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Sex and the City 2 (2010)

June 3, 2010

VERDICT:
3/10 Ugly Americans

The worst thing that’s happened to New York’s reputation since Joey Buttafuoco.

Sex and the City 2 is about four girlfriends living in NYC who help each other deal with issues like being a newlywed or running into old flames or worrying that your husband is gonna cheat on you with the Irish nanny and her huge bazooms, only their idea of consolation boils down to throwing back cosmos and spending an ungodly amount of money on some garish duds they’re only gonna wear once. Then they go spend a week-long vacation in Abu Dhabi, drink even more cosmos, buy ugly-ass exotic shoes and unwittingly transform into the most offensive tourists this side of the Sahara.

Good times.

So, once again, I am not the target audience for this movie. I am, once again, the good boyfriend who can justify going to see this because I have a kickass girlfriend and a blog. Nevertheless, I kept an open mind and was actually on board with this movie for a while. Dead serious, it was at a comfortable 5 for the first hour or so when all the ladies were resigned to doing their thing stateside, so I prayed – lord, how I prayed – that the 5 would stick and things wouldn’t change when they crossed the Atlantic.

I am sorry to report back that the movie gods are horribly, horribly deaf.

With that being said, I’m just gonna do the whole “I liked this/I didn’t like that” thing again rather than make an essay out of this. So, let’s get down to the nitty gritty…

The Most Excellent

1) The first hour of this movie is very glitzy, glamorous and overdone, but whatever, that’s just Sex and the City, I can roll with that. There’s lavish gay weddings featuring Liza Minnelli, dresses that most would mortgage their penthouse suite to wear and lots and lots of girl talk. It’s actually not that bad and there were a couple moments where I actually liked it more than the first movie, but unfortunately this fades by the time hour five rolls around.

2) I appreciate that Miranda ended up being my favorite of the four this time around. Yeah, she had the best storyline of the first movie, but the whole grudge-holding workaholic look didn’t suit her too well and I’m glad she shed that vibe entirely right off the bat.

You go girl. You go.

3) Big is apparently one smooth mother effer. Never found the guy very interesting up until now, but it turns out that he’s kinda the shit. Nice surprise, I dig Big.

The Most Harsh

1) The whole Abu Dhabi trip. I didn’t really care about the four personal cars they got escorted around in or all the excessive luxuries provided for them at the hotel – like I said, that’s Sex and the City for ya’. The real problem was having to watch these four grown women travel around the country, ogling and taking endless jabs at everyone and everything around them like they’re walking through a fucking zoo. I know Samantha‘s getting a lot of heat for this one, but whatever, with the exception of Miranda who’s the only one that doesn’t act like a bigoted ignoramus, they’re all bad.

One scene in particular where they’re staring at a woman eat a French fry under a berka like they just spotted the last living dodo bird sitting at the table next to them was quite the head-shaker. But even before they get to the country as they simply have drinks at the bar on their plane while chatting about the mysteries of Arabic culture, I immediately began dreaming up fantasies where I would jump into the scene, smack their martini glasses across the room like Dustin Hoffman in Kramer vs. Kramer and scream at the top of my lungs:

HEY!
SHUT! THE FUCK! UP!!!

Now there’s a movie I’d watch for three hours.

There’s also a pretty horrendous karaoke scene with the gals featuring a song no one’s ever heard of. That didn’t help.

2) Sitting through this felt like a goddamn endurance contest. It’s the same length as the first movie, but I was getting Return of the King flashbacks like you wouldn’t believe. Pretty sure this is gonna be the focus of David Blaine’s next project. Truly a superhuman feat if there ever was one.

3) Why is Aidan a dick now? I was under the impression that everyone liked Aidan all these years and that he did the name proud. Guess not. That was lame.

4) There’s no real story here. It’s like three hours of watching four women talk about a whole lot of nothing and living it up in the United Arab Emirates. The first movie at least had the Steve & Miranda story to keep it going, the closest this comes to a good story is Charlotte and her well-endowed nanny, but even that’s stretching it. To be honest, it feels more like the world’s longest episode of The View than anything else.

5) Doesn’t have the heart or charm that the series was known for. It’s a very superficial experience.

Look, I’m sure there are SatC fans out there who are gonna love this thing to pieces and, you know what, more power to ’em. All I know is that I saw this with two big fans, both of them didn’t like it and the crowd applause at the end was pretty darn pathetic to boot. Not to belabor the point, but it’s good boyfriend points well-earned and I can’t even say that this one’s going to appeal to its target audience in the first place.

“Carrie on” indeed, folks.

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33 Comments leave one →
  1. rosesandwaterfalls permalink
    June 3, 2010 3:57 am

    I loved the movie, possibly even more than the first one, but every one of your points is valid and I found myself giggling while reading your review. Keep up the good work!

  2. June 3, 2010 4:19 am

    Ouch! I keep seeing every girl I know on Facebook saying – “off to see this tonight” and “count wait for SATC2 with the girlies” etc., etc., – fair enough, it has its audience and seems to be getting them in cinemas but surely even the show’s biggest fans will agree this film is a vacuous detachment from the the original, winning concept.

  3. June 3, 2010 4:54 am

    Why is Aidan a dick now? lol.

  4. June 3, 2010 8:57 am

    Aiden wasn’t a dick on the show. But the preview of him was the first sign that I didn’t want to see the movie. Big is the mad fucking shit and always has been, and now him and Carrie are all together and the seven years of the damn show should have them together without having to be so trite as to throw an old flame into the mix as nothing more than a pathetic gimmick to take your $$$$$$$$$$$$. It will eventually have my dollar, but not in the theater. Fuck them, for fucking up this series. They should have left it on a great note after the first movie or even the last episode of the that makes me cry happy tears, and that is something that I just don’t fucking do.

    *Off my soapbox*

    Thanks for being so objective on your review. I can see you tried to give it a fair shake and it still buried you. You’ve given the name “Aiden” legitimacy once again.

    • June 3, 2010 10:18 am

      Wow, you’re swearing like Aiden R. Right on.

      And thanks for compliment. Glad to hear I’m keeping it alive.

  5. June 3, 2010 9:06 am

    penelope cruz?!
    what’s mah girl doing in this crapshit shitcrap?!

    • June 3, 2010 10:17 am

      haha, i don’t even know what she was doing here. strange cameo for an awesome gal.

  6. June 3, 2010 10:11 am

    You better have reviews of every dolph lundgren film after this to redeem yourself lol

    • June 3, 2010 10:17 am

      hahaha. i think i redeemed myself by actually seeing this in the first place. giving myself a gold star on this one.

  7. June 3, 2010 10:24 am

    “Carrie on, indeed”

    I’m sure the movie totally needed a bucket of pig’s blood and an opening credit girls locker room shower scene

    • June 4, 2010 9:52 am

      hahaha, a much needed cross-over that hopefully goes down in the third one.

  8. June 3, 2010 11:06 am

    I can’t believe you went with Sex and the City and Sex and the City 2 in rapid succession. That’s dedication or maybe you are not telling us everything lol 😉 Good, funny review, you obviously tried to be as objective as possible so way to go!

    • June 4, 2010 9:52 am

      haha, thanks, man. What can I say, it’s the best thing that’s happened to planet earth. I had to be a part of it.

    • June 4, 2010 9:52 am

      haha, thanks, man. What can I say, it’s the best thing that’s happened to planet earth. I had to be a part of it.

      • June 4, 2010 1:24 pm

        If it’s ‘ it’s the best thing that’s happened to planet earth’ then I’d better pack up and leave 😦 Still, hats off to you for even seeing these movies to begin with.

        @ M. Carter Re: “B.C. – Before Carrie” Conceited? Try delirious!

  9. June 3, 2010 1:18 pm

    How did this film not have the same vibe as the series when the creator was writer/director? I’m guessing he wrote this script on a napkin and winged it from there.

  10. mcarteratthemovies permalink
    June 3, 2010 1:25 pm

    I had that same fantasy. I wanted to slap the shit out of Carrie pretty much every time she opened her mouth. I mean, that whole opening bit about New York City “B.C. – Before Carrie”? How conceited can one human being be? And she’s not even the most interesting of the “Sex and the City” foursome!

    Also, it was a big mistake to give Chris Noth that much screentime. I always hated Big because he whispers (WTF?) and acts like he’s god’s gift to women. Hardly, dude. I’d take Harry or Steve any day of the week. And twice on Sundays.

    • June 4, 2010 9:54 am

      Yeah, Carrie didn’t look so hot in any shape or form this time around. And Steve is the man, except for all that cheating business, that wasn’t very cool.

  11. June 3, 2010 2:46 pm

    I seriously have not read a funnier review. Thank you for the many, many laughs. Comparing this movie to the longest episode of The View was great.

    • June 4, 2010 9:54 am

      haha, thanks, man. the movie made for a surprisingly easy target.

  12. June 3, 2010 5:02 pm

    No way, Heather! Aiden is soooooooo much better than Big. Maybe not for Carrie but she’s awful too. I’d marry Aiden and our wedding would look like Stanford’s because he’s let me choose all of the decorations too!

  13. June 3, 2010 9:33 pm

    This is why the terrorists hate us.

  14. Branden permalink
    June 4, 2010 1:55 am

    Aiden, I applause you for sucking it up and going to see SATC 2. You are a good Bf. I liked this movie more than the first one. I thought the first were a jumbled mess. I thought this movie flowed better than the other one. Granted, this is not high art by any mean, it was entertaining fluff.

  15. June 4, 2010 11:44 pm

    I just see this as dumb escape fantasy akin to all the trashy and ultraviolet, macho action flicks that get churned out for men. Being a man, of course you weren’t the target for this film and like you said, fans will probably eat it up.

    However, it sounds like the film has some serious ideological issues. From what you’ve conveyed it sounds like this film is condescending to people who aren’t these rich and elitist women, which sounds offensive to me. I assume we are supposed to like the leads, I’ve never watched the show, so it sounds like this could be a legitimate problem. I mean, how dare you judge a woman for eating a french fry. Is nothing sacred?

  16. June 15, 2010 9:54 am

    gotta say you are a good b/f, hubbie refused to see it, had to go alone (first time), yes I saw it twice, not because I loved it but thats how it ended up. I agree with you about it not living up to the series or even the first. I also found myself annoyed a few times in it, well the second part more than the first part. I also liked Miranda in this, she used to annoy me a little. Great review, well done.

    • June 15, 2010 11:50 am

      haha, thanks. usually i’m game for anything, but i some major second thoughts signing up for this one. at least Miranda got to have some fun this time around.

  17. June 15, 2011 3:01 am

    I’ve just read your review, a little late but I have to say I really liked it.
    I’m a huge fan of the series and I actually like the first movie. But this one is just bad. Really bad. The dialogues are awkward (especially that first scene at Stanford’s wedding, when Carrie, Charlotte, Big and all were having a conversation), the plot sucks, the problems they are going through are BS basically.
    I disagree about Miranda though, her relationship with Steve throughout the series even disgusts me, I just can’t stand her. Other characters have unreal lives, that I know, but at least they are fun to watch. And what’s that yelling of her when she was riding the camel? So annoying.
    And Aidan thing, I mean I was a Big fan so even though he’s cute and caring and gentle and so on, never liked him. Too much of a puppy love with Carrie back in the series.

  18. Lucee permalink
    November 12, 2012 11:31 pm

    Yeah, well///I really have to say– Carrie is looking way too long in the tooth to be acting like a moving and shaking New York City Woman in the Designer fast lane…she looks a lot more like a Staten Island wannabe with a fake Fendi bag on a Bus Ride to the casino with a free roll of quarters… Charlotte looks like she’s stretching for cuteness and not quite reaching her length and pretty ridiculous because of her shortfall and advancing age; Samantha is in need of something to calm her down, because she’s beginning to resemble an aging sexpot who is still wearing leather and leaopard when she’d be better suited to a nice wool dress and good foundation garments, to pick up that “droop.” Miranda, althoughher part makes her look anything BUT intelligentlt professional, has the most appeal, in a generic sort of way. BIG is a BLOB, Harry is sweet, Steve is dopey/cute, Aiden is kinda jerky, the Nanny is stellar– the best one in the movie, really…along with the guy who meets, greets and arranges their schedule in the Middle East. Oh…and Carrie’s personal servant there was HOT, too. All in all…let’s hope there’s NO SITC3, to further degrade the memory of these once-ICONIC ladies and their very nostalgic “past glory days…”

    That’s all.

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