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Kick-Ass (2010)

April 21, 2010

3/10 Junior Assassins

More like Sucks-Ass.

Kick-Ass is about an otherwise normal High School teen with a select group of nerdy friends and a complete lack of game with the ladies who up and decides he’s gonna be a superhero after getting pushed around one too many times while others looked on. After one fateful night where he gets his skull thumped and saves a guy from a group of thugs in wife beaters, he becomes an overnight internet sensation and finds himself teaming up with actual superheroes who know what they’re doing to take down NYC’s biggest drug lord.

For all intents and purposes, I’m the person this movie is catered to – twenty-something geek who’s fantasized at some point in his life that he was actually a candidate for Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. For chrissakes, I’m writing a damn screenplay about that fantasy.

So when I first heard there was a movie about a kid who turns into a homemade superhero and calls himself Kick-Ass, I was grinning like an idiot. Then I saw the trailer, realized that this thing looked like shit and pretty much lost interest. But thanks to a tsunami of overwhelmingly positive advance reviews, I regrettably ignored my better judgment and dropped another 12 bucks on a movie I shouldn’t have.

Look, I could care less about kids shooting up gangsters, it’s not about that and it’s not like this is the American version of Battle Royale. Granted, I could have done without a guy exploding in a microwave, but the real problem with this movie is that it tries so hard to be as awesome as its title that it just ends up having the total opposite effect. We’ve all come across people who try too hard, and, let’s face it, those people are awfully annoying.

It just tries so hard to be cool, it tries so hard to be funny and it tries so hard to be cutting edge but it goes about doing it all wrong. Don’t introduce your main character by giving him a monologue about how much he jerks off, what the hell were you thinking trying to make “Say hello to my little friend!” sound funny when you know it’s not, and don’t give what should be the most badass role of the whole cast to Nic Cage. There’s nothing cool about Nic Cage and, you guessed it, he yells and acts like a total jackass for no reason once again. Why he adopts a backwoods hillbilly accent towards the end, I do not know.

There was an obvious failure to communicate in all those regards, but then again, the script is just crappy in general. The romantic plot line is nothing new and super corny, the dialogue is really lame, Kick-Ass is pretty lame along with Aaron Johnson – the miscast kid who plays him – and…FUCK, this movie should have been cool. The only scene that worked and started to lean in the right direction was when Kick-Ass saves that guy’s life and lands himself on YouTube, but the rest was a near-grating experience to sit through.

But the best part of Kick-Ass thankfully comes in the form of Chloe Moretz. Chloe here plays Hit Girl, and when she’s actually kicking ass instead of dropping the “C”-word (I hate that word), she’s actually the closest this movie gets to being boss. And while Nic Cage’s stuntman has a pretty sweet one-man-army scene where takes out a dozen or so guys in one fell swoop, Chloe has the best shootout of the whole movie thanks to her diligent note-taking during the highlight reels of Equilibrium and Desperado and that I dug.

Clark Duke is also the only legitimate and much-needed comic relief as Kick-Ass’ best friend, and McLovin is still McLovin.

I wasn’t expecting Kick-Ass to blow as much as it did, but for a movie with a great premise that oozed potential, it really fell flat, it wasn’t fun and it was one of the few times in recent memory where I wish The Movie Angel had been standing outside the theater with a crisp 12-dollar bill to give me so that he could make it all better. I haven’t read the comics by Mark Millar that it’s based on, so I’m guessing they’re better, but I also thought his Wanted series kinda sucked too and paled in comparison to the movie.

So, yeah, no one’s a winner on this one. Quite the bummer.

Still love the title though. And Kick-Ass’ costume, especially the Tims.

30 Comments leave one →
  1. Marc permalink
    April 21, 2010 2:11 am

    Well it looks like I’m not the only one who didn’t think it turned out like everyone said it was…but 3/10? No points for Mark Strong?

    Also, I expected to hate Cage (and I actually did during his final scene because of the yelling as you mention above) but come on, give him something for method acting and totally channeling Adam effen West!

    • April 21, 2010 7:27 am

      Yeah, Mark Strong wasn’t bad, but I’m still waiting for him to really stand out instead of just be another bad guy with gangly teeth. And for some reason I didn’t pick up on the Adam West impression, but I still reward him zero points. What a hack.

  2. April 21, 2010 4:36 am

    I’m glad someone else has fallen on this side of the fence!

    Shame about your Cage-bashing though, he was taking the piss out of Adam West as the original Batman.

    I pretty much echoed the above but fell on the indifference patch and not the suck ass one!.

  3. April 21, 2010 7:12 am

    I’ve been trying to see this after all this time, and it really has been killing me. I have seen so many good, bad, and mixed reviews, that I feel like once I see it, I’m just going to fight off all sides. Anyway nice review!
    P.S. It’s such a small world when a fellow reviewer, knows the one reviewers sister. hahah I couldn’t believe it when she told me.

    • April 21, 2010 7:28 am

      Yeah, small world is right, couldn’t believe it either. Crazy, man.

  4. Ryan permalink
    April 21, 2010 9:03 am

    I warned you it was going to suck

  5. April 21, 2010 10:50 am

    Ouch! I was looking forward to see it tomorrow. I will still go but the movie seem to be major disappointment for a few fellow movie blogger I follow 😦

    • April 21, 2010 10:58 am

      Yeah, I don’t know if I’m in the minority or majority on this one, but it just didn’t do it for me. Damn that Nic Cage…

      • April 21, 2010 2:15 pm

        At least it wasn’t just me. Glad to see someone else wasn’t that impressed with the “splendor” of teenagers playing vigilantes.

      • April 21, 2010 2:38 pm

        Right back at ya, really digging how many folks aren’t buying it either.

  6. April 21, 2010 11:49 am

    wow, i didnt see that one coming AR, i really didnt. as you mentioned, if ever a movie was targeted at you this was it. your points are all valid though. i thought it was good but no more, instantly forgettable and with no real standout scene (which all blockbusters should have, no matter how shit)
    i would have given it a six or so out of ten. your 3 is ballsy

  7. April 21, 2010 12:55 pm

    I agree that it tries hard to be both cool and funny, and that was certainly my big problem with the film. However, I think it had enough awesome action moments that it was cool and that it had enough good jokes that it was funny. The problem was that I don’t think the two melded that well.

    But I can see where you’re coming from. It is a misfire, but it was one I still enjoyed.

  8. April 21, 2010 1:31 pm

    “More like Sucks-Ass” – Thank you for about making me laugh and also thank you for agreeing with me that this is total garbage. I didn’t get what all the hype was about from the trailer.

    • April 21, 2010 2:37 pm

      Haha, glad you agree. Looking forward to the review, man.

  9. mcarteratthemovies permalink
    April 22, 2010 2:34 pm

    I’m with Marc on the Nick Cage Batman impression — a nice little dig. I award him points. It’s nice to see him not take over in a movie and start chewing the scenery to shit.

    Somehow I knew if you hated this movie you’d use the “sucks ass” line.

  10. April 23, 2010 2:01 am

    I’m gonna have to be the devil’s advocate here. I actually greatly enjoyed the movie. It was funny, entertaining and some wicked satire. And was Kick-Ass girlfriend really hot or was it just me???

  11. April 25, 2010 5:11 pm

    Hit Girl, Red Mist and Mark Strong all kick ass in this movie. Big Daddy and Kick-Ass? Not so much.

  12. April 25, 2010 5:12 pm

    Oh, and don’t agree at ALL with your 3/10. I had a lot of fun in the theatre — the crowd was so loud and laughing. It was great. I’d give it an 8/10, really. Loved it.

    • April 25, 2010 9:10 pm

      Yeah, I saw your review. Unfortunately didn’t agree with the rest of the crowd on this one. Did not dig it.

  13. May 8, 2010 12:47 am

    Sorry Bud, I had a fun time with this, Check the review when you can:

  14. Jackanapes permalink
    July 24, 2010 3:36 am

    The premise of this show is interesting, like you explained. I haven’t seen it yet, but you addressed my fears about the film when you said it tries too hard. That’s how it looks to me as well. But what surprises me is that you love Hit-Girl when that is what makes the movie look so lame.

    How is a little pipsqueak of a kid kicking the shit out of guys appealing? It’s as lame as Yoda pulling his stupid mean face and flipping around like a spastic Jedi. It seems to be the same kind of gimmick to induce people to say, “Wow, how cool is that girl? Totally awesome!” just like Yoda was meant to make us twitch in our seats with excitement by how much of a badass he is. It’s too much of a cheap and typical gimmick: Take the most unlikely person, someone small and visibly weak, and have her kick people’s asses. It’s too typical and too lame, just like Yoda 2.0.

    And for what it’s worth, George Lucas KILLED Yoda. And he KILLED Darth Vader. He emasculated Anakin and he turned Yoda into a lame, try-hard “bad boy.”

    • July 26, 2010 9:16 am

      Alright, I didn’t love Hit Girl, but in light of how shitty so much of this movie is – especially in light of how great its title and premise are – she’s the only one of the bunch who actually does kick ass and even borders on being kind of cool. It is gimmicky, the whole movie is pretty gimmicky actually, and making the Yoda connection isn’t too far off either.

      And, yeah, George Lucas really screwed the pooch in a lot of ways over the last decade.

      Thanks for visiting!

      • Jackanapes permalink
        July 27, 2010 6:07 am

        Well said, Aiden. I have to admit, I haven’t seen the movie yet so I can’t be certain the cute little cupcake wouldn’t win me over. But I suspect I’ll be grinding my teeth and wishing someone would just kick her head in and drive a stake through her heart. (Yeah, I know she isn’t a vampire.)

        On another note, I’m glad I found your site. It’s a refreshing outlook and I like your style.

        Peace out.

      • July 27, 2010 8:54 am

        Hahaha, can’t say I didn’t have that same urge at certain points either.

        And thanks for the compliment, makes my day to get new readers and hope to see you around more often.


  15. HermioneO permalink
    November 18, 2010 3:05 pm

    Wow. I actually liked it. Though I think on ratings people are different. I usually reserve 8-10 for really good movies – like History of Violence. But this, I think I would rate it 6. I enjoyed it when I watched it, and I remember it months later as good.

    • November 18, 2010 3:12 pm

      Yeah, I was definitely in the minority on this one, but I really couldn’t stand it. Tried so hard to be cool and I just found it grating, lame and unfunny. But Chloe Moretz was awesome, even if I do hate the “C” word.


  1. Kick-Ass (2010) « Dan The Man's Movie Reviews
  2. The Top Ten of 2010 « Cut The Crap Movie Reviews

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