And the best Leslie Nielsen movie is…
AIRPLANE!
Surely.
RESULTS:
– Airplane!: 17 votes
– The Naked Gun: 8 votes
– The Naked Gun: 33 1/3: 3 votes
– Forbidden Planet: 3 votes (awesome movie)
– Surf Ninjas: 1 vote (apparently he was in that)
– The Poseidon Adventure: 1 vote
– The Naked Gun 2 1/2: 0 votes
– Creepshow: 0 votes
– Other: 1 vote for Wrongfully Accused and 1 vote for Spy Hard
Not everyone can get away with bringing a fart machine onto the set of a morning talk show, but that’s why we love Leslie Nielsen. We’ll miss ya’, buddy.
TRON (1982)
VERDICT:
8/10 Grid Warriors
Now that’s how you marry movies with video games. Suck it, Doom.
TRON is about a brilliant computer programmer/video gamer who gets canned from his job after unsuccessfully hacking into the company’s mainframe one too many times in the hopes of finding proof that one of his old co-workers stole his ideas in order to climb up the corporate ladder. So with the help of a couple former co-workers, he successfully hacks into the mainframe but ends up getting physically sucked into the system he invented in the process. Decked out in some pimpin’ new neon duds, he navigates his way through this digital fortress along with a couple other heroic programs to take down the evil Master Control Program, restore his good name and restore order to the world before it gets all Skynet on the bitch.
Folks, when I was growing up – the Game Boy junkie that I was – it simply didn’t get any better than TRON. If there were two things in life that I dug more than Ninja Turtles and Happy Meals, they were video games and movies, and even though I wasn’t born enough yet to see it in theaters, I was on board like a mofo thanks to the high-tech milestone that was the VCR.
Granted, I didn’t understand the story whatsoever until I saw it again this past week, and even then it was a bit on the confusing side, but talk about some kickass eye candy that would make any budding geek go gaga. Sure, you compare it to Avatar or any worthwhile video game that’s come out over the past decade and the difference is chalk and cheese. But despite how far CG and special effects have come over the years, the great thing about the way its used here is that it really doesn’t feel dated, it’s still pretty damn cool.
I mean, come on, the original Nintendo didn’t come out until a year later and T2 – the next certifiable “holy shit” moment in movie technology – wasn’t for another nine. I don’t know much, but I’m thinking this was some pretty advanced shit back in the day. But what’s great about it is that it’s working off a blank slate, it doesn’t have any Atari source material to live up to and the world that ends up being created is totally fresh as a result. All that blue and red neon, all the 23rd Century American Gladiators challenges from the light cycles (so, so cool) to the vertical jai alai match to Sark getting his dome cracked open with an identity disc, it’s what you’d imagine a computerized dystopia would look like if one actually existed. It’s a fully realized, wildly original world, the interaction between the cast and their green screen surroundings is surprisingly seamless, and it was way ahead of its time.
And all that jazz really is the best part about TRON.
When it comes to the story, well, it’s got its ups and downs. It’s a funky spin on The Hero’s Journey, I can’t think of any other way to make a compelling, legitimate movie about video games without adapting Metal Gear Solid or taking the same put-them-in-the-game direction that this does (believe me, I think about it often), and it’s pretty darn entertaining for something that could have been stupid as all hell. But as strong as the premise is, it’s kind of hard to get invested in the characters, the plot starts to slip towards the final Act and culminates in a pretty anticlimactic final shot, and the cast of heroes definitely could have been chopped down from three to two.
The main character here is Jeff Bridges as Kevin Flynn – our hacker who unwittingly gets lasered into becoming Player 1. Then there’s Bruce Boxleitner as Tron – the program designed by Flynn’s former co-worker to destroy the Master Control. And then there’s Cindy Morgan as Yori, but she’s fine, she can stay where she is. The thing is, Flynn is a fine character and Tron is a fine character, but I really don’t know why they weren’t just combined into one. Always find it weird when a movie is named after someone other than the main character (Zelda anyone?) and since Flynn is such a boss when it comes to taking names behind a joystick, seems like he would be the chosen one instead of playing second fiddle to a data file.
But for a cast that has to wear Memory Foam jumpsuits with matching swim caps/hockey helmets the whole time, they’re actually pretty solid. Bridges brings a lot of much-needed human emotion to the scene; who knows what happened to Boxleitner, but he gets it done; David Warner sure knows how to get angry as the MCP’s right-hand virus, Sark; and Morgan is a-okay even if she is the most robotic of the bunch. Really like how the programs are played by the users who created them, too. Nice little touch.
I can see how someone could watch this and file it under the “novelty” section when all is said and done, but when you consider what a travesty the relationship between movies and video games has devolved into since ’82, when you consider that this came out at a time when people were still shitting themselves over Pac-Man, and when you consider that it still holds up a hell of a lot better than it probably should nearly three decades later, I think TRON holds its weight as an under-appreciated classic. I love that Hollywood finally listened and have given us loyal fans a fancy schmancy sequel to gush over, but even if Legacy sucks (which it might), topping the original is a mighty tall order in my book. It ain’t perfect, but it sure is fun.
At the very least, it did give us this guy, and he is my hero:
RIP Blake Edwards (1922-2010)
Return of the Pink Panther is one of the funniest movies ever made, Days of Wine and Roses gave us one of Jack Lemmon’s all-time best performances, and now I officially feel like an idiot for never having seen 10 or Breakfast at Tiffany’s. But nevertheless, today we remember a movie legend, and if none of these titles are ringing a bell, you owe it to yourself to get familiar. Guy sure knew how to accept an Oscar, too.
The Last Picture Show (1971)
VERDICT:
7/10 Country Bumpkins
Sure is a lot of drama for such a boring place.
The Last Picture Show is about a handful of High School Seniors in the 1950s coming of age in a middle-of-nowhere, dead-end town where teenage hormones rage like wildfire, Hank Williams plays on the radio 24/7, everyone knows each other’s business and the only escape is a single-screen movie theater down the block. As flings blossom, hearts break and friendships are put to the test, these young adults quickly find themselves coming face-to-face with their own futures in a place that doesn’t provide a whole lot of options, never really has, and that’s just the way it is.
So I’m pretty sure that I’ve never been to Texas, but when it comes to growing up in a quiet town where nothing ever happens, I can give you the 411 like you wouldn’t believe. Didn’t have car, didn’t have a license, went to an all-boys High School, had zero game with the ladies, didn’t live close to any of my friends and the only form of entertainment outside of my fortress of solitude was a bowling alley that shut down four year prior. Luckily, High School itself was a damn good time and that complete lack of a social life got turned around like whoa as soon as I got to college, but lemme tell ya, thank God for that PS2. Don’t get me wrong, momma, it was a swell upbringing if there ever was one and the last thing I want to do is start a pity party for Aiden, but if any of this is sounding familiar, you can probably relate to goings-on in good ol’ Anarene, TX.
As dull and depressing as the town is, it’s actually a perfect place to set a coming-of-ager like this. Not only does it keep the story focused entirely on the characters and force them to continually interact with one another because there’s nothing else to do, but it’s one of those towns where you just feel like everyone is trapped and, try as they might, there’s nothing they can do about it. And maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, but how many towns out there don’t seem like a black hole when you’re in High School?
And that’s Anarane: the inescapable town for the young and old alike.
Writer Larry McMurtry does a lot of things well, but aside from the mood he creates and the actions his characters take, what’s most surprising is how honest he is. Kids reaching second base in the back of a car (bare boobs and all), kids going skinny dipping at house parties (bare boobs and all), kids losing their virginity with the likeliest and unlikeliest of partners, kids driving down to Mexico to get drunk and get laid, pretty much everything that goes with kids growing up by trial and error. Not that my teen years were ever that exciting in the least, but coming from a late bloomer and certified pro in The Art of Looking Like an Ass, trial and error is the only way to learn anything about yourself or anyone else and that’s a big part of what makes this story stand out. Really mature and true to life in ways I wasn’t expecting and don’t often see.
But the cast here sure doesn’t hurt matters either.
Timothy Bottoms plays our lead country boy, Sonny; Jeff Bridges got one of his first big breaks here (and deservedly so) as Sonny’s best friend, Duane; Cybill Shepherd made her silver screen debut Duane’s main squeeze/bonafide hussy, Jacy; Western star Ben Johnson won an Oscar for his turn as town mentor and old soul, Sam the Lion; Cloris Leachman also won an Oscar for her turn as the lonely wife of Sonny’s football coach/Sonny’s older lover (yup, that Cloris Leachman), Ruth; and the great Ellen Burstyn as Jacy’s mom. Two folks won Oscars, Bridges and Burstyn were also nominated, but it’s hard to single folks out with such a strong cast is this. But if there is anyone worth singling out, it’d be Bottoms if only because he was great here and his is the only career that tanked for reasons I don’t understand. Good looking kid, showed a lot of promise, if anyone would care to enlighten me, I’m all ears.
Also notable for showcasing Randy Quaid’s first acting gig. Not counting Cousin Eddy, I’d say things have turned out pretty well for the guy.
But it’s something to see them all play off each other, more so in terms of the characters they’re playing than their chops as actors. As naive, complicated and misguided as their choices and emotions are, it works because that’s usually how it seems to go. When you’re a kid, it’s easy to be reckless, it’s easy to live in the moment and attach yourself from one person or thing to another without thinking twice. But growing up, taking on wanted or unwanted responsibilities and realizing that you don’t even know what to do anymore, that’s the tough part, and this gang experiences it all from top to bottom.
The Last Picture Show is still pertinent and still makes a lasting impression nearly 40 years later, but it’s on the slow side, it’s a talking heads movie and it’s something you might need to be in the right mood for in order to appreciate all its subtle strengths. It’s a good movie, I can dig why a lot of folks consider it a classic, but it’s damn sad, too. It’s a bleak setting for a bleak, awkward period of self-discovery in any kid’s life that tends to get worse before it gets better…that is if it gets better. Nevertheless, that’s one of many aspects that drives it all home in the long run. If anything, it’s cool to see all these great actors doing their thing from such a different time in their careers than I’m used to.
Great poster, too. Sets the mood before it even starts.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
VERDICT:
6/10 Turtle Doves
More like a shot-for-shot remake than a sequel, but it still does the trick.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is about a kid whose shitty family heads off to Miami for Christmas, but because they oversleep again and find themselves rushing through the airport again, the kid ends up getting on a plane to The Big Apple all by himself along with his dad’s AmEx and a brand new Talkboy. So being the clever little bastard that he is, he dupes The Plaza Hotel into giving him a penthouse suite, he makes friends with a pigeon lady in Central park while he’s at it, and once again has to borderline decapitate the two crooks he put in jail last year instead of just crying like a maniac in the baggage claim like any normal kid would do.
So if you’ve seen Home Alone, if you’ve been to Manhattan, you’ve already seen this movie. Not kidding, it’s got the exact. same. plot. as the first movie, only they’ve switched the setting and given the same characters new names and faces. The Wet Bandits are now The Sticky Bandits and they fall for all the same coma-inducing booby traps that Kevin sets ’em up for, that creepy old dude with the shovel is now a creepy Susan Boyle look-alike who doubles as a walking receptacle for bird shit, “Keep the change, ya’ filthy animal,” is now “Merry Christmas, ya’ filthy animal,” and instead of having the pizza boy on the receiving end of that prank, this time it’s Tim Curry and Rob Schneider.
Yeah, originality isn’t exactly this movie’s strong suit and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie that’s more closely resembled a carbon copy of itself, but whatever, it’s a cash cow, there’s not a whole lot of other directions you can take the premise in, and that’s fine for some reason. It’s working off a simple, successful formula, and even if the only new addition is a bigger city and even more painful injuries, it works because it’s familiar and it’s mindless.
It’s funny to watch Joe Pesci cursing out pigeons while smacking them with a newspaper, it’s funny to watch Daniel Stern get electrocuted to the extent that he turns into a bearded skeleton, and with the exception of the whole aftershave scene that doesn’t get duplicated, everything that made me laugh in the first one pretty much got a chuckle out of me this time around, too.
But as feel-goody and Christmasy as this movie is, man, John Hughes really upped the death threats this time around. I was pretty taken aback by Daniel Stern’s whole “Maybe he committed suicide” line when Kevin zip lines it to the tree house in the first one, but I couldn’t believe some of the crap The Sticky Bandits were saying to Kevin now that they’re out for revenge. Joe Pesci actually informs the kid a good half-dozen times that he’s gonna shoot him in the face the first chance he gets, capping it all off with a “Say anything and you’ll be spitting gum out of your forehead!” before he ultimately puts the muzzle right up to Macaulay’s enormous lips, fully intending to assassinate an eight-year-old in the middle of Central Park.
What the fuck is that about?
Then again, if Kevin could be charged as an adult and this took place in a reality where human beings don’t instantly recover from dousing their flaming heads in a tub of kerosene, that kid would get the chair for first degree murder before those thugs even reached the front door. I don’t know what it says about me, but whether it was Pesci on the verge of offing Kevin or Stern getting a goddamned brick to the forehead from four stories up, I couldn’t help but daydream to the movie this could have been if it were more like a documentary than a cartoon. The music screeching to a halt as Kevin’s body slumps to the ground and the pigeon lady gets pinned with the murder, Pesci freaking out when he looks down at the brick jutting halfway out of his buddy’s brain, all that good stuff. Depressing, I know, and I’m glad to see everyone alive and well, but that sure would have spiced things up a bit, huh?
God, what the hell is wrong with me…
Anyway, depending on who you talk to, a 6 is a pretty generous score for Home Alone 2. The first Home Alone is still better and it really bugs me the way Kevin gets lost in the airport because he was switching out his Talkboy batteries like a fuckin’ idiot (which also totally goes against how smart he is when it comes to duping adults for the remainder of the movie), but thanks to a whole lot of nostalgia factor that goes along with my friends and I loving this movie way back when it first came out, a 6 is where it stays. Nothing says Christmas quite like hemorrhages and paralysis, huh?
Restrepo (2010)
VERDICT:
9/10 Bands of Brothers
The most honest and unflinching look into the life of a soldier that you’ll find.
Restrepo is a documentary that follows a platoon of US soldiers as they occupy and defend a makeshift site named after their dead friend located in the heart of the Korangal Valley in Afghanistan. Over the course of an entire year, the men struggle to establish relations with the natives of the area and push back opposing forces while taking enemy fire on a daily basis and suffering casualties in an area known better as “The Valley of Death”.
Ever since The Hurt Locker came out last year and all the heat/acclaim that followed suit, it only seemed like a matter of time before something like this came along. Not to say that The Hurt Locker‘s a bad movie, but my thoughts on it have changed a lot since I first reviewed it and the reason it works is because most of us who sat in a theater and watched it don’t know jack shit about what it’s like to go to war. We know Saving Private Ryan, we know how to pull off a kill streak in Call of Duty, but when it comes to being in the thick of things, we’ll typically buy it as long as it’s entertaining.
And that’s why Restrepo matters. This isn’t Hollywood, this is Sebastian Junger and Tim Hetherington practicing embedded journalism at its finest where lives in front of and behind the camera are being put on the line 24/7. You can write an Oscar-winning script about war, you can win an Oscar for the way you filmed it, but as good as your final product is, the truth is that fiction doesn’t hold a candle to fact when it comes to this kind of subject matter. Everywhere the soldiers go, everything the soldiers say, every emotion the soldiers succumb to, the cameras are right there to capture it. I’m sure a whole lot of people are in the same boat as me on this one, but it’s the closest I’ll ever get to experiencing life on the front lines, and after seeing what these guys go through, stuff that couldn’t be any further from what I got out of Jarhead, I aim to keep it that way.
It’s just harrowing to a degree that I can’t even fathom and it boggles the mind how these soldiers got through an entire effing year of making it their lives. One second we’re watching them in an interview booth at the close of their tour, next thing you know we’re watching these professional tough guys break down in tears when one of their own bleeds out on the ground in front of them, and then it cuts to them eating dinner in the barracks, trading insults about each other’s moms. It’s gritty and it’s all over the place, it’s affecting in a way you can’t stage, and it’s exactly the kind of realism that’s been desperately missing from the Three-Act Wars we’ve gotten used to getting out of movies.
Because, let’s face it, the most worthwhile thing that The Hurt Locker had to say about war didn’t involve him defusing bombs or going on solo night raids without a helmet in the slums of Afghanistan (which never fucking happens), it was when Jeremy Renner found himself lost in a supermarket, dumbfounded by a life that’s become alien to him. And the same thing is true here. You watch these guys getting endlessly blindsided day and night from enemy fire and you wonder how they manage to sleep for even a minute let alone go back to a life in the suburbs when everything’s said and done.
But it’s not about politics, this is solely about the soldiers, who they are, what they go through, and why they deserve to be supported. We get to know these guys, we see the camaraderie amongst them that’s been forged out of surviving in the face of death, and when they talk about the lengths of what they experienced, the sympathy will flood. They’re very likable, very genuine and they don’t feel superhuman, they feel like us. And that’s what’s so damn scary about the whole thing. I mean, honestly, how the fuck do you go back to a 9 to 5 gig after something like this? No way in hell can anyone other than a vet relate to what they’ve been through and you can tell from the numbed looks on their faces or when they talk about watching someone die with a smile on their face like they never quite learned what that expression was meant to convey, you get the impression that they don’t quite know how the hell they’re gonna pull it off either. They’re barely pulling it off as is.
It’s gut-wrenching and devastating to watch, and as often as you’ll laugh and smile with this crew, the emotional punch will leave you stunned.
The only thing that even borders on politics is the revelation that after the platoon finished their tour of duty, the US military ultimately pulled all their troops out of the Korangal Valley. It’s not to say that their efforts and sacrifices were in vain, but considering the circumstances and what these guys fought to accomplish, it’s somewhat hard to swallow.
So if it’s entertainment that you’re looking for, you’re probably better off with Green Zone or The Kingdom, but if you want the ugly truth that isn’t glamorized with A-list actors and high-octane action scenes, Restrepo deserves your attention. Man, this thing has set a new bar for documentaries and considering the trigger-happy generation we live in where the idea of war from a bystander’s perspective has changed from one of horror to highest score, it deserves everyone’s attention. It is no joke whatsoever, it’s a breath of fresh air that will hopefully shift a distanced, unrealistic view of war towards the frighteningly real, and, if anything, it will undoubtedly give you a new respect for a way of life that requires more out of a person than anyone should ever be asked of.
If you’re interested in learning more about Restrepo, Junger and the movie as a whole, do yourself a favor and check out IAVA’s website to get the full scoop.
Case of the Mondays…
Folks, I ain’t gonna lie to ya’. I went into GameStop on Saturday with the intention of buying one game, walked out ten minutes later with three, and that was pretty much my weekend. Still somehow managed to watch two movies, but for anyone out there who’s played Uncharted 2, you understand, right? Anyway, no review today, back to the grind tomorrow, and don’t blame me, blame the PS3.
And the best “American” movie is…
AMERICAN PSYCHO!
God bless that sweet charming fellow Patrick Bateman, God bless bone-colored business cards, God bless Huey Lewis, God bless yuppies (I take that back), God bless homicidal killing sprees, God bless American Psycho. A true testament to everything us Yanks hold dear.
Swell voting, folks. Now don’t just stare at it, eat it!
RESULTS:
– American Psycho: 10 votes
– American Beauty: 8 votes
– American History X: 8 votes
– Team America: World Police: 7 votes
– Wet Hot American Summer: 5 votes
– American Pie: 5 votes
– American Graffiti: 4 votes
– The American: 3 votes
– American Movie: 2 votes (would have been my vote, see it if you haven’t)
– The American President: 2 votes
– An American Werewolf in London: 0 votes (ouch)
– Other: 1 vote for Captain America (the 1990 version; interesting choice), and 1 vote for American Me (never seen it, never heard of it ’til this week, but props to anything starring Edward James Olmos).
Black Swan (2010)
VERDICT:
9/10 Downward Spirals
The most jaw-dropping and horrific thing that’s ever had to do with ballet. Billy Elliott‘s got nothing on this.
Black Swan is about a promising ballerina who tries out for the lead role in an upcoming production of Swan Lake, a role that requires her to play both good and evil sides of the story. When it comes to the good, she’s got it down pat, but when it comes to the evil, she doesn’t know where to start. So with the help of a director who could pass for a horny drill sergeant, a former star who doesn’t take her early retirement sitting down, a concerned and possibly psychotic mother who ends up being a pretty crappy roommate, and a fellow dancer who may or may not be trying to steal the role right out from under our girl’s nose, the new Swan Queen starts to shed her ivory feathers at the cost of her mind, body and being.
Now, when it comes to ballet, I’m at a loss. I know what a pirouette is, I’m pretty sure I’d heard of Swan Lake before, I know that it all looks outrageously painful, and that’s about it. Nothing against ballet, I could never be that flexible, just never been my scene and probably never will be. With that being said, I don’t know how authentic this is in regards to choreography or how this portrays the ballet world as a whole, but whether it totally misses the mark or hits the nail on the head, if ballet had always been this captivating, I would have been on board a long time ago.
So ballet is some brand new territory for director Darren Aronofsky, but everything else feels very familiar, and that’s always a darn good thing when you’re talking about Darren Aronofsky. From a visual standpoint, it’s like a mix between The Wrestler and Requiem for a Dream. It’s as methodical as it is visceral, it’s all shaky cams all the time, pretty much every conversation, breakdown or moment alone with a character is filmed with an extreme close-up on their face, and every little detail, every “Did you see that?” moment that continually blurs the line between reality and insanity all make for the most bone-chilling experience I’ve had in a theater all year. Brought back some fond Jacob’s Ladder memories. It’s very cool to see Aronofsky switching up his style from painstakingly picturesque like with The Fountain and blending that together with a gritty approach that lands on the complete opposite end of what he was used to for so long. But as good as he is with a camera, I gotta say, his biggest strength still might be the way he manipulates sound. If you’ve seen Requiem, you probably know what I’m talking about.
Folks, listening to this movie is like nails on a chalkboard and I mean that in the best way possible. The way a pair of scissors sounds like a goddamn guillotine with each new fingernail it snips off, the way a tube of lipstick literally sighs like it’s having an orgasm when it’s first twisted open, the way you can hear every last bone crack when someone curls their toes or pirouettes off a split toenail, it puts your hair on end and it only gets harsher as the movie continues. No one else uses sound the way Aronofsky does and it’s as cringe-worthy as it is effective.
And on top of all this is regular Aronofsky collaborator Clint Mansell (the guy behind the “ass to ass” song from Requiem) who somehow manages to turn classical music into the soundtrack of a nightmare. It’s loud, it’s relentless, and considering he’s working with tunes we all know and have heard all our lives, it’s pretty amazing the way he transforms something so majestic into something so raw. Although that does seem to be a recurring theme with this movie.
But from a storytelling standpoint, it’s about as close to Pi as anything else, and I really like that association. Yeah, ballet is a cornerstone to the big picture, but more than anything, this is about one woman’s drive for perfection at any cost that starts out innocently enough but eventually becomes a descent into madness. I thought I knew what kind of movie I was getting into, but once that final Act rolled around, I quickly realized that I had my thumb up my ass.
For the most part, this particular aspect is why it all works so well since the audience witnesses our Swan Queen’s transformation not as passive observers but as though we’re experiencing the plot through her eyes. The only catch is that when it’s used correctly, it turns into the scariest movie of the year, but then the whole “transformation” element gets used one too many times and it ends up just being…weird. Not gonna give away any specifics, but that scene in the trailer where she pulls a feather out of her shoulder blade, that’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about. Could have gone for fewer special effects is all, felt kinda silly and I don’t think that was the desired reaction.
Although her final transformation is one of the most stunning scenes of the whole damn movie and that’s all about the special effects. So that there’s the exception. Alright, enough with the technicalities because the acting here is freakin’ phenomenal, The Academy had better take notice, and I hope to God that the casting director here got a bonus check or something for picking these cats out. As great as they all are, it’s incredibly how much they look the part
Natalie Portman plays Nina, and while I’ve been of the mindset for the longest time now that Portman hasn’t given a better performance than the one she gave in The Professional, I’ll shut up now. Jesus, I can’t even imagine the physical and emotional lengths she had to go to in order to prepare for this role, but the girl goes gung-ho on both fronts. The way her spine protrudes out of her gaunt torso along with her naturally graceful, slender features that embody the White Swan end up making her descent down a path where the only way out is in that much more pronounced. It’s crazy in every sense of the word and Portman’s never been better. I’ve heard Aronofsky’s a hardass on the set, and Portman is living proof.
Mila Kunis with those temptress eyes of her is also fantastic as Nina’s bad girl frienemy, Lily. God, she’s sure come a long way since the days of Jackie, never knew she has such chops. Vincent Cassel with his towering stature that sweats confidence and demands obedience is perfect as Nina’s taskmaster of a director, Thomas. Big fan of Cassel, dude is a badass and more people need to recognize. Nice to see Winona Ryder making her annual cameo after last year’s Star Trek with her turn here as the craziest bitch of the later that Nina replaces, Beth. Slowly but surely making that comeback.
But fellas, ladies, Black Swan is a head fuck, a nerve fuck, and it left me flat-out rattled from the time it started to when I went to sleep four hours later. But by the same token, those are the very reasons I’m crazy about it. It’s as much a horror movie as anything I’ve seen over the past year, I was plugging my ears with my index fingers like the royal wuss I am, but it’s simply brilliant to watch, it’s erotic as all hell, and whether it’s right up your alley or leaves you repulsed, there’s no effing way you’re gonna forget it.
No idea how Aronofsky got some of the shots he did with so many mirrors around either. Wild stuff.
Big Night (1996)
VERDICT:
8/10 Mambo Italianos
Makes you wish you were Italian.
Big Night is about two brothers from Italy who move to 1950s New Jersey of all places, start up their own Italian restaurant despite having the odds stacked against them and despite being located across the street from the biggest Italian restaurant in town. Lo and behold, they wind up on the verge of bankruptcy and find themselves waging their livelihood on one night of carb-fueled goodness for their friends, competitors, and Louis Prima – the guest of honor who could change their fortune for good.
Not quite sure why I decided to watch this movie, never heard much about it beforehand aside from seeing it referenced around the blogosphere once in a blue moon and realizing that everyone in the Comments section hadn’t seen it either, but whatever the reason, I’m glad I did.
Now, I wouldn’t consider myself a foodie by any means since my skills in the kitchen apex with Aiden’s Perfect Tuna Melt and the ability to write a thesis paper on why spiral mac & cheese is the best box of mac & cheese out there, but I do pride myself on willingly eating anything and everything that’s put in front of me, I watch the Food Network like it’s about to get canceled yesterday, and I simply love to eat. Definitely helps to have the metabolism of an eight-year-old, but being the glutton and movie addict that I am, this was right up my alley.
Co-written by, co-directed by and starring Stanley Tucci, the dude nails it on both fronts. Here’s one of those guys who’s always been awesome, who’s always probably been one of the best in the biz, but for some reason he’s only now starting to gain that recognition on a larger front even though he’s been That Guy for ages. No idea what took the world so long, no idea why he had to play the creepiest pedo rapist of the past decade for folks to finally take notice, but here he is doing his thing as younger brother and restaurant manager, Secondo. Opposite him is Tony Shalhoub – another guy who never got due credit until Monk came along – as older brother and head chef, Primo. Apart, they’re great, but together, they’re out of sight.
Secondo is the level-headed voice of reason and the face of the operation, Primo is the unreasonable ego and the brains in the kitchen (great names, huh?), and thanks to a whole lot of sharp, backhanded dialogue, it’s endlessly entertaining and funny to watch them go at it at every turn. But when they’re not berating each other to a pulp, we never lose sight that these two are brothers, brothers who support each other, who recognize each other’s strengths when they’re not singling out their weakness, who want to succeed even if they have different ways of getting there, and that’s the most important thing. From the first time we meet them to the brilliant final scene that reminds us what this story’s all about, they’re a blast to watch and I never stopped being genuinely invested in what was going on with ’em whether it was food, women or whatever. Part of it is the script, but most of it is what Tucci and Shalhoub bring to the table.
But that’s just those two. We also get an effing outstanding and hilarious performance from Ian Holm – a guy who I’m pretty sure doesn’t have an iota of Italian blood running through his veins – as the friendly competition across the street, Isabella Rossellini is here in fine form as his daughter, Allison Janney is nice and fitting as Primo’s ambiguous love interest, and Minnie Driver actually ain’t half bad as Secondo’s main squeeze. Co-director Campbell Scott is also awesome as a used car salesman. Man, why isn’t Campbell Scott in more movies? He’s always awesome, he’s Hollywood royalty by birth and the only high points from his career that I’ve seen are The Spanish Prisoner and Roger Dodger, and I don’t think a whole lot of people have even seen those. Ugh, I’ll save the full rant for another time, but there are too many people in this movie who haven’t gotten a fair shake or got it way too late. Except for Marc Anthony, he can stick to music, but it’s neat to see him here as the busboy.
Then again, there’s the food. All that fucking food…
I go back and forth when it comes to Italian food because while there are days when all I want out of life is a coma-inducing platter of fettucini alfredo with a side of garlic bread that would make a vampire explode from looking at it, I feel like it’s hard to get a whole lot of variation on the menu. But as is true with any kind of food, when it’s made well, I could give a shit about variety. Folks, this is a freakin’ five-course orgy of cardiac parmesan and you will be green with envy at the lucky bastards who get to sit at the table. It’s not food snobs sitting around in silence, critiquing the feast in front of them and sniffing wine corks like it’s gonna age the shit an extra year, it’s a celebration, it’s a party, and there’s enough vino here to clear out the cellar. The whole thing is just this wonderful display of good people, good food, good music and good times that’ll make you want to get up and dance while you salivate like a Saint Bernard on the couch, cursing the fact that you wrote a thesis on spiral mac & cheese.
For two hours straight, it made me laugh, made me grin like an idiot, made me experience hunger pangs the likes of which no movie ever has. Big Night was a great little surprise with love to spare and some fantastic, complex, believable characters brought to life by some of the best and most under-appreciated actors out there. Doesn’t matter if you’re not Italian, doesn’t matter if you’d choose The Olive Garden over Little Italy, doesn’t matter if you don’t know who any of these actors are, this movie is fun and this movie carries weight.
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