Up until now, I’ve never thought much of Firth and have come to categorize him as the thinking man’s Hugh Grant. Don’t know how I managed to come to that conclusion, but I’m thinking it has something to do with Love Actually being the only other movie I’ve seen him in. So, part of the reason I was so impressed by Firth’s performance was probably due my totally ungrounded opinion of him, but most of it is because he actually happens to be one damn good actor.
Firth is outstanding because his is a very subtle role that complements the subtle power of the script he’s working with. You watch him and you believe he’s real, that behind his collected exterior lies a complex and emotionally battered individual just trying to get through one more day in a life he no longer wants any part of. He’s not eccentric and he has no illusions about who he is or the circumstances he’s found himself in, he’s the quiet everyman and he’s just trying to deal. That’s the real beauty of the Falconer and Firth plays him like a fiddle. It doesn’t take long to realize how utterly lost in the character Firth is, and the minute that moment comes around you’ll be wondering why the Academy even bothered to nominate anyone else.
Oh, right. Money, that’s why.
But A Single Man also features some pretty fantastic performances by Julianne Moore as Falconer’s ex-lover and only friend, Matthew Goode as his deceased partner, and out of nowhere comes Nicholas Hoult as his student (a.k.a: the kid from About A Boy – time’s apparently been mighty kind to him). Nice to see a movie where the standout performance doesn’t overshadow everyone else because they all happen to be damn good, too.
This is also the debut by writer/director Tom Ford and he really establishes himself as something fresh. Maybe it’s just because everything from the clothes to the booze to the music was way, way cooler in the ’60s, but good lord does Ford make his movie look like Mad Men in the suburbs. When it first starts up, F0rd’s style comes off a little too artsy-fartsy as the whole thing takes on a frightening resemblance to a French perfume commercial, but as the plot progresses and the script fleshes out, the look and feel of it all becomes one more of substance over style and you come to realize that the words “J’adore” or “Chanel No. 5” aren’t going to pop up at any second. When push comes to shove, Ford’s eye ends up being more of a pro than a con thanks to a conscious effort on his part to tone it down after a while, and considering this is his first go, it’s hard to knock him for making such a damn good movie.
And he’s got this strange thing with shooting extreme close-ups on everyone’s eyes, but I’ll leave that one up to you Film Majors out there to dissect. Kept making me think of Dr. T. J. Eckleburg in Gatsby, feel free to use that one in your paper.
But I think what surprised me the most about A Single Man was how much I was affected by its script. The only thing I was expecting out of this movie was a great show by Firth, and while it’s not often I come across a performance like his, I’ve come to find that it’s even harder to come across a script that has so much to say about what really matters in life without beating me over the head with it. So much can be said without saying anything at all and that’s where this movie shines the most, not enough folks in the movie biz get that. There were moments like that in Benjamin Button, but this one really shook me up, in a good way.
It’s hard to get into it without seeing it for yourself, but A Single Man has some of the most profound and affecting things to say about the little things in life that make it all worth while that I’ve ever had the pleasure to come across. It’s too bad this thing isn’t going to get the credit or publicity it deserves because everything about it is a home run from the cast to the writing. Not sure how much longer it’s gonna be around, but do yourself a favor and make an effort to get out there and find it before the Oscars come a-callin’. This one blew me away.
And so I’m off to legally change my name to George Falconer…
MORGAN FREEMAN!
Puts a big ol’ smile on my face to see how many people voted for Friendship, but then again, Al never really stood a chance, did he? Suck on that, Satan.
RESULTS:
- Morgan: 10 votes
- Al: 2 votes
- Friendship: 8 votes (maybe I’ll do Babality next time)
Amen, brotha.
VERDICT:
7/10 Good Ol’ Boys
It’s The Wrestler with country music. That’s what they call a double-edged sword.
Crazy Heart is about an aging country singer/songwriter trying to reclaim the spotlight before his booze addiction gets the better of him and ruins not only his career, but the only good thing he’s got going – a suspect relationship with a much younger music reporter.
I guess the best place to start is the whole Wrestler comparison. As far as the story arc is concerned, the two movies practically mirror each other. It starts out with the endearing has-been trying to recapture his former glory, he falls for a single mother who is oddly attracted to the said has-been, things start to look good, things hit the skids due to health problems, the has-been tries to make it all better in one last hurrah, the rest is history. If you’ve never seen The Wrestler, you’ve got nothing to worry about and you’ll probably like this movie more for it. But for those of you who have seen The Wrestler, this is pretty familiar territory we’re dealing with, and, unfortunately, The Wrester did it better.
Still a pretty decent story, but the story’s not the selling point here. The selling point, dear readers, is my man Jeff Bridges as Bad Blake.
What Mickey Rourke was to “The Ram“, Jeff Bridges follows suit as Bad. I’ve always been a huge Bridges fan (can’t wait for Tron Legacy) and it’s great to see him get a big leading role like this that finally allows him to flaunt his skills. In a nutshell, Bad is a badass, and it doesn’t hurt that his name is “Bad” either. He’s old country all the way, none of that pretty boy Keith Urban or glorified hillbilly, boot-in-your-ass Toby Keith bullshit, he’s the real deal. He’s Kris Kristofferson (visual similarity maybe?) and Johnny Cash rolled into one, he drinks like it’s going out of style, and for all his flaws, he is cool as hell.
I think a lot of what makes Bridges so good here is that Bad’s character really suits Bridges’ effortlessly natural sensibilities as an actor. That’s what made him so good as The Dude; it was like he wasn’t even trying, he just was The Dude. Bridges is a likable guy in that regard and without it I think Bad would have been a far less interesting individual to place at the forefront of a movie. It’s one of the better roles he’s had the chance to play in a good while and if it weren’t for Colin Firth, he’d be my vote for Best Actor this year.
And being someone who utterly hates country music – exceptions for Cash and Hank Williams, of course – the music here is awfully damn good and instantly had me tapping my foot on the theater floor. With that being said, the soundtrack by T-Bone Burnett (the guy behind the O Brother, Where Are Thou? soundtrack) is definitely the other selling point here and I’d be surprised if it didn’t get the credit it deserves.
But alas, there’s still the whole issue of Bad’s relationship with Maggie Gyllenhaal. I know it’s a movie, but come on, look at those two, it’s like a Maury episode. She’s pretty good in the role, it’s just hard to suspend your disbelief with the glaring age gap staring you in the face along with Bad’s insistence on destroying his body with bottle after bottle of whiskey which really isn’t doing any favors for his physical appearance either. And while I’m sure there are women out there who probably think Kris Kristofferson makes Tom Brady look like a homeless meth freak, I’m thinking those women are few and far between.
There’s also a really good cameo by Robert Duvall as Bad’s long-time friend and another far more confusing cameo by Colin Farrell as Bad’s former protege’. Duvall can do no wrong, but I don’t know who the hell drew a connection between Colin Farrell and country music. It’s not that he’s bad in the role, he’s actually A-okay and he’s got a good voice to boot, just a strange casting choice is all.
But hey, it’s still a pretty good movie. Bridges is great to watch as always and he makes the movie better than it probably should be. Not something you need to run out to see in theaters and it’s no Walk the Line, but even if you’re not into country music, there’s enough to good stuff going on here to warrant a solid 7.
Tron Legacy, gonna be so awesome.
VERDICT:
8/10 Man Talks
Caters more to the fellas, but a pretty fantastic debut effort all the same.
The Brothers McMullen is about three Irish Catholic brothers living under the same roof in Long Island as they work to sort out their insecurities when it comes to the women in their lives or the lack thereof. One of ‘em is cheating on his perfect wife, the other is stuck in a relationship with a woman he doesn’t love, and the youngest of the bunch thinks this whole “relationship” thing is a heap’a bullshit. So, yeah, these guys have some room to grow.
I almost forgot about this movie until I recently saw a freakin’ Geico commercial of all things featuring Mike McGlone – the middle brother McMullen – comparing auto insurance to Elmer Fudd’s lisp. Being that the apple has apparently fallen quite far from the tree for Mikey boy, it occurred to me that it was high time to revisit a period in his life that didn’t involve him upstaging a talking gecko for cash.
For those who’ve never heard of this fine little nugget of indie gold, The Brothers McMullen is the brainchild of one Edward Burns. The dude wrote it, directed it, funded it, produced it, starred in it, made love to it, the whole shebang. This is his baby, all complaints can be directed at him, and, not surprisingly, it’s what put him on the map.
In a nutshell, this is a talking heads movie, but that’s cool because I happen to have a weakness for talking heads movies. What sets it apart though – aside from Ed’s short-lived grunge look – is the writing and the way it unabashedly captures the way guys talk, the things they talk about when the lady-folk aren’t around and the things that goes through a guy’s head when he’s thinking with his pecker. Can’t think of a whole lot of movies that do it as well, maybe In The Company of Men, but that’s a whole ‘nother monster that doesn’t reflect the tone of this movie whatsoever. It has a penchant to get pretty crass at times and, depending on the crowd, it might not be doing any favors for the fellas in the room, but there’s something very endearing, very refreshing about how upfront it is.
The thing is, it’s not often I come across movies that have something honest to say about an everyday subject like love and commitment. Take a movie like The Ugly Truth for instance. Granted, I didn’t see it, but the word on the street is that it bombed like a mofo in trying to achieve this task. “Men are pigs” – got it. Thanks a bunch, Kath and Geri.
The Brothers McMullen on the other hand nails it because it’s got credibility. It’s about believable individuals with believable flaws that are stuck in relatable circumstances. It ain’t pretty, but that’s life, and that’s why it works. Everyone’s got their own thing going on but it’s great to watch them all come around and gradually realize what’s up. Nor does it hurt that it’s damn funny from start to finish.
But aside from the script, the direction is pretty straightforward and the acting’s not too shabby all around – the standout being Burns (big surprise). Another big reason this one got an 8 is ’cause I can’t help but dig a well-written movie that’s built from the ground up by an obviously talented guy with a lot of passion for what he’s doing.
Nonetheless, still can’t outright recommend it because I’m pretty sure this could be a bit male chauvinistic for some, but heed my advice and take this one with a grain of salt all the same. Trust me, gals, male chauvinism doesn’t make us look good, either.
Great characters, a great script all around and the best speech comparing a banana to your manhood that I’ve ever heard makes for a fine two hours that I’ve found myself revisiting more than once. Man, someone needs to give Ed Burns more roles. Dude is cool as hell.
VERDICT:
9/10 Balancing Acts
One of my all-time favorite superhero movies and the best of the series.
Spider-Man 2 picks up with our guy Peter Parker as he tries to win back M.J., ace his college courses, and not get kicked out of his apartment all the while protecting the city from its latest foe, Dr. Otto Octavius, his four metal arms and his sinister trench coat. Dude’s got a lot on his plate, but it comes with the territory. I think there’s a lesson to be learned here.
I’ve actually found myself pretty surprised with the reactions I get from others when I sing this movie’s praises, a good deal of which can more or less be boiled down to one word: “corny”. Further questioning inevitably reveals this opinion to be grounded in the scene where the train passengers carry Spidey over their heads after he saves their lives, and while I didn’t have a problem with it, to each his own.
But that’s why I have movie blog, because I think this movie kicked ass!
Granted, the guy sitting next to me when I saw this in the theater gave me some of his Starburst – which was about the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me in a movie theater – but I’ve seen it a couple times since and it’s still great.
I think a big reason I dug this movie so much was because it felt mature without being overly-serious. The script really taps into the whole “with great power comes great responsibility” mumbo jumbo far better than the first movie – or the third movie for that matter – does, and that’s what brings it all together. It brings in the heart, it’s got a ton of quality character development, it is a freakin’ rush to sit through – absolutely love that scene in the operating room with Doc Ock at the beginning – and unlike a lot of superhero movies, it makes you care.
This is the movie where you finally get it, that life is freakin’ tough as a superhero, especially a broke-ass superhero. It’s not just a by-the-books trip like the first run-around was, it’s more than “good-guy-beats-the-bad-guy-and-gets-the-girl”, it’s about as complicated as real life and then some without being melodramatic. Spidey 2 is as much about how hard it is to be normal as it is to save the world, and you don’t get that a lot from superheroes.
And say what you will about Tobey Maguire, but I really like the kid. He’s a solid actor to begin with and he was a great pick for Parker. It’s just that he makes Spidey endearing without even trying, I think it’s the smile. No, he’s not as cool or snarky as he is in the comics, but couldn’t help but like him all along.
Still not big on Kirsten Dunst, but whatever, she doesn’t really take anything away from it. Alfred Molina’s not bad as Doc Ock, either, but let’s not kid ourselves, he’s no Willem Dafoe. Although Doc Ock is a way better villain than Green Goblin. Awesome special effects right there.
So, the reason I wrote this review should be pretty clear now that the whole series is getting a complete overhaul, and an unnecessary one at that. Yeah, Spidey 3 wasn’t so hot, Spidey 1 was fine, but the fact of the matter is that Sam Raimi is the man and there really wasn’t anything that wrong with the way he was running things that they had to scrap the series entirely. But who knows, this could be a good thing, could be the nudge Raimi needs to keep up with horror or even venture into something like A Simple Plan again (awesome movie). If anything else, I don’t think we’re ever gonna have to see Topher Grace return as Venom (who the eff thought that was a good idea?)
Man, there aren’t a whole lot of movies that make me want to get up and cheer when the final credits roll, but this was one of ‘em. Spider-Man 2 is just an atypically well done blast of movie that set a new plateau for a genre that can tend to be a total joke. Was never much of a Spidey fan before this came around – comics or otherwise – but I’m now glad to be part of the choir.
I’m having trouble getting an idea of what the general reaction is this whole development, but I’m pretty bummed out. A serious lack of love for the Raimi at the moment.
First Conan, now this. Tisk, tisk, Hollywood.
So here’s some utter madness for all you chickadees.
Turns out I’ve been nominated for the ultimate award in blogging badassery – The Kreativ Blogger Award – by my peers over at Anomalous Material, M. Carter @ The Movies and Foolish Blatherings. I can’t begin to express how truly flattered I am to be acknowledged like this, especially by such fine writers and critics that all truly deserve the nods they got in the first place. If you’ve never visited their sites, do so pronto, great stuff all around; always look forward to their posts and comments.
And just look at this cute little graphic I get to post now!
A thing of beauty if you ask me, think I might get a tattoo of it…on my face.
But in all seriousness, this is very cool and I was not expecting this, not in the least. Must be doing something right.
So now for the gushy stuff. Being a nominee, there’s a bit of a catch where I have to get down and dirty with the following seven steps. Happens to be one of the easier catches I’ve come across in my life, so without further ado, let’s get to it.
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. (done and done, you guys rock)
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. (…or face, whatever)
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. (you guys rock double-time)
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.
Alright. Task Number 4:
Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting (pretty sure I already did one of these way back when on Facebook, but what the hell, I’ll give it another go)
- The only reason I ever got so into movies is because whenever I would go to visit my uncles as a kid, there would only be two topics of conversation: baseball and movies. It didn’t take long for me to realize that baseball is boring as sin to watch on TV for one game let alone a whole season (even though it’s awesome to actually go to a game or play it yourself), so I turned to movies and I haven’t turned back since.
- My good buddy Fred – the one I refer to in many a review – that’s actually my girlfriend and number one fan, Audrey. Can’t quite remember why I decided to call her Fred in the first place, but she rules the school and is always very good about indulging in my often bizarro taste in movies. Good to have a woman’s opinion to balance things out. Write that one down, kiddies.
- I’ve been playing the drums since High School but now that I live in Manhattan and there’s absolutely nowhere to put them, I’ve decided to pick up the banjo. I’ve got zero guitar-playing experience, but something about the banjo is so freakin’ cool that I just couldn’t resist. It’s slow-going at the moment, but I’ll be playing Foggy Mountain Breakdown like it’s nobody’s business with a piece of straw in my mouth and jug of moonshine at my side in no time.
- I’ve got a lot of hobbies and I’m passionate about all of them – watching movies, writing every day, digging music, reading like a fiend, video gaming, strummin’ away on my beautiful banjo, pretty sure I’m forgetting one or two things in there. Gets a little overwhelming once in a while, but it’s a big part of who I am and it’s worth the juggling act.
- I want Peter Travers’ job. I also want to write and direct my own movie and see what happens from there. I’m confident I could make one totally kickass movie.
- Thanks to my mom’s job that takes her across the globe to solve homelessness, I in turn have become a world traveler. Israel, Russia, Japan, Brazil, Ecuador, Australia, Italy, Spain, France, Ireland, even Canada. Been pretty fortunate in that regard and I think the top spot still goes to Japan, even though they don’t know how to party like the Irish. Two places I still want to go: Greece and Iceland.
- There is nothing like drinking a cold beer in a hot shower. Yeah, I’m out of “Aiden factoids”.
And now for Numbers 5 through 7 in one fell swoop.
Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
Gonna go for ones that haven’t been nominated yet, or at least I don’t think they have.
- Ross vs. Ross – One of the first movie blogs I started following religiously when I started this sucker up and by golly are these guys entertaining. Stellar blog all around, still have no idea how they each managed to make a Top 100 list though.
- Not Just Movies – Jake is a guy who knows his shit. I think I’d lose my damn if I wrote as much and as often as he does, but I can’t help but admire what he’s doing and he’s always got some really sharp stuff to say.
- Go, See, Talk! – Maybe it’s just because I can’t help but appreciate a fellow Cowboy Bebop fan, but Marc over at GST is all about posting stuff that I can’t help but comment on and it doesn’t look like he’s stopping any time soon. Good folks over there.
- Bill’s Movie Emporium – The movies Bill reviews are always across the board, his opinions are always to the point and well-written, and even though I still don’t know what movie that awesome picture on his banner is from, this is a fantastic blog that I check up on daily.
- Paragraph Film Reviews – Short, to the point, no jibba-jabba reviews. Love what this site has going for it and always look forward to comments from the author.
- The Robot Who Likes Pretty Things – The guy watches one movie a day and writes a review each day. Being someone who jumped on the bandwagon shortly after and only recently broke down to 5 reviews a week, I tip my hat to this fine blogger.
- The Dark of the Matinee – Eh, screw it. He’s already got a nomination, but I have to mention this guy. Huge fan of The Hatter and the truly choice stuff he puts out there every gosh darn day. I check this site like gangbusters and I recommend you follow suit.
I honestly wish there was more than seven I could put down here because every last one of these cats on the blogroll are there for a reason. But alas, such are the restraints of the Kreativ Blogger Award.
Well, that’s a wrap, folks. It’s stuff like this that helps me stay sane when the last thing I feel like doing some days is jumping on WordPress and I thank you all for supporting this little project of mine. So until I get Peter Travers’ job…
Keep it real,
Aiden R.
VERDICT:
6/10 Jailbait Vigilantes
Pedophiles, just be glad you got Chris Hansen instead of Ellen Page.
Hard Candy is about a grown man who manages to seduce a 14-year-old girl via an instant messaging convo and a subsequent coffee date. The girl plays along, he takes her back to his home, they start to get comfortable, then she turns the tables on the creep and teaches him a lesson he’ll never forget.
Now, this is one crazy movie. This is one that’ll stick with you for a good while after and get you talking like gangbusters not only because of the way it handles the subject matter but also because of the limits it keeps on pushing. It helps that it’s got a knock-out poster, premise and title to draw you in, but novelties aside, this really is one fucked up little monster.
At its core, Hard Candy is very character-driven head trip in that its main goal is to present you with this touchy subject and continually try to wane your sympathies between the predator and the prey as the role of victim is blurred to the point where it’s almost uncomfortable. There’s really only two characters to worry about, but given their circumstances and ulterior motives, two ends up being the perfect number.
In the left corner, we have Hayley – played by the brilliant Ellen Page. This Hayley’s something else. Your first impression of her is that she’s either super naive or a total skank who’s way too young to be doing anything other than listening to Miley, but despite her exterior, it’s easy to see that she’s pretty sharp for her age. That surprisingly mature quality of hers is at once a selling point as it makes her endlessly interesting to watch as she transforms, though I can’t help but think that she’s almost too smart for her own good.
There were times when I found myself wondering if someone can actually be this smart and play out such a complicated scheme so effortlessly, especially a 14 year-old. I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to keep my cool like she does and I’m 23. Then again, Ellen Page does rock. The hair cut is questionable, but she still steals the show. Doesn’t hurt that she’s got the most fascinating character to begin with.
And as for the right corner, we have Jeff – played by Patrick Wilson, who seems to be just fine as an actor. Here’s the thing with Jeff, the guy’s a piece of shit. That’s because he’s trying to hook up with a minor and he keeps on trying to weasel his way out of things when both the audience and Hayley know damn well that he is in fact trying to hook up with a minor. By all accounts, this is a guy who could use a time out.
But Jeff’s role and ultimate punishment is also the one big problem I have with this movie. I know it’s just a movie and all, but considering the subject matter, it takes on a whole new kind of meaning. Also, I’m in no place to say what degree of punishment is appropriate for someone like Jeff, but by the same token, who is? Let’s just say that things get pretty bad for Jeff, and the sympathy you might feel for him is merely due credit I direct to the filmmakers, but I can’t help but feel like it eventually gets too bad for him.
Not trying to justify his character or morals or actions or any of that jazz, but I don’t know, I couldn’t justify his fate (probably not the word for it, but you get the gist). Yeah, he is given the chance to end it and walk away, but I really can’t say what I would do if I were in his shoes either.
Anyway, sorry if this thing turned into a review of sorts for those of you who have already seen the movie, but what can I say, it’s one hell of a talking point. Now, if you haven’t seen Hard Candy and you’re jivin’ for some intense, in-your-face stuff that’ll finally satiate that void in your life now that To Catch a Predator is gone, I’d say go ahead and give it a looksee. It’s a very crisp-looking movie, it’s got some pretty solid performances from its two leads and it will most definitely get that moral compass a-spinnin’.
And, yes, it is every bit as creepy as its poster.
Let me preface this by saying two things:
1) I haven’t seen every movie that came out this past year, but since I’ve been chomping at the bit to make my list, this is what’s happening.
2) Some of the scores I gave these movies at the time I reviewed them don’t necessarily reflect their place on the list. Had a long time to think about these, some have aged better than others, but these are the ones that stuck with me the most. Funny how that works out.
And that’s it. So without further ado, let ‘er rip…
10. Avatar – lived up to the hype and then some
9. The Road – horribly publicized and still not as good as the book, but a fantastic adaptation by a fantastic director all the same
8. (500) Days of Summer – the feel-good movie of the year, best romcom I’ve seen in a good long while
7. Two Lovers – the best thing Joaquin Phoenix has ever done for this world; yes, even better than rapping
6. The Hurt Locker – one hell of a powerful ride, need to see this one again
5. A Single Man – Colin Firth deserves that damn Oscar, phenomenal movie otherwise
4. Anvil! The Story of Anvil – best doc of the year, hard to beat the real-life story of Spinal Tap (first review I ever wrote, too)
3. Precious – not exactly a pick-me-upper, but a freakin’ powerhouse all the same
2. Inglourious Basterds – Tarantino’s long-awaited return to form, bonus points for a career-defining performance by Christoph Waltz and Brad Pitt in his best role since Tyler Durden
1. Up – the only 10 I gave out and the only one that truly deserved it
Well, there ya have it, folks. Still need to see A Serious Man, A Single Man, Big Fan, World’s Greatest Dad (which is waiting for me at home), An Education, Fantastic Mr. Fox, In The Loop and Crazy Heart, but since a handful of these are out of theaters and won’t be on Netflix for a while, I’m thinking this is a pretty solid list as is.
2009 – a damn fine year for movies if I do say so myself.
VERDICT:
3/10 Spanking Sessions
Too damn strange for its own good.
Secretary is about a fragile woman that gets out of a mental hospital after nearly killing herself and finds a job working as a secretary for the weirdest lawyer alive. Initially, she hits it out of the park, then the lawyer realizes she’s kinda sorta seeing someone, so he gets jealous, makes her life a living hell and starts slapping her ass like you wouldn’t believe. Naturally, she ends up falling for him, and so begins this bizarro game of sadomasochistic cat and mouse that they call love.
Looking back, I’m not really sure what I expected to get out of this movie. I’d heard about it before, not so much about whether it was good or not, but mostly about how racy it was and that’s about it. I’ll admit, the poster did peak my interest, but unfortunately, racy movies don’t necessarily translate to good movies.
I guess I’ll start off with the positive because it totally pales in comparison to the negative.
The only thing I can think of that’s at best a saving grace for this movie is Maggie Gyllenhaal as the said secretary. I’m not a big fan of Gyllenhaal to begin with, but considering how much wacky shit she was put through here and that her character is the only moderately redeeming one of the bunch, she gets a mention. Still not sold on her though, still not a selling point to the movie either.
Everyone else, not so hot. James Spader plays the lawyer and holy hell is he weird to a fault. Eccentric would be putting it kindly, flat-out stupid is probably more accurate; dude just bothered me. Also features Jeremy Davies as Gyllenhaal’s sorta boyfriend, and while he’s not all too memorable because he acts the same way in every movie, I can’t help but think of him as “Eugene from Eugene” after watching Rescue Dawn, so I guess he gets unintentional points for that. I’m also a big Lost fan, so that helps, too.
But the big problem with Secretary is that it doesn’t make me give a shit about anything it has to say or offer. Was I supposed to have this big epiphany or change of heart for these nut cases once the ass-whupping starts? How on Earth would that make anyone connect to these characters? And that’s just the first in a long line of increasingly odd sexual “fantasies” that these two get themselves into. By the time they start to really develop and realize their true feelings for each other, it’s lost on me and my eyes can only roll so far before it starts to hurt.
This movie also plays into an issue I have with on-screen nudity. Not surprisingly, Maggie here gets super naked for all us viewers. What is surprising is that it occurs at a time when it doesn’t really seem to matter or make any difference to the story as a whole. But even if she had donned her birthday suit at a huge turning point, I still can’t help but wonder, “Is this really the movie you want to get naked for? This was the dealbreaker?” As a whole, this movie blows, and as a result I almost felt bad for her by the end, that this of all movies is the reason everyone now knows what you look like naked. Whatever, not my call.
I don’t know if I’m in the minority here or what, but I didn’t get it. It’s not well-written, the direction is pretty amateurish, as is the score, and it borders more on creepy than it does on cutting edge. Something about a romantic comedy that isn’t funny and equates “romantic” to “Hit me harder, Master!” doesn’t really work for me. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, I don’t know. I wouldn’t have gotten naked for it, I know that much for sure.
Now Titanic, I definitely would have gotten naked for that.
AL PACINO!
It was a surprisingly close race between Al and Trey Parker, and even though I’d take South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut over The Devil’s Advocate any day, I think the we have a pretty clear winner.
Good voting, folks. Big turnout this week.
RESULTS:
- Al Pacino: 12 votes (Hoo-waa!!)
- Harvey Keitel: 2 votes
- Elizabeth Hurley: 5 votes
- Gabriel Byrne: 2 votes (you know you’re not a good Satan when you get killed by Arnold Schwarzenegger)
- Trey Parker: 10 votes (A for effort)
- Other: 1 vote for Robert DeNiro in Angel Heart (never seen it), 1 vote for Christopher Walken in The Prophecy (never seen it, probably should), 1 vote for Tim Curry in Legend (who knew that was Tim Curry under there) and 1 vote for Satan from The Passion of the Christ (yeah, that was creepy).
And now for this week’s poll…
VERDICT:
9/10 Habitual Spitters
Man, there is nothing like a Clint Eastwood Western.
The Outlaw Josey Wales is about an ordinary farmer who’s minding his P’s and Q’s when his family is murdered and home burned to the ground by a band of straight up evil bastards just because. So the farmer heads off with a ragtag group of Confederate guerrillas in search of these jerks, then finds himself on the run with a big ol’ warrant on his head when the said evil bastards turn out to be Union soldiers, and with the help of some Indians and women he meets along the way, the farmer-turned-misunderstood killing machine books it down South to get revenge and clear his good name.
I’m not really sure why, but I haven’t gotten around to reviewing too many Clint Eastwood movies around here at Cut The Crap. I’m thinking it’s because I need a mass refresher course so I can do them all justice, but nonetheless, this cannot stand. Nor do I think I’ve made it perfectly clear that Clint Eastwood is a god among men, easily finding his way to the top spot as my favorite actor of all time. There’s a laundry list of reasons why, but The Outlaw Josey Wales is a pretty solid example on its own. So to prevent this review from turning into an Ode to Clint, I’ll just go ahead and dive into the movie.
In a nutshell, Josey Wales is badass.
I can see why some people not be into the whole Western thing, especially something like this that doesn’t move along at the speed of a meth freak, but I don’t happen to be in that choir. Westerns are freakin’ great and it’s always awesome to come across one like this that goes against the grain when it comes to what folks generally think as “traditional” Westerns. This isn’t John Wayne, this isn’t cowboys vs. inguns, Josey is instead a surprisingly poignant take on John Ford’s wild West that manages to stay cool as hell while turning convention after convention on its head.
And even though he didn’t write the script – which is also really good and is filled with some classic one-liners that had me howling - Eastwood has since made this unconventional take on the genre that made him famous a trademark of sorts with Unforgiven and whatnot, and damn if it still isn’t refreshing. Don’t get me wrong, John Wayne and John Ford are tip-top in my book, but I’ll always have a penchant for Clint’s West.
This time around, the bad guys are the Union soldiers, the good guys are the “murderers” and the Indians, and rather than shoot first and ask questions later, it looks toward a peaceful resolution (granted, Clint still does a lot of shooting first before questions are asked, but what do you expect, the guy’s got a warrant on his head). I mean, I don’t know what things were really like back then, but considering how badly Native Americans got screwed – and continue to get screwed – I can’t help but love that they’re the ones taking names here. They’re not presented as “savages”, they’re the victimized heroes that have had just about enough of the white man’s shit and they are more than happy to jump on Josey’s bandwagon.
And as for Clint as Josey, well, I said this wasn’t going to be a fanboy rant, so I’ll be brief. It’s not a groundbreaking performance in the way that Gran Torino was for him, it’s familiar territory, but the strongest aspect of the role lies not only in Josey’s moral code, but that it plays to Clint’s strongest suit: the dude doesn’t mince words. The thing that a lot of actors and screenwriters don’t get about what it makes to come up with a legitimately cool character is that you don’t have to be loud and you don’t have to have bigger guns than everyone else. Clint has never been much of a talker, but when he speaks, people listen, and not just because of that hardcore sneer, but because the guy knows how to choose his words.
That’s why Clint is the man here, that’s why Clint is the man always. He is the standard.
But anyway, The Outlaw Josey Wales is a standout Western because it’s not the norm. It takes something familiar and turns it upside-down in a far more insightful, humanistic, and (probably) realistic manner that was atypical for a genre that started out pretty black and white. Not sure if this is gonna be the one to convert anyone who’s not already a Western fan, but a great movie all the same that has rightfully earned its place as a classic.
Dammit, that totally turned into an Ode to Clint. Eh, had to happen sooner or later.
Hey folks,
Well, word on the street is that we’re tangled up in a whole new decade and that means it’s about time I came up with my 2010 New Years resolution. Unfortunately, this year’s resolution is a bit of a double-edged sword, but it’s one I need to abide by: I need to finish my effing screenplay that I’ve been working on for over two years now. See, I’ve been meaning to take this beast off the backburner for far too long now and it’s still got a ways to go, so I’m gonna be freeing up my weekends to do just that because I can’t go another year with this monkey on my back. So that’s one edge of the sword, the other is that I’ll only be posting reviews on Mondays through Fridays from now on, no more weekends. May very well be a temporary move, but that’s the score for the time being.
By the same token, I’m thinking this might be a win-win situation. Hoping the reviews are gonna take on a more quality over quantity approach and maybe it’ll give you and I something extra to look forward to once the work week finally rears its ugly head. Either way, that’s the news, thanks as always for reading and I apologize deeply for being the buzzkill.
Have a swell weekend, folks, and see you on Monday.
- Aiden R.
VERDICT:
7/10 Mid-Life Crises
Did not think I’d like this, was almost 100% sure I wouldn’t, but I was not expecting Jamie Lee Curtis…
Freaky Friday is about an uptight mother and her rebellious teenage daughter who’s all about playing rock music and boys and all that gross stuff that parents just don’t understand. Eventually things come to a head in a Chinese restaurant, so, naturally, a wise old woman sticks her fat nose into their business and gives them a magic fortune cookie which forces them to switch bodies and walk a day in each others’ shoes until they learn to love and respect one another.
Nope, it’s not the most original movie out there, but since it seems like there’s a law stating that this same premise has to be used once every couple years, it must be doing something right. But look at me here, complaining about this like some snob who wasn’t giggling like an idiot amidst confused stares from his good buddy Fred. I had a time watching this movie and it’s pretty much all due in part to one woman…
I’ve seen my fair share of J.L.C. movies before this came along, and perhaps I was just out of the loop or something, but she’s never really done it for me, never really stole the show. She had her moments in True Lies and with the exception of Kevin Kline, I don’t even think A Fish Called Wanda was all that funny. So along comes this unsuspecting Disney movies of all things and my whole idea of what Mrs. Curtis is capable of is changed forever.
She’s fine when she’s playing the stern mom, but once the switch goes down and J.L.C. starts acting like her daughter, that’s when the magic happens. J.L.C. loses herself in the role and I immediately started having as much fun watching her as she obviously did acting it all out. She steals all the scenes, she plays a teen better than most teens would, and she totally kicks ass. This was all news to me at the time, but I couldn’t get over how good she was. J.L.C. makes this movie a blast.
Please stop doing Activia commercials, girl. You can do better.
Lindsay Lohan is also pretty good as J.L.C’s daughter, but she gets upstaged and it’s just not as much fun watching her act like a mom. Then again, her performance gets bonus points simply because it stands as some of the last living proof that LiLo wasn’t always a walking trainwreck with a mean jones for the nose candy. Girl had some potential going there what with Mean Girls and all going for her, too, but whatcha gonna do. Let’s just hope she gets the memo one of these days.
Not much to say about the rest of the cast as they all kinda take a backseat to the Lindsay and Jamie, but they’re fine, I guess. Well, Chad Michael Murray’s in it as LiLo’s main squeeze, so that’s probably a selling point for all six of you One Tree Hill fans out there.
Not much to say about director Mark Harmon either. He directs the movie. That’s it.
Anywho, Freaky Friday isn’t paving new ground in anyway, but thanks to a killer performance by the J.L.C. it takes on new life and winds up being pretty darn fun. The writing’s A-okay, the dialogue is too, and despite your hesitations, I’d say it’s actually worth giving a shot.
Fun for the whole family. Good stuff here, kids.
VERDICT:
8/10 Anarchist’s Cookbooks
Definitely one of the stronger Alan Moore adaptations out there.
V for Vendetta takes place in a future England ruled by an Orwellian and fascist government that controls its citizens with an unquestioning iron fist. The story follows Evey, a prostitute who is taken under the wing of the one man in the country who is hell bent on taking down this new U.K. and giving it back to the people one explosion at a time – a Guy Fawkes fan with a knife fetish named V.
When I first saw this in theaters, I didn’t really know what to think of it; I knew I liked some aspects and didn’t like others, but I don’t think I could have given it a fair score out of 10. Pretty sure those sentiments were a reflection of how the source material affected me and in turn I had to be a nit-picky bastard about the differences between the movie and the original story. So, here I am four years later giving it another shot and, whaddaya know, I can’t believe how good it is.
Looks like it’s time to dust off that graphic novel and give myself a refresher course.
Going into the second viewing, there were two things I distinctly remembered disliking about it the first time around: V’s annoying “V-word” intro speech at the beginning and how the cast delivered the Wachowski brothers’ lines like they were all plugged into The Matrix, like they were programmed to speak. Upon further reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that V’s speech is still annoying – but he redeems his cool factor rather quickly thereafter – and the reason it probably felt like I was in The Matrix was because every time V speaks I can’t help but hear Agent Smith instead. Dude’s got a distinctive voice, that’s all there is to it.
Natalie Portman’s still nothing special as Evie (the bald look…that didn’t help either) and it’s too bad all you get out of Hugo Weaving is his voice, but everything else was a lot better than I remembered it being – props to director James McTeigue as this was his debut effort (not too shabby).
And, as always, it helps to have a refreshingly original and well-executed premise to begin with. The story here kept me entertained and interested from square one, and it’s as pertinent today as it was back in the ’80s, as is the major theme of “People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.” It isn’t often a movie resonates the same emotions I felt upon first discovering Rage Against the Machine way back when, but that’s the uncompromising political vibe I got, and that, dear readers, is a very good thing.
I can still think back to some of the more obvious liberties that were taken from the graphic novel, and while some of them don’t work out quite as well, for the most part they are welcome additions and changes that really bring everything full circle and make for a solid adaptation. It doesn’t follow the movie religiously and it ends up being it’s own little monster, but that’s alright since it pulls it off well.
If only I could say the same for Watchmen – the latest adaptation that Moore wisely distanced himself from like it was carrying swine flu. But I’m willing to give that one another shot, too.
Considering how skeptical I was when I hit “PLAY”, V for Vendetta delivered the goods and shut me up right quick. It not only work as a dystopian thriller and a badass action movie, this sucker makes you think and puts a nice big smile on the face of anarchy that you never knew was there. Nonetheless, follow my lead and read the graphic novel. These adaptations really don’t do Moore justice.
VERDICT:
8/10 Stun Guns and Pepper Sprays
Eat it, Paul Blart. Eat it.
Observe and Report is about mall security guard named Ronnie whose otherwise unspectacular life takes on a whole new meaning when he is tasked to take down a renegade flasher that’s been terrorizing the female clientele at his place of business before the cops get to the guy first and steal all of Ronnie’s glory.
After hearing what seemed like nothing but utter hatred for this movie from everyone I know and everyone I don’t know, I didn’t have very high expectations going in and more or less gave it a chance because I’ve been looking for a movie to whale on lately. But every once and a while the Earth and Uranus align in such a rare fashion that it triggers off some freak flaw in my DNA and I end up thoroughly enjoying something that I really didn’t think I would. It’s about as infrequent as a lunar and solar eclipse occurring at the same, but when it happens, boy howdy, it is beautiful.
So here I stand before you, folks, giving this crazy bastard of a movie an unsuspecting 8 out of 10. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it was right up my alley.
Director Jody Hill’s only got two other credits to his name – a funny, yet outrageously depressing indie comedy called The Foot Fist Way and one of the funniest effing shows I’ve seen in a long, long time called Eastbound and Down. If you’re not familiar with the guy, some might say you’re better off, but for all you thick-skinned daredevils out there, get ready for something new. Hill is one dark mofo with a twisted sense of humor that’s more likely to offend than make you part of the choir. At the same time, that’s why I’m really starting to dig what he’s putting out there.
This movie isn’t safe, it’s not very accessible and it doesn’t let up. But it’s also a freakin’ riot.
The whole vibe Hill is going for here is probably best captured in the movie’s main character, Ronnie Barnhardt. By all accounts, Ronnie is pretty pathetic. He’s the head of mall security and – in his mind – he is therefore the shit. It’s almost endearing watching him talk so much game about something so unimpressive, but you end up laughing at him more then with him.
But then in one magical moment, all that talk is finally put to the test and we collectively realize, “Holy shit. Ronnie Barnhardt is a total fucking badass.” From that point on, everything changes. He’s no longer the laughing stock, he’s the real deal. Ronnie is the anti-hero this movie needs, he is this 21st Century Travis Bickle with a maglite in hand instead of a gun up his sleeve, and once he evolves into the walking, talking middle finger to everyone and everything that totally deserves it, Ronnie becomes the man.
Sometimes it’s just great to watch people fuck shit up.
Seth Rogen is great in the role, but the same goes for everyone else, too. Ray Liotta as his arch-enemy in the police force, Aziz Ansari as his arch-enemy in the mall, Anna Faris (finally breaking away from Scary Movie) as his trailer trash love interest, Michael Pena as his right-hand man and Danny McBride as a crack dealer. Every last one of ‘em – totally awesome, totally hilarious.
But alas, this is another one of those movies that I can’t outright recommend because it doesn’t take much tact to see that Observe and Report isn’t everyone’s idea of a knee-slapper. When it comes to bad taste, it crosses the line once or twice, but that might definitely be more than enough to make someone turn this baby off mid-movie without thinking twice. This is a movie that needs to be taken with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila, but if you like Hill’s other stuff and you’re looking for some sharp and edgy shit that really doesn’t fall into the category of “mainstream comedy”, the payoff is more than worth it.
Also (unfortunately) features some pretty gnarly dude-ity. Just a heads up.
And sorry for all the swearing.
VERDICT:
7/10 Bon Appetits
It’s Meryl. How bad could it be?
Julie and Julia is the story of Julia Child’s rise from stay-at-home wife in Paris to the best thing that’s ever happened to French cuisine in the 1950s. It’s also about one woman named Julie Powell in 2002 who has this epiphany that she needs to do something with her life, so she decides to plow through all 524 of Child’s recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking in 365 days, all the while documenting her journey on her runaway hit of a blog.
I think I speak on behalf of every guy out there when I say that Julie Powell is one of the best. wives. ever. Same goes for Julia Child. Ladies, it’s true what they say about the way to a man’s heart. This sucker had me salivating.
Nevertheless, this kinda movie usually isn’t my thing; well, most Nora Ephron movies usually aren’t my thing. Then again, they could remake The Banger Sisters with Meryl Streep in it and I’d be happy to see that baby on opening night. Julie and Julia is no exception.
Honestly, I don’t even have to say it because I think the six Oscar nods she gets every year for just stopping by the sets of movies she’s not even in speak louder than anything I could write here. But what the hell, I’m gonna say it anyway! Meryl RULES! She rules the SCHOOL! The School of RULING!
Going into this, I didn’t have any clue about what Julia Child looked or sounded like, but like every role she plays, Meryl makes it her own and you can’t take your eyes off her or wipe that big-ass grin off your face. It was only about five minutes ago that I finally YoutTubed Child and I’m tellin’ ya’, Julia’s a peach, but I think I like Meryl more.
Whatever, you don’t need me to tell you that she steals the show because you already know it anyway. She may very well be one of the top three actors out there today and that’s been the story for the past 20 years. Someone elect this woman to office already.
So Julia’s story is awesome and the parallel between her and Julie Powell’s literary/culinary careers works quite well, but in the end, Julie’s story doesn’t quite measure up. Even though her success story is pretty damn inspiring from a fellow blogger’s perspective, it’s just not as entertaining, nor is the uninteresting and overdramatic relationship between her and her husband. But Amy Adams is fine as Julie and she cooks up some pretty awesome feasts.
And a big shout-out to Stanley Tucci as Julia’s husband, Paul. Wasn’t until recently that I realized what a good actor this guy is thanks to his being one of the few saving graces of The Lovely Bones, but he is just impressing me left and right at the moment. Very cool guy, I need to check out more of his stuff.
Sorry that this review kind of turned into a Meryl Streep fan letter, but since Julie and Julia is all about Meryl, that’s just the way it’s gonna be. Although it sure as hell does wonders to make French food out to be as unbelievably delicious as it totally is and it’s pretty likable for both the guys and the ladies, the rest of it is only so engaging.
Here’s to hoping Cut The Crap gets the Julie Powell treatment one of these days. After all, I could rattle off my similarities to Julia Child ’til the sun comes down.
MORGAN FREEMAN!
The people have spoken and, folks, it was a slaughter. Not quite sure what else there is to say, but congrats, Morgan. I’m guessing that you were the best part of Evan Almighty.
RESULTS:
- Morgan Freeman: 15 votes
- Alanis Morissette: 3 votes (good sense of humor, though)
- George Burns: 2 votes (ouch)
- Other: 1 vote for Graham Chapman from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (well played)
Anxious to see how Morgan fares against the winner of this week’s poll.
VERDICT:
6/10 Endless Dick Jokes
Considering the title, I thought it’d be funnier. Still has it’s moments though.
Funny People is about a big time comedian/womanizer/overall Debbie Downer named George Simmons whose life gets turned upside-down when he finds out he has cancer. Not really sure what to do with his remaining days, he tries to win back the one girl he ever loved, goes back to his standup roots, realizes he’s not funny any more, and starts paying an up-and-comer to be his personal servant and write jokes for him. Everybody grows, you know the drill.
Up until now, Judd Apatow has had a pretty phenomenal track record. Freaks and Geeks should never have been cancelled, same thing goes for Undeclared, The 40 Year-Old Virgin was a launching pad for everyone involved, and Knocked Up seemed to be a culmination of everything prior. So yeah, they’re all great. Unfortunately, can’t say that this one falls into the same category as it’s easily his weakest effort.
I guess the first reason this movie didn’t really do it for me was because only about half of the jokes actually land like they’re supposed to. A lot of this probably has to do with every other gag being about how old people’s balls look or the many wacky things one can do with their penis. Usually I’m all for a good joke about old balls, but I’m not kidding, it seems like Judd was trying to have a contest with himself or something. It’s a little much and there is no way ordinary guys talk this much about their junk.
But since this is a 50/50 situation we’re dealing with, when this movie is funny, it is damn funny. Some of it is the standup routines, some of it is actually due to some freakin’ hilarious scenes featuring Aziz Ansari (one of the funniest comedians out there today), and there’s also a heated exchange between Eminem and Ray Romano of all people that cracked me up right good. Luckily, that stuff had me howling. And when the hell is someone going to give Ansari a leading role already? Get with the program you Hollywood fatcats.
It’s also funny to watch Adam Sandler make fun of his movie career and how far it’s fallen from the Happy Gilmore tree, the only problem is that his alter-ego George Simmons sucks. I don’t know if it was just me or whether it had something to do with me being hungover at the time I watched this, but the guy’s a dick and there’s not a whole lot of development on his part when it comes to him not being a dick. Just didn’t care about him from beginning to end and definitely wouldn’t want to spend another two-and-a-half hours with that walking, talking buzzkill of a guy.
And that’s right, it’s two-and-a-half hours far too long.
Seth Rogen is also okay as George’s protege’ and only friend, but he can do better (dude’s lost some serious weight though, he’s lookin’ tip-top). Jonah Hill and a number of other Apatow regulars are also here, but again, not reaching their fullest potential.
Although Eric Bana is pretty amusing as George’s ex’s husband. Even though Bana’s done nothing but crap since he’s come stateside, I still like the guy and I’ll happily shout him out here. Check him out in Chopper, you’ll be on the Bana bandwagon, too.
But all in all, Funny People’s not a bad movie. There’s some solid cameos by everyone who’s ever been in any movie ever,
it’s got some heart, it just doesn’t know how to get it all out with its atypically weak script. The big problem is that I wish it made me care more about the characters, their stories and putting me in George’s shoes so that I could relate somewhat to his “miserable” life, but then again, it is funny. It’s the least funniest thing Apatow’s done, but semi-funny by Apatow is still a hell of a lot better than a lot of what’s already out there. Worth a look, but no big whoop.
Hey Folks,
Sorry for the extended absence with the reviews and whatnot, it’s been a whirlwind holiday. Slowly posting new reviews and such, a few of which are below this week’s poll results, but I’ll be back on track in a jif. Just didn’t want y’all to think I’ve been slackin’. Anyway, thanks for reading, keep on checking back and keep on keepin’ it real.
- Aiden R.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND!
Well, folks, it was a squeaker, but go ahead and give yourself a good ol’ pat on the back, Michel Gondry.You earned it, buddy.
Yes, there were a lot of awesome movies this past decade, and it ain’t easy to sift through the best of the best, so I tip my hat to all of you out there who supported your favorites and even threw in some great alternates for me to go back and re-watch/discover over this fine vacation of mine. Here’s to hoping the next ten years of cinematic entertainment is just as boss.
RESULTS:
- Memento: 4 votes
- The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: 2 votes
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: 5 votes
- Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father: 0 votes (tragically overlooked)
- Children of Men: 4 votes (nice)
- Lost in Translation: 1 vote
- The Royal Tenenbaums: 0 votes
- Amores Perros: 1 votes
- Traffic: 1 vote
- Up: 1 vote
- Other: 2 votes for There Will Be Blood, 2 votes for Oldboy (review coming soon, finally), 2 votes for No Country for Old Men, 1 vote for The Departed, 1 vote for The Bourne Supremacy, 1 vote for Serenity, 1 vote for Pan’s Labyrinth (need to revisit that one), 1 vote for Where the Wild Things Are, and 1 vote for Cinderella Man (good movie, horrendous title).
Hope you dug my top ten list, feel free to post yours, too.
VERDICT:
8/10 House Arrests
Totally nuts, but in a good way…for the most part.
Oldboy is about an otherwise ordinary Korean guy named Oh Dae-Su who gets picked up off the street after a drunken bender and, for reasons unknown, is imprisoned in a makeshift hotel room for fifteen years. Then one day he’s set free, so he hits the road to find out who locked him up, why he was locked up, and a multitude of other questions that pop up on his quest for revenge.
The first time I saw this I had to watch it with English dubs on because it’s hard enough to get other people to watch an obscure Asian movie they’ve never heard of, let alone convince them to read for two hours on top of it. Point is, English dubs always suck and it’s about damn time I gave this one a second chance after not giving it the fair shot it initially deserved.
And while I totally dug it, I’m not so sure I’d go so far as to call it the best movie of the decade. Then again, can’t say I’ve ever seen a whole lot of movies like Oldboy before.
After seeing Three…Extremes not too long ago which also featured a segment directed by Chan-wook Park (or is it Park Chan-wook, anyone care to clear this up for me?) and giving this one another go around, I think I’m finally starting to realize why I’m falling back in love with Asian horror movies. The reason? You can get away with anything in Asian cinema, far more so than the American censors would ever allow. Kill Bill: Volume 1 is about as far as we’ve gotten.
Case in point: Oldboy.
Now, this is a movie that pushes your limits. A lot of the stuff that goes down will have you twisting your face around in utter disbelief and might just be totally off-putting if you don’t know what you’re getting into, and even if you do know what’s coming it’s still pretty out there. It’s taboo, it’s brutal, and it’s not for everyone, but it is a freakin’ wild ride all the same.
This is mostly due in part to two things.
1. The script here is great in that it’s totally original and shamelessly unafraid. If the synopsis alone is enough to draw you in, everything else that follows will only make you want to keep watching. Oh Dae-su’s journey is one that continually ups the ante on itself and will stick with you for a good long while after he figures everything out. After all, who doesn’t like a good revenge story? Some homeys need to pay. Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right? Right?
2. Chan-wook Park is one badass director with style to burn. The guy gets down and dirty with everything the script has to offer and makes it look beyond cool in the process. One of the most insano uncut fight scenes I’ve ever seen featuring Oh Dae-Su singlehandedly taking on roughly a dozen armed thugs in a narrow hallway using only his bare fists and a hammer? Nuts. Having Oh Dae-Su eat through a live octopus while its writhing tentacles wrap around his hands and face? Double nuts. I’d go so far as to say this movie reaches the pantheon of “Quintuple nuts” or whatever comes after that, but alas, you’re gonna have to find out why for yourselves. It also helps that Park’s got one wacko sense of humor to offset, or rather complement, the wacko nature of the plot. Had me laughing out loud at parts.
The characters are also great. So is Min-sik Choi’s performance as Oh Dae-su. That right there is one hardcore dude.
But like I said, Oldboy most definitely isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s it’s one downfall. I wish I could recommend this sucker to everyone and give it the holy 10 out of 10 Home Arrests, but the truth is that I’m going to be very careful about who I’m gonna be lending this out to. One of those things that’ll almost put a bad taste in your mouth the further down the rabbit hole you fall and make some folks question your judgment in all things decent the minute that octopus scene goes down.
Nonetheless, if you’re up for it and you’re looking for something new with a “Korean Tarantino” feel to it, go ahead and check out Oldboy. Just don’t write me back about what a sick freak I am. I gave you more than enough of a fair warning on this one.
VERDICT:
5/10 Games Afoot
One more strike-out for Guy Ritchie.
Sherlock Holmes is about everyone’s favorite British detective and his right-hand man Watson as they try to stop the devious occult leader Lord Blackwood who has seemingly returned from the grave in order to take over Parliament via a mass killing spree.
This is unfortunately one of those movies that I went into expecting a fun ride but ended up forgetting about the minute I walked out of the theater. I was actually in the middle of writing another review when I realized I had seen this a few days ago and had to start all over, and that doesn’t happen a whole lot. The best answer I can give for why this one totally slipped through my memory was that the whole time I was watching it I just didn’t care.
Now, I’m pretty unfamiliar with the source material by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but I’m gonna go take a shot in the dark here and say that this isn’t exactly what he had in mind. Some may see it as a “re-envisioning” of Holmes, I see it as more of a tarnishing if anything else.
A lot of things here don’t really work that well, but the thing that most surprised me in this regard was the bromantic relationship between Holmes and Watson. I’ve always figured that Holmes was the brains and Watson was the braun, but I never got the impression that they could pass as the 19th Century version of the Ambiguously Gay Duo. Not only is the whole dynamic very strange from beginning to end, it’s really just annoying listening to them talk to each other. That scene in the trailer where Jude Law is repeatedly telling Robert Downey to get the violin bow out of his face? The whole movie is like that and it’s as annoying as having someone point their fingers in front of your eyes while saying “I’m not touching you!” over and over. It’s not funny and after a while it had me wishing they would stop.
This leads me to the script, a script that was written by three different people. After seeing The Lovely Bones script turn to shit at the hands of three different writers, I’m starting to think there’s a pattern emerging here. There’s way too much going on, not enough development to give me any reason to hold any interest in what’s up with these characters and whether they live or die or solve the crime, and it’s far more confusing than it needs to be.
But I think the reason I ultimately didn’t care for Sherlock Holmes is the same reason I don’t care for the show House. The thing with House is that it presents you with a mystery that you are never going to solve because it always ends up being solved in the most obscure, bizarre fashion that no one would ever see coming. But since House is the biggest thing to happen to medical dramas since Michael Crichton, Holmes is jumpin’ on the bandwagon. Like anyone would look at a burned rhododendron leaf and think, “Oh that was totally used to kill someone and I know exactly how they did it.” By the time the movie tells me how it all went down, I’m beyond the point of trying to figure it out that it just doesn’t matter any more.
So way to go, Holmes, you and Dr. House would get along like gangbusters.
Robert Downey, Jr. is also kind of annoying. Part of it is due to my dislike of American actors with fake British accents, but he just didn’t do it for me. Can’t really put my finger on it, but I’m thinking it’s that pompous attitude of his that works really well at times and totally doesn’t at others. Still like him, though.
And why does Jude Law keep landing roles? Yeah, he was alright in Road to Perdition and Cold Mountain, but Jude here is living proof that just because you have a badass name doesn’t mean you’re a badass actor. If he took more roles that required him to get his head smacked in with an oar like in The Talented Mr. Ripley, maybe I’d be singing a different tune, but until that time, I’m not much of a fan. An odd choice to play Watson and he’s not doing much to help the movie’s cause.
Rachel McAdams is in it too as Holmes’ love interest of sorts, and while her performance is fine I guess, their relationship is just as aggravating to follow as everyone else’s.
On the other hand, it is pretty cool to watch. Even if everything else is forgettable at best, Guy Ritchie knows how to make his movies look good and he could teach Zack Snyder a thing or two about filming fight scenes in slo-mo. So much potential…
The best thing I got out of watching Sherlock Holmes is that it’s inspired me to finally go and read the stories that this mess was based on because I’m feeling cheated out of something that could have been quite awesome. But who knows, this might be the one to get Ritchie back to doing Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels clones – which would be great. Well, that and his split with Madonna. That wasn’t gonna work out anyway.
Here’s to hoping.
Taking’ a couple days off to rest my eyes, catch up on movies and play with all the new toys Santa’s getting me! So no reviews for a minute, but I’ll make up for it, I promise. Anywho, enjoy the eggnog, folks, and don’t shoot your eye out!
- Aiden R.
VERDICT:
9/10 Angel Wings
The best Christmas movie of all-time. Simple as that.
It’s a Wonderful Life is about George Bailey, a hometown hero of Bedford Falls who, after living a long, fruitful life, hits the skids in a big way and contemplates throwing himself off a bridge. But just when he’s about to make the big leap, his guardian angel stops him by going first, George saves him, then in a fit of rage wishes he had never been born. The guardian angel acts on George’s wishes and our good ol’ boy Bailey goes back to Bedford Falls to see what life would have been like for the town and everyone else he knew had he never existed in the first place.
So it’s got a pretty strong Christmas Carol vibe going for it, but when push comes to shove, I’d take this baby over Scrooge and his weirdo spirits any day.
Now, I’d like to say that this is my favorite Christmas movie because the whole thing is amazing from beginning to end, but the truth of the matter is that it all comes down to the last fifteen minutes – which seems to be a recurring trend in a lot of Capra movies. But before I get around to that, this movie still has a some major dealbreakers going for it.
First up is my man Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey. Don’t you just love Jimmy Stewart? Rhetorical question, everyone loves Jimmy Stewart. The thing is, George is already a great character to begin with and you like him right from square one, but put Jimmy’s face in front of the camera and he’ll make you like the guy double. Man, Jimmy Stewart could play John Wayne Gacy and I’m pretty sure I’d find him endearing. He’s just fantastic and he brings the good here as always.
Same goes from Henry Travers as George’s guardian angel, Clarence. Can’t say that I recognize him from anything else, but Clarence is the second best character here right behind George.
And maybe I just haven’t seen enough Frank Capra movies, but while this isn’t exactly an impressive movie from a technical standpoint, Capra totally makes up for it in substance. It’s a feel-good movie if there ever was one and the reason it all works is because he makes you care about every last character in the same way that they all care about each other. He makes the story as much about everyone else in George’s life as it is about George himself, and without those connections between the characters and the audience, it wouldn’t work anywhere near as well as it does. Frank Capra rocks, man. No one makes movies like he does any more.
There are a lot of great movies I find myself revisiting around the holidays, but this has been the only one that I ever really look forward to seeing each year. Something about starting it up at midnight and watching it until I’m at the point of passing out always gets me in that festive mood.
It wasn’t until my most recent viewing that I realized the moment that makes this movie for me is when George is back at the bridge about to punch out Bert the cop, tastes the blood on his lip and finally realizes he’s got his life back. That’s when the waterworks start coming, that’s when I start telling everyone around me that I’ve got something in my eye. It really does get me every time and I can’t help but feel that life truly is wonderful after seeing him run through the streets of Bedford Falls yelling “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” to everyone and everything in sight.
Don’t even get me started on the final scene in George’s home and Clarence’s message of “No man is a failure who has friends.” I’m gonna have to send my computer back to the Geek Squad if I keep crying on my keyboard like this.
It’s a Wonderful Life is about the true spirit of Christmas, it’s about not taking the things we hold dear for granted, and it’s about the goodness of the human heart. Man, I just love this movie and Christmas just isn’t the same without it. Might not be as funny as Christmas Vacation or A Christmas Story, but Wonderful Life will always be my pick of the litter. Talk about timeless.
FUN FACT: Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street are named after the Bert and Ernie characters from It’s a Wonderful Life. Remember that one for trivia night.
VERDICT:
8/10 Leg Lamps
Second best Christmas movie of all-time right behind It’s A Wonderful Life. Doesn’t quite break me down to a fit of festive tears, but December 25th wouldn’t be the same without this one around.
A Christmas Story is about the All-American family in the 1940’s trying to survive Christmas and one kid’s quest to see to it that Santa gets him the one thing he wants that will most definitely shoot his eye out – an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle (his words, not mine).
This is one of those movies that I’m not surprised wasn’t very big when it first came out but it wasn’t until way past it left theaters that people started to appreciate how good it was. Something about it just seems so…normal, but that’s also what makes it so great. I’m not sure it would even be much of a hit if it were released today, but whatever, time has been might kind to A Christmas Story.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I like about this movie and what makes it special every year I watch it, and, in a nutshell, I think it’s because we can all relate. The thing is, Christmas is great, but Christmas can also be a borderline pain in the ass sometimes, so can being a kid. Not sure if helps to grow up in America to really get all the jokes and references, but I’m thinking it probably doesn’t. For example…
- Not getting the one thing you want for Christmas and having to parade around the house looking like “pink nightmare” in the bunny suit your grandmother made you because she still thinks you’re 4.
- Not being able to walk down the street because your mom put so many layers on you so you don’t catch a cold.
- Daydreaming about getting straight-A’s only to have to take home an abysmal report card to your parents on Christmas Eve.
- That hideous “trophy” your dad insists on displaying for the whole neighborhood.
- The first time you swore in front of your parents.
- The brick of soap in your mouth (I remember that fondly).
- Getting a surprise snowball to the face from the school bully and doing nothing about it.
- The turkey dinner your mom worked all day on and the subsequent dinner at the Chinese restaurant (my favorite part).
Part of the reason this movie cracks me up is because of all the running gags, but I think most of it is due to the fact that just about everyone reading this review read at least something on that list and thought, “I know exactly what that’s about.” I didn’t grow up in the ’40s, but since I did grow up with a family that did celebrate Christmas once a year, a lot of stuff here still rings true.
I don’t know what happened to any of these actors, though. Every last character is as memorable as the next one, but for some reason it just didn’t pan out for anyone. Well, Peter Billingsley did direct Couples Retreat, so that’s good, but something tells me everyone on set was calling him “Ralphie” the whole time.
A Christmas Story is like a live-action Norman Rockwell painting and that’s why it works so well, same kinda reason All in the Family was so freakin’ funny. It’s great to think back on your favorite Christmas when you finally got the one thing you wanted, but it’s a lot more fun remembering when everything almost went completely wrong. It’s quotable beyond belief, it’s a classic for a reason, and since it’s probably gonna be on TV tonight, enjoy!
Merry Christmas Eve, folks!
VERDICT:
9/10 Queen Bitches
Proves that some sequels really do kick ass and it still stands as one of the best action movies of all time.
Aliens picks up right where Alien (singular) left off with lone survivor Ellen Ripley being woken up from a 57 year-long hypersleep by the same organization that sent her out on a suicide mission in the first place. She tells them about everything that happened in the first movie, they all think she’s crazy, but when they suddenly lose contact with one of their colonies that’s stationed on the same planet Ripley’s crew first discovered that damn alien, the bigwigs quickly eat their words and send our vindicated heroine back out to the said planet to take care of business.
Hadn’t seen this one in a good long while, but being that I’ve still got Avatar on the brain, I made it a point yesterday to go out and buy this sucker as soon as possible. A fine addition to the collection and it’s still as good as ever.
And it only cost me ten bucks. Booyah!
So I don’t know about everyone else, but I think this one’s even better than the original. Why? Oh I’ll tell you why. Six words:
“Get away from her, you BITCH!“
For those who know what I’m talking about, I rest my case. For those who don’t, allow me to explain. See, James Cameron has seen the future, and the future, dear readers, is totally badass. It is far more badass than any future Ridley Scott has ever seen and we are going to be screwed in a most epic of fashions as a result.
Instead of ramble on about why the sequel is so much better, I’m gonna let Jim Cameron take it away and run down his mental bullet points after watching Alien for the first time as he thought of all the ways he was going to make the sequel rock at least twice as hard. Pretty sure this is verbatim.
- “So, Alien. Where do I even begin? Problem number one: fight a single alien for two hours? Screw that, Ridley! How about we throw an extra hundred in there, stat…and take away all the survivors’ ammo while they’re at it! These guys are gonna be effed!“
- “Problemo numero dos: Ellen Ripley run away from the alien horde? Screw that double time! Ripley’s getting the Sarah Connor treatment and she is gonna destroy! Sigourney Weaver eats metal pylons for breakfast (thank you for that one, Castor) and the world damn well better recognize.”
- “You know what’s awesome? Marines. You know what’s even more awesome? Space marines! Gotta make sure we give them some gratuitously large guns, too.”
- “Whoa, whoa, whoa. We are totally gonna tape a flamethrower to a machine gun/grenade launcher at some point. That has to happen.”
- “I had a nightmare about this last night…and I am totally putting it into this movie.”
- “Someone should yell, ‘I’m the king of the world!’ at some point. No? Alright, but I’m saving that one.”
Yeah, I think that about sums it up. All the same, there’s still a couple more things worth mentioning.
There’s some choice performances here by Michael Biehn as the only level-headed space marine of the bunch, Lance Henriksen as the token android (Lance should be in more stuff, very cool dude) and Paul Reiser of all people as the scumbag company rep. Also features one of Bill Paxton’s more entertaining roles.
The set pieces, the creature designs, and every last painstaking detail that went into creating this horrorshow of a world are also nothing short of unreal. Not sure that it all adds up to be as scary as Alien was back in the day, but good God is it impressive. The alien queen? Utter insanity right there.
Unfortunately, the dialogue’s not all that great, at least when it comes to the marines, but there are some classic one-liners to be found amidst what is mostly a borderline corny script.
But, folks, if you’ve never seen Aliens, you are missing out on one hell of a ride. This thing is epic, this thing is awesome, and this thing is just damn fun. One of those movies that James Cameron was born to make and I was this close to giving it a 10. Who knows, maybe on the next viewing.
Game over, man. Game over.
FUN FACT: The fifteen minute countdown at the end of the movie where Ripley goes down to find Newt actually clocks in at exactly fifteen minutes. That is so freakin’ cool. That’s love, man.
VERDICT:
4/10 Visual Blunders
Well, it’s official, CG humans are totally creepy.
A Christmas Carol is the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, a real jerk of a guy who loves his money more than life itself, despises absolutely everyone – especially those who don’t have any money, and totally hates on everything Christmas. So one night, he gets visited by three spirits who show him how he used to be a happy fellow that liked both Christmas and the human race, how he slowly turned into one major Grinch, and how he’s ultimately gonna die unless he gets his act together.
Everyone knows this story, you get the gist.
So what makes Robert Zemeckis’ Christmas Carol different from, say, every other iteration you’ve heard or seen before? Well, the short answer is that it’s now in 3-D. The long answer is…well, that’s kinda the long answer, too.
Man, before it starts sounding like Scrooge himself is behind the keyboard, let me take a minute here to preface this thing before I start bringing everybody down. I know A Christmas Carol as well as the next Joe, and while it is a great story that almost always gets that lump in my throat going as soon as Ebenezer buys Tiny Tim that big fat turkey, it’s never been a “classic” to me. It’s not like A Christmas Story or It’s a Wonderful Life where December 25th just seems off without it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s never been tradition and I’ve never really connected with it in the way that a lot of other people have.
But don’t get me wrong, that’s not the reason I dropped a 4 bomb on this movie. The main reason probably goes back to the whole 3-D thing. With the exception of The Polar Express, I’m not really digging this whole obsession with the third dimension that Zemeckis is currently hooked on. And maybe I was just spoiled after having my head explode during Avatar in 3-D the day before, but I’m still not buying into Zemeckis’ idea of when and why 3-D should be used.
Look, has anyone out there ever watched A Muppet Christmas Carol or ever read Dickens’ original story and thought to themselves, “You know what, this would be freakin’ AWESOME in 3-D!” Gonna take a shot in the dark here and give that one a “No”. And that’s the thing, of all the stories in the history of time that this gimmicky technology might actually work well on, how did A Christmas Carol find itself bumped to top of the list?
But aside from being an unnecessary gimmick, I felt like the 3-D element ended up taking away from the story as a whole. The reason A Christmas Carol is a timeless classic isn’t because of all the untapped visual potential that’s been lying dormant for the past 150 years, it’s because of its universal message that’s remained true and relevant for generations of people across the globe. And even though the story is still here, too much time was spent on making it look pretty instead of keeping the focus on the movie’s heart.
But with the exception of the computer generated humans that are look far too realistic for their own good, everything else does look quite pretty indeed.
And I can’t say that I’ve ever had the dis/pleasure of watching computer generated actors overact, but Jim Carrey gets it done. Wouldn’t have been my pick for Scrooge, but that’s just me. Although having him play the Spirits as well was a pretty cool move. I dug that.
Gary Oldman is also good as Bob Cratchit. Can’t go wrong with Oldman.
So take away what you will from my review as this is just one guy’s opinion. I saw this with two of my friends and my good buddy Fred and I was both the least enthusiastic going into it and the least impressed by it coming out. In the end, it’s still the great story we all know, so that’s good, but it’s just not my favorite adaptation is all.
Sorry to be such a buzzkill, folks. I swear my It’s a Wonderful Life review is gonna be a lot jollier than this one.
PAUL McCARTNEY!
It was a close one, folks, but there’s no denying that Paul totally kicks ass. Still not my favorite Beatle, but why split hairs, they’re all awesome.
Sorry this one wasn’t movie related, but something about A Hard Day’s Night just got me inspired.
RESULTS:
- John: 8 votes
- Paul: 9 votes
- George: 5 votes (my favorite)
- Ringo: 7 votes
Sorry, Pete Best. I bet you were a fine drummer.
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