Battle Royale (2000)
VERDICT:
7/10 World’s Worst Field Trips
Exactly the kind of stuff that American film makers could never get away with.
Battle Royale takes place in an alternate Japan where society is collapsing, the youth are revolting and the only solution the higher ups can come up with to get these kiddies back on track is to randomly select a class of High School Freshmen, send them to a deserted island and give them three days to kill each other until there’s only one Frosh left standing. The story itself follows two kids in one of the said classes who fight to survive and beat the system so that one of them doesn’t have to literally bite the bullet in order for the other to survive.
Probably not the most sound course of action when trying to rebuild your country, but hey, times are tough, whatcha gonna do? After all, wouldn’t put it past those Tea Partiers to pull some wacko shit like this.
Now, over the years, this movie has truly taken on a life of its own. Just like with Ichi the Killer, it’s one of those things that sets off your Spidey sense whenever it comes up in conversation, like you’re part of some secret club that only you and that other guy you just exchanged glances with know about, something that Tyler Durden’s probably behind. You’ll never hear about it in mainstream media, Oprah would surely dedicate a week-long special lampooning it if she ever caught wind, Sarah Palin would undoubtedly tie it into her 2012 campaign so that the overprotective parents of this fine nation won’t have to worry about this sick filth, and that’s exactly why I’m glad to be a member.
See, this movie is an exercise in the extreme. It’s like a modern-day retelling of Lord of the Flies, only all the kids have crossbows and uzis instead of conch shells and bifocals, and something tells me that idea is gonna rub a lot of folks the wrong way. No, kids killing kids isn’t the easiest thing to endorse, but lucky for everyone, this isn’t a documentary, it’s a fucking movie, and the film makers are well aware of that, too.
After reading through the source material a few months back, it was nice to see that with the exception of a weird ending change and a general lack of message outside of why democracy isn’t such a bad idea after all, this is an adaptation that religiously follows its inspiration. Only problem is that the book wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t exactly great either. I don’t know, one can only wake up, get on the train to work and churn out twenty pages depicting kids offing one another for so long without getting a little tired of it all, but even if that was exactly what I was looking for complement my cup of joe, the novelty wears a bit thin after a while. On the other hand, this movie really doesn’t take itself seriously whatsoever.
And that’s kind of the pro and con of Battle Royale. It starts off with a sharp, dark sense of humor thanks to the addition of Takeshi Kitano as the class’ former gym teacher who treats the kids’ current circumstances like it’s a game of dodgeball, but then he goes away for a good long while, things stop being intentionally funny and the movie takes on this weird joke-y tone. I’m betting that this was intentional on director Kinji Fukusaku’s part, but as it becomes more and more unrealistic it takes away from the warped gravity of the situation when the violence equates to a glorified version of homicidal Power Rangers, just without all that morphin’ crap.
But I will give the guy credit for successfully managing to balance some 40-odd characters, making them all stand out in their own little ways and not just treating them as collateral damage. Well, that’s exactly how they’re treated in the novel, but I’m thinking it’s a lot harder to give everyone a story over the course of two hours than it is over the course of 500+ pages.
Although the rest of the cast and their laughable acting abilities aren’t helping matters much either, the only saving grace of the bunch being Chiaki Kuriyama (aka: Gogo Yubari) who actually pulls off being a stone cold badass in the short time she’s around. Nevertheless, everyone else pretty much blows. But like I said, Fukusaku’s making this movie with a grain of salt because I think I’d be a lot harder to swallow if it was a cringe-inducing experience on par with Audition, Jr.
I’ve seen this movie a couple times and while it’s definitely something different that’s very likable in a way that only non-American film makers can pull off, I’m still having trouble mulling over the reasons why this thing is so highly regarded in underground circles. In some ways, Battle Royale doesn’t quite live up to the hype and I strangely wish it had upped the shock value and toned down the camp, but it’s still a rite of passage for anyone interested in all things sick and twisted. For a one-trick pony of sorts, it’s still pretty gnarly, and if this is your first time hearing about it, give it a shot and see how it fits. After all, it is a pretty cool club to be in.
Cowboy Bebop: The Movie (2001)
VERDICT:
8/10 Space Aces
Not quite as good as the show, but pretty darn awesome all the same.
Cowboy Bebop: The Movie is about a ragtag gang of intergalactic bounty hunters who set out to cuff a vigilante terrorist and collect the reward money before he unleashes a viral epidemic on the bustling metropolis on Mars and wipes out all of civilization.
I don’t know how much this movie is going to appeal to anyone who isn’t already familiar with the show that it’s based off of, but since I’m of the mindset that Cowboy Bebop is greatest anime series of all-time and still stands as one of my favorite TV shows, animated or otherwise, yeah, I was a bit excited when this thing finally turned up on Netflix Instant. I don’t know, it’s been a while since I really gave a shit about anime shows since I started seeing kids on the subway wearing every last shred of Naruto paraphernelia they could get their hands on at Hot Topic, but this one holds a special little place in my heart and is truly in a league of its own.
I guess the root of why I’m hyping this sucker up like no other is mainly because it’s a wild display of genre-bending at its finest and packs in more quality storytelling and effortless style than a huge majority of live-action I’ve come across. It’s part-Western, part-sci-fi, part-film noir, part-action and the thing that ties it all together is jazz.
Yup. Jazz. The music. Hence the whole “Bebop” thing in the title. Was a revelation when I finally figured that out.
The brainchild of this whole operation is one Shinichiro Watanabe, a guy who is clearly well-versed in all things badass and knows how to score fist fights, dog fights (not the Michael Vick kind) and bullet ballets that all would have been the bomb on “Mute” but take on a whole new life and electricity when they’ve got a big band backing them up. Shit, it’s really hard to convey how awesome this single strength of Watanabe’s is without seeing and hearing it first-hand, but I guess the closest analogy would be the way Quentin Tarantino set the final sword fight between The Bride and O-Ren Ishii to a mariachi ditty at the end of Kill Bill: Vol. 1. In theory, it might seem kinda stupid, but in practice, it is effing beautiful.
This element was an integral part to the series and it’s a big reason why I’m definitely not the only one who goes apeshit over this stuff, but the weird thing about this movie is that a lot of it is gone. There are only two action scenes where the brass starts blaring, and while those are out of sight, this baby ain’t limited to just two action scenes. Instead, there’s a handful of American alt-rock tracks (none of which I’ve ever heard before) accompanying the uncharacteristically lame opening credits along with all the beatdowns, and I don’t know why that is. Honestly, I have no clue. Stupid move, but the action here is still a total freakin’ rush.
And then there’s Watanabe’s characters, and oh how I missed these guys. In a nutshell, the gang is made up of an ex-cop with a metal arm named Jet, a femme fatale with a gambling problem named Faye, a corgi named Ein, an androgynous wiz-kid hacker named Edward and the leader of the pack with a mysterious past, Spike-fuckin’-Spiegel. Jesus Christ, I don’t know where to begin with this guy. Simply put, you couldn’t ask for a cooler, more entertaining fella’ to be the driving force of a movie, show, book, play, haiku or knock-knock joke. He embodies everything that makes Watanabe special and it’s rare to find such an insanely cool lead like this who steals the show right off the bat and keeps you wanting more long after the credits roll. Folks, Spike is Cowboy Bebop.
Wasn’t too keen on Keanu being cast as Spike for the eventual Hollywood transition from cartoon to human, but after keeping him in mind while watching this again, I can kinda see it now. Hope to God he doesn’t screw this one up.
The script here is also pretty solid, and while it may take a bit to get going, it doesn’t really let up once it gets over that hill. Quirky sense of humor, too. Somewhat typical of anime comedy, but whatever, it serves its purpose.
Cowboy Bebop: The Movie is a pretty kickass spin-off in its own right, but if all this is news to you, you’re better off just checking out the first couple episodes of the TV series. It’s still very accessible to newcomers who fall into the said category, it’s still a whole lot of fun and there’s still a whole lot enjoy, but I’m still not sure that this is the right place to start. Take it in half-hour doses, see how that works and go from there. And hey, if you end up loving it and are itching for more, check out Watanabe’s follow-up series, Samurai Champloo. Pretty similar in all the right ways, only it’s Capoeira sword fighting in feudal Japan set to hip-hop.
Trust me, just go with it.
And on a clinically approved scale from 1 to 10 built to measure his craziness, Mel Gibson is a…
PERFECT 10!
Doesn’t get much crazier than that, Sugar Tits!
Man, what the hell happened to this guy? Anyone got any theories?
RESULTS:
– Ten: 20 votes for punching your wife in the head while she’s holding your baby
– Nine: 8 votes for demanding post-hot tub fellatio
– Eight: 13 votes for threatening to burn the house down
– Seven: 3 votes for telling your wife that she’ll be R’d by a pack of N’s
– Six: 3 votes for blaming the Jews for all of life’s problems
– Five: 1 vote for literally becoming Martin Riggs
– Four: 3 votes for Payback
– Three: 0 votes for Conspiracy Theory
– Two: 1 vote for Lethal Weapon 4
– One: 1 vote (Mel, it’s not cool to vote for yourself)
Call me crazy, but I don’t think anyone’s even gonna remember this whole incident by the time Christmas rolls around. Such is the life of Braveheart.
Inception (2010)
VERDICT:
9/10 Heavy Sleepers
As expected, freakin’ brilliant.
In following with the refreshingly cryptic ad campaign, all I can really tell you about Inception without giving anything away or confusing the hell out of you doesn’t actually amount to a whole lot. The CliffsNotes rundown is that it’s about a guy who specializes in jumping into people’s dreams, manipulating their subconscious and with the help of his trusty colleagues manages to extract their deepest secrets for the highest bidder.
It’s kinda like The Matrix mixed with Ocean’s Eleven and some of the more surreal aspects of Brazil, but when push comes to shove, it is all Chris Nolan.
Being that everyone on Earth has seen The Dark Knight by now, I’m just gonna go ahead and assume we all know at least that much about our director of the hour, but if that’s all your going off of, you really owe it to yourself to start getting familiar. I’m not sure how much fanboy praise I’ve thrown at the guy on this site, but make no mistake, Chris Nolan may very well be the best working director out there right now and is without a doubt one of the best storytellers we’ve got. It’s not often you see Hollywood fat cats dish out obscene amounts of money to a film maker, tell him to “Go nuts!” and give him free reign to do whatever the hell he wants because he’s that damn good every single time.
Folks, his track record speaks for itself, and while Inception isn’t quite on par with Memento (then again, what is?), it’s nothing short of exhilarating to have something so original and mind-blowing like this to break up the mass amount of weak-ass shit I’ve had to put up with and spend money on all year. Tim Burton, I hope you’re listening.
But before I turn this into Mr. Nolan’s unauthorized biography, let’s take a minute to look at the cast.
Playing Dom Cobb – our dream-killer number one – is Leonardo DiCaprio. Now, I don’t know what it’s gonna take for me really get on the “Leo is one mean mother effer” bandwagon with the rest of modern society outside of volunteering for a lobotomy, but with that being said, he’s getting better. As with everyone else here, he’s got a pretty cool demeanor about him and he’s apparently been working on his ability to get crazy intense without having to burst a vein in his face, so that’s a plus that carries well throughout. Still longing for the days of Catch Me If You Can and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?, but since beggars can’t be choosers, can’t do much to knock him this time. Good enough character, good enough acting.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is totally boss as usual as Dom’s right-hand man, Arthur, and the one guy I still can’t shut up about is Tom Hardy as the team’s muscle, Eames. Man, Tom Hardy is such a badass, he was the bomb in Bronson, he is gonna be an out of sight Mad Max and he quickly establishes himself as the one to watch in this little number from the second he shows up on screen. That guy deserves to get famous, asap.
But the big problem with Dom Cobb and the rest of the gang here is that they really aren’t all that interesting. Yes, they have wardrobes that make the Mad Men cast look like mole people and they do dish out a hefty amount of ass-whuppery from start to finish, but that only goes so far. The only exception of the bunch when it comes to breaking through this third-dimention of character development is Marion Cotillard’s solid turn as Dom’s wife, Mal, who easily has the most interesting and affected storyline to work with.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why I had such a hard time connecting with these characters since I walked out of the theater a couple days ago, and the one thing I keep coming back to is “inception” itself. The thing with this movie is that it’s essentially a vehicle for an idea – an absolutely fantastic idea at that – and while the protagonists who’ve turned this idea into a way of life are interesting enough, everyone is just kinda playing their part to see how far Nolan can take it. We’re given a lot of time to get to know them and there’s a whole lot of set-up in regards to laying out the laws and limitations of this carte blanche world, but I guess it’s just so easy to get caught up in the restrictions and possibilities of the physics of our unconscious that it becomes hard to get caught up in the lives of the far less interesting chums who populate it. I don’t know, that’s just my take. Discuss amongst yourselves.
But from the hauntingly epic score to the endless array of jaw-dropping visuals that continually made me wonder “How did they do that without the help of NASA?” to the bittersweet truth that Chris Nolan might be the only A-list director our there who has the balls and brains big enough to pull something like this off, I could gush about this movie more than anyone could care to read. This is one of those movies that needs to be experienced first-hand, a movie that’s so meticulously crafted on every front to surprise and astound us that it should come as a surprise to no one that the script took ten years on-and-off to come together, a movie that will trounce all your hype and expectations into a cocaine-like powder no matter how long you wait to see it, and even if I kept writing ’til carpal tunnel set in and told you about every single scene this baby has to offer, you still wouldn’t get it and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Look, it’s not perfect, it doesn’t really have a whole lot to say outside of “What if…?” nor does it tap into an emotional context the way it does cerebrally, but very rarely do I ever watch a movie and find myself thinking “Wow” let alone saying it out loud. Even if it is just a way to play around with this head trip of an idea for two-and-a-half hours, there is so much here to marvel at and enjoy that the flaws end up falling to the wayside as you’re trying to remind your lungs how to breathe. Inception truly is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before and if I’m gonna make heads or tails out of all these metaphysical conversations I’ve been having since Friday, I’m gonna need to see it again. Woe is me.
Great, great ending, too. My theater couldn’t have been the only one that collectively gasped when those credits started rolling.
THE CRAP IS GETTING BIGGER!
Hey folks,
So today I am uber proud to announce to you all the second wave of the Cut The Crap megafranchise that’s gonna take this complex series of tubes by storm…
Wait for it…
Wait for iiiiit…
Oh, golly, I can’t stand it any longer!
IT’S CUT THE CRAP VIDEO GAME REVIEWS!
As much I spend an unhealthy amount of time playing video games as it is, I think my retinas are getting enough of a workout watching all these damn movies. That being the case, I’ve gotten my good pal Nahuel to head it up and it looks to me like he’s gonna be kicking a whole bunch of ass with this thing.
So hop on over, check it out and welcome Nahuel into the world of writing like a crackhead. And hey, I even got my man Ben Bishop to put together yet another outrageously badass custom banner for this momentous occasion, so you gotsta check that out.
Hope you all dig it and applications are open to anyone interested in heading up Cut The Crap Petting Zoo Reviews. Keep it real.
– Aiden R.
Everybody’s Fine (2009)
VERDICT:
6/10 Sad Dads
Like a poor man’s About Schmidt, but not bad for what it is.
Everybody’s Fine is about an aging father whose wife dies and kids all cancel on him when he tries to stage a family reunion a couple months down the line. Not the kind to take a one-man family reunion sitting down, he packs his bags, gets a bonus stash of meds and heads out on a cross-country vacation to make surprise visits to all his estranged kids across the U.S. of A.
Back in the Winter of ’09 when this was first being promoted, everything from the poorly photoshopped poster (who is holding that camera and what is up with DeNiro’s face?) to the schmaltzy trailer gave me the impression that I knew exactly what I was setting myself up for. Chances are that I’m not the only one in this boat because as long as there’s Christmas there will always be feel-good fluff for the whole family following suit, but strangely enough, this is nothing like what I expected it to be.
This is not a Christmas movie, not in the least, in fact, it’s actually quite the downer of a trip as it quickly strays veers from “Oh, Harold, isn’t this nice?” to “Harold, I’m clean out of tissues and we need to call our kids NOW before they get hooked on crack in Mexico!” And while it’s not quite on par with walking into From Dusk Till Dawn expecting a crime thriller and then wondering where the hell all these vampires came from, it’s a bit surprising all the same. Nonetheless, it’s a welcome change from sitting through two hours of the same crap we get every damn holiday season.
For the most part, Everybody’s Fine is a quiet, simple movie about a father trying to reconnect with his kids while figuring out where he went wrong in the parenting department along the way. Nothing crazy, but it does the trick for what it’s trying to achieve. Decent, relatable characters, a sad family dynamic made up of children who make a habit of lying to their father’s face and just when you think there’s gonna be a breakthrough of sorts, the cycle of disappointment continues yet again.
I don’t know, there’s not a whole lot to say about the story because there’s only so much that goes on and only so many things to be gained from it, but like I said, it throws you for a loop early on and makes the plot somewhat upredictable as a result, so that’s good. Just not a very funny movie even when it tries to be, it contrasts a little too sharply from super subtle to super heavy for its own good and some of the plot devices are pretty suspect despite how unique they may be.
On that note, there were two questionable scenes in particular stuck out for me. The first involves DeNiro’s health being jeopardized after he realizes the hard way why you don’t give money to junkies at the train station and the other is how he confronts his kids about their lying tendencies during a near-death experience instead of just having them fess up in real life. Felt like a strange direction to take the plot in, could have been a lot more effective than they ended up being.
And as far as the acting goes, it’s good, but there’s no real opportunity for anyone involved to shine. DeNiro’s good as the father, and his kids are played by Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale and Sam Rockwell who all do a good job, too. Yeah, that’s it.
Everybody’s Fine might be right up there with Brothers for having the most misleading ad campaign of 2009, and even though I’m glad it wasn’t what I expected, it’s still…fine. Wouldn’t exactly recommend it to anyone, but if someone forces you to watch it next December, don’t panic, buddy, you’re gonna be okay.
The Origins Project
Hey folks,
So my buddy Marshall from Marshall and the Movies has been putting together a quasi-meme of absolutely awesome proportions that he’s dubbing “The Origins Project” and recently got me and a number of other bloggers on board to dish out all the goods on how this little obsession of ours got started and continues to function without resorting to harakiri.
To check my entry out, hop on over here:
http://marshallandthemovies.com/2010/07/15/originsctcmr/
To check out everyone else’s (which I highly recommend doing because they are all absolutely fantastic), hop on over here:
http://en.wordpress.com/tag/the-origins-project/
Big thanks to Marshall for having me be a part of it. Very, very cool idea, my man.
Toy Story 3 (2010)
VERDICT:
8/10 Snakes In My Boots
What a beautiful goodbye.
Toy Story 3 picks up with our boy Andy all grown up at 17, heading off to college and far too interested in girls and Nintendos to pay any mind to the toys he once loved that are collecting dust in his foot locker. So in order to prevent getting sent to the town dump after being outgrown by their owner, the toys huddle up and soon find themselves the newest batch of playthings at a local daycare center where things aren’t quite what they first appear to be.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen the first two Toy Storys because apparently Netflix only has three copies in stock and about 30,000 people begging for ’em, but even though I need to give them a refresher course before I can give them the reviews they deserve, these movies are hard to forget.
The thing is, I was nine when I first saw Toy Story, my family used to call me “Sid” after I thought it would be cool to get a buzz cut, it was a part of my youth and I still vividly remember going to see it in theaters with my dad. So watching this latest entry 14 years down the line really does feel like I’m seeing all my friends for one last time, something that I knew was coming and couldn’t wait for but was nevertheless a bittersweet departure if there ever was one. And that’s what this is all about, being able to move on while remembering the friends you made and memories you shared.
Being that I’m getting choked up just writing this freakin’ thing, you can probably guess by now that this can be a tear-jerking endeavor at times. For the most part it’s mostly what you’d expect – lots of fun and lots of laughs – but the closer it gets to the end, trust me, you’re gonna be glad you have those 3-D glasses on so that no one can see you weep in public (and that’s about the only reason to see this in 3-D, too). There was a point where things started to turn for the insanely dark and I had to wonder what the hell Pixar was going for, but you know what, big ups to Pixar for even veering in that direction at all.
It’s moments like these that made me realize how magical these characters are and what an amazing job these filmmakers have done bringing them to life. They’re not human beings, it’s not like it’s Andy trying to stop himself from getting sent to the dump, they’re plastic toys who can’t age and can’t bleed, but the fact that I see more of myself in Woody and Buzz than I do in most movies nowadays is truly something else. I mean, isn’t that what’s made these movies so great to begin with, that we can all connect with Andy and the toys and just remember what it feels like to be a kid again for two hours?
Man, these Pixar guys are getting heavier and heavier with their movies, and even though little Billy might not get all of what’s going on, I am all about it.
Everything that made Toy Story so wonderful to begin with comes out in full force here and reminded me immediately why I fell in love with this crew of action figures in the first place. Loved the opening scene that re-introduced us to Andy’s toys in even greater, action-packed detail as it did in ’95, loved it when Buzz started giving the toys a Cool Hand Luke rundown of all the rules that’ll land them in “The Box” and I loved that we finally got the Spanish cover of “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” that we’ve all been asking for.
And the voice acting is great as always. The two noteworthy additions this time around being the almighty Michael Keaton as Ken and Ned Beatty as the daycare kingpin, Lotso.
Toy Story 3 might not be the funniest or most toddler-friendly of the trio, but if this is as bad as it gets, the gang at Pixar should give themselves one more huge pat on the back for putting together a consistently phenomenal series the likes of which any franchise would kill for. Folks, I don’t know about you, but being a kid was great, and even though we all have to grow up and say our goodbyes some time, it still ain’t easy.
I need a hug.
Mugabe and the White African (2010)
VERDICT:
9/10 Ethnic Cleansings
Infuriating in the best way a documentary can hope to be.
Mugabe and the White African is a documentary about Michael Campbell and his son-in-law Ben Freeth who fight to keep their family-owned farm along with the 500 Zimbabweans who live and work there after the country’s President, Robert Mugabe, issues a law forcing White African farm owners to give up their land to the Black African population.
Now, when I first heard about this movie, let’s just say it didn’t exactly shoot its way to the top of my list right behind Inception. Maybe it’s because I’m American and I’m more prone to hear news about how Mel Gibson was whupping his ex-wife’s ass than I am to being enlightened about the plight and corruption in Africa, but the point I’m trying to make is that even though the title and synopsis might not be selling it, screw what you think you know, this thing is going to rattle your world. This is one of those movies that wakes you the hell up, makes you want to set your homepage to the “World” section of the New York Times and makes you kick yourself for feeling so out of the loop.
Then again, directors Lucy Bailey and Andrew Thompson had to more or less sneak this movie out of the country because they could have been arrested for filming inside Zimbabwe, so it doesn’t look like a whole lot of info on the matter is getting stateside to begin with. But don’t mistake this as an attempt to garner your sympathy or reach into your wallet, this is David and Goliath, it’s good and evil in its most extreme and unfortunate forms, it’s a story about standing up for what’s right even when everything that’s wrong holds all the cards and doesn’t play by the rules.
The evil in this case comes in the form of Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe, a cowardly tyrant if there ever was one and an individual I didn’t know existed before today, very much in the same way I didn’t know about Idi Amin before I saw The Last King of Scotland. Needless to say, won’t be forgetting his name anytime soon. Mugabe is one of these people that I can’t believe actually exists in a post-Holocaust world, a guy with a Hitler mustache and a Hitler mindset who publicly prides himself on rigging the elections he wins and declares to all those who follow him willfully or otherwise, “…let me be Hitler.” Sounds like somebody wants to start a fan club, and what’s even stranger is everyone else lining up for their “Members Only” jackets. And at the forefront of his fascist behavior is the very thing affecting our two protagonists: Mugabe’s decree to take away every last inch of farmland from White African owners (but not Black African owners) because you cannot be White and be African, because Zimbabwe belongs to Black Zimbabweans, and, in a nutshell, because he said so.
Man, I don’t think I’ve ever compared anyone to Hitler before, because it’s usually never a good idea to measure in extremes under any circumstances, but even though he isn’t putting on a display of mass genocide, something is very, very warped, and horrifyingly familiar about the way a mind like Mugabe’s operates. You know when your History teachers used to talk about “history repeating itself”? Yeah, they were onto something.
And up against the ropes are Michael Campbell (who must be in his 60s at least) and his step-son Ben Freeth who happens to bear a striking resemblance to Freddie Mercury, which is neat, I guess. These are the kinds of people you want your kids to be; actually, they’re the kind of people we all strive to be and the world should really start taking notes ’cause I’ve already worn out my good hand from doing so. To say that they and their story is at the same time inspirational to the point of cheering in a room full of strangers and heartbreaking to the point of tears is an understatement that I really can’t do any justice with simple words, and even though you’ve probably never heard of them before, you will never forget them and you will be rooting for them the second you meet them.
It’s hard to say what makes this movie so compelling outside of how damn good these two men are, but it will make your blood boil that much more when injustice and blind ignorance continually rear their ugly effing heads to people who have done absolutely nothing but tried to help others. In the words of Campbell’s lawyer after viewing pictures of them after a brutal “intimidation” beating, “I don’t understand how people can do this to other people.” This is drama you can’t script, drama you can hardly fathom and drama that deserves to be seen.
Mugabe and the White African is a crushing, surprisingly intense and brave movie about brave men standing up for basic human rights that no person, country or entity should ever be allowed to strip someone of. Folks, it’s not always easy to do the right thing and hold to your convictions, and I can only imagine how near-impossible that must be when it’s at the cost of having your home, family and livelihood victimized without any legal repercussions, but it can be done, it is done and it is a truly astonishing thing to witness. Just as this movie is a testament to the evil that lies in men, so is it one of the most affecting displays of inherent goodness that turns the other cheek and never gives up, and that is something we could all afford to be reminded of.
Now will someone please vote that douchebag out of office already?
Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)
VERDICT:
8/10 Blisters in the Sun
An awesome premise most awesomely executed.
Grosse Pointe Blank is about a lone gun assassin who, after completely dropping off the face of the Earth in order to pursue a life of contract killing, goes back home for his 10-year High School reunion in the hopes of re-kindling a relationship with the girl he stood up on Prom night back in the day and to pull off one last job without getting bumped off himself.
It’s like a mix between Analyze This, Desperado, and Romy and Michelle, it’s got something for the ladies, something for the fellas, and like I said, it is awesome.
So it’s directed by one George Armitage, and I don’t know why he quit the game after his next effort, The Big Bounce, because he is totally on point here. Sure, I heard that one sucked, but whatever, everyone deserves a mulligan once in a while. But a lot of why this all works without being grim as all hell – aside from it’s great script and cast – is the way Armitage goes about showcasing John Cusack’s given profession.
The kickass action scenes in particular are where this quality of his really shines. It all starts out with Cusack planting a sniper round into a guy’s chest to the tune of “I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash and then keeps it going with a convenience store shootout set to Motorhead’s “Ace of Spades” and a hitman-on-hitman fist fight with The English Beat’s “Mirror in the Bathroom” playing throughout (love that band). I don’t know, maybe it’s just because this soundtrack is fucking phenomenal, but it’s a pretty boss action movie in its own right that has a great morbid sense of humor backing it up.
Alright, back to the script. This sucker is sharp, whether it’s a backhanded complimentary conversation between John Cusack and his old teacher or him brilliantly confessing his love to Minnie Driver while taking down a veritable SWAT team of trained assassins, it has a blast playing around with the hangups that come with the killing people with a living while trying to go straight and win back the love of your life at the same time. Incredibly witty, totally original, surprisingly relatable and endlessly fun. Simple as that.
And then there’s the cast, and wouldn’t ya’ know, even Minnie Driver’s not that bad.
But let’s start with John Cusack as our deather dealer at a moral crossroads, Martin Blank. I like John Cusack, but I don’t think I’m overstepping my bounds when I say that the guy can sometimes feel like a one-trick pony. He’s got the moody, reflective single guy shtick down pat and it’s done him good for quite a while not. But along with his turn in The Grifters, John’s actually a swell little fit for Martin. Never struck me as the Jason Bourne-type, but his nervous, suave and funny take on the character is spot-on and he got me wrapped up in Martin Blank right from the get-go.
Helping him out is a surprisingly good Dan Aykroyd as Blank’s rival, Grocer, which is surprising if only because I don’t think Aykroyd’s done anything worth noting since Trading Places and I never really took him for the killing type either. Alan Arkin also has some great moments as Blank’s shrink, Dr. Oatman, even if he’s just playing Alan Arkin like he always does. And since it’s a law that she has to be in every movie her brother’s in (not that I’m complaining or anything), Joan Cusack is great as his secretary, Marcella. And as for Minnie Driver as Blank’s main squeeze, Debi, she’s fine and a lot of that is probably due to her only being allowed to laugh once the entire time.
Woman really has an awful, awful laugh.
Folks, I’m not gonna lie, Grosse Pointe Blank is kinda the bomb. Fun from start to finish, really well done on every front and I was pretty damn close to giving it a 9. Only hangup has to do with the scenes between Cusack and Driver that more often than not just drags things along rather than keeps them moving. On the other hand, something tells my I’ll be singing a different tune about this complaint in subsequent viewings.
Even though it’s old hat by now, the whole professional killer-and-his-psychiatrist shtick will always be interesting and the High School reunion aspect is a great added, original twist that sets it apart amongst many other reasons. As so wonderfully stated by Joan Cusack after her boss asks, “Why are you so interested in me going to my High School reunion?” to which she replies, “I just find it amusing that you came from somewhere.” Being that I don’t know a whole lot about being someone who gets paid to kill people (and I’m hoping you’re all on the same page with me on that one), it’s a rip to see a movie that proves how amusing it actually is.
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