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Star Trek (2009)

May 12, 2009

9/10 Vulcan Nerve Pinches

Holy shit!”

I could probably leave the review at that, plus the image of me grinning from ear to ear with my thumbs up in the air, but I’m just gonna keep on going because I have been giddy as all hell to write this since I walked out of the theater last night.

First off: Where did this come from? How did this happen? I have maybe watched a handful of episodes from Star Trek: The Next Generation in my life along with some of the more recent Trek movies that have come out over the past 15 years, and I’ve always gotten the impression that the whole thing was pretty much a poor man’s alternative to Star Wars. Sorry if I’ve offended any Trekkies out there, but just keep reading, I’ll redeem myself.

Now, out of nowhere, J.J. Abrams comes along and says to the world, “You know what, enough of this bullshit! Trek is getting an overhaul and it is going to blow your goddamn minds.” And let me tell you, folks, that’s exactly what he did. He has put this franchise in the electric chair and cranked the dials up to 11.

The movie revolves around the origins of Kirk, Spock, and the rest of the Enterprise crew during their humble beginnings as Star Fleet recruits who are forced to protect Earth from a Romulan mental case called Nero. Sounds a lot stranger than it actually is, but even I who has a pretty limited knowledge of the Star Trek universe could follow along without raising an eyebrow.

The cast is fantastic, the writing is just as good, it’s visually mind-boggling, and the movie does a really great job of creating a completely new reboot of the series while still maintaining what people loved about it to begin with.

I can just picture the writers sitting around putting this thing together and saying, “What is the most awesome thing we can do next, and how can we make it even more awesome, and then do it even better ten minutes later?” Star Trek is one of the few occasions where this line of thinking actually comes through and delivers.

I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun going to see a movie. I was ready to start high-fiving everyone around me long before the credits rolled. Star Trek is an adventure movie if there ever was one and it is an adrenaline junkie’s wet dream.

If you’re not going to see Star Trek but are still curious to see what all the fuss is about, go do a ten-foot line of cocaine, chug 20 Red Bulls, jump out of an airplane without a parachute and get hit by a roller coaster on the way down…twice. You’ll almost be there.

Doesn’t matter if you’ve never seen an episode of the thirty different Star Trek TV series’, this movie is the best time you’ll have in the theaters all Summer. You are flat out delusional if you think that G.I. Joe and the new Transformers are even going to hold a candle to this bad boy.

And do not wait for it to come out on DVD. You will be very sad.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 14, 2010 6:35 pm

    This film solidified my decision to purchase Vulcan salute gloves… 🙂

    On a side note, Happy Belated Star Wars Day – May the 4th be with you!

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