The Sweet Hereafter (1997)
VERDICT:
8/10 Pointed Fingers
A powerful, poignant movie about coping (and not coping) with grief and what it takes to move on from personal tragedy.
The Sweet Hereafter is about a lawyer that’s hired to represent a Canadian family who’s daughter was paralyzed after surviving a bus accident that took the lives of nearly all the town’s children. To bolster his case, the lawyer makes his rounds to all the said childrens’ parents in hopes that they will jump on his bandwagon to sue the bus manufacturer, all the while struggling with the troubled relationship he has with his own daughter, one that is rendering him utterly helpless.
It had been a long time since I first saw this movie but it wasn’t until I came across David Schleicher’s review of it that I was remember how damn good this was. A refresher was in order. And while it didn’t exactly carry the emotional weight that it did the first time around – probably because I knew what was coming – there aren’t a whole lot of movies that handle this kind of subject matter with such insight and humanity as The Sweet Hereafter does. Maybe Ordinary People, but that’s about it.
I feel ashamed that this is the only movie I’ve seen by director Atom Egoyan, because the guy sure knows how to tell a story from both a visual and literary standpoint. Maybe it’s just how Canada looks naturally, but the scenery in this movie is absolutely beautiful. It’s stark, it’s empty, and it’s immense, and it all complements the feel of the story quite naturally. Egoyan has also written a fantastic script and taken some fascinating liberties in adapting it from the novel it’s based off of. And even though I haven’t read the book, the liberty I’m talking about has to do with a parallel that Egoyan draws between the childrens’ deaths and the story of the pied piper leading the children out of Hamelin. You have to see it to get it, but the point is that it’s brilliant.
But the thing Egoyan does best here is that he maintains a much-needed sense of subtlety throughout it all. The biggest pitfall he could have fallen into here would have been to beat his audience over the head with what he was trying to say and try to provide his audience with answers where there are none, and he evades it by evoking this sense of unspoken tension and anger amongst the townspeople, letting them sort their issues out in the ways they see fit rather than try to manufacture it into a melodrama of sorts. Thank God he didn’t do that.
The acting is also very good on behalf of the entire cast for the most part. Most of the townspeople are actors I’ve never seen before or since, but two individuals really stood out to me. The first is Ian Holm (aka: Bilbo Baggins) as the lawyer. He’s a damn good actor and it wasn’t until his performance here that I really started to notice. Really intense and very…honest at the same time.
The other actor is Bruce Greenwood – who I only know as Captain Kirk’s superior officer in the latest Star Trek movie – as one of the townspeople trying to get on with his life after losing his wife to cancer and his two kids in the accident. He does a great job here and is easily the most interesting and affected person to watch.
Very good soundtrack, too. Again, perfectly complements the feel of the movie and it’s not often that the lyrics of the song choices actually reflect the kind of emotion being conveyed through the script. Really, really impressive.
And in case you were wondering, no, this is not a true story. The accident itself is based off actual events that occurred in Texas, but everything else is fictional. Nonetheless, there’s something here everyone can relate to even if you’ve never experienced loss in such extreme circumstances as these. The heart of this story isn’t so much about the accident itself, what caused it and who’s to blame, but rather everything that comes after and how drastically the town has changed as everyone tries to pick up the remaining pieces of their lives.
It goes without saying at this point, but this is one heavy movie that you need to be in the right mood to fully appreciate. That’s hardly a complaint, more a heads up than anything else. So if you’re looking for a good drama that leave you moved, The Sweet Hereafter is a very well-made, emotional powerhouse of a movie for those interested.
And the best music video by Spike Jonze is…
“WEAPON OF CHOICE” by Fatboy Slim!
What a freakin’ great video. Who am I kidding, they’re all great videos!
A satisfying end to Spike Jonze week if I do say so myself.
RESULTS:
“Buddy Holly” – Weezer: 2 votes (awesome)
“Weapon of Choice” – Fatboy Slim: 11 votes
“Praise You” – Fatboy Slim: 2 votes (my personal favorite)
“Sabotage” – Beastie Boys: 3 votes
“It’s Oh So Quiet” – Bjork: 4 votes
“California” – WAX: 0 votes (not quite sure why I put this in the running, but still, cool video)
And I swear I’ll get around to reviewing Three Kings one of these days (aka: Spike Jonze tackles acting).
Where the Wild Things Are (2009)
VERDICT:
7/10 Vivid Imaginations
I’ve been racking my brain over this movie since I walked out of the theater, and while it wasn’t what I expected, I can’t say I’m disappointed.
Where the Wild Things Are is about a lonely kid named Max that freaks out and runs away from home after being ignored one too many times by his family. While wandering through the woods in his neighborhood, he discovers a sailboat, hops on in, and cruises on over to the land of the Wild Things where he is eventually embraced as their king.
If you haven’t read the book, you’re gonna have to take this movie with a grain of salt because that synopsis right there probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to you right now. Go read the book anyway, it takes five minutes to get through, it’s a freakin’ classic and chances are the person sitting closest to you has a copy of it in their bookshelf right now. Man, who didn’t grow up with this book?
Considering I’m not in that minority, to say I was excited to see this movie is the cinematic understatement of the year. The reality of Spike Jonze spearheading the film adaptation of the book my parents had read to me an ungodly amount of times as a kid had me sold from the get-go. It also helped that it was being promoted with the best trailer I’ve seen in a long while.
Great book + great director + great trailer = giddy Aiden.
So yeah, expectations were high.
But after finally getting the chance to see it, I’m still not really sure what I think about all of it.
In terms of remaining faithful to the source material, everything’s there. But how couldn’t it be? There’s hardly anything there to begin with. And that was what I liked most about the story, when it kept things simple and went by what the book had already laid out. But considering that you can’t take a five-minute children’s book and turn it into a nearly two-hour long movie while keeping it verbatim, something had to be added. This was to be expected, but it wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.
In short, it’s not simple. Not in the least.
And this is where things got kinda muddled for me. Once Max reaches the Wild Things, the story takes on a whole different tone. It ends up becoming about Max trying to fix the Wild Things’ problems, to take away their loneliness and make life good again in the limited ways he knows how. This role he takes on as their king and savior in a way puts a mirror up to his own circumstances and mindset as a Wild Thing himself, or at least a Wild Thing in wolf’s clothing. In certain ways it’s an interesting a story about growing up, about family, about having good intentions but producing adverse results, but it’s all really, really complicated, more so than it probably needed to be.
I can appreciate what Jonze was going for here, but somewhere in the process it seems like things got a little lost in translation. It was hard for me to understand the significance of certain scenes and certain relationships amongst the Wild Things along with Max’s role in their lives, and believe me, I was trying really hard to break it all down. I’ve been struggling to come up with a way to explain how and why the story here was so difficult for me to follow, but it’s something you really just need to interpret for yourself as it requires a surprising amount of thought and analysis from its viewers.
I’m also not really sure what audience this movie is catering to considering that it’s a children’s movie with a story line that no child can really understand. The parents are probably going to get more out of its astoundingly mature message than any of their kids will.
But aside from the storyline which I’m still not sure is a good thing or a bad thing, Where the Wild Things Are is still an absolutely stunning movie to sit back and marvel at. The visuals seem to be ripped right out of a child’s dreamscape and brought to life by Spike Jonze as though they were his own. The trailer’s just a taste, but you really have to see it for yourself to get that full, delicious serving.
The reason I love Spike Jonze is that he’s all about making movies that are fun, that remind us that our world is really something else to behold, and Wild Things is probably his most accomplished display of both these notions so far. Okay, ending my “Ode to Spike” at that.
The voice acting is also very good considering that it’s got one hell of an all-star cast behind incredibly believable and emotive Wild Thing puppets/costumes. Max Records is also solid as Max – which happens to be the first acting role of his life (lucky). Cool name, too. He could be a super hero if this acting thing doesn’t work out.
And since it’s not every day I come across directors with great taste in music, there’s also a great soundtrack here by Karen O. from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to go along with it all. I might even go ahead buy that soundtrack. It’s that good.
Anyway, I should wrap this up, this is ridiculously long for my taste. I’ve tried my best, but it’s still pretty hard to put down into words the kind of experience I had and you’ll have with Where the Wild Things Are. What you see will take your breath away, and for that reason alone I would recommend it, but I think I’m going to need to give this one another watch to really get a better grasp on everything it was trying to say. But still, give it a shot, it’s the most original thing you’ll see all year.
Now I just need to figure out where the hell I get one of those wolf suits…
SIDE NOTE:
Dear WordPress Staff,
Thank you for being so painfully awesome and putting this post on your home page. You’re the bomb, WordPress is the bomb, you totally made my day. Thanks for reading.
– Aiden
Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (2007)
VERDICT:
7/10 Bad Ideas
A good, overlooked movie about really bad people making one really bad decision after another until they’re too far deep to achieve any kind of redemption. It’s a real pick-me-upper alright.
Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead follows the lives of two brothers, the older of which is rich and successful, the younger of which is not so much of either. So when the younger bro goes to his older bro for some financial assistance, the older bro comes up with a freakin’ genius scheme if there ever was one – to rob their parents’ jewelry store in broad daylight.
A Swiss watch of a plan if you ask me.
Anyway, it’s directed by Sidney Lumet, a guy who’s seemingly been putting out a new movie every other weekend for the past thirty years, some of which being Dog Day Afternoon, Serpico, Network, 12 Angry Men, and a slew of other great movies that would probably compel some directors to just quit while they’re ahead. Point is, if you’ve never heard of him, take note, sucka’s. Lumet knows his shit and this is one more gritty, accomplished addition to his epic collection of work.
But aside from Lumet, the main draw to this movie is its cast. The younger brother is played by Ethan Hawke, and even though he always seems to me like the same emotional, mopey, misunderstood teen he played in Dead Poets Society, I like Ethan Hawke. He’s pretty good here and gets the job done.
But the older brother is played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, and I don’t really need to add much to that considering he has made it perfectly clear by now that he is not fucking around. He’s the most morally corrupt character in the movie with the most character development, and it also helps that he’s got the best lines that allow him to yell a lot. Hoffman’s just a wild man and a rip to watch every time. Very good casting choice.
Marisa Tomei is also here as Hoffman’s two-timing girlfriend, and if you thought she was comfortable with her body in The Wrestler, consider this a glaring precursor of things to come. Very, very naked. All the time. But she’s a good actor, too. So that works out.
Albert Finney’s good in it, too. I like Albert Finney, solid actor.
But aside from the cast, the story is also good and memorable in a very intense and totally unsettling way. I was about to call it forgettable, then I remembered the pit in my stomach I had after walking out of the theater and how all I wanted was for the person sitting next to me to reach over and give me a hug. This is one well-written, pitch-black movie with some of the most believably evil characters I’ve seen in a good while. Some of this shit would make Darth Vader shake his head and say, “Jesus H. Murphy, this family’s a freakin’ mess.”
Only complaint is that it’s almost too dark at times. After a while you really just want these people to catch a break, more for your own sake than for theirs, but it doesn’t take much foresight to figure out that things aren’t exactly turning up for this family. How about a knock-knock joke or something? Anything! Please!
I remember when this first came out someone convinced my aunt that she’d like this movie – my super-nice aunt who can barely handle anything worse than The Sound of Music – and, needless to say, the poor woman was borderline shell-shocked by the time the end credits rolled around. It’s not for everyone – actually, it’s definitely not for everyone – but if you’re in the mood for family tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, you might want to check this out, Debbie Downer.
And with the holidays coming up, the next time you need a reminder that you’re dysfunctional family really isn’t all that bad, Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead will do the trick just fine.
The Girlfriend Experience (2009)
VERDICT:
6/10 Awkward Relationships
Who knew porn stars could act? Interesting.
The Girlfriend Experience is about a high-class call girl in New York City trying to get ahead in her unique line of work while balancing her relationship with her live-in boyfriend.
Interesting subject material, but interesting doesn’t always make for compelling.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen one of Steven Soderbergh’s more recent movies, I think the last one might have been Solaris (which sucked), but considering he’s one of the better directors out there who’s made some pretty phenomenal movies when he isn’t churning out Ocean’s sequels, I felt I owed it to myself to give The Girlfriend Experience a looksee.
There are a couple things that probably stick out to you from just the first two sentences of this review. The main character (“the girlfriend”) is played by porn star Sasha Grey, an individual who’s acting abilities aren’t exactly what she’s known best for, at least not the kind that will win her an Oscar. Not to say that she’s a bad actor or anything, because she’s fine here, but one peculiar casting choice all the same. Then again, it makes sense that if you’re going to have a woman get naked/play a hooker in your movie, it kinda makes sense to cast someone who’s already all about getting naked/doing the hooker thing in front of oodles of people. I almost feel bad for actresses sometimes when they have to go nude in movies, like, now everyone knows what your boobs look like, congratulations. You don’t have that problem with porn stars, and I kinda dig that. I don’t know, something to think about.
Naturally, one would assume this movie to be pretty raunchy as a result of Ms. Grey being in it, but surprisingly enough, all the sex is only alluded to, there’s really no nudity, and the main reason it’s rated “R” is because of the subject material and some bad words here and there. Other than that, pretty tame for a movie about this kind of thing; pay no attention to the ridiculous tag line of “SEE IT WITH SOMEONE YOU ****”.
Charming.
The other thing that might have stood out to you is that the said call girl is shacking up with what is either the best boyfriend in the history of dating or one naive, desperate-as-all-hell sucker of a guy. It takes a while to process what their relationship is because it’s so unbelievable, and therein lies the double-edged sword of this story. On one hand, yeah, it’s interesting to a degree and was the main aspect of the story that kept me watching, but on the other hand, I don’t think there are many couples out there that would be comfortable having this conversation when they get home from work:
Boyfriend Experience: “Hi, honey! How was work today?”
Girlfriend Experience: “Oh, you know, same old, same old. Banged some guys, might have AIDS, had lunch an Nobu, then banged some more guys, none of whom were you. But enough about me, how was your day?”
Boyfriend Experience: “…What was that part about you having AIDS?”
Yeah, I don’t think so.
Watched this with my good buddy Fred who utterly disliked it mainly because all the characters are totally vapid and uninteresting and you don’t care about them or their situations as a result. Even though I thought the premise was interesting, Fred is kinda right on this one. The movie feels very natural and unscripted, which works in making this outrageous relationship seem at least somewhat plausible, but the movie is also 77 minutes long and doesn’t leave much room for character development. Ms. Grey in particular comes off as very emotionally detached from everything and everyone around her, which works in a way because her character’s line of work requires her to be whatever her clients desire, but even when she’s not turning tricks she’s very blah.
Anyway, from a visual standpoint this movie is very pretty. I like that Soderbergh pretty much just grabbed an HD camera and made this movie right then and there, but no matter how pretty a movie is, you can’t salvage a boring script. The plot structure is also wildly un-chronological which makes the story and characters absurdly difficult to keep track of. That doesn’t help at all, that was a dumb idea.
I feel like this has been a somewhat harsh review for a 6 out of 10, but in the end I did actually like The Girlfriend Experience. It’s quite different and there’s an appeal to it that feels pretty fresh and intriguing despite it’s flaws. Might not be for everyone and it’s not Soderbergh’s best by a long shot, but an interesting little movie all the same.
Jackass: The Movie (2002)
VERDICT:
7/10 Hematomas
Being that it was produced by the man of the hour and since I remember an episode of the show where he antiqued someone in broad daylight, I’m gonna go ahead and enter this one into Spike Jonze week.
Jackass is about a group of guys with alarmingly high pain thresholds that make idiots of themselves in public places and hurt themselves for our enjoyment.
And it is totally sweet.
I’m sure the humor here isn’t for everyone and it might not appeal to an older/more refined crowd, but if you’re like me and your memories of TV in High School boiled down to you and your friends crapping yourselves in the school cafeteria from laughing so hard over last night’s episode of Jackass and Chappelle’s Show, then yeah, you’ll like Jackass: The Movie.
The formula is simple: it’s funny when other people get hurt, not to the point where they get put in a coma or anything, but more like when someone gets hit in the balls by a football. See, that sentence just made me laugh, and I bet it made you laugh, too. Everyone appreciates a good nut shot, or at least I think everyone does.
So if you haven’t already gathered, Jackass: The Movie is really just like watching the show for an hour and a half, only they can curse now and no longer have the TV censors to stop them from filming someone getting a toy car put up their hoo-ha. But that’s cool, I’ve watched Jackass marathons for longer than that and the next time a repeat comes on to break up the God-awful shit they have on MTV nowadays, there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll be dropping whatever I’m doing so that I can laugh my ass off for the next half-hour.
And, yes, it gets pretty damn gross, but the show was gross, too. No surprises there.
There’s no acting, there’s no script, there’s nothing really to judge this movie on other than whether it’s funny or not, which it is. But that’s one of the reasons I like Jackass; anyone could have made that show, anyone could have made this movie, and these guys are the ones that finally just did it and capitalized on it. It’s like the R-rated version of America’s Funniest Home Videos, and that’s a pretty freakin’ sweet pitch for a show if you ask me.
Even if you catch this movie on TV, it’s still really funny. It’s also better than the sequel and I dig that some of the best skits aren’t even gross in the least. Jackass: The Movie won’t convert you if laughing at the expense of others isn’t exactly your cup of urine, but for the rest of us who can’t help but laugh a little before asking someone if they’re okay, you’re gonna have a good time with this one.
Adaptation. (2002)
VERDICT:
9/10 Writer’s Blocks
In keeping with the Spike Jonze theme this week, today I’ll be going over his sophomore directing effort. Not as good as Malkovich, but it’s arguably the best movie about writing…ever.
Adaptation. is about screenwriter Charlie Kaufman who’s been hired to adapt a screenplay out of the book “The Orchid Thief” by Susan Orlean (which is pretty much just a book about orchids) in the wake of his successful debut screenplay, Being John Malkovich. As a result of being asked to accomplish this near-impossible task, he racks his brain to the point of insanity trying to figure out how to write an un-filmable script as it evolves/devolves into a story about his own convoluted life.
It’s actually really freakin’ hard to put this movie’s plot into a nutshell, but that’s about as good as it’s gonna get, folks.
The first time I saw this movie, I didn’t get it. I was quite confused by it all and really wasn’t sure what in the hell was going on during the last half-hour. Then I gave it another shot last year and absolutely loved it. It helps a lot if you understand the writing process and what a total bitch it is trying to write a good screenplay, but even if you’ve never so much as written a haiku in grade school, it’s hard not to appreciate this script for how brilliant and out there it is.
This leads me to the enigma that is Charlie Kaufman’s role in all this. I’m gonna do my best to explain this, but it might get trippy. This script of his isn’t so much about his struggle to make orchids appealing to a mass audience, instead it’s more about the writing process itself. For the first two Acts of the movie, it all holds together in a believable manner as it deals with him trying think of every angle he can attack this sucker without allowing himself to become a hack writer like his twin brother, Donald (who doesn’t actually exist in real life but is written in to the script as Charlie’s alter-ego of sorts), then in the last Act everything does a 180 of sorts and becomes the movie that people expect to see, the movie that Charlie has been trying to painfully avoid making, but it all works out.
Like I said, hard to describe, but that’s how it goes when you’re describing things that haven’t been done before. It’s weird, and you might not get it now, but it’s totally worth seeing this movie just to get everything all cleared up. But that’s what you expect from Charlie Kaufman and that’s why we love him.
Charlie and Donald are both played here by Nicolas Cage. Now, I’m not Nic’s biggest fan, but since it must have been really freakin’ hard to pull off acting as two very different characters at the same time and manage to do it really well without overacting or yelling for no apparent reason, I tip my fedora to him. Nic, you need to start taking more roles like this, man. We like you when you’re calm.
The other two great actors here are Meryl Streep (shocker) and Chris Cooper. Meryl Streep plays Susan Orlean, the author of “The Orchid Thief” (real author, real book) who falls for Chris Cooper, an orchid hunter with one interesting outlook on life and a terribly unfortunate case of gingivitis. What is there to say about Meryl Streep that hasn’t already been said? Even if all her lines involved her belching and farting at the end of every sentence, I’m pretty sure she’d still kick ass and would garner another Oscar nod. Anyway, she’s great here as usual, has a great character to work with, and nails this freakin’ hilarious scene where she gets high for the first time and all she can do is stare at her toes with a shit-eating grin on her face and hum into a telephone for lengths at a time. Good stuff.
But I’m glad Chris Cooper actually got the Oscar for this one. He’s a great actor and he is so freakin’ good here. There are a lot of great characters in this movie, but Cooper really makes this hillbilly orchid thief stand out amongst the pack. He quickly becomes as completely interesting to the audience in the way that Susan Orlean finds him, you forget how ridiculous he looks and you grow to admire him for the passionate individual he prides himself on being. He also has some of the best lines in the movie and gives one absolutely fantastic speech about how he used to be obsessed with fish in the same way he’s now obsessed with orchids. Why’d he give up fish? “Fuck fish!” That’s why.
Awesome.
Point is, Chris Cooper’s the man. Makes me happy to see him get his due.
Adaptation. is a movie you need to pay attention to and one that rewards you entirely for your efforts. It’s somewhat confusing, it’s beyond crazy, but Spike Jonze does a great job of bringing together all its fantastic strengths that you can’t help but enjoy it as something you’ve never really seen before. Very funny, very intelligent, and very, very original. That’s one awesome trifecta right there.
There’s also a great cameo by Brian Cox as Dr. Bob McKee – the almighty guru of screenwriting. Brian Cox is sweet. He needs to get his due, too.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)
VERDICT:
5/10 Jersey Hipsters
Eh, sweet but forgettable.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist is about a heartbroken kid with great taste in music that runs into a girl at a club who also has great taste in music and happens to hate the ex-girlfriend this kid can’t stop crying about. Over the course of one chaotic night in New York City trying to track down the locale of their favorite band’s secret show, Nick and Norah learn to grow.
Awwwwww.
It’s nice and all, but the thing about Nick and Norah is that it really has nothing new to bring to the table when it comes to romantic comedies, especially the ones that are trying to really, really hard to be the next Juno. It’s a story about growing up and moving on, but it’s the same old story we’ve all heard before. The whole thing is just very unspectacular, to the point where you kind of wonder what the point of it all was.
I don’t know, it just felt like I was watching normal teenagers be painfully normal around each other. There’s nothing very unique about them, you wouldn’t really want to hang out with them because there’s nothing all that special about them, and the whole time I was watching it I couldn’t help but think, “This feels just like a mediocre night out I would spend with my own friends, only it’s not as funny and I don’t know these people. I should go hang out with my friends more.”
And, yeah, it tries to be funny but it doesn’t really work. Smiled here and there, but can’t say that I laughed. There are two amusing bit cameos by Seth Meyers and Andy Samberg from SNL, but other than that, meh.
The story is okay, but you don’t really care about where the secret show is located, you don’t really care whether Nick is going get over his ex and shack up with Norah, and you don’t really care about any of the other problems that are going on aside from all this drama. Look, I’ve had crazier, funnier nights in NYC just in the past two weeks. Nick and Norah definitely could have used a good dose of believable debauchery and a heightened sense of humor to make an all-nighter in The Big Apple seem as wild as it actually is.
I guess the redeeming aspects here are Michael Cera, Kat Dennings, and that it avoids being a bad movie by being nothing short of ordinary. Michael Cera plays Nick as the same nervous, endearing, hopeless romantic role that everyone knows him for, but since I like Michael Cera and think he plays that role well, not gonna knock him for it. One day he’ll branch out and it will be glorious, just you wait. And Norah here is played by Kat Dennings, who I only know from her bit role as Catherine Keener’s daughter in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. But hey, she’s pretty good here, too. Probably the best character in the movie actually, but that’s not something to go crazy over. They both do a good job of coming off as very believable because it seems like all they had to do was just be themselves, which is fine.
I didn’t not like Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, it’s just…there. Don’t see myself going back to it anytime soon, probably won’t be recommending it to anyone either, but not a waste of two hours by any means. Nice to see movies that appreciate quality music at least.
Paranormal Activity (2009)
VERDICT:
6/10 Idiot Boyfriends
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that this movie had me tossing in bed for a good extra hour or so last night, but still, it could have been better.
Paranormal Activity is about a happy couple that move in together after going steady for a good three years. One day the boyfriend buys a pimped out hi-def video camera and sets it up in their bedroom because his girlfriend recently dropped a bomb on him by revealing that she has been haunted by a demon her entire life. Somehow, he doesn’t dump her on the spot and they decide to stick out this whole haunting thing no matter how painfully obvious it gets they are soundly fucked.
Being that it’s a horror mockumentary, the comparison to The Blair Witch Project is there right from the get-go (man, I can’t believe I still haven’t seen that movie). Nonetheless, it’s a pretty fresh take on the haunted house genre as it comes off like a mix between Blair Witch (only not in the woods), Poltergeist (only without that creepy-ass clown doll), and Open Water (only without the sharks).
Now, I’m pathetic when it comes to horror movies; I love ’em, but I’m pathetic. This is me during every horror movie I’ve ever seen. I have this thing where I’m more freaked out by the noise than the visuals, so as soon as shit’s about to go down, I plug up and curl next to my good buddy Fred while he shakes his head in shame. The point is, I was doing that a lot in this movie.
The scares here work on a couple levels. The first being that the whole mockumentary vibe does a good job of helping you forget that this is just a movie. It took a lot of self-convincing last night that just because I went and saw this movie it didn’t mean that a demon was going to be coming for me in the middle of the night. Again, pathetic. But if this movie has one thing going for it it’s that the scares aren’t cheap. It drives me crazy horror movies try to get you to jump out of your seat just by blaring loud noises over the speakers whenever something jumps out at you; anyone can do that. Paranormal Activity on the other hand has no soundtrack or surprise audio and instead makes you poop your pants through a slow boil as more and more bizarro shit starts happening that can only be explained as…DEMONRY!
The other thing it does well is that it never shows you what the said demon looks like. If there’s a lesson more horror movies should learn, it’s that if you’re going to show everyone what your monster/villain/whatever is going to look like, either don’t do it at all or do it at the very, very end. The things people can make up in their mind are a million times more frightening than anything you could ever show them. Since you never see what’s actually causing all this tomfoolery, the movie thus does a great job of toying with its audience just as it toys with its main characters.
And I don’t know how they pulled off some of the special effects here without making it look like it was filmed in front of a green screen, because they are damn impressive.
But my big problem with this movie is that the characters, at least the boyfriend, are so. freaking. stupid. I’m of the mindset that if I ever came across incontrovertible proof that a demon was in my house because it had a jones for my girlfriend, I would pack my shit and move on with my life. But for some reason, the boyfriend here instead thinks having a demon tearing shit up at night is the coolest thing he’s ever seen. Why? Who the hell knows.
When you’re dealing with a demon, the last thing you do is egg on the demon. Yes, you should call that demonologist. No, you shouldn’t buy that ouija board. No, you shouldn’t stay in the house just so you can catch it all on film. What the hell is your problem, man?
IDIOT!
It’s really too bad that this guy is such a dumbass and makes this movie fall into a stereotypical complaint that everyone has with horror movies, because it does a lot of things right otherwise. But then again, Paranormal Activity still messed me up. Wasn’t quite as horrifying as The Orphanage and it could have used some more character development, but boy does this sucker get under your skin. Had the potential to be truly awesome.
And the worst Adam Sandler movie (so far) is…
YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN!
This was the largest poll yet as there were many fine choices to be made, but somehow, some way, the movie about an Israeli Special Forces soldier that becomes a hair stylist in New York City managed to claim the coveted title here. Truly shocking, but the people have spoken.
RESULTS:
Click: 1 vote
Bedtime Stories: 3 votes
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan: 7 votes
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: 4 votes
50 First Dates: 1 vote
Anger Management: 1 vote
The Longest Yard: 2 votes (go watch the original, it’s awesome)
Mr. Deeds: 0 votes (I think the picture of Steve Buscemi as Crazy Eyes saved this one)
Other: 5 votes (proving that this poll was in fact not long enough as Bulletproof, Funny People, Little Nicky, Punch-Drunk Love, and “All of the above” have also been mentioned.)
Oh, how the mighty have fallen…
Cut The Crap Movie Reviews 
