The Baby’s Room (2006)

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Couldn’t find a poster for this movie, so Bat Boy will have to suffice.

Though it may sound like it, The Baby’s Room is not based off a book by Nicholas Sparks. It’s actually about a husband and wife that move into an old mansion of a house with their infant son. The first night in the house, they hear someone talking over the other end of the baby monitor, and they are subsequently terrified by it even though no one is there when the husband checks out the room. The next night, they put a new monitor in the baby’s room with a video camera on it, only to have the husband wake up in the middle of the night and see a man leaning over his son’s crib. Husband investigates again, no one’s there. Maybe he’s going crazy, maybe some shit is up, who knows.

Apologies for the long synopsis, but it is quite creepy.

Chances are you’ve never heard of this movie. No worries, I hadn’t either. Apparently it was part of a Spanish horror collection called 6 Movies To Keep You Awake, and while I do my best to keep up with the latest in Spanish horror collections, I realize that many of us do not share in this passion. But it was recommended to me by my uncle after he saw that I freakin’ loved The Orphanage – the best horror movie I’ve seen since The Ring way back when in 2001.

The Orphanage and The Baby’s Room are both Spanish horror movies, because I guess the Spanish are just now realizing how much they like scaring people, and they both feel pretty similar in tone. They also look like they were filmed in the exact same haunted house which anyone would be fucking crazy to move into. And while it didn’t scare the absolute daylights out of me like The Orphanage did, this movie definitely has its moments and a pretty cool premise to boot. And the good thing about horror movies in foreign languages, unlike dramas in foreign languages, is that after a while you really don’t notice the subtitles; you’ll be too damn focused on not crapping yourself to remember to complain about reading what’s on the screen.

Then again, it’s not perfect, and there are a couple of problems worth pointing out. It’s only a little over an hour long, so everything happens a little too fast in terms of plot progression. Not a whole lot of buildup before the happy couple starts to realize that their new house totally sucks. Another is that as soon as they start reporting to the police that someone is in their house or if they look to someone to consolation, the only thing anyone else has to say on the matter is, “You’re going to die, tough shit.” Strange bedside manner in my opinion, but the couple surprisingly take it in stride.

But the most glaring problem here is a simple question that everyone watching this movie will inevitably find themselves yelling at the screen: “Why don’t they just move out the fucking house?” The husband loses his damn mind over trying to figure out what’s wrong with his house when he really has no reason to be invested in it whatsoever. Naturally, this doesn’t really make things better for anyone involved, especially when anyone else in their right mind would have peaced out in a hot minute. So tisk, tisk, Spanish husband. You are a dumb man.

Oh, and the ending doesn’t really make sense either.

Now, I don’t have kids, but I can only assume that this is not a movie made for new parents. It was spooky enough without having a baby down the hall to worry about, so consider this a fair warning to all you mommies and daddies out there. The Baby’s Room, while it may not be the most memorable and fully-thought-out horror movie I’ve seen in recent memory, it’s still worth a good scare and gets some bonus points for originality.

Not enough Bat Boy in it either.