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Three Kings (1999)

October 12, 2010

VERDICT:
8/10 Kevlar Philanthropists

Everything a war movie isn’t, and that’s exactly why it works.

Three Kings is about four self-serving, trigger-happy US soldiers stationed in Iraq during the final days of the Gulf War who go AWOL when they happen upon an “Iraqi ass map” which leads them to a nearby village that’s secretly stashing a disgusting amount of gold bullion that used to belong to Saddam but now rightfully belongs to Kuwait. So the GIs roll up with the intent of cleaning house and getting rich off the natives, but then they witness the reality of the country’s situation which boils down to the fact that Saddam’s Republican Guard is gonna butcher any and all Iraqi prisoners as soon as the US clears out, and so their plans take a turn for the moral as try do something right in a pointless war that ultimately did more harm than good.

I wish I knew more about the Gulf War outside of this and Jarhead so I could have some input on the matter outside of what the movies tell me, but, man, that sure seemed like one boring-ass snafu of a time. Also hanging my head in shame that this is the only David O. Russell movie I’ve seen, not only because he went to my mom’s alma mater, not only because I’ve heard nothing but great things about everything he’s put out (with the exception of I ♥ Huckabees), and not only because the dude is apparently a fucking maniac on set, but because I feel like a freakin’ idiot for realizing firsthand so late in the game that he is no joke. All the same, I’ll gladly pay for all these mea culpas that are piling up by the hour.

First time I saw this was around Junior High/Freshman year of High School, and while I liked it, I didn’t really get why I liked it, I just thought it was cool that was getting to see such a seriously R-rated movie while the rest of my friends were still quoting The Mighty Ducks 3. This was also before I really started geeking out on movies or attempted to absorb anything that was said to me in Social Studies, and while I dug it, watching it again recently was night-and-day.

It’s just fucking crazy, all of it. From the directing to the script to the story to the music, they’re all equal parts wacko, but I guess that kinda goes with the territory with war movies nowadays, and that’s about the only thing this movie has in common with any other war movie I’ve seen aside from Dr. Strangelove. It’s David O. Russell’s brainchild, and even if this is your first taste of what he’s got to offer, it totally stands out, you’ll remember it.

He wrote the script, and the script is great. Tons of character development, tons of really funny/really haunting dialogue and scenarios that’ll shake you right up and have you laughing your ass off, and just a boat load of originality to spare that all goes hand-in-hand with his direction. At times, Russell can get a little too artsy fartsy for his own good during super slow-mo shootouts that dissect where every fired bullet lands and almost start taking notes from Tony Scott, but that’s about the only bad thing I’ve got to say. From helicopters blown up by Nerf footballs to exploding cows to blindly driving trucks through minefields to the most graphic, “how-did-they-film-that?” depiction of whatever the hell a sepsis wound is, this is some in-your-face gritty shit. And that’s just the serious stuff, doesn’t even account for the dark laughter that comes along with a military humvee storming a village to the sounds of The Beach Boys and a sudden cry session over sea of dead birds covered in oil.

Yeah…on second thought, you should probably just see it. Pretty sure I’m doing a terrible job of getting the humor across, but believe me, it’s there, and it’s somethin’.

And while on the outset it might seem like the casting director was probably some producer’s 13-year-old nephew from the suburbs who really had a thing for E.R. and gangster rap, the gamble paid off big time. Nowadays, George Clooney is hot shit Hollywood royalty and deservedly so, but I gotta say, he was so badass in the ’90s what with Out of Sight and O Brother, Where Art Thou? (alright, that was 2000, but I’m counting it) and his role here as Archie Gates – the driver of the Winnebago – is a great reminder of those days. The dude just sweats cool, he’s such a smooth motherfucker and no one gets that suave wiseass-vibe going like he does. Chances are he’ll win an Oscar one of these days the way he’s headed, but whatever, he really was the man back in his “prime”. Archie Gates: sweet dude.

But aside from Clooney, this also marks the rise of Marky Mark hot off the heels of Boogie Nights as Troy Barlow. It stands as the swan song for all of Ice Cube‘s remaining street cred left over from his days of scaring the daylights out of crackers, only to be wasted in Barbershops, more Fridays than any stoner can truthfully admit to remembering, and somehow managing to turn Are We There Yet? into a syndicated series (then again, TBS sucks). And let’s not forget, it was the only glimpse we’ve ever been allowed into the acting life of Spike Jonze, and while I thank the celluloid gods that he found his calling behind the camera, I nonetheless shed a tear for the sad truth that Conrad Vig is probably all we’re gonna get.

On paper, this all sounds really weird, like The Greatest Hits of the ’90s: Camouflage Edition, but they’re all awesome not only on a comedic front, but surprisingly legit when shit starts to get real. I’m sure no one was worried about Clooney at the time, but considering that he was playing opposite Calvin Klein’s #1 underwear model and a guy who’s claim to fame was telling the cops to go fuck ’emselves over the airwaves, they really hold their own.

Anyway, Three Kings is a wild ride with a great anti-war/do-the-right-thing message and a whole lot of heart that you don’t expect from the outset, yet arcs wonderfully from beginning to end. Can see myself giving this a 9 in future viewings and I feel like it’s got more of a “wow” factor the first time around, but while it’s not the be-all-end-all as an action movie or an anti-war drama, it’s pretty high up there as its own little monster. It’s so freakin’ ’90s, but with the exception of boy bands and a whole lot of political tomfoolery, let’s face it, the ’90s was a pretty swayze decade.

Happy Columbus Day, folks!

October 11, 2010

So since I’m out of town in scenic Vermont this weekend playing The Game of Life and building the LEGO version of Boba Fett’s Slave-1 ship that my brother got for his eighth birthday, the powers that be have prevented me from churning out a review on this most glorious of holidays. With that being said, will be back to the grind tomorrow, enjoy the day off for those who have it, and continue to keep it real.

Awesome.

15 Favorite Directors

October 9, 2010

So, been tagged by Branden and Sebastian to give my two cents on this latest self-explanatory blog/Facebook meme that all the kids are talkin’ about. Keep in mind that these are in no particular order and just because some may have more “Required Viewings” listed than others doesn’t mean I’m playing favorites, dammit. They’re all seminal in their own ways. These guys are the cream of the crop, still need to get around to reviewing a lot of these movies they’re responsible for, but feel free to check out the ones I’ve covered thus far. Alrighty then, here ya’ go…


Chris Nolan
Required Viewing: Memento

Terry Gilliam
Required Viewing: Brazil, The Fisher King, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Quentin Tarantino
Required Viewing: Pulp Fiction

Akira Kurosawa
Required Viewing: Rashomon, Seven Samurai


David Fincher
Required Viewing: Seven, Fight Club

Darren Aronofsky
Required Viewing: Pi, Requiem for a Dream

Spike Jonze
Required Viewing: Being John Malkovich, Adaptation.

Michel Gondry
Required Viewing: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Be Kind Rewind (love that movie and I’m stickin’ by it)

The Coens
Required Viewing: Blood Simple, The Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona

Jean-Pierre Melville
Required Viewing: Army of Shadows

Bong Joon-ho
Required Viewing: Memories of Murder, The Host

Hal Ashby
Required Viewing: Being There, Harold and Maude

Clint Eastwood
Required Viewing: The Outlaw Josey Wales, Gran Torino, Letters from Iwo Jima, Unforgiven

Danny Boyle
Required Viewing: Trainspotting, 28 Days Later, Sunshine

David Lynch
Required Viewing: Mulholland Dr., The Elephant Man, Blue Velvet

And how about I tag…
– Kai @ The List
– Hatter @ The Dark of the Matinee
– Ruth @ FlixChatter
– Darren @ Fandango Groovers

Honorable mentions to Luc Besson and John Carpenter. Those dudes need career revivals in a big ol’ way. Was this close to putting Sofia Coppola, too. Definitely need some female representation up in here, but waiting to see how her next effort shapes up before I take that leap (at least the trailer’s looking great).

But David Lynch, man. What a badass. Awesome hair.

And the best football movie is…

October 8, 2010

REMEMBER THE TITANS!

Man, thought Rudy had this one in the bag. Alas, such is the power of Denzel. Haven’t seen this one in ages and for some reason the only thing I can really remember is that kid named “Sunshine”. Sounds like I need to revisit this.

Swell voting, folks. Just glorious.

RESULTS:
Remember the Titans: 30 votes
Rudy: 23 votes (no love for Samwise)
Any Given Sunday: 10 votes (never seen it, heard a guy’s eye pops out)
Jerry Maguire: 8 votes
The Longest Yard: 6 votes (Burt Reynolds is the man)
Brian’s Song: 6 votes (haven’t seen it, but I’m pretty sure it’s a lot like Remember the Titans, only with James Caan)
Friday Night Lights: 5 votes (own it, never seen it)
Varsity Blues: 5 votes
We Are Marshall: 2 votes
– Other: 2 votes for North Dallas Forty (even more Burt Reynolds mustachioed goodness), 1 vote for Little Giants (no idea why there aren’t more movies with Rick Moranis and Al Bundy), 1 vote for Invincible (not bad), 1 vote for Necessary Roughness (never seen it), 1 vote for MASH (?), 1 vote for The Best of Times (that you Lemon Meringue Copter?), 1 vote for Dodgeball (almost?), and 1 vote for A Leauge of Their Own (not even close).

Go Pats.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001)

October 8, 2010

VERDICT:
7/10 Wingardium Leviosas

Mirrors the novel to a tee, and that ain’t exactly a bad thing…as long as you’ve read the novel.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is about a kid who’s raised from infancy by an aunt and uncle that treat him like shit, force him to cook them all blood sausage for breakfast and then lock him up in a SARS-infested utility closet under the staircase. Then, on his eleventh birthday, a giant hobo wizard shows up at his door, clues the boy into the fact that he’s also a wizard and that he doesn’t have to live with these fat assholes any more because he’s been accepted to wizard school! So the kid flips his relatives the bird, laughs heartily as his cousin gets turned into a filthy swine and starts learning the ways of wizardry while making new friends, scoring chicks after he becomes the school quarterback for the wizard football team, and unravelling the mystery behind the whereabouts of the evil wizard who offed his parents and gave him a totally bitchin’ scar.

Man, does anyone remember the commotion when this movie came out? Anarchy. Sheer effing anarchy. Made The British Invasion look like a fart in the wind. Then again, if I had actually read through the books nine years ago and hadn’t gone to an all-boys High School where I undoubtedly would have been hazed to a pulp for merely sneezing the word “Hufflepuff” in passing, I probably would have been pretty pumped, too. But over the last year, I finally came around, proudly read through them all in one fell swoop like a goddamn meth fiend, fell in love with ’em (naturally) and immediately thereafter started making jokes about the Room of Requirement when I couldn’t the bathroom in a restaurant.

Some days I wonder how another human being agreed to be my fiancee.

Anyway, the best thing director Chris Columbus does with this adaptation is that he doesn’t change a damn thing. This is one of those movies has the potential to prevent legions of students from ever having to read the book for homework since it follows J. K. Rowling’s lead so religiously. No, it’s not the best of the seven in terms of the books or the movies, but considering that this is the bad boy which turned Rowling into an overnight bagillionaire and compelled legions of kids to spend their days reading books instead of memorizing Fatalities, taking liberties with a foolproof formula probably would have been a stupid call. And what’s great about this approach – shoddy special effects and all – is how it ends up capturing that same sense of awe and amazement that hooked me and millions of other eight-year-olds in the first place.

Rowling’s a great writer and that only becomes clearer by the time you hit the last book and realize that the whole damn thing was mapped out from the start, but the biggest strength of her debut effort was how she made wizards cool again. With the exception of Dumbledore (who is the fucking MAN), she ditched the beards, ditched the star-spangled bathrobes, ditched the idea that a wand wouldn’t stand a chance against a sword and brought a whole new sense of awesomeness to magic that I hadn’t felt since the first time my uncle pulled a quarter out of my ear. She gives us a hero that’s just like us, completely ordinary and leading an unspectacular life that’s going nowhere, and then, clear out of the blue, fate hands him a winning Powerball ticket the likes of which all of us have dreamed of and continue to hope for during those especially mean cases of the Mondays.

And that “Jackpot!” sentiment runs throughout this whole movie. When Harry goes through Platform 9¾ for the first time, I wanted to do that. When he lays those peepers on Hogwarts for the first time, I wanted to go there. When he finds out that he’s the best damn quidditch seeker the school’s ever seen even though he’s never played the freakin’ game before, WHY, GOD, WHY!?

But the child actors really do a swell job of getting that same “This is nuts!” feeling across, too. Daniel Radcliffe is awfully fitting as Harry, Emma Watson is great as the holier-than-thou brains of the group, Hermione, and Rupert Grint (arguably the weak link of the trio, probably because he keeps making that Jim Halpert face all the time) ain’t bad as Ron. Then throw in the late, great Richard Harris as Albus Dumbledore, England’s favorite Maggie Smith as Prof. McGonagall, a bit role by John Cleese, a bit role by John Hurt, and the wonderfully sinister and evil-from-birth Alan Rickman as Trent Reznor look-alike contest winner, Severus Snape, and you’ve got yourself one pretty boss community of British wizards. Also find it hilarious that an unrecognizable Verne Troyer plays a goblin banker and Warwick Davis plays Professor Flitwick because Warwick Davis is the Marlon Brando of the dwarf acting community.

And Robbie Coltrane is fantastic as Hagrid.

Hagrid rules.

But when all is said and done, watching this is like watching a picture book, like having a visual aide that brings life to all these people, places and things that I had all these images for in my head…and that’s about it. Not a bad thing necessarily, but I do wish there was something new about it. Can’t say much about the script either because it’s taken straight out of the book. Although with The Half-Blood Prince, the one complaint I always heard from my friends who hated it was that “they left so much out,” and while I’ll weigh in on that one in due time, gotta give Sorcerer’s Stone credit for dodging that bullet by a mile. I don’t know, it’s just a total double-edge sword.

By the same token, I’d take the book over the movie any day and if you end up seeing this without reading the book beforehand, you’re probably wasting your time. For fans, it’s a nice little luxury of sorts that brings a sense of reality to our imagantions while not really add anything to the mix, but Sorcerer’s Stone is easily the most childish (for lack of a better word) entry in the series, and while that vibe works really well on text, I could see how all you muggles out there could have no problem writing this off as “a kids movie”. Not crazy about the 150-minute run-time either, but an enjoyable trip down memory lane all the same.

Still have no idea why Rowling’s publishers pushed for her to call it a Sorcerer’s Stone for American audiences rather than just keeping it as a Philosopher’s Stone (which it totally is). Publishers are dumb.

And if you happen to be itching to see this again…you know what, even if you’re not, don’t bother with the DVD. Do yourself a favor and check out the link below of Wizard People, Dear Reader by animator Brad Neely (the dude behind the hilariously epic “Washington, Washington” clip). Might seem bizarre at first, but stick with it, I nearly wet myself. Trust me, it’s the only way to watch this movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u981JhkK46o



The Host (2006)

October 7, 2010

VERDICT:
10/10 Family Values

A game changer if there ever was one.

The Host is about a dysfunctional, semi-pathetic family who find themselves coming together to grieve the death of one of their own after she gets snatched up by a sea monster that was inadvertently created by a dumbass American scientist. So they all get quarantined by the government, they get tested and probed up the wahzoo, but then the dead girl’s father gets a phone call from his daughter who’s somehow still alive and needs to be rescued stat. So the family comes together like never before, busts out of Hazmat city and scours the sewer systems from top to bottom while dodging the fuzz now that they’re the lead story on South Korea’s Most Wanted.

For all the unhealthy amount of time I spend watching movies these days and all the subsequent exercise/sunlight I’m missing out on, one of the biggest perks that’s come along with this little project has undoubtedly been the discovery of writer/director Bong Joon-ho (thanks to reader Smally for clarifying that they put last names first over in South Korea, that was confusing). His latest effort, Mother, was great, I still need to see his contribution to Tokyo! and I really didn’t think it could get any better than his debut effort, Memories of Murder, but along comes this total curveball, a 21st Century Godzilla joint that’s completely different from everything else he’s done and from the outset probably doesn’t look like it merits anything more than mindless entertainment with cheap special effects, yet it ends up being one of the best damn movies I’ve seen in ages.

Crazy, but I’ll take it.

For starters, this is not a movie to be written off by the looks of its poster because as much as its working off a sci-fi horror premise, it’s executed with more humor than anything Adam Sandler’s done since Happy Gilmore and more heart than you’ll likely find in 90% of these inspirational Hollywood tear-jerkers that show you the whole damn movie in the trailer and constantly remind you of all the Oscar-nominated actors you can look forward to ogling at. Seriously, this movie is hilarious, talkin’ belly laughs here. Bong’s thing has always been specializing in having slapstick gags ready to roll so that things don’t get too heavy when they don’t need to be and having dim-witted, endearing protagonists who gradually grow up but never quite leave behind their caricature roots to deliver it all. And the whole cast really does a stellar job of playing this shtick up from start to finish and what might seem like a bizarro approach from the outset ends up serving as a perfect balance that makes you feel those heartstrings getting yanked.

So unless you’re from South Korea, there’s a strong chance you won’t know who these actors are, but that’s cool, because they’re all Bong regulars and they all rock. Song Kang-ho in particular is nothing short of the man as the deadbeat dad with a heart the size of Asia, Park Gang-du. Such a great character, so easy to root for and apparently Song is a big deal over in his neck of the woods. Not surprising.

The thing is, as much as this is a creature feature, it’s really not about the monster climbing in your windows, snatching your people up, it’s about family, and this family is something else. When we’re first introduced to them, they’re made up of a drunk uncle, an athletic aunt who perpetually cracks under pressure, a grandfather who’s too nice to stand up while everyone walks all over him, a half-assed (albeit entirely loving) dad and his daughter who’s the apple of their eyes. They’re kind of a mess, they’re nothing to envy, but when it comes to saving the best part of themselves, they form a truly amazing whole that flat-out refuses to give up no matter the obstacles. God, I’ve got a bit of a lump in my throat just writing this, because while no one’s family is perfect, we all like to think that if our lives were in danger that those we hold dearest would go to the ends of the Earth to get us back safe and sound. That’s what family is and that’s who these people are. For all their flaws, they’re perfect when it counts and it puts all the petty shit in perspective.

And that’s not all, ’cause from a sci-fi horror aspect, it is freakin’ awesome. With the exception of the Cloverfield monster, I tend to have a big issue with the slim variations of aliens/beasts/freaks of nature that film makers usually whip up for these kinds of movies (eg: those bite-sized, three-legged Independence Day knockoffs in the latest War of the Worlds). Now, it probably helps to see it in action, but this is what Bong’s monster looks like, and I gotta say, that’s some new shit. It’s like the ugliest mutant tadpole you’ve never seen, the CG that brings it to life is absolutely fantastic and the ways it interacts with the real-life actors and surroundings on-screen is seamless, like District 9 seamless. Love that it’s actually a pretty smart monster, too.

But the final product as a whole isn’t particularly scary, so I guess it could have improved on the horror front, but since the pacing never lets up whatsoever, the constant intensity, urgency and power more than make up for it. I’m tellin’ ya’, by the time the final showdown took place, I probably would have cheered if someone had been there to join in.

Not long ago, Quentin Tarantino shortlisted this as one of the best movies that’s come out since he started his career, and he is so fucking right. This isn’t the kind of movie The Academy would ever recognize, and that’s freakin’ criminal since this whole cast is just phenomenal and any American writer/director would sacrifice a goat to have this script and team to work with. Then again, when I booted this up, I didn’t think I’d come out of it feeling wholeheartedly that The Host of all things is in fact one of the best movies of the past decade, but I ain’t kiddin’ and I am not surprised in the least that South Korea considers this a national treasure of sorts. It’s so different from anything else Bong has done and it’s so different from anything I’ve ever seen before, yet it’s a culminization of all the reasons he’s one of the best directors out there.

Effing hilarious, effing emotional, effing great anti-government undertone coursing through it and just so much effing fun. A perfect storm of everything that probably shouldn’t work whatsoever, and that right there is a thing of beauty.

Paper Heart (2009)

October 6, 2010

VERDICT:
6/10 Hipster Romances

Cute and quirky. Gotsta have that cute and quirky.

Paper Heart is a semi-documentary that follows up-and-coming comedienne Charlyne Yi in her quest to be proven wrong that there’s no such thing as true love. Then one day she meets Michael Cera at a house party hosted by every extra from every Judd Apatow movie, he takes a liking to her, they start hanging out with cameras on them at all times, and so they just kinda see where it takes them.

Oh, just look at them running down that hill in their skinny jeans. Just adorable.

So the reason I refer to it as a “semi-documentary” is because director Nicholas Jasenovec is approaching this story from two different angles. The first of which is to interview real-life couples about how they fell in love and to give Charlyne Yi a microphone so that she can go around the globe asking strangers on the street if they believe in true love and such. That’s all legit and that’s all pretty interesting. The other angle is to script a connection between Cera and Yi and play it off like it’s not scripted so that it seems like we’re watching their love blossom before our very eyes. This doesn’t work as well because Cera gone on record to say that it was fake and you’d have to be one gullible bastard to buy it in the first place, but it’s still not bad.

All in all, it’s not exactly a Swiss watch of a plan, but I still dug it for the most part, at least it’s different. Somewhat strange how all the Michael & Charlyne stuff isn’t nearly as interesting as the strangers they run into, then again, I guess listening to actual love stories tends to be more engaging than listening to imagined ones. Wasn’t crazy about the way the said love stories are animated like a diorama I made in fourth grade/something you’d find over at Look At This Fucking Hipster, nor was I a big fan of the ending which wraps up the same way, but whatever, the stories are good and that’s what matters.

And Charlyne Yi is a charming lead, I just wish she kept on being as funny as when we’re first introduced to her. She was damn funny in Knocked Up, but this whole thing gets too serious after a while anyway.

But as far as Michael Cera is concerned, his turn here was a revelation of sorts for me. For ages now, I just figured that the only trick up his sleeve was playing George Michael Bluth every single time and riding that train ’til we just got sick of him. But lo and behold, Michael Cera isn’t George Michael at all, it’s completely the other way around. Michael Cera’s been playing Michael Cera this whole time and we’ve been knocking him for being a one-trick pony. Well the joke is on us, because even though I’d love to see him play a serial killer and he made a fine action star in Scott Pilgrim, it’s pretty refreshing to see a kid who’s just being himself for a change. It’s not like he’s a saving grace though, he’s just doing his thing and I appreciate that.

Paper Heart is nice, I like the half-documentary, half-mockumentary (if that’s what you’d even call it) approach, and there are some pleasant laughs to be had. Unfortunately, it’s also pretty forgettable and the only reason I’m writing about it instead of The Host today is because I’m worried that if I don’t bang it out now, yet another month will go by, more beer will be consumed, and I’ll have even fewer pros and cons to remember it by. Enjoyed it for what it was even if it didn’t hit me on any real emotional level, but not a bad movie by any means.

Just fluffy and sweet, like celluloid cotton candy or something.

Let Me In (2010)

October 5, 2010

VERDICT:
8/10 Badass Girlfriends

Not as good as the original, but still really good.

Let Me In is about a loner kid in 1980s New Mexico who hardly ever sees his parents because they’re getting a divorce, gets picked on by bullies on a daily basis because bullying behooves bullying and he never fights back, and that’s pretty much the long and short of his life. Then one day a mysterious girl moves in next door, they start hanging out, she teaches him to stop taking shit from everyone and to fight back for a change, they start going steady, and then he finds out that she’s a vampire. And, surprisingly enough, that’s a-okay by him, so they keep going out.

After all, it could be worse. At least she doesn’t sparkle. HI-OH!

So it’s directed by Matt Reeves of Cloverfield fame (not too shabby) and The Pallbearer (shabby) and it’s also the American remake of the best Swedish vampire movie of all-time, Let the Right One In. And while I feel like the existence of this movie is an inevitable turn of events that many fans of the original have been dreading, it’s smart enough to stick to a winning formula and that goes a long way.

But since this is America and we don’t take too kindly to subtitles or those film making pussies who think blood shouldn’t geyser out of the human body, some liberties had to be taken. With that being said, a great deal of the subtlety and quiet terror that I took for granted in the original has been tossed to the wind. Now, in America, there’s an escalating soundtrack that plays throughout so you know when shit is about to go down, there’s a number of cheap scares that go hand-in-hand with all the loud noises that blare through your skull whenever something jumps out of the darkness, and those New Mexico bullies sure do swear a lot more than the youngsters giving noogies in Stockholm.

On top of that, if there is violence to be seen, it is shown in true blood orgy fashion, because why in sam hell would you leave it up to the imagination when you can just show it?

Freakin’ Swedes…

But that last part actually wouldn’t be so bad if the special effects weren’t so cheap, like PlayStation cheap. Hard to be shaken up by a dude getting his necked chewed out when he looks more like Gumby than an actual human being.

And while these gripes only help me to appreciate the original that much more, they’re also pretty nitpicky and minor in comparison to everything else that’s really freakin’ solid.

The most prominent of these being the child actors. We get a nice bit role from Richard Jenkins as Dracula, Jr.’s caretaker of sorts – whose background is more fleshed out this time around, which is a welcome addition – along with Elias Koteas as the cop investigating why all these townies are burning to a crisp or drained to the last drop, but they take a back seat pretty early on. And I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call them better than their Swedish counterparts, but Kodi Smit-McPhee is really good as Oscar and Chloe Moretz is out of freakin’ sight as Abby. Moretz totally stole the show in Kick-Ass and she totally steals the show here, but, God, isn’t it just awesome to see kids who really know how to act? This is a rough movie, it’s definitely not a movie for kids, and they bring a ton of maturity and emotion to their roles in ways that most seasoned actors twice their age can’t even muster up. Same goes for Dylan Minette, fresh off the heels of LOST, who’s doing well to establish himself as the niggest asshole kid of the new millennium.

Man, hell yes. I hope someone treated these kids to ice cream.

And Matt Reeves does a pretty swell job behind the camera, too. Shitty special effects and the unnecessary flash-forward that starts the movie out aside, his variations on some of the source’s more intense scenes were flat-out wild. Not that I really look for these things to begin with, but it also features on of the best car crashes I’ve ever seen, so that must count for something. Dude kept me on my toes throughout and he should get some ice cream too for not fucking around with something that didn’t need fixing.

But like I said, this story just rocks. As Americanized as it is, it’s still very much about these two kids and the whole coming-of-age aspect is such an inspired twist that makes this 12-year-old vampire feel wildly different from the universal recipients we’re used to. It brings so much heart and innocent relatability that you’d be pretty hard-pressed to find in a horror movie these days.

So if you’ve already experienced Let the Right One In and (hopefully) acknowledge it as one of the best vampire movies of the past decade, there’s not a whole lot about Let Me In that you’re missing out on, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth seeing. It’s louder, it’s gorier (not to be confused with “scarier”) and it ended up being funnier that it probably should have been since it really hams up the whole ’80s setting, but I just can’t bring myself to knock this down to a 7. For the American remake that it is, I dug it.

Still doesn’t hold a candle to Sweden though.

Waiting for “Superman” (2010)

October 4, 2010

VERDICT:
8/10 Savage Inequalities

Man, I pray this crap gets worked out by the time I have kids.

Waiting for “Superman” is a documentary about the current state of the USA’s education system and how over the course of roughly five decades it has gone from the model fit for a global superpower to a shell of what it once was thanks to generations of legislators and educators who opted to further the damage done than try to find a way to fix it. It’s also about the very people who are affected by it, the people who are making enormous strides to see that our children have the opportunities to realize their hopes and dreams, and how we all need to get on the bandwagon.

Going into this, I’d been hearing an ungodly amount of gossip about what why I should see it and why I shouldn’t from teachers, friends, the media, you name it. Eventually, it was one of those things that I had to see for myself if only to makes heads or tails out of all the conflicting voices, and while I do have a couple hang-ups, it’s about damn time the discussion got started.

With that being said, let’s start with those said hang-ups because this issue is way too broad to cover in one review and these hesitations are the why I went to see this in the first place.

So the main issue I have with this movie goes back to charter schools.

The thing is, charter schools both are and are not the answer to the fiasco that we and our children now find ourselves in. On the one hand, charter schools are the ideal; they have the funding, the staff, and the resources that many schools don’t along with the ability to work outside the system/unions that have been holding back our schools for far too long. On the other hand, they should be the standard, not the ideal. The movie doesn’t outright say it, but I feel like a good deal of people will walk away from this and wonder why Mark Zuckerberg would donate $100 million to the New Jersey school system while Oprah is giving $6 million to charter schools. Nothing against Oprah and nothing against charter schools, but when something is broken, even if it seems beyond repair, the answer isn’t to move on and abandon it altogether, the answer is to come together and tackle it head-on so that our sons and daughters don’t have to rely on literally winning the fucking lottery in order to get a proper education.

In a recent New York Times article centered on New Jersey governor Chris Christie in regards to the said donation from Mark Zuckerberg, when asked about whether he thought teachers would resist school reform, he replied, “Frankly, I don’t give a damn what they think…[the teachers’ union is] destructive to our educational system.” And, frankly, he’s totally right. We need more outspoken individuals like Michelle Rhee – the Washington D.C. school system chancellor who’s been actively overhauling her city’s abysmal track record by singling out and firing those who have only made it worse – and Geoffrey Canada – the founder of Harlem Children’s Zone – to take a stand and show people how it’s done, only we need them every school district.

Because aguably the most heartbreaking thing about this whole movie – and there is a lot of heartbreak – is how the view of those in power, those who can really do the most to change the way things are being done, have shifted the discussion and their mission as educators away from the children and towards themselves. I mean, we’ve all had bad teachers, men and women who you couldn’t help but wonder why they were teaching in the first place if they seemed to hate their job so much, but the fact that this kind of mediocrity and/or failure is rewarded by teachers’ unions rather than punished is the real problem.

Jesus, teaching is one of the hardest and most seminal occupations in the world, you don’t know your ass from your elbow if you think otherwise, but that doesn’t mean that teachers should held at a different standard if they suck at their job. Being granted tenure after two years? No one, not even the best teacher on the damn planet should be allowed that kind of obscene job security after two years. It’s just not about the kids anymore for so many of these teachers who don’t see a problem with reading a newspaper during class hours because whether or not they actually teach, they still get paid, and the same goes for the loathsome union reps that defend them. If I pulled that shit at my job, I’d be filing for unemployment before I finished the headlines. How this kind of self-destructive has been allowed for so long is beyond me.

But my other complaint is that there’s also not enough emphasis placed on the fact that there are good, even great, teachers working through the Department of Education across the nation. My fiancee has been working as a special ed. teacher in the Bronx for going on three years now and she’s fantastic at her job, and so are so many of the people she works alongside with. And that’s not nepotism talking, ’cause it doesn’t take a whole lot to know when a teacher is making a difference in a child’s life. Yes, there are a great deal of forward-thinking educators behind the wheels and behind the desks at some of the nation’s leading charter schools, but all the bad seeds shouldn’t overshadow the diamonds in the rough, ya’ know?

But if you know you’re a good teacher and are hesitant to see this for fear that you’ll be written off as one of the many poisoning the hopes and potential of America’s youth, you’ve really got nothing to worry about. This isn’t a call to you, this is a call to all those teachers shacking up in “the rubber room” and the brilliant individuals behind its creation.

I don’t know. I mean, it’s not easy to become a teacher, I’ve always considered it a position where a certain standard has to be met. And while there a great deal of teachers who do go above and beyond the call of duty, teaching has never seemed like the kind of job you just do if you don’t have a calling for it. Must be borderline terrifying to put your kid’s future in the hands of someone who really just doesn’t give a shit.

But this is all coming from me, and I’m not a teacher. All the same, I wonder how some of aspects of Waiting for “Superman” are going to perceived by the folks who watch this, because it really is this broken system that perpetuates failure which is at fault, not so much the teachers, and it’d be terrible to write off all public school teachers as merely part of the problem by the end of this. But if this movie ends up being the catalyst that revives the American education system much in the same way that An Inconvenient Truth opened up our eyes to a broken ecosystem, then we all owe writer/director Davis Guggenheim big time. A good education should be a right, not a privilege; astounding how that’s been turned on its head. And get ready to cry, I can’t remember the last time I heard so many people sniffling at one time.

Oh, and count this as my 400th review! Was planning on doing The 400 Blows, but I sure as hell didn’t foresee so many good movies to come out at one time after such a horrendous Summer. I’m tellin’ ya, single-handedly financing AMC over here.

And the best actor under 50 is…

October 1, 2010

PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN!

Man, sorry about the month-long weekly poll, folks. Was planning on tying this into an epic post that I took part in over at FlickSided, but since it still ain’t up yet and you’ve all been so darn patient, I’m just gonna call it and move on with my life until further notice. Cool post though.

Anyway, solid voting, I completely agree with the masses on this one.

RESULTS:
Philip Seymour Hoffman: 53 votes
Leonardo DiCaprio: 41 votes
Johnny Depp: 23 votes
Edward Norton: 22 votes (where has this guy gone?)
Christian Bale: 15 votes
Robert Downey, Jr.: 20 votes
Brad Pitt: 8 votes
Don Cheadle: 5 votes (wildly underappreciated)
George Clooney: 5 votes
Benicio Del Toro: 2 vote
– Other: 1 vote for Zachary Levi (if he actually ends up starring in Y: The Last Man, there might be some Nostradamus credibility to this vote), 1 vote for John Cusack (gotta love all that rain), 1 vote for Ellen Page (will get around to a Best Actress Under 50 poll one of these days), 1 vote for Macauley Culkin (wish I could give a high-ten to whoever wrote that in, freakin’ hilarious), 1 vote for Michael Shannon (good call), 1 for Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Kai?), 1 vote for Cillian Murphy (another good call), 1 vote for John C. Reilly (so awesome), 1 vote for Russell Crowe (meh), 1 vote for Evan Stone (real glad I just Googled this guy at work only to find out that we now have a porn star added to the list) and 1 vote for Aiden Redmond in Zeroes (oh, you…).

Alright, so what’s Hoffman’s best role? Might have to go with his turn as The Mattress Man, myself.