Revolutionary Road (2008)
VERDICT:
4/10 Screaming Matches
Boy, I can’t wait to move to the suburbs!
Revolutionary Road is about a husband and a wife living in suburbia in the 1950s. The husband hates his job, the wife hates what her life has become, but they both keep on doing it because that’s the hand they were dealt. Then one day, they decide they’re going to move to Paris in two months, leave their shitty life behind and start anew.
Not going to give anything away, but I think we all know where this is going.
The movie starts out with Kate Winslet bombing a role in a local play and the rest of movie kind of just continues with that on-running theme. Most of the movie is spent with Kate and Leo yelling at each other about the same thing time after time, but it’s very strange to watch because none of it feels genuine. It’s as though the audience is sitting in an theater house watching this couple act out a play rather than being granted an inside look into their lives. Emotions change at the flip of a switch, a good deal of the dialogue is forced, and after a while it all just feels…strange.
But what’s truly strange to me about this whole thing is that it’s directed by Sam Mendes, the guy who did American Beauty – the best movie about life in the suburbs that said all there was to be said on the subject. Kinda weird to go back to a topic you’ve already nailed, it’s not like you’re going to make it better by placing it in the ’50s. Weird move is all.
And is it just me or is Leonardo DiCaprio doing the exact same thing in nearly every movie he’s in? He keeps on making the same vein-popping, strained faces, yells a lot while waving his arms around, lurches his head forward in order to make a point, gets over-emotional about everything, and is trying really, really hard to shake the fact that we still remember he was Jack in Titanic. He was awesome in Catch Me If You Can, but I don’t know, folks. I’m not buying the charade.
Do a comedy or something, man. Just chill out for a bit. People will forget someday.
But Kate Winslet is good. I can see why she won the Oscar, because she is a legitimately good actress, but with the exception of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I feel like she’s been playing the same kinda role for a while now, too. She’s better than Leo, but she could afford to sign up for some lighter fare as well.
The best actor in the movie is actually this guy, Michael Shannon. He’s got a somewhat minor role here, and he’s another one of those guys that you might recognize but can’t pin a name to the face, but he’s great as one of the few voices of reason in the movie that doesn’t seem like they’re getting stage directions from Mendes at all times.
Other than that, the music is good, it’s a cool little time capsule back to a generation far different than today’s, Kathy Bates has a small role (Kathy Bates kicks ass), and there are a couple good scenes in there to break up all the constant bitching and moaning.
It’s not that bad, but unless you’re a huge Kate and Leo fan or are in the mood for this kind of thing, I’m gonna suggest you go ahead and skip Revolutionary Road and just go watch American Beauty instead. Doesn’t matter if you’ve seen it already, that movie’s good every time.
(500) Days of Summer (2009)
VERDICT:
9/10 Love Pangs
The best romantic comedy I’ve seen since Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
(500) Days of Summer is about a hopelessly romantic guy who falls head-over-heels in love when Summer, the girl of his dreams that’s convinced there’s no such thing as “love”, walks into his life and eventually breaks his heart. Simple enough, but like many a relationship, things get complicated.
The fitting tagline on the poster is that “This is not a love story. This is a story about love.” And, hot damn, is that a good way to put it. You know right off the bat that things don’t exactly work out for the two in the long run, but that’s just another reason why it works.
It’s beyond me how many formulaic romantic comedies get churned out every year that have nothing new to say about love and relationships, and even the ones that do have something new to say, they just don’t know how to say it (sorry He’s Just Not That Into You, but you’ve been called out).
So along comes comes (500) Days of Summer, a movie with a catchy title, a great trailer, a director I’ve never heard of, the girl from Elf, and the kid from Third Rock From the Sun. It might not make for the romantic blockbuster of the Summer, but looking back, I couldn’t imagine a better combination.
Now, I’m a huge fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, have been for a while now. He’s a great actor who’s done some kick-ass movies (Brick and The Lookout – go see ’em), and this movie is just reinforces my belief that he’s gonna be a household name one of these days, just you wait. And while I haven’t seen Zooey Deschanel in too many things, she’s nothing short of charming and a great choice for the part.
But one of the best things about casting Joe and Zo (we’re cool like that) is that they’re good looking, but they’re not supermodels. Having characters that look like you and me adds a degree of credibility to the whole experience in a way that, say, Benjamin Button doesn’t. Makes it easier to compare to your own life because, let’s face it, we’re not all Brangelinas.
It’s also a fantastic movie to watch from a visual standpoint. The best way to describe Marc Webb’s direction here is that he takes every emotion his characters are feeling, internally or externally, and puts in on screen like a fantasy come to life. Example: you walk out of your apartment the morning after bedding the girl of your dreams for the first time and everyone on the street is cheering for you, there’s a parade in your honor, and you’re hitting home runs while cartoon birds perch on your shoulder.
That totally happened to me.
Look, I’ve been anxious to see this movie for a while now and I couldn’t have been happier with how my hour and a half was spent. Isn’t it just great to find yourself in a theater grinning from ear to ear for lengths at a time?
It’s also just refreshing to watch movies that don’t tie everything up in a neat little bow for the audience. The fact of the matter is that even though people might hope and work for the ideal in relationship, things don’t always play out like we expect them to. The script is nothing but genuine and it doesn’t sugarcoat the good times or the bad times, but when all is said and done, you can’t help but smile.
So go on Fandango and buy a ticket for your significant other, man up and finally ask that girl out on a movie date, or just find a stranger on the street you think is lookin’ good and go see (500) Days of Summer. Got a smile on my face just thinking about it.
Oh, awesome soundtrack, too. Can’t forget about the awesome soundtrack.
Let The Right One In (2008)
VERDICT:
8/10 First Loves
Since it seems like everyone is at the point of shitting themselves right now at the mere thought of another Twilight movie in the near future, and since I don’t get it, seems like the perfect opportunity to take a look back at my favorite vampire movie of 2008.
Let The Right One In is about a Swedish kid with a bleach-blonde mop top that gets continually picked on at school and never fights back. Then one day, this nice little girl moves in next door, they hit it off over a rubik’s cube (naturally), she gives him the confidence he needs to stand up for himself, and then she drops a bomb on him and reveals that she’s a vampire.
Women…
But turns out, that’s cool. The kid’s in love, doesn’t make a difference to him. Not every day you find a girl who digs Rubik’s cubes.
So as you can probably already tell, this is an interesting kind of vampire movie. It works as both a gory horror movie and a young love story that ends up being surprisingly genuine and actually seems natural after a while. Not counting all the blood-drinking and murderous tendencies, it’s pretty easy see why the two kids like each other so much. Personally, I’m attracted to women who can go outside during the day time and not burn to ash, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
And that’s the other thing this movie has going for it: great kid actors. They really play to the script’s subtle strengths and after a while it doesn’t really feel like they’re acting at all, but rather just behaving around each other the way they would if the camera wasn’t even there. Kids in love is just an entertaining thing to watch.
They’re good characters and it’s nice to sit back and watch them grow on each other. They make the whole thing believable.
Let The Right One In is very atypical of a vampire movie in that there aren’t all too many scares that actually make you jump out of your seat. It instead focuses more on maintaining a brooding, eerie vibe that lingers and heightens as the body count rises and people start realizing that there might be a vampire shacking up in town…and she might be ten.
It’s a pro and a con, but it works for what it is. All kind of depends what you’re looking for I guess, but shouldn’t be a reason to not see this.
So it might not be the scariest movie out there, but Let The Right One In is a damn good vampire movie that should have gotten a lot more attention than it did this past year. It’s a cool new take on the genre that’s very well-made and has a lot of crazy scenes that will stick with you for a long while after.
If only all vampires were so cute…and Swedish.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
VERDICT:
5/10 Barf Bags
Well, here it goes…
Freddy Got Fingered is about a deadbeat man-child with aspirations to be a comic artist who moves to Hollywood to make it big, then ends up working in a cheese sandwich factory, then moves back home and drives his parents insane. There really isn’t much of a story here.
You know what, I’m just going to let the movie speak for itself and let you decide whether this any of this sounds funny…
– Tom Green masturbating a horse.
– Tom Green masturbating an elephant…onto his dad.
– Tom Green delivering a baby…with his teeth.
– Tom Green licking a bloody, broken bone jutting out of his friend’s shin.
– Tom Green caning his handicapped girlfriend’s legs.
– Rip Torn‘s bare, hideous, cottage-cheese ass.
And the list goes on.
So this is a pretty offensive movie that, chances are, you won’t like and it’s not doing Tom Green any favors either if this is your first introduction to him outside of The Celebrity Apprentice. But for some reason, Freddy Got Fingered has become a guilty pleasure of mine. Reading over that list while laughing to myself is even making me question my own sense of humor, but alas, I can’t help it.
See, I was in sixth or seventh grade when The Tom Green Show first turned up on MTV, and to this day I don’t think I’ve laughed harder at a TV show in my life. The material was never as foul or horribly extreme as it is in Freddy Got Fingered, and even though this is most definitely a low point in his career, I’ll always have the memories.
I don’t really know what else to say. Can’t really recommend this movie with a clear conscience, but if you’re in the mood for some sick, shocking humor, this might just scratch that itch. Giving it a 5 out 10 is pretty generous considering what a shitty movie this is, but I just can’t bring myself to knock it any more than it already has been by nearly every critic on Earth.
Tom Green is a funny guy, but this is not him at his best. I’d suggest YouTubing “The Tom Green Show” for an hour and half instead. That I can recommend.
And so goes the story of how I officially jeopardized my credibility as a film critic.
The Dark Knight (2008)
VERDICT:
9/10 Reasons to Thank God That Gotham City is a Fictional Place
It’s the best comic book movie of all time. Wasn’t an easy task to beat out Spider-Man 2, the former champ in that category, but that’s just how it goes.
The Dark Knight picks up where Batman Begins left off with Bruce Wayne back in action as Gotham’s guardian angel, this time teaming up with the city’s new district attorney, Harvey Dent, to take on the biggest criminal threat the city’s ever had, The Joker.
There’s a lot more to the story that I can’t cram into two sentences, but you already know what this movie’s about anyway. Hasn’t everyone seen this by now?
But yeah, what an awesome movie. It’s not often that the heavens align in such a way that a cast like this is paired with a script like this, but lord almighty did they mesh into something fantastic.
So, where to begin.
It’s helmed by Christopher Nolan, one of the best directors and storytellers out there who’s been putting out one great movie after another his entire career. I feel like he doesn’t get the credit he deserves in the mainstream, but if directing movies was my career of choice, I would contemplate killing a total stranger to have Memento, Insomnia, The Prestige, Batman Begins or this movie on my resume’, let alone be responsible for all of them. Not trying to endorse homicide as a path to success here, but I’m just sayin’, Chris Nolan is the man. The guy shits out good movies.
And holy crap, did I mention the cast? It’s a confederation of badasses. Gary Oldman: total badass. Morgan Freeman: sure, you can be a badass. Maggie Gyllenhall: not so much a badass, but whatever, she’s badass by association. They’ve all upped their game from Batman Begins, and they really make the audience care no matter how big or small their roles are.
It’s also about damn time Aaron Eckhart hit the A-list. Go check him out in In The Company of Men, I have no idea how Hollywood wasn’t clawing at his bootheels after that one.
But lets not kid ourselves, The Dark Knight is a pretty misleading title for a movie where Batman gets totally overshadowed. Heath Ledger was unreal as The Joker, he absolutely deserved every award and accolade that came his way, and it’s goddamn lunacy to assume that his death factored into that in any way. It definitely factored into why so many people went to see this movie, but good acting is good acting, and Heath hit it out of the park. He was a talented guy and at least we have this and Brokeback Mountain to remind us of that.
Anyway, I’m probably preaching to the choir here, but The Dark Knight is just a great movie with a really smart, dark, and original storyline that stands on its own outside of being another comic book movie. It’s kinda tough to follow everything that’s going on the first time around, but this is a movie worth seeing more than once and it all really comes together the second time around.
Should’ve gotten the props it deserved at The Oscars this year.
And the disappearing pencil trick? Awesome.
Half Nelson (2006)
VERDICT:
9/10 Boundary Issues
One of the best movies of 2006 and proof that Ryan Gosling is one of the best up-and-coming actors out there today.
Half Nelson is about a middle school teacher with a drug problem who befriends one of his troubled students after she finds him laid out on the floor of the girl’s bathroom, overdosed on crack and seizing in a cold sweat after coaching a basketball game.
Good old middle school. Brings me back…
This movie was pretty hard to find when it was out in theaters and the only significant press it got was when it landed Gosling an Oscar nomination, and you know what? That’s a damn shame.
Half Nelson is kind of what Cut The Crap is all about. It’s beyond me why great movies like this get overlooked and bags of shit like Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest and X-Men: The Last Stand end up being the highest-grossing movies of the year. Screw big budgets and A-list actors. If a movie is good, people should go see it instead of throwing their time and money away in support of a movie that freakin’ sucks.
But I digress.
The thing I like most about Half Nelson is that it’s about real people with real problems. Those are the best kinds of movies because there’s no better source to work from than real life at its hardest. It’s got a heartfelt script with complicated characters that don’t take the easy way out because there are no easy ways out, and that’s what real life is all about. Even if you’re not a dopehead, don’t like kids, and aren’t peddling drugs, there’s still something here to relate to because there’s something very universal about the message of this movie, that everyone at some point in their life needs someone to lean on.
Word.
And the other big thing that this movie has going for it is the acting. Even if you only know him from The Notebook (or even better from his role in Lars and the Real Girl – good movie), it’s about time you started to get familiar with Ryan Gosling. He’s absolutely awesome in this movie and the supporting cast is great, too. One of those performances where you find yourself saying, “Where the hell did this guy come from?” A movie worth seeing if only for the Gosling.
But even so, Half Nelson is just a great, affecting movie that’s fantastic each time I see it. So fight the power against shitty Hollywood blockbusters, folks, go watch this movie, and let’s start making a change.
::cue marching band::
And the best guy to have your back in a barfight is…
30-Year-Old Clint Eastwood!
It was close one, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Well done, readers.
But, dear God, have you seen Stallone’s arms?
No Country for Old Men (2007)
VERDICT:
8/10 Mop Tops
Wasn’t the best thing that came out in 2007, but a great movie all the same and one hell of a much-needed return to form for the Coen brothers.
No Country For Old Men is about a guy who stumbles the aftermath of an epic drug deal/murder scene, finds a briefcase full of money among the corpses, and then has to run for his life from the owner of that cash bag, aptly referred to as “the ultimate badass” who looks like the textbook definition of that creepy neighbor next door who still lives in his mother’s basement.
I’ve gotten into more arguments about this movie than I care to recall, but I don’t care, I’m sticking by it. It’s not the perfect movie that a shit-ton of people were calling it, but from a technical standpoint, it is freakin’ flawless.
Everything about this movie from the way it looks, the awesome characters and the great actors that play them, and not to mention some of the most seamless and intense action scenes I’ve ever seen are all things that play into why this bad boy won 4 Oscars.
So in that sense, it’s hard to argue that No Country isn’t an unbelievably well made movie from two guys who really know their shit and have one damn impressive track record to prove it. But then again, there’s more to a perfect movie than just making it all look good.
The part where this movie falters is unfortunately its story. See, No Country follows two separate plotlines – the chase between Josh Brolin (the guy with the cash) and Javier Bardem (the guy who wants his cash back), and Tommy Lee Jones as the old-timer sheriff who’s always one step behind and struggling to come to terms with his place in a world filled with such overwhelming violence and hate.
And that’s where things get muddled.
The big difference between the two plotlines is that one has lots of guns, lots of action, and the best characters in the movie, and the other has an old man talking. As a result, you really pay attention to the awesome and zone out the old man because he’s far less awesome, and everything kind of goes in one ear and out the other when there aren’t crazy shootouts going on.
But then the end credits roll and you realize that you’ve been paying attention to the wrong plotline the whole damn time. Turns out Tommy Lee Jones is actually the main character and he’s what this movie is all about.
“Come again?” you might say.
“How come no one told me I should have been paying more attention to what the old man was saying?” you might add.
“That’s fucking bullshit!” you may well conclude.
And that’s the problem with No Country for Old Men. If you haven’t seen it yet, just take my advice and pay attention, you’ll be glad you did. If you’re still pissed off about this movie, go read the book it’s based off by Cormac McCarthy. It’s really good, and while the action scenes don’t translate as well as they do on-screen, it entirely makes up for what was missing in the story.
Even so, this is still a great movie. The Coen brothers, simply put, kick ass, and Javier Bardem is a goddamn maniac/fantastic actor to boot; I’d recommend seeing this movie even just for him. It’s pretty violent and dark as all hell, but it’s a fine example of filmmaking done right and it’s a big step up from The Ladykillers and Intolerable Cruelty.
Way to go, Joel and Ethan! We missed you.
The Big Lebowski (1998)
VERDICT:
9/10 White Russians
One of those movies I just didn’t get when I first saw it, but goddamn was it funny the second time around…and every time after that.
The Big Lebowksi is about a guy named Jeff Lebowski, better known as The Dude, that’s just trying to get his rug back after it was stolen by a group of thugs who beat him up because they mistook him for a different Jeff Lebowski. Things get really complicated after that, not even The Dude knows what the fuck is going on, but don’t worry, everything gets cleared up in the end.
Man, I’m just cracking up right now replaying scenes from this movie in my head. You may not realize it right away, but this right here is comic gold. It’s one of those movies where the jokes aren’t going to jump right out at you, so you gotta listen, but once you start picking up on the subtle, Coen-esque humor and stop trying to figure out the plot, you may just pee yourself.
So why a 9 out of 10? What is it about this movie that makes it so damn good?
Well, my friend, I guess it kind of comes down to three things:
1. Jeff Bridges as The Dude. Jeff Bridges is the man to begin with. An awesome actor who’s been in a lot of good movies (Tron, anyone?) and still doesn’t really get the credit he deserves. Combine that with the Creedence-loving, jelly-flip-flop-wearing, always-abiding character of The Dude, and you’ve got yourself one of the best protagonists in movie history (Yup, I went there). H’es an absolutely great character that truly lives up to his title and remains one of the best things Bridges has done in his career.
2. John Goodman as Walter Sobchak. Easily the best thing John Goodman has ever done for the world. Goodman’s never really done much for me, never been that funny and not much of a standout actor. So I don’t know what the hell happened here, because he’s just as funny as The Dude, if not funnier as The Dude’s hot-headed right-hand-man whose without fail manages to compare all of life’s problems with his time in Vietnam. Again, absolutely hilarious.
3. The Coen brothers. These guys must be some interesting mofos to hang out with, because it takes some skill to make movies really funny and really dark in equal measure and they have it down to a science at this point. The script they put together for this is pretty wacko when it comes to story, but priceless when it comes to comic timing and off-kilter humor that’s very much their own. The Coen brothers are just awesome writers and filmmakers, it’s no big surprise that this movie is one of theirs.
It’s kind of hard to convey how funny The Big Lebowski is without seeing it for yourself, but if you crack up at movies like Dr. Strangelove, then this is one is aimed right at you, buddy. And if you’ve only seen it once and didn’t get the hype, please do yourself a favor and watch it again with a friend who’s already part of the Lebowski cult. It’s like night and day.
Bonus points for being a pretty sweet Halloween costume, too.
Waltz With Bashir (2008)
VERDICT:
8/10 Reasons I Wish I Had Paid More Attention In World History Class
Man, war is fucking nuts.
Waltz With Bashir is about one man’s struggle to come to terms with his role as a 19-year-old Isreali soldier during the Lebanon War through the testimonials of others he fought alongside with and through a series of re-occurring flashbacks that begin appearing to him after having been repressed for over twenty years.
I was never the student who got “A”s in History class, but after seeing this movie I feel like I probably should have known that there was a Lebanon War.
Hopefully I’m not the only twenty-something American in that boat.
I did know that the Israelis and Palestinians have been fighting for as long as I can remember, but there’s a big difference between reading about a foreign war in the headlines of the paper and seeing actual footage of unarmed people being massacred in the streets. A harrowing and eye-opening experience to say the least.
It’s hard to classify what kind of genre Waltz With Bashir falls into. Combining actual testimonials of soldiers that were on the front lines with a script from the filmmaker and protagonist, Ari Folman, that drives at uncovering what, in his own mind, is fact and what is fiction, it’s fascinating from an onlooker’s standpoint to have everything clarified at the same pace as an actual Israeli soldier does.
It’s also animated, and beautifully at that, but this is not some Disney shit. This is a movie about war, and the animation only adds to the sense of how crazy it all is. Thinking back on a lot of the sequences from the movie, in particular the dream sequences, it’s hard to imagine them being acted out with real people.
Filming real people would probably just take away from the sense of confusion that’s overwhelmingly prevalent, that even while in war, the line between real and imaginary is easily blurred.
Maybe I’m yanking my own chain, but I feel like my own ambivalence towards the subject material made the movie as a whole that much more profound. So if you’re like me and was doodling in your notebook when the history teacher was telling everyone about Bashir Gemayel, you might just be at an advantage.
Waltz With Bashir is a very unique and gripping take on war that’s something to be admired from a filmmaking standpoint and as a vehicle meant to shed light on an ongoing, and brutal, conflict. And it’s about time more war movies started focusing on P.T.S.D. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). That shit is no joke.
SIDE NOTE: This movie reminded me a lot of fantastic book a I re-read this past Summer by Tim O’Brien called The Things They Carried. Great novel of sorts about O’Brien’s experience in Vietnam that covers a number of the same issues that Folman deals with in this movie. Even if you haven’t seen Bashir, highly recommend this book regardless.
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