WHOA! THERE’S A BRAND NEW BANNER UP IN THIS PIECE!
Hey folks,
So, yeah, new banner going on up there. Was getting tired of staring at the same screengrab from Once Upon a Time in the West, figured it was time for a change. And what a badass change it is if I do say so myself.
The artwork, design, colors – all of it was done by one Ben Bishop. Check out more of his stuff at www.bishart.net, guy is a phenomenal artist and I was lucky enough to grab a copy of his first graphic novel, Nathan the Caveman, a couple years ago and the sucker blew me away. Highly recommend picking yourself up a copy at www.bishart.net/nate/#order, I assure you it’s money well spent and, come on, you gotta support the local artists. I promise he’ll sign your copy at Comic-Con.
Anyway, I love it, hope you all dig it, too, and word on the street is that Ben is more than happy to take requests. Just sayin’.
Keep it real, dear readers,
– Aiden R.
Silent Hill (2006)
VERDICT:
4/10 Crap Vacations
Not as good as the game. Color me shocked.
Silent Hill is about a woman and her daughter who get in a car accident. The woman gets knocked out, she wakes up soon after to find her daughter gone, she heads on into the nearest town which also happens to be the creepiest damn town she’s ever been to in hopes to find her daughter (what an idiot). Night falls, weird shit starts happening in spades, and she quickly realizes that she needs to find her kid and get the eff out of Silent Hill a.s.a.p.
It’s based off the video game series of the same name, a series which also happens to kick a gratuitous amount of ass when it comes to the survival horror genre (at least the first two did). So, as a fan, I had higher expectations going into this than I usually would for a movie that’s more or less doomed to suck because it’s become an unwritten law of sorts that good video games inevitably make for crap movie adaptations. It’s a damn shame, that unwritten law, but such is life.
I’m gonna start off with the few things it does right because there are a lot of video game movies that don’t do anything right whatsoever.
Pretty much all of the credit here goes to director Christophe Gans in this regard because it’s clear that this guy has in fact played the games before. The games have never been about scaring you so hard that you shit yourself, it’s about placing the audience a living, breathing nightmare and replacing the jump-out-your-seat moments with some of the weirdest, eeriest stuff you’ve ever seen, the kind of stuff that raises the tension to its breaking point and has you walking double-time past dark alleys.
Gans doesn’t exactly make a very good horror movie in this regard to the point where it’s actually scary, but that trademark Silent Hill vibe is still very much there. Won’t have you losing sleep or anything, but it’s awful cool to look at and it gets major points for doing the source material justice in at least this category.
The acting is whatever, but the thing that’s holding this movie back from even a 5 out of 10 is the garbage script by Roger Avary. If it weren’t for my scouring of message boards for an hour after I saw this which finally helped me to understand what the hell was going on, the story here pretty much makes zero sense the first time around. Now, if the story were good to begin with, this confusion might work in its favor in a Mulholland Dr. kind of way, but it’s not one of those situations. Ends up making you more angry than confused.
The script is also way more over-the-top violent than it should have been. The final Act is barely even watchable as it culminates in a skinning, a human barbecue and a barbed wire rape. Yup, that last part actually happens and it ends with the victim exploding. It is just totally ridiculous, totally unnecessary and completely strays from everything that made it an even somewhat effective horror movie to begin with. That kinda trash isn’t scary, it’s torture porn.
Roger Avary, man. There’s no way this guy co-wrote Pulp Fiction. I call “bullshit”.
But the thing that separates Silent Hill from the cesspool of other video game movies out there is that it actually had promise to begin with and at least manages to kinda tap into it. Silent Hill is a good game that is really freakin’ scary and one that had a seriously harrowing and original storyline to work off of. Movies like Doom and Super Mario Bros. didn’t have a chance to begin with because, honestly, what the fuck are you gonna do with those? You shoot things and jump on stuff, roll credits. They’re fluff games with non-existent stories and adaptations like that are always a recipe for failure. Fortunately, this isn’t the case here, unfortunately, it doesn’t really flesh out the way I’d hoped it would.
From an aesthetic standpoint, Silent Hill nails it, everything else, not so much. If you’re familiar with the games, Silent Hill is worth a watch. Everyone else, go play the games. It’s still one of the better game-to-movie adaptations I’ve come across, so I guess that’s a good thing.
Man, will someone make a Metal Gear Solid movie already? Jesus H. Murphy…
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993)
VERDICT:
8/10 Big Mamas
Works really well for a movie that could have been boring as hell.
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? is about a twenty-something fella’ living in a middle-of-nowhere town in Iowa with his two catty sisters, his autistic younger brother and his morbidly obese mother who hasn’t left the house in seven years. After his father leaves the family and commits suicide, Gilbert becomes the man of the house and takes on everyone else’s responsibilities to the point where he doesn’t know how to take care of himself. Dude’s got a lot riding on his shoulders and, you guessed it, it eventually starts to eat away at him.
This is an unusual movie. When you think about captivating movie premises, an everyday weirdo family living in the most dead-end town in America isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind. But apparently that line of thinking is completely irrelevant in this case because that’s exactly the thing about this movie that sucked me in. Well, there are other things, too, but sometimes keeping it simple is just what the doctor ordered.
Haven’t seen anything else by director Lasse Halstrom, but props to him for serving up such a nice little slice of humanity. It’s a very character-driven movie and since there’s not a whole lot else to focus on outside of the sunsets in Endora, IA, Halstrom does a good job of focusing the story on the people that make it unique. Those Swedes and their sunsets…
But this little ditty is about Gilbert, and Gilbert is one interesting guy to watch. He’s played by Johnny Depp and even though I’m still no fan of Captain Jack Sparrow, it’s great to see Depp in downplayed roles like this that don’t play to his handsome devil looks. Granted, Depp’s never been one to buy into the whole “pretty boy” category, but all the same, he’s good.
Gilbert’s just a great character in that he really does make you wonder what’s eating him. He’s soft-spoken about his feelings, a lot of his actions are surprisingly hurtful and go against what most would consider better judgment, and he’s morally flawed when it comes to many of the relationships he has with family, friends and lovers. The more you get to know him, the more you think, “What the hell is up with this guy?” You really do want to find out more about him and it makes the title a lot less strange.
But for all the qualities that would make him an otherwise unlikeable protagonist, his obvious love and devotion to his autistic brother, Arnie, is what makes up for it. Gilbert’s a very complex dude, more complex than you would initially guess, and it’s really great to watch him shed his layers and take control of his life.
And as for Arnie, well, Arnie’s freakin’ awesome thanks to one unreal performance by Leonardo Dicaprio. Still have my issues with Leo – I mostly blame the newfound Boston “accent” – but he brings it home like you wouldn’t believe. It’s a really tough role but the kid steals the show; had me cracking up and welling up throughout. If I hadn’t known that he wasn’t actually autistic, he would have had me fooled without thinking twice. Might just be the pest performance he’s ever given, barely edging out Catch Me If You Can. Too bad he had such serious competition at the Oscars that year, ’cause this would have been an award-winning performance on any other day.
Also features a solid performance by Juliette Lewis – something I never thought I’d find myself writing – as Gilbert’s main squeeze and good side roles by Crispin Glover, John C. Reilly and Mary Steenburgen.
First time I saw this movie way back when, didn’t think much of it. But since I was half-watching it and multi-tasking like an idiot while it was on and only really remembered the ending, I’m glad I took up my good buddy Fred’s suggestion to give this one a second chance. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? is a really subtle, honest and fascinating character study about family and the weight of responsibility that just feels real. It’s people dealing with people, people dealing with life, and those are the kinds of movies I dig.
That Fred…always listen to Fred.
And everyone’s favorite burnout is…
THE DUDE!
“Well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”
Huge voter turnout for a runaway victory on this one, folks. That Jeff Lebowski, that’s a guy who has things figured out. Glad to see we all abide.
Good job this week, dear readers. Go ahead and pump up the Creedence, gang, you did mighty good this week. I dedicate this poll to all my fallen brethren back in ‘Nam.
RESULTS:
– Spicoli: 7 votes
– Saul Silver: 4 votes (that was a damn good burnout performance)
– David Wooderson: 1 vote
– The Dude: 21 freakin’ votes
– Smokey: 1 vote
– Brian: 1 vote (probably should have included Thurgood and Scarface)
– Kumar: 0 votes (probably should have included Harold)
– Meth & Red: 1 vote
– Cheech & Chong: 5 votes
– Jay & Silent Bob: 2 votes
– Other: 2 votes for Floyd from True Romance (kicking myself that I didn’t have that one on the list to begin with, good call)
Brad Pitt, man. What a pothead.
World’s Greatest Dad (2009)
VERDICT:
8/10 Ghost Writers
The best thing Robin Williams has done in ages. Yup, even better than Old Dogs.
World’s Greatest Dad is about a High School English teacher with dreams of becoming a big time published author. When his estranged a-hole, porn addict son accidentally kills himself via autoerotic asphyxiation (Google that at your own discretion), like any good dad he covers it up as a suicide and writes up a heartfelt suicide note for him. The note ends up getting published in the school newspaper, it becomes a huge hit with students and faculty alike, and the dad decides to capitalize on his newfound fame despite how totally wrong it is by writing even more stuff under his son’s name.
I’ve tried describing this movie to a couple other people since I saw it and the general reaction hasn’t exactly resulted in uproarious laughter. As it usually goes with movies about suicide, this sucker is pretty dark and isn’t going to a draw the same kinda crowd as Paul Blart. It’s grim, it’s messed up, it’s twisted, but it’s also surprisingly honest and freakin’ hilarious.
It’s written and directed by, of all people, one Bobcat Goldthwait – of Police Academy 2 fame – a guy who I’ve always found to be annoying as all hell until now. For those who don’t know the guy, you’re not missing much, but what can I say, turns out he’s a really funny dude when he’s not in front of the camera and talking in that idiotic voice. The script is really well-written, not only as a dark comedy but also in regards to its insights on teen angst, parenting and fame, and he happens to be a pretty solid director, too. The movie turns into a music video here and there, but whatever, this guy has redeemed himself and I am happy to have my foot in my mouth right now.
That was shocker number one for me, shocker number two here is Robin Williams.
When it comes to Robin and comedy, I’m not on the bandwagon. When he’s being serious, he is awesome, but with the exception of Mrs. Doubtfire, his whole “mental patient on speed” shtick drives me up the goddamn wall. An absolutely infuriating experience to be subjected to in every regard. But, thank the lord, such is not the case with World’s Greatest Dad.
He tones it down and pulls off acting like a normal guy with a shitty life with ease. For all his faults, I liked him right off the bat, it’s one of the better performances I’ve seen all year and he is a rip from start to finish. It’s all in the delivery, it’s not flashy or zany, and it’s off-kilter roles like these that renew my faith in Robin. I’d take him in a cursing match with his son over Good Morning, Vietnam any day.
The son is also great, too. Never seen Daryl Sabara in anything else before, but it’s too bad he dies because the dialogue between him and Robin is some of the best stuff in the movie.
I don’t know, it’s great to come across comedies like this that aren’t safe and revel in the venom thats coursing through its veins. The first Act is fantastic, the final Act finishes up fantastically, but World’s Greatest Dad‘s biggest weakness is its second Act that drags on and had me checking my watch more times than I would have liked. The other thing is that this one may very well be a little too dark for some of the more innocent viewers out there. Go re-read that synopsis up there, if you’re still wincing at it, guessing this might not be your thing.
But hey, if you’re up for a choice dark comedy along the lines of something like Observe and Report, slap this sucker on the Netflix queue.
Keep it up, Robin. You and Bobcat are a damn good team.
Once (2006)
VERDICT:
8/10 Broken Hoovers
Might just be the best musical of the past decade.
Once is about a street musician in Ireland with ambitions of greatness and the pianist he meets along the way. The two become quick friends and they start writing and performing music together while working through their own complicated relationships with their estranged significant others.
I’m thinking some folks out there might take issue with this movie being categorized as a musical, but I ain’t hearing that noise, I’m not really one for musicals to begin with and this is about as good as it gets for me. This isn’t a musical in the traditional sense where the cast is singing the plot along, it’s more like watching an album play out on screen as the lyrics reflect the characters’ feelings that they don’t bring to the surface when they’re simply talking to one another.
As a result, the final product ends up feeling refreshingly natural without coming off as dramatic as say, Chicago. And that’s the biggest strength of Once, that you buy it, that it’s like watching ordinary people with extraordinary gifts interacting with one another rather than a trip down Bob Fosse lane.
The acting on behalf of newcomers Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova are a big contributor to this whole vibe. These two aren’t actors and, thankfully, they’re well aware of that. The reason this ends up working in their favor is that they don’t dress up their performances, they act as though the cameras aren’t there. When they’re not playing music, it’s just great to listen to them talk because they’re very grounded and endearing personalities that are clearly very comfortable around one another. They don’t ham it up or get over-emotional about the stuff going on in their lives, they let the music do the talking and that’s exactly what makes their characters work.
The script by writer/director John Carney is also wonderfully honest and colloquial in the ways it moves the story along and organically (throwing out some fancy words now) develops its characters. Had me cracking up here and there, too.
But Once is as much about the music as it as about anything else. The whole soundtrack is more or less the brainchild of Hansard and Irglova and some of their performances gave me the chills it was so good. Not only does it all sound great and was totally deserving of the Oscar it won, but it is really something else to watch these two get so wrapped up in their music to the point where their passion for what they’ve created is nothing short of palpable.
Just phenomenal music and even if the style’s not your thing, it’s hard not to appreciate it in some regard. Always nice to see the little guys beat the biggies, too.
And hey, if you end up going head over heels for the stuff, these two lovebirds are now on tour under the name of The Swell Season. Been meaning to check ’em out, betting it’s quality.
Once is one of those movies that I love to hear other people talk about. It works extremely well regardless of gender and I just dig subtle movies like this that veer away from the formulaic and go for what’s real. It’s not flashy, it’s not an A-list movie, but it’s got more heart than most musicals I can think of and that’s one of the many reasons why it’s great.
And it’s set in Dublin. Dublin rocks.
Kids (1995)
VERDICT:
1/10 Failed D.A.R.E. Graduates
Yeah, it’s controversial, but it’s also a piece of crap.
Kids is about a bunch of underage kids in New York City whose day-to-day routines are made up of smoking weed like chimneys, drinking enough malt liquor to make N.W.A. look straight edge, and having more unprotected sex than Ron Jeremy’s clone army.
Apparently my High School years were pretty freakin’ timid.
Didn’t really know what to think of this one the first time I saw it back in my teen years, but due to a recent refresher viewing at the suggestion of my good buddy Fred, I’m kinda surprised at how clear my hatred for it has become. Funny how much things change over the course of eight years.
Here’s the deal, the movie primarily follows two kids named Casper and Telly. Within five minutes of meeting these little a-holes, you realize that there is not a single redeeming quality about them. It’s not so much that the stuff they’re doing is unrealistic, because I’m sure there are a good deal of kids out there who can very easily relate to Casper and Telly, it’s just that they made me want to punch them in the face from beginning to end. These are the kids that get chewed out by drill instructors and sent off to boot camp on Maury because all they care about is raising hell and ruining lives. These are not the people I want to spend ninety seconds with let alone ninety minutes, these are the kids who deserve to get their ass beat like clockwork, but that’s unfortunately who we’re dealing with.
Don’t have much to say about Casper because he’s pretty much playing second fiddle – even though he is a totally despicable individual in his own right – but Telly…where do I even start? Telly is easily the most absurd thing about this movie for a number of reasons. He’s played by newcomer Leo Fitzpatrick, and I don’t know what he’s like nowadays, but he was one awful child actor. Laughably bad. It’s hard not to roll your eyes at anything he says or does because Telly doesn’t look the part either. He talks like an idiot, he’s skinny as a rail, I bet he had as much game in real life as the Anime Club did at his actual High School, and my good buddy Fred pointed out that he also bears a striking resemblance to McLovin.
Telly’s a stud? My ass he is.
Casper, for all his awful character flaws, at least looks and acts the part. Telly’s just a joke. But honestly, are there really kids out there who really talk all day every day about how many girls they violated and how they went about doing it? Huge chunks of this movie are completely devoid of plot and simply revolve around watching kids get high and rant about all their sexual escapades for lengths at a time. Is that really always the topic of conversation and are there actually other kids who want to hang out with these kids?
Give me break, man. Fuck those kids.
The only thing this movie has going for it is Chloe Sevigny as Jenny – one of the many girls that Telly screwed over. I’ve been on a major Big Love kick as of late and it’s cool to see how she got her start as the only member of this cast I actually believed. It also features Rosario Dawson in her first role, which is cool, I guess.
It’s also got a pretty decent soundtrack, but whatever, I refuse to give this movie a 2.
Look, I get what Kids was going for, I get that it’s a wake-up call, but this wasn’t the way to go about it. I couldn’t help but think about how much better this movie would have been if it were a documentary with real kids talking about the real drugs they’re doing and the real sex they’re having. Now that would rattle some feathers and make it less of a spectacle than it ended up being. Shock value only works for so long and when it becomes a movie’s cornerstone, it’s bound to crumble.
Telly. What a ridiculous casting choice.
Man on Wire (2008)
VERDICT:
8/10 Death Wishes
A pretty captivating movie for a pretty unlikely subject. Apparently tightrope walking is cool as hell.
Man on Wire is a documentary about the life of Philippe Petit – an eccentric French acrobat that managed to break into New York City’s Twin Towers in 1974, string a steel rope across the two skyscrapers and walk over it without any regard for his own well being…for nearly an hour.
Dude totally copied me.
I guess the easiest way to sum this movie up would be in two words: awe-inspiring. It’s a very well-constructed movie in its own right, but considering how atypical and larger than life the subject matter is, the movie quickly takes on a life of its own that’ll give you goosebumps and leave you short of breath. And if you’re afraid of heights, well, I warned ya.
So, yeah, the whole death-defying antics are pretty insane to watch, but some of the more amazing aspects of this movie are the technical ones that took place in the editing room in ’08 and with a handheld camcorder in the ’60s.
The structure here is more or less broken up into two parts: re-enacting the break in at the Two Towers and chronicling Petit’s life from the moment the Towers were being built to the moment he was finally on top of them. It’s pretty wild how easily the first part immediately pulls you in and plays out like a thriller more than a documentary as Petit and his ragtag crew manage to pull this totally nutso feat off with such limited resources, such wide room for error, and how by some grace of God that they never get caught. It’s as enthralling as anything you’re likely to see out of a Summer blockbuster and the fact that it’s all true just makes it that much more unbelievable.
But the thing I always come back to when I think about Man on Wire is how this whole story felt like it was destined to be told specifically in this medium. The sheer amount of archived footage capturing Petit and his crew preparing for this final moment had me doing double-takes throughout until I finally just had to admit that it was in fact legit. It’s as though they all knew this was going to be big, that one day a director named James Marsh would stumble across their story and they would be ready for him. The only thing that isn’t shown to the audience at the very moment it’s happening is the said re-enactment in New York, but literally everything else you see as is.
It’s really something else. I think someone had a hunch, that or they wanted to document their innocence in case Petit ate it.
But the star of the show here is Petit himself, and boy howdy does he eat up the spotlight. He knows damn well that this is his moment, that this movie may as well be titled Philippe Petit: So Much More Awesome Than You Are and he does not forget that for a moment. He’s off-the-wall, he’s a totally entertaining storyteller, he’s got one hell of a life story, but on the other hand, he’s also kind of a dick.
For the most part, Petit is actually quite charming, but then he gets his first fifteen minutes of fame walking over NYC and all that changes at the flip of a switch. After he’s brought down and taken into police custody, he immediately cheats on his devoted girlfriend with a total stranger who happens to have a fetish for carnies and on top of that, a couple of Petit’s friends actually got exiled from the United States altogether as a result. Once that goes down and Petit more or less abandons his friends for fame and glory – the friends that made it all possible for Petit to get his ass up there in the first place – it’s hard not to think, “Wow. What a dick.”
What can I say, not a big fan of folks who cheat on their girlfriends.
But Petit’s questionable life choices aside, the stuff that makes up Man on Wire really is something to behold. It’s truly amazing to watch ordinary people achieve their dreams while conquering the impossible. I don’t know why it took so long for someone to make a movie out of this thing, but hey, better late than never. Easily one of the most accessible documentaries I’ve come across and I was definitely one of those guys with a lump in his throat when Petit finally got on that wire. But it’s cool, you’ll be that guy (or girl), too.
A Single Man (2009)
VERDICT:
9/10 Days in the Life
Deserves more than just the Best Actor Oscar.
A Single Man is about a middle-aged college professor in the ’60s struggling to cope with the death of his partner of 16 years.
Pretty straightforward but it’s got a lot to say.
So far, this is the one movie that’s made me regret jumping the gun after putting up my Best of ’09 list before seeing everything that was out there. With that being said, the necessary changes have been made; such is the wonderful advantage of being a site administrator. Let’s just hope Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel doesn’t make me have to backpedal any further than I already have.
The best place to start here has gotta be with Colin Firth as our single man, George Falconer (what a great name). Up until now, I’ve never thought much of Firth and have come to categorize him as the thinking man’s Hugh Grant. Don’t know how I managed to come to that conclusion, but I’m thinking it has something to do with Love Actually being the only other movie I’ve seen him in. So, part of the reason I was so impressed by Firth’s performance was probably due my totally ungrounded opinion of him, but most of it is because he actually happens to be one damn good actor.
Firth is outstanding because his is a very subtle role that complements the subtle power of the script he’s working with. You watch him and you believe he’s real, that behind his collected exterior lies a complex and emotionally battered individual just trying to get through one more day in a life he no longer wants any part of. He’s not eccentric and he has no illusions about who he is or the circumstances he’s found himself in, he’s the quiet everyman and he’s just trying to deal. That’s the real beauty of the Falconer and Firth plays him like a fiddle. It doesn’t take long to realize how utterly lost in the character Firth is, and the minute that moment comes around you’ll be wondering why the Academy even bothered to nominate anyone else.
Oh, right. Money, that’s why.
But A Single Man also features some pretty fantastic performances by Julianne Moore as Falconer’s ex-lover and only friend, Matthew Goode as his deceased partner, and out of nowhere comes Nicholas Hoult as his student (a.k.a: the kid from About A Boy – time’s apparently been mighty kind to him). Nice to see a movie where the standout performance doesn’t overshadow everyone else because they all happen to be damn good, too.
This is also the debut by writer/director Tom Ford and he really establishes himself as something fresh. Maybe it’s just because everything from the clothes to the booze to the music was way, way cooler in the ’60s, but good lord does Ford make his movie look like Mad Men in the suburbs. When it first starts up, F0rd’s style comes off a little too artsy-fartsy as the whole thing takes on a frightening resemblance to a French perfume commercial, but as the plot progresses and the script fleshes out, the look and feel of it all becomes one more of substance over style and you come to realize that the words “J’adore” or “Chanel No. 5” aren’t going to pop up at any second. When push comes to shove, Ford’s eye ends up being more of a pro than a con thanks to a conscious effort on his part to tone it down after a while, and considering this is his first go, it’s hard to knock him for making such a damn good movie.
And he’s got this strange thing with shooting extreme close-ups on everyone’s eyes, but I’ll leave that one up to you Film Majors out there to dissect. Kept making me think of Dr. T. J. Eckleburg in Gatsby, feel free to use that one in your paper.
But I think what surprised me the most about A Single Man was how much I was affected by its script. The only thing I was expecting out of this movie was a great show by Firth, and while it’s not often I come across a performance like his, I’ve come to find that it’s even harder to come across a script that has so much to say about what really matters in life without beating me over the head with it. So much can be said without saying anything at all and that’s where this movie shines the most, not enough folks in the movie biz get that. There were moments like that in Benjamin Button, but this one really shook me up, in a good way.
It’s hard to get into it without seeing it for yourself, but A Single Man has some of the most profound and affecting things to say about the little things in life that make it all worth while that I’ve ever had the pleasure to come across. It’s too bad this thing isn’t going to get the credit or publicity it deserves because everything about it is a home run from the cast to the writing. Not sure how much longer it’s gonna be around, but do yourself a favor and make an effort to get out there and find it before the Oscars come a-callin’. This one blew me away.
And so I’m off to legally change my name to George Falconer…
And the victor of the Ultimate Showdown is…
MORGAN FREEMAN!
Puts a big ol’ smile on my face to see how many people voted for Friendship, but then again, Al never really stood a chance, did he? Suck on that, Satan.
RESULTS:
– Morgan: 10 votes
– Al: 2 votes
– Friendship: 8 votes (maybe I’ll do Babality next time)
Amen, brotha.
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