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Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001)

August 28, 2009

0/10 Blarts

Saw this as part of a double feature with my younger cousins at a drive-in movie theater. The other movie was the Planet of the Apes remake. That was one long ass night.

From what I remember, Dr. Dolittle 2 is about a veterinarian who can talk to animals that takes his family out for a vacation at some cabin in the woods. He starts talking to animals and shit, tries to bond with his family and shit, and grows a mustache and shit.

Pretty sure that’s exactly what happens.

No why would this of all movies get a 0/10? Let’s go ahead and imagine how the production meeting went for this comedic masterpiece.

Bill: “Hey, Fred. Way to fuckin’ go on Dr. Dolittle! You blew that bastard out of the water!”

Fred: “Thanks, Bill. I appreciate that.”

Bill: “Now, the real question is, how in the Sam hell are you going to one-up yourself for the inevitable sequel?”

Fred: “Well, I figure that there’s still a lot to say on the subject of talking animals that has yet to be fully explored.”

Bill: “Damn right there is! Took the words right out of my mouth you genius sonofabitch. But where do we go from here, comedically speaking?”

Fred: “Here’s what I’ve been thinking; what makes kids laugh more than anything else on Earth?”

Bill: “Talking animals, Fred! You’re going in circles, now. Quit fuckin’ with me, dammit!”

Fred: “Now wait a second there, Bill. What’s the second thing that makes kids laugh more than anything else on Earth?”

Bill: “Why…why, that would be diarrhea.”

Fred: *Grins, leans back in his chair, and crosses his arms. He’s the shit and he is totally fuckin’ aware of it.

Bill: “Fred, I just messed myself in amazement.”

Now, I think Bill and Fred pretty much speak for themselves. As far as I can recall, Dr. Dolittle 2 is more or less an excuse to watch Eddie Murphy’s increasingly horrendous career crash and burn even harder and to get your lifetime fill of animal shit jokes. Why anyone would actually go out and discover/rediscover this movie at this point and time is beyond me, but since it was one of the more awful movie experiences I’ve ever had to sit through, figured I’d take a trip down bad memory lane.

You know, thinking back, Planet of the Apes was fucking awesome after having to sit through this. That should speak volumes in and of itself.

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