Psycho (1960)
VERDICT:
9/10 Mama’s Boys
Might just be my favorite Hitchcock movie right behind North by Northwest.
Psycho is about a woman that jacks $40,000 from her boss at the bank she works at and gets the hell out of dodge so that she can run away with her lover and get married. One the way to meet her hubby, she books a room at The Bates Motel for the night, has dinner with the hotel’s weirdo owner/resident taxidermist – one Mr. Norman Bates -she smiles politely while he yaks about his mom all night, then she decides to take a shower…
You probably know what happens next, but just in case you’re one of the few who’s never even heard of Psycho, I’m gonna play it safe and let you see it for yourself.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen this, but it’s also one of those movies that’s pretty hard to forget. Can’t think of too many horror movies from 1960 that don’t feel dated fifty years later and still manage to scare the wits out of people without the use of special effects or stupid teens having sex in an abandon cabin in the woods. Well, maybe not that second part, but definitely that first part.
The reason the story works so well here is because it plays into the human psyche. It’s not about your worst nightmares coming to life, nor does is it just trying to scare you by grossing you out which seems to be an all-too-common misunderstanding with many a horror director nowadays (listen up, Eli Roth), it’s scary because it’s about how that otherwise normal-looking guy sitting to next to you on the bus may very well have the potential to chop your damn head off. Screw hockey masks and machetes, screw claw gloves and bad dreams, the idea that any one of us, the countless number of people we all walk by every single day, might be a psycho waiting to snap, now that’s some scary shit.
But the story isn’t the only thing thing that makes Psycho scary. I truly appreciate horror movies that don’t just blare loud crashes and bangs over the audio whenever something jumps on screen just to get a cheap scare out of the audience, and even though there aren’t many scenes here that’ll make your heart skip a beat like so, holy hell does this movie have one effective horror score. Even though it only really boils down to some guy scratching away on the highest note of his violin over and over and over, there aren’t a whole lot of sounds that scream “AAAAHHHHHH!” like this simple little ditty. Jaws is the only other movie I can think of that uses the same kind of technique, but even then you’re already pretty much aware that the Orca is soundly effed by the time the music rolls around.
Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates is also another big reason this movie will creep you right out. I don’t know how this guy got any acting gigs after this that weren’t for movies called Psycho 2. Again, doing my best not to spoil anything, but the point is that he’s a damn good.
And come on, it’s Alfred Hitchcock we’re talking about, the legend himself. Film buffs can go to freakin’ town on this movie analyzing all the brilliant little subtleties that speak volumes about things most people watching this movie could give a two shits about and all the groundbreaking directing techniques he used that had never been done before (and he was responsible for a lot of them), but luckily for the casual moviegoer, Hitchcock is also famous for being one of cinema’s best storytellers and he tells one crazy riff here.
Don’t write this off because it’s in black-and-white, doesn’t matter if it was made before you were born or that you don’t know who any of the actors are, Psycho is one of the all-time great thrillers and one of the all-time great horror movies. I was totally shocked at how much this movie freaked me out the first time I saw it and I’m pretty confident in saying that you’ll end up having a similar reaction.
So give it up for Psycho, folks. What better time to revisit this sinister mofo than now.
Oh, and don’t see the ’90s remake. I’ve only caught bits and pieces, but it doesn’t take much to recognize unnecessary movies when you see one.
The Descent (2005)
VERDICT:
8/10 Ladies Nights
One of the better horror movies I’ve seen in recent memory and probably the best horror movie of ’05. Yes, even better than House of Wax. Yes, I sat through House of Wax.
The Descent is about a woman and her five adrenaline junkie girl friends that decide to take a weekend to go cave diving as a way to help the said woman take her mind off the recent deaths of her husband and daughter (just go with it). Because cave diving isn’t all that smart of an idea to begin with and I’m assuming that this would be somewhat inevitable, the women cause a rock slide, get caught in the cave, and then have to fight their way out from all the creepy, kooky shit that’s standing in their way.
I think I’ll be sticking to strictly non-athletic activities next time I’ve grieving, thank you very much.
Watched this with a group of friends a year or so after it came out since it disappeared from theaters like a fart in the wind. Considering how wildly unnerving the experience was just seeing it on a TV in a dark room, I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t subject myself to a more in-your-face setting than the one I chose.
A couple things about this movie that make it so damn scary. Lots of solid jump-out-of-your-knickers moments, some of which are completely unexpected and will leave you hooting and hollering like the frightened ape you are, others you pretty much know are waiting right around the corner but still manage to be completely startling. Most of these scares are due to the freaky bastards the women stumble upon the further down they go (sorry if that was a smidge of a spoiler, but come on, of course there’s going to be weird shit down in that cave), and being that there happens to be a nice little village of these freaky bastards setting up shop in the center of the Earth, the scares come quite often.
But the biggest reason this movie continually sent chills up my spine from one scene to the next and the biggest reason this is going down as a standout horror movie of the past ten years is the unbelievable sense of claustrophobia it evokes. Outside of dolls (a story I’ll save for another time), claustrophobia is one of the only things that really freaks me out. Insects, heights, clowns, Carrot Top – not a problem. The idea of finding myself crawling down a tube like Andy Dufresne at the end of Shawshank and getting completely stuck with no one there to pull me out, leaving me to die helplessly as I yell my lungs out, that’s messed up.
I don’t know any other movies that play to this fear, and even if claustrophobia is no big deal for you, it may damn well be after The Descent. Man, that feeling of being trapped, I’ve been shaking my head like crazy just thinking about it while writing this review. Some of the scenes here, absolutely terrifying.
But aside from the scary stuff, The Descent is just an all-around good movie. It’s super intense as it builds from one scene to the next, the main character has some great development as she goes from Sarah Connor in The Terminator at the beginning of story to Sarah Connor in T2 by the story’s end, it’s beautifully directed by Neil Marshall (who for some reason followed this up with Doomsday, which I hear sucked), and believe me, it’s an hour and 40 minutes not easily shaken off. The story’s just okay, so is the acting, but you’ll probably find little to complain about when you’re looking over your shoulder for albino cannibals afterwards.
You may not have heard of it, but definitely give it a watch. Totally crazy.
The Ring (2002)
VERDICT:
9/10 Brand Spankin’ New DVD Players
I really don’t get it when people tell me they weren’t scared by this movie. I don’t think I turned on my TV or answered my phone for a good week after seeing this evil bastard.
The Ring is about a nosy journalist that discovers a suspect VHS tape while investigating the mysterious death of a teenage girl who was found in her closet looking like this. Because she’s a journalist and because she’s just so darn nosy, she pops the tape into her hi-tech VHS player, watches all the bizarro shit that’s on it, then receives a phone call whereupon a creepy girl’s voice informs her that she has seven days left to live. Nice one. So over the next week she starts investigating everything about the video in hopes to find a way to, you know, not die.
I was thinking about giving this movie an 8 when it occurred to me that it’s freakin’ October and I’ve only reviewed a measly three horror movies this month, then I thought back to all the J-horror remakes that came out after this and how The Ring is the only one that wasn’t utterly abysmal. A well-deserved 9. Suck on that, One Missed Call.
Luckily, I didn’t catch this in theaters, so I was able to shit my pants in the comforts of my own home. I watched it with a family friend who’d already seen it and I vividly remember the moment I saw that first dead girl’s face in the closet just as I was about to take a bite out of my pizza. Strangely enough, I didn’t jump out of my seat like the pathetic wimp I am, but instead my entire body froze and I didn’t touch that slice of pizza for the rest of the night.
So, yes, if it’s not crystal by now, this movie is pretty effing scary (and it didn’t help that the main character’s creepy son is named Aidan). There are some serious jump out of your seat moments here and there, but it’s most effective when it aims to create a pretty unsettling and completely unnerving experience for those watching. From the damn video that it the movie forces you to sit through to each new chilling discovery as the journalist starts to unravel the grim story behind it, just cross your fingers that someone doesn’t call you during this thing like someone did to me.
And it’s great because the scares feel new for once. Right from the get-go you realize that this is something different. It doesn’t go for the generic horror scares like looking back into a mirror and seeing someone standing behind you, instead it lets you wait it out, slowly building the tension, teasing you until you’re curled up in the fetal position looking through your fingers, and it is awesome. I still haven’t seen Ringu, but Gore Verbinksi really did a kickass job of putting together a finely crafted horror movie that legitimately freaks you the fuck out without being cheap. Not an easy thing to do.
The story is great, the villain is absolutely fantastic, the acting is good on everyone’s part (special mention to Brian Cox who never gets the respect he deserves), it’s a really pretty and terribly eerie movie to take in when you’re not hiding under your T-shirt, and it’s simply one of the most original and effective horror movies of the new millennium. I’m hearing noises in my apartment right now and getting freaked out just by writing this, so I should probably go ahead and wrap things up.
Go watch The Ring. It’s October for chrissakes.
And don’t see the sequel. The sequel’s a piece of shit.
And the best Adam Sandler movie (so far) is…
HAPPY GILMORE!
Easily my favorite of the bunch, truly amazed at how many people weighed in on this one. I feel so popular!
RESULTS:
Airheads: 0 votes (no idea why I included this one)
Billy Madison: 9 votes
Happy Gilmore: 17 votes
The Wedding Singer: 6 votes (no love)
The Waterboy: 3 votes
Bid Daddy: 9 votes
Punch-Drunk Love: 12 votes
Funny People: 2 votes
Other: 1 vote for Reign Over Me and 1 vote for The Longest Yard (what?)
Give it up for Chubbs, everybody. Carl Weathers in the house.
Heavenly Creatures (1994)
VERDICT:
7/10 Experimental Periods
With The Lovely Bones coming out soon, figured I’d give this a look being that it’s the only other movie by Peter Jackson that doesn’t feature wizards, zombies, or giant apes.
Heavenly Creatures is the increasingly strange true story about two High School girls in New Zealand that form a strong friendship through their wild imaginations, then the friendship grows into obsession, then the obsession leads to murder.
Too much drama in High School.
But yeah, it’s all true and it’s quite bizarre. The story itself is pretty interesting not so much because it actually happened but rather because of the way Jackson presents it to his audience.
It’s really interesting to watch this as a turning point of sorts for Peter Jackson as he started to evolve from B-movie horror director to the dude behind the effing Lord of the Rings trilogy. It’s kind of weird that the camerawork in this movie feels just like it does in Dead Alive – one of Jackson’s more noteworthy gorefests – as it’s composed of constant zooming, extreme close-ups all the time, off-kilter angles, and very few stationary shots. It moves along at a mile a minute, but somehow it all works.
The best way I can describe what it’s like to watch an early Peter Jackson movie is that after a while you feel like your stuck in a carnival fun house. The scenes that take place in the girls’ imaginary worlds are the most evident examples of what I’m talking about as they all pretty much boil down to clay figurines of knights and princes coming to life to dance or kill people. Sounds weird, but it’s actually pretty cool and helps to put the Lovely Bones trailer in perspective for me.
Even the acting is distinctively Peter Jackson as nearly everyone in the cast delivers their lines with almost too much enthusiasm to the point where they’re practically caricatures of the people they’re playing. It’s like everyone’s on a Red Bull high all the time, it’s very intense to take in, but it also makes the dialogue pretty funny in turn, which is a good thing. And considering that it doesn’t take long for these two girls to go from weird to batshit, P.J. does a fine job of utilizing this directorial style to present them at their most crazy.
Alright, enough about Peter Jackson, you get the point.
The two girls are played by Melanie Lynskey and Kate Winslet in their breakthrough roles, even though I still don’t really know who the hell Melanie Lynskey is. Nonetheless, they’re both good even though Winslet kinda steals the show. Not the best thing she’s ever done, but whatever, hard to knock Kate Winslet for anything nowadays.
I’m having trouble with this review because so much of what makes it unique are the visuals. It’s got a good script and good actors to work with it, but the story actually didn’t end up being all that interesting. You know how it ends right from the get-go and it’s only a matter of time before the two girls finally lost their shit completely. But still, I liked Heavenly Creatures, not a dealbreaker of a complaint. Worth a watch if you’re the head of the Kate Winslet fan club or a just looking forward to seeing how Peter Jackson is going to pull off The Lovely Bones.
First Blood (1982)
VERDICT:
9/10 Out-of-Towners
A personal favorite and the best Rambo of the bunch.
First Blood is about former Green Beret John Rambo returning to the U.S. of A. after serving his tour of duty over in Vietnam. So he’s minding his own business, hitching across the country to visit his old war buddies, when one day he comes across this small town sheriff who starts pushing him for no reason at all. The said sheriff then makes the mistake of trying to put Rambo in jail for disturbing the peace, so Rambo runs into the forest and starts kicking ass in a potato sack all because no one will listen to him.
So, kids, next time you see a war veteran walking down the street, do the right thing and don’t act like a dick. Never a good idea to provoke war vets.
Probably the first point worth noting about First Blood is that it’s not really a Rambo movie, not in the title, not in the meaning, and not in the plot. Well, the characters are always the same, and there’s guns, but that’s about it. This is First Blood, not Rambo: First Blood. Every movie after this consisted of G. I. Johnny getting sent in to some war-torn country, getting captured by the enemy, escaping, grabbing a machine gun with infinite ammo, and then proceeding to kill everyone in sight. While this is awesome in its own right, this does not happen in First Blood, and that’s exactly why I dig this movie.
Even though Rambo messes up guys pretty bad here, people forget that he actually doesn’t kill a single one of them – well, except for one guy that falls out of a helicopter after Rambo throws a rock at it, but we’ll plead self defense on that one and let it slide. Don’t get me wrong, this is an action movie – one of the all-time great action movies at that – but the selling point here is really the movie’s message more than anything else.
The script was ahead of its time in dealing with issues like P.T.S.D. and understanding/misunderstanding what it must be like to try and return to a normal life at home when all you know is war, especially when everyone around you has no idea. Sylvester Stallone actually gives a really awesome speech at the end about this that brings everything full circle and keeps it from being another shoot-em-upper; shit is no joke. His outrageous accent doesn’t really help much, but still, might be some of the best acting of his career.
But Stallone’s acting aside, this is John Rambo we’re talking about here, the ultimate one-man-army that started a revolution of badass action heroes. He doesn’t talk a whole lot and doesn’t have the most magnetic personality, but throw him in the woods with his trusty knife and bandanna and he is good to go. The dude sews up his own wounds after cauterizing them with gun powder. Come on, it doesn’t get much more hardcore than that.
Brian Dennehy is also good as the ignorant sheriff, but this is Stallone’s show and everyone knows it.
Only complaint is that some of the traps Rambo sets up in the woods are outrageously complex and in no way could be whipped up in an hour. But I’ll own up and admit that as one stupid-ass complaint, just being annoyingly nit picky.
If you’ve never seen First Blood, don’t just write it off as mindless drivel. There aren’t too many action movies with as much heart as this and I guarantee you’ll be surprised at how true this sentiment is by the time the end credits roll around. Rambo was awesome, but like I said, it’s no First Blood.
SIDE NOTE:
Along with Snake Plissken, John Rambo was also one of the main inspirations for Big Boss in the Metal Gear Solid games, and if that doesn’t sell it for you fellow nerds out there, then I don’t know what will.
The Mask (1994)
VERDICT:
4/10 Tainted Memories
Stands as an omen of things to come for our man Jim Carrey.
The Mask is about Stanley Ipkiss, a timid bank teller with zero confidence that gets shit on left and right by the entire human race (except for Cameron Diaz). Then one day he puts on this voodoo mask he finds and it transforms him into the exact opposite of everything that sucks about being Stanley Ipkiss (ie: a human cartoon that robs banks).
Back when this first came out, I regarded it as nothing less than a gift from the movie gods. I think I dragged my parents to the movie theater on three different occasions to see it, dressed up as The Mask for Halloween that year, had The Mask board game (which I actually played), and probably considered legally changing my name to “The Mask” or “Jim Mask Carrey”. It was a big deal.
That was back in 1994.
Flashfoward to 2005. I’m sitting in my bedroom, a come across The Mask while channel surfing. Haven’t seen it in 11 years, time to relive the glory. It’s the scene where he’s dancing this huge musical number with the entire police force, overacting abound.
Five minutes go by, I change the channel. I shake my head in disbelief that I put my poor parents through three separate viewings of this catastrophe, it occurs to me that I owe them big time.
Either time has not been kind to this movie or my sense of humor has evolved by leaps and bounds. Actually, nevermind, it’s probably both.
And therein lies the primary strength and weakness of The Mask. The story, the script, the direction – it’s all about Jim Carrey and Jim Carrey gives it his all whether we want it or not. He’s wacky, he’s over-the-top like no one else, you can’t take your eyes off him, but in one sense it’s fresh and amazing and in another it’s annoying to the point of torture. It’s new alright, but it is way too in your face. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
Outside of it being the launching pad for Camerona Diaz’s career and all the scenes where Stanley Ipkiss turns into The Mask, there’s not much else here to bother with. Not a very funny movie otherwise.
This review is actually making me kinda sad, the same kid of sad I felt when I had no choice but to change the channel four years ago. Today, I can’t handle The Mask, but at one point I was all about it. Wish I could give it a higher score, but that’s just the way it goes sometimes. If you want to see Jim Carrey at his most beserk, this is the end of the road, folks. Not the best thing he’s ever done, but if anything, he sure stands out.
Anyone else care to share their two cents on this? Genuinely interested to hear if I should give it another shot.
Heathers (1988)
VERDICT:
7/10 Homicidal Superlatives
It’s like Mean Girls mixed with Natural Born Killers. Sure. Why not?
Heather is about a nice girl named Veronica who’s trying to fit in with the most popular clique in school – a group of three girls all named Heather. Then one day she meets this mysterious young man in the cafeteria, comes to the realization that the Heathers suck, one thing leads to another and they whack the head Heather, stage it as a suicide…and end up making the Heathers more popular than ever before.
Yup, it’s pretty dark and it’s pretty strange, but it’s also one of the smarter, more observant teen comedies I’ve had the pleasure to watch. It’s totally ludicrous, but is it weird that I was kind of rooting for the Heathers to get snuffed out? Maybe it’s ’cause I’ve always had zero tolerance for asshole jocks and bitchy prom queens, but it’s kind of fun to see this bizarro storyline play out where the freaks rise up and kill off the “cool” kids.
Geez, I think I listened to too much grunge in High School.
Anyway, this isn’t your normal teen comedy, and that’s also it’s biggest strength.
Nowadays, teens killing teens might not sound like the funniest subject matter around, but you’d be surprised, it’s actually quite humorous if you know how to spin it. Well, most of the comedy here comes from the script serving as a total send-up of High School social hierarchies and – in the profound words of Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff – how parents just don’t understand, far more so than then teen-on-teen killing.
I really liked Heathers and what it was going for, but after I while I felt like I was getting a little lost in regards to grasping everything it was trying to say. The main gist of the story is about how no matter what you do, even commit murder, High School is High School. There are always going to be cliques, there are always going to Heathers, there are always going to be freaks, and that’s the way it is, the way it has been, and the way it always will be…but that doesn’t mean you have be part of the masses. At least I think that’s what it was about.
I don’t know, I think I’m a little confused.
It isn’t until the very last scene of the movie that everything came full-circle for me in regards to the story and Veronica’s motives, but this really isn’t a confusing movie, I think I’m just making things more complicated than they need to be. It’s a great last scene all the same, didn’t see it coming and it had me laughing out loud.
And like I mentioned a few paragraphs back, the script here by Daniel Waters is great. It captures a very credible teen voice and mindset without sugarcoating it, it’s really witty and observant, and the dialogue had me cracking up throughout. The thing it does best is that it just makes fun of everything about High School that’s so effing stupid and makes a point to accentuate the absurd to the point where everyone’s practically a walking caricature of their given stereotype. The students just follow the Heathers and the adults are utterly clueless about everything, and isn’t that so true?
Veronica and her mysterious boyfriend J.D. are played by Winona Ryder and Christian Slater. Neither of them really do much for me, but considering the characters are good, they’re good, too. Not much of a selling point, but they’re entertaining and they get it done. On second thought, considering how far into obscurity these two individuals have fallen since 1988, it’s fun to watch them back in their heyday. A charming, if unusual, couple. Still not too big on Slater’s whole “young Jack Nicholson” vibe, either. He lays it on heave here and I’m not buying it.
But all in all, Heathers is a pretty good movie. I think I’ll like it more the next time I see it, give me another chance to appreciate it’s subtle brilliance, but until then I’m content with a 7 out of 10. It’s definitely different, and I’m all for different.
Dumb and Dumber (1994)
VERDICT:
9/10 Anatomically Correct Snowmen
One of the funniest movies of all time. I don’t know how the Farrelly Brothers are ever going to top this.
Dumb and Dumber is about two complete morons that both get fired on the same day. With nothing to lose and no money left to start their “I Got Worms” pet store, they decide to go on a cross-country road trip because “Dumber” needs to return the girl of his dreams’ briefcase. There’s this whole other plot line about how they’ve gotten themselves mixed up into a botched ransom handoff, but who gives a shit, it’s really about Jim Carrey ripping a waiter’s heart of his chest and Jeff Daniels getting explosive diarrhea.
Best. Plot line. Ever.
I might not be preaching to the choir here, but yes, I will stand by this movie as one of the all-time comedy greats until my dying days. The first time I saw this movie was in third grade with my Dad and my best friend at the time. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. Never before have I laughed so hard at a movie, and there have been few other times where I’ve found myself with a death grip on my groin because I was on the verge of pissing my pants in public. People throw the term “rolling on the floor laughing” around pretty loosely nowadays, what with all this “ROFL” nonsense and all, but this was the one time in my life where I really was out of my seat, gasping for air and rolling around on the horrendously sticky, disease-ridden movie theater floor.
Life was so much simpler in third grade.
And remember when Jim Carrey was great? Back when he was Fire Marshall Bill and Ace Ventura? Man, I miss those days, I think we all miss those days. He was my hero for a while there. Sure he had some duds in the mid-’90s, but he was hilarious, not to mention he was winning back-to-back Golden Globes like he ran the fuckin’ joint. But now, I don’t even know, it’s just not the same. Last good thing he did was Eternal Sunshine five years ago. I guess I just want my old Jim back.
Alright, I need to compose myself.
If you’re looking to see Jim Carrey at his best, here it is, folks. Well, this and the previously mentioned Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, not so much When Nature Calls. It’s pretty obvious that he steals the show as Lloyd Christmas (“Dumber”) because he’s just so over the top and wildly intense to boot. There really aren’t any other Jim Carreys in the world and he is something else to watch. Not much else to say other than that he’s great in this, a high point in his career. But let’s not forget about good ol’ “Dumb” either, played by Jeff Daniels of all people.
For all intents and purposes, Jeff Daniels is pretty well-respected actor. I don’t know whether this was a stroke of brilliance or just a stroke in general that made him take this role, but either way, he’s really freakin’ funny. People tend to overlook the Harry Dunne character in this movie and that’s a shame. Daniels actually has some of the best lines and what I think are the two funniest scenes in the movie (the diarrhea part, of course, and the extreme snowball fight). So props to Jeff Daniels, he really pulled it off and even though he’s not as wacky as his co-star, he’s still a total riot.
Anyway, I’ve seen this movie way too many times in my life. Then again, any time is always a great time to watch Dumb and Dumber. I’m sure the humor isn’t for everyone being that a lot of it is pretty inane and immature, but you gotta give it a chance. Yeah, the story’s practically non-existent, but everything else about it rocks. Extremely quotable, funny from start to finish, and it’s the best thing Jim Carrey and the Farrelly Brothers have ever done for mankind. I think that should about do it.
Well, see ya later.
Zombieland (2009)
VERDICT:
8/10 Brain Sandwiches
As someone who’s all too prepared for the zombie apocalypse and all too excited by the prospect of how much fun it’s gonna be, yeah, I had a freakin’ time with this one. Oh, and it’s also the funniest movie of ’09.
Zombieland goes like this: somewhere along the way someone got a mean case of the swine flu because they don’t wash after flushing, now America is overrun by zombies and only a few normal human folk are left standing. The unlikely hero of our story is a sheltered, World-of-Warcraft-playing, prude of a kid that hitches up with three other zombie killin’ eccentric individuals on his way back home from college.
After watching a countless number of zombie horror movies over the years, it’s quite refreshing to find a movie in this vein that for once is filled with characters that finally don’t insist on doing stupid shit at the worst times. There are rules to surviving these kinds of situations, rules that a surprising amount of people have failed to comprehend in similar circumstances, simple rules like these:
1. Don’t get sentimental with the zombies and start thinking that they’re real people. Just kill them, end of story.
2. Always be ready for a zombie to come in and bite your ass when you least expect it.
3. Yes, you should shoot them in the head again. It’s worth the bullet.
The list goes on, but the great thing about the survivors in Zombieland is they wrote the damn list and follow it to a tee.
God, what a breath of fresh air.
For some reason I wasn’t all that excited about this movie when I first saw the trailer for it, but I ended up liking it a lot more than I did once I brought myself to dish out the criminal New York City cost of 12 bucks to the local theater. Thought for sure this was going to be a 7 out of 10 at best, but a couple wonderful things surprised me about this here horror comedy.
The script is actually really good. The characters are really well-written and are all stockpiled with great one-liners to complement their entertaining quirks, the plot is filled with shit that you would actually do if the world was taken over by zombies, like walking into an antique shop and destroying everything in sight with nothing but positive repercussions, and it’s just fun. More horror movie could afford to take the zombie apocalypse a little less seriously and take advantage of the fact that zombie killing would be awesome! Just don’t be an idiot and get bitten. Simple as that.
So it’s got that going for it, but the cast also helps out a lot. The main character is played by Jesse Eisenberg, and I think I’m finally sold. I like Jesse Eisenberg. Wasn’t sure about it for a while, but he’s pretty solid and comes off as one of the more refreshingly normal young actors out there right now. Well done, Jesse, you da’ man.
Emma Stone is also good here as a fellow survivor/apple of Eisenberg’s eye, and since the only other thing I’ve seen her in is Superbad, looks like she’s on a roll at the moment. Well done, as well. Abigail Breslin plays her younger sister, and while she’s good, too, she’s gonna have to up her game if she’s trying to distance herself from always being rememberd as “that girl from Little Miss Sunshine“. Killing zombies doesn’t quite cut it, unfortunately.
And this movie just confirms even more why I like Woody Harrelson. He plays the veteran zombie killer of the group and he plays it like he’s having one hell of a good time. What I like about Woody is that he doesn’t take himself too seriously and seems like the kind of dude that I would thoroughly enjoy hanging out with. He’s good when he’s serious (The People vs. Larry Flynt) and he’s good when he’s not (White Men Can’t Jump), and I’d be damned if he doesn’t have a glint in his eyes that says, “I’ve got life figured out, and life is very, very sweet.” He kicks ass here, he’s hilarious, and more people need to give love to Woody.
But the biggest reason this movie got an 8 and why it’s an easy front-runner for funniest movie of the year leads back to a big surprise cameo by an actor I can’t name because not only would it spoil the surprise but it seems like no one else is revealing it either. Just trust me on this one, it’s the best part of the movie and it will have you howling just like I did. For those who know, feel free to leave a comment about how fucking awesome this was.
Might be the greatest movie cameo of all time. Yup, I went there. Feel free to argue that.
Anyway, while Zombieland is well worth the price of admission just for this cameo alone, this is still a wildly entertaining movie that I’d be happy to watch again. Only complaint is that it’s not exactly scary, but it’s definitely gory and will satisfy horror fans to a certain degree even though it won’t have anyone messing themselves. All the same, a small complaint in relation to everything else that works really, really well. It’s no Shaun of the Dead, but it’s still one of the funniest horror movies I’ve seen since.
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