The Lovely Bones (2009)
VERDICT:
3/10 Trips to the Library
Yeesh. Go read the book and call it a day.
The Lovely Bones is the story of Susie Salmon, a 14-year-old girl in 1973 that watches down from heaven as her family copes with her death and searches for her killer after she’s raped and murdered by their neighbor down the block.
As much as I’d like to not make this review a book vs. movie comparison, this is unfortunately one of those situations where I feel like my hand has been forced. To say that this movie missed the mark is putting it lightly, saying that it felt like a different story altogether is probably getting warmer. I don’t know what the hell happened here, but considering the folks behind this had such a fantastic novel to work off of, I can only assume that someone out there must have been actively trying to screw this baby up.
So, yeah, it’s gonna be one of those reviews.
Then again, I don’t think a whole lot of people are going to be seeing this without having already read the source material, and for those of you who haven’t, I suggest making it a last minute addition to the Christmas list and save those precious twelve bucks of yours for Avatar instead.
Now, for all intents and purposes, Peter Jackson is a damn good director. The guy’s got it made in the shade at this point, he combs his hair every morning in the golden reflections of his three Oscars just because, and there’s really nothing left for him to prove – at least when it comes to sprawling epics. All the same, I still thought Jackson was a pretty odd choice to helm this very character-driven story of an otherwise ordinary family, and while I’d hoped my doubts would be put to rest after digging Heavenly Creatures – which was very much in the same vein – it didn’t take long for me to realize that they were very much being confirmed.
The scenes of Susie in the “inbetween” – a limbo of sorts between heaven and Earth – are awfully pretty, but it doesn’t feel like Susie’s vision of heaven, it feels like Peter Jackson’s vision of heaven. In a nutshell, he spends too much time focusing on Susie, too much time centering the story on her family trying to find her killer, and not enough time spending it on the family themselves. That was the most interesting part of the novel for me and it almost feels like a footnote here.
But it’s not all Jackson’s fault. You’d think with two other people helping him write the script that at least somebody would finally read it over and say, “Boy, we’re really screwing the pooch on this one.” Unfortunately, this never happened and we’re left with a rushed plot, a cast of completely undeveloped characters, and an utter lack of emotional weight among other wonderful compliments.
The best way I can sum up what went wrong here is that the final product felt safe. I wasn’t expecting this movie to be PG-13 after reading the book, but it sure is. One of the big reasons I had a hard time putting the novel down is because it challenges the reader and doesn’t shy away from the ugly aspects of its story, like actually acknowledging that Susie was raped and not just murdered. Yeah, it’s tough to handle, but it’s important. There are other huge aspects of the original story that are also left out, but for the sake of those out there who haven’t read the book, I’m not gonna spoil it. Just know that they’re glaring.
The other big no-no here is the cast.
I’m aware that he might hunt me down and whup my ass in broad daylight for this, but Mark Wahlberg, what the hell happened? For some reason beyond my understanding, someone decided to cast him as Susie’s father. Wahlberg’s not the emotional dad, he’s the guy who’ll say hi to your mother for you and then give you a swift elbow to the face while posing for a Calvin Klein ad in his boxer briefs. Not only is his acting god awful, but am I the only one who thinks he still looks like Dirk Diggler from Boogie Nights? The weird thing is that I’ve always thought he was a pretty good actor and that he’s come a long way from his days with The Funky Bunch, but this was just a bad idea.
Nor was I all that impressed with Saoirse Ronan as Susie, either. I thought she was great in Atonement, and while there were a couple moments where I thought she really had Susie down, it just didn’t feel right. The problem is that her character’s outlook on life and overall temperament in the script was way different from that in the novel. Instead of being carefree and reflective, she’s extremely emotional and dramatic about everything that’s going on in her world and her family’s. It feels like the “Hollywood version” of Susie and it takes away a great deal of what made her such a great protagonist to begin with.
And while I still think Rachel Wiesz is one of the better actresses out there right now, her turn here as Susie’s mother isn’t anything to write home about. Again, a lot the blame goes to the writers for not giving her much of anything to work with. I guess she looks the part, but “motherly” has never been the first word that comes to mind when I think of Rachel Weisz.
But The Lovely Bones does have two saving graces going for it (thank God). The first is Susan Sarandon as Susie’s grandmother. She’s perfectly cast and comes off as one of the more believably human characters in the story.
The other is Stanley Tucci as Susie’s killer, George Harvey. Apparently I’ve been totally out of the loop in regards to what a good actor this guy is, because he freakin’ nails it here. I’m not surprised in the least that he got a Golden Globe nod since he’s the best thing this movie has going for it, but what a great performance all the same. Might be the only thing about this movie that feels exactly like it should.
I wish I didn’t have to write a review like this because I’m usually of the mindset that a movie can be appreciated in its own right apart from the material it’s based on. But alas, I was pretty damn disappointed. The Lovely Bones could have been great on a lot of fronts and for some reason it failed miserably. I wish I could say that it at least serves as an interesting counterpoint to the novel, but unless you feel like getting the butchered Sparknotes version, you’ll probably be more content sticking with the images in your head. Man, what a good book…
Sorry, P.J. You can’t win ’em all.
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
VERDICT:
9/10 Ear Infections
Arguably Tarantino’s best movie. I’m not the one arguing it, but it’s up there all the same.
Reservoir Dogs is about a group of criminals that get together for a routine jewel heist, but things don’t exactly go according to plan when they show up for the job and the cops are there waiting to ambush them. So the remaining fellows who manage to shoot their way out head on back to their safe house and try to figure out which one of them is the cop who screwed them all over. They all have guns, they yell a lot, and the shit hits the fan awfully fast.
But why it’s called Reservoir Dogs, I do not know.
I don’t know what took me so long, but it’s high time I got around to this one. When it comes to game changing debut efforts, there aren’t a whole lot of movies out there – at least in the last two decades – that rival this bad boy in terms of dialogue, character, structure, and seriously in-your-face violence. It’s a tough movie to get through, but it’s hard to take your eyes off it, and you sure as hell won’t be able to listen to “Stuck in the Middle With You” by Steelers Wheel the same way ever again.
Tarantino does a lot of things right here, but the thing he does best – and always does best – is that he knows how to write one damn good script. Yeah, the action scenes are pretty wild and the plot line will have you on the edge of your seat for a good long while, but the thing I dig the most about this movie isn’t when guys are shoving guns in the each others’ faces, it’s all the cool, normal stuff that comes out of their mouths that I can’t get enough of. It’s the same thing with Pulp Fiction and the “Royale with cheese.” Of all the things to take away from such a totally nutso movie, everyone remembers “Royale with cheese.” Bizarre, but I get it.
But it’s all about the characters here and that’s what makes it interesting. Anyone could put a handful of mean dudes in a warehouse and have them shoot it out, but the reason it’s different here is because Tarantino cares about his characters and cares about them having a voice. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Tarantino’s movies are an exercise in cool and his characters are no exception. The whole color-coded criminals thing (a blatant tribute to The Taking of Pelham One Two Three) – so damn cool. Everyone’s got their favorite character (Mr. Blonde) and there some damn good ones to choose from.
Going off that note – Michael Madsen, what a fucking psycho. I don’t know what it is I liked about his totally unlikable character, but it worked. Probably has to do with the way he just played it all off like it was nothing, but, man, at least he has this role going for him because he hasn’t done squat since.
Harvey Keitel is pretty boss as Mr. White, which is pretty much a given, Tarantino’s not so bad as Mr. Brown, same goes for Tim Roth as Mr. Orange, but the other real standout here is Steve Buscemi as Mr. Pink. Part of me is tempted to say that people like Mr. Pink a lot just because he’s called Mr. Pink, but then again, it’s Steve Buscemi. That guy needs to go back to doing more wild roles like this and Fargo because he is a fun dude to watch.
I also think Chris Penn is great as Nice Guy Eddie. Something about that tracksuit…
Look, this movie isn’t for everyone. This isn’t the kind of thing you want to accidentally recommend to the wrong person and nearly traumatize them, because I’d be lying if I said I don’t still cringe at that ear lopping scene (which also happens to be a really, really well done scene). But for the rest of you out there in the choir, Reservoir Dogs sure does kick ass, huh? It’s great to watch movies and think to yourself after, “Wow. I’ve never seen that before.” I tended to do that a lot when I first started watching Tarantino movies, and there’s good reason for it.
Great soundtrack, great script, great directing, great acting, great opening credits, great everything. What a crazy movie.
And I freakin’ love Steven Wright as the K-Billy DJ. Awesome casting choice.
The Prestige (2006)
VERDICT:
8/10 Angry Nerds
One more fantastic notch to be added onto Chris Nolan’s belt.
The Prestige is about two magicians in 19th Century England whose friendship turns into a lifelong rivalry as they go to any and all lengths in order to one-up each other on their quest to create the ultimate illusion, something that would make that David Blaine weirdo run for the hills with his tail between his legs.
Who knew people took magic so seriously?
So for some reason, this movie came out at the same time as The Illusionist – also about a magician doing his thing in 19th Century England – and I find that people constantly mistake the two. But make no mistake folks, The Prestige is the one to see.
It’s directed by Christopher Nolan, and, really, what else is there to say. He’s one of the best at what he does and it’s been crystal for a while now that he’s got this whole storytelling thing down to a science. And while the look and feel of this movie is very sleek and stylish in keeping with Nolan’s prior and future efforts, the most impressive thing about this movie is the way in which he structures it.
And on that note, here’s the story behind the title…
Actually, rather than paraphrase it myself and butcher it like I know I will, I’ll let Michael Caine do the talking. Take it away, Mike.
“Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called ‘The Pledge’. The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course… it probably isn’t. The second act is called ‘The Turn’. The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you’re looking for the secret… but you won’t find it, because of course you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn’t clap yet. Because making something disappear isn’t enough; you have to bring it back. That’s why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call ‘The Prestige’.”
Thanks, Mike. Well put.
The reason I bring this up because Nolan structures the plot as though it were a magic trick. He starts off by presenting the audience with ordinary characters in an otherwise ordinary situation, develops them and their trade into extraordinary subjects, and then brings it all full circle with the final “Prestige” at the end. Can’t really say more than that, but it’s a thing of beauty. Man, it’s gotta be tough as all hell to write a script like this, even an adapted script, but Chris Nolan and his brother Jonathan pull it off like it’s no big thing. I don’t know how they do it, but keep it up, guys.
The acting here is also really solid. Christian Bale plays the closest thing we have to a “good” magician and Hugh Jackman takes on the closest thing we have to an “evil” magician. The reason I say this is because they’re both pretty mean bastards at one point or another and even though their roles seem to become much more defined by the story’s close, I don’t think these two guys have too many friends. But still, this is Patrick Bateman and Wolverine we’re talking about here. Good acting as usual on their behalves.
And my man Michael Caine plays the mentor/voice of reason to our two favorite magicians as their hobby develops into obsession. Since Michael Caine is freakin’ great and is probably up there as one of my all-time favorite actors, I’ll just say that he he kicks ass as usual and leave it at that.
Scarlett Johansson‘s also in it as Jackman’s assistant. She’s fine.
Oh, and David Bowie‘s in it too as Nikolai Tesla. Not much of an actor, but then again, David Bowie rules.
The point is, The Prestige is an absolutely wild movie that will amaze you the first time around and then make you want to watch it all over again right after. The characters can be a little too cold for their own good at times, but hey, we’re talking about 19th Century magic here, this shit is no joke. It’s Chris Nolan, it’s an all-star cast, it’s a totally boss script, and hats off to you if you figure it all out before the end comes around, because I sure as hell didn’t.
Isn’t more fun to just be surprised anyway? I think so.
And the best Farrelly brothers movie (so far) is…
DUMB AND DUMBER!
Still one of the funniest movies ever made. I don’t know how the Farrelly’s are gonna top this one.
Good voting, dear readers. And just out of curiosity, what’s the general consensus on this Three Stooges movie they’re cooking up?
RESULTS:
– Dumb and Dumber: 14 votes
– Kingpin: 7 votes (“We don’t have a cow. We have a bull.”)
– There’s Something About Mary: 7 votes
– Me, Myself & Irene: 1 vote (need to see that one again)
– Shallow Hal: 0 votes (yeah, that wasn’t funny)
– Other: 1 vote for The Heartbreak Kid (to each his own I suppose)
Benicio Del Toro as Moe? Guess they know something I don’t.
Up in the Air (2009)
VERDICT:
8/10 Frequent Flyer Miles
Pertinent and poignant.
Up in the Air is about Ryan Bingham, a proud loner in every sense of the word who spends three quarters of the year flying around the country firing employees for bosses from other organizations who don’t have the backbone to do it themselves. Then everything starts to change for Ryan when he starts to get involved with a woman who’s practically the female version of himself while he’s forced to unwillingly mentor the new company whiz kid who’s trying to change his way of life by making his job go digital.
Cool idea for a movie, even though it can be a bit of a stretch to relate to for some.
So this is the third effort by director Jason Reitman, and for someone who’s got some pretty big shoes to fill, the guy’s on a freakin’ roll. As a director, he does a lot of things right and he knows how to tell a good story, but the thing I like about his movies is that they’re all about listening to people talk to each other. Thank You For Smoking‘s about a tobacco lobbyist who’s job it is to say the right thing, and one of the things that made Juno so good was all that “snarky” dialogue that everyone either loves or hates nowadays.
And while same is true for Up in the Air in keeping with the whole “talking heads” vibe, the difference lies in its tone. This is Reitman’s first real “grown up movie”, one that’s surprisingly subtle in the way it creeps up on you and packs a wallop of emotion without dressing it up in melodrama. The most glaring example of this is in his protagonist, Ryan Bingham.
Bingham’s an interesting character. Considering his line of work, he’s kind of a dick for a lot of the movie, but the thing that stood out most to me about him is how gradual and genuine his development is. There didn’t really seem like a single moment where he has an epiphany and everything changes for him at the flip of a switch, and I liked that. He’s not the most likable or endearing person, but the change in him seemed atypical and real as his cold shell slowly melts away at the hands of a metaphorical blow dryer. The reason I point this out is because it’s not something you often see in movie characters and it might just be the best thing Reitman has going here.
The other characters are good, too, but the credit mostly goes to the actors on that one. Newcomer Anna Kendrick is fantastic as the whiz kid Bingham has to take around the country, same thing goes for Vera Farmiga as Bingham’s potential main squeeze. And I like George Clooney. Even though he has yet to blow me away and I still think the best thing he’s done is Out of Sight, he’s a solid actor all the same and was a good pick to play Bingham.
The only complaint I have with this movie is that I felt like I could have connected with it more had I ever been fired from a job or been on the other end of the spectrum and had to fire someone else. Regardless, I don’t think anyone will have to stretch their imaginations in the least to feel the weight of how much it would suck to be on either end of the table, especially in today’s economic climate.
I also feel like this movie is destined to end up on Stuff White People Like. Without overgeneralizing it, there are times when I felt like it was sitting in on a story about white collar White people talking about their White people problems. It’s not exactly a justified complaint considering that’s just the kind of story this movie is about, at least at the beginning, but keep your eyes on that website. I’m calling it.
There’s also a handful of great cameos by J.K. Simmons, Zach Galifianakis, Danny McBride (go watch Eastbound and Down), and Sam Elliott (owner of what is arguably the world’s most dominating power mustache).
Up in the Air didn’t have me reaching out to hug someone like in Juno, nor did it make me want to go out and smoke my first pack of cigs like in Thank You For Smoking, but it still works really well on its own levels. It could have been funnier, but there are some truly outstanding moments and speeches to be found here that give a lot of insight into people, the ways in which we deal with them, and the reasons why we all need them. It takes a little while to get where it wants to be, but once it’s there, it feels like it arrived right on time.
And bonus points to Reitman for throwing in a great little soundtrack with some awesome riffs by Elliott Smith and Dan Auerbach among others. Gotta love a good soundtrack.
Love Actually (2003)
VERDICT:
7/10 British Invasions
Better than I first remember it being, better than its weird title at least.
Love Actually is about the Prime Minister of England’s crush on his secretary, a widower helping his step-son over the heart of the girl he has a crush on, two porn stars who have a crush on each other, a writer who develops a crush for his maid after his wife cheats on him with his brother, a woman who’s too devoted to her troubled brother to do something about the crush she has on her co-worker, a married guy who’s secretary has a crush on him, a guy who has a crush on his best friend’s wife, a horny British guy who no one has a crush on, and an aging rocker trying to make his way to the top of the pops (he has a crush too). It’s one of those “love is all around” deals.
Oh, and Mr. Bean‘s in it. Why there isn’t a law decreeing that Mr. Bean be cast in every British movie, I do not know.
Since this might just be my good buddy Fred’s favorite Christmas movie, it just so happens that I’ve ended up seeing this one a lot over the years. It’s usually not my kinda thing and I wasn’t too crazy about it the first time around, but you know what, it’s grown on me.
Going off the synopsis, there’s a lot happening here. I was keeping count during this last viewing, and if my math is right, there’s a good five thousand love stories being told at the same time. But amazingly enough, director Richard Curtis does a good job of structuring it all together so that it doesn’t get overwhelming or repetitive. It also probably helps that he got every actor in England signed up for this so that the characters all stand out in turn, but I still gotta give the guy credit for juggling everything he without dropping the ball. That, dear readers, can be a hard thing to do.
But it’s the five thousand stories that are actually the best and worst parts of this movie. Naturally, some are better than others, but the gap is pretty wide at times and some of the plot lines are pretty unnecessary for the most part. With that said, I’m gonna keep this brief…
– The Prime Minister’s Crush: Good. I liked the integration of romance with international politics. Hugh Grant is Hugh Grant with his constant look of worry/concern/shock/thirty-something adorability, and bonus points for Billy Bob Thornton as America’s skeeziest President. Obama wouldn’t pull that crap.
– The Widower’s Son’s Crush: Not bad. I like Liam Neeson, but the kid is kinda weird. They’re relationship gets a little too strange and buddy-buddy for my taste.
– The Porn Star Crush: Bizarre.
– The Writer’s Crush on His Maid: One of the better stories here. Has some of the best lines of the movie and I’m digging Colin Firth.
– The Workaholic with the Crush on Her Co-Worker: Frustrating. I think Laura Linney’s great in general, but the whole dynamic between her character and her colleague/part-time underwear model doesn’t have that the closure that it needs and it just kinda drives me crazy.
– The Skanky Secretary Who Has a Crush on Her Boss: Too much of a downer, doesn’t really fit in. And even though I like Alan Rickman, his character’s a douche. Poor Emma Thompson, you deserve better.
– The Guy With a Crush on His Best Friend’s Wife: Good. That flash card scene makes the ladies swoon.
– The Horny British Guy With No Crush: Unnecessary. The British guy is annoying as hell.
– The Aging Rocker With the Secret Crush: The best story of the movie. It kinda breaks my heart that Bill Nighy keeps on taking so many shitty roles in movies like Underworld 6: Still More Werewolves after being so damn good here. Has the best characters in the movie, best relationship, best resolution, and it’s the funniest segment to boot. Someone give Bill Nighy better roles already.
Like I said, some of them work, some of them don’t, but that’s how it goes with these kinds of movies. But in the end, Love Actually is still a feel-good time, it’s a nice little date movie, it gets that Christmas cheer going, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it had me smiling…actually.
The Polar Express (2004)
VERDICT:
7/10 Butt-Ugly Elves
Better than I thought it would be and one of the few occasions where I actually wish I’d seen it in 3-D.
The Polar Express is about a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa – yup, one of those kids – that hits the sack on Christmas Eve, only to have is his ass woken up and his world turned upside-down when a freakin’ train pulls up outside his house (talkin’ ’bout The Polar Express, folks) that’s headed for the North Pole. Naturally, the kid gets on the mysterious train because Tom Hanks promises him hot chocolate, and off he goes to Santa’s village to prove his doubting self wrong.
Before I get into the movie, I’ll start off by giving you the heads up that I still haven’t read the book that it’s based off of, and judging by the reaction I got from my friends out of this statement, my childhood was apparently deprived in a most severe fashion. I’ve made a mental note to get around to it this season, but from what I gathered, director Robert Zemeckis sure does takes some liberties with the plot here.
Granted, they’re all pretty welcome and entertaining additions that amp up the volume while keeping the main story intact. And considering this movie would be ten minutes long if it stayed true to the source material, I’d say Rob did a pretty good job all in all.
Now, I’m not sure if it’s because this is the first movie I ever saw in Blu-Ray, but holy hell is this thing gorgeous. The animation is fantastic and everything just pops. It’s a fun ride throughout and you can’t take your eyes off it, partly due to how realistic it all looks and partly because the pacing’s set at a mile-a-minute.
The only drawback here is that sometimes it gets too realistic for its own good. There’s a line from the last season of 30 Rock where Tracy Jordan and Frank are talking about how there’s a fine line between CG humans that are endearing and CG humans that are creepy, prompting them to use the example of Tom Hanks in The Polar Express, thus prompting Tracy to respond with, “I’m scared! Get me out of here!” at the mere mention of his CG creepiness. And Tracy’s right, it is kinda creepy. It’s actually one of those things where you’re not sure if it’s cool technology at work or the potential birth of Skynet in front of our very eyes.
This issue ties into the whole “Butt-Ugly Elves” thing where Zemeckis decided to take it upon himself to fill Santa’s Village with the weirdest looking three-foot-tall bastards he could imagine. And for some reason Steven Tyler of Aerosmith makes an appearance as a rockin’ elf of hideously epic proportions. Just look at that…thing. I wouldn’t go to Santa’s Village if you hooked me up to a hot chocolate I.V., those elves are horrifying.
There’s also a somewhat strange musical number about hot chocolate at the start, which is mostly strange because of the way Tom Hanks sings the lyrics. Hard to describe it without hearing it, but let’s just say singing isn’t really Hanks’ strong suit. A fun scene otherwise.
Anyway, I think I’m rambling a bit, so instead of going on about how The Polar Express will inevitably serve as the catalyst that sparked the war between humans and machines, I’m gonna go ahead and sum up why I liked it. The visuals are great despite their unintended flaws, the movie makes it easy to see why this story is a Christmas classic as it drives the message home and had my good buddy Fred breaking out those pre-Christmas waterworks, and I just found myself totally engrossed in it the whole way through. I don’t get around to seeing to many kids movies nowadays, but this is one I’d be happy to see again.
Look, I don’t care what mommy and daddy say, Santa is so real and he totally talks like Tom Hanks.
A Hard Day’s Night (1964)
VERDICT:
8/10 Heartthrobs
It’s hanging out with The Beatles for an hour and a half. Awesome.
A Hard Day’s Night is pretty much about The Beatles having to go on tour to promote their new album as the play gigs, run away from all their screaming teenybopper fans, act presentable at press junkets, and keep the band together all the while having to babysit Paul’s creepy, horny grandfather so that he doesn’t cause any more trouble for them.
My life in a nutshell.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume times have changed in the world of rock and roll lifestyles since ’64, but this was a simpler time, a time when bowl cuts were hot, when it was normal for a band to put out seven albums in a year (that trend needs to come back), when music was just straight-up fun. Man, I miss that time.
I’d heard this movie was good going into it, but I was still pretty skeptical considering all the other Beatles movies are supposed to be garbage. But hey, looks like all the rumors are true.
So there’s not much of a story here, nor is there much conflict or character development, but, for once, that’s beside the point. Director Richard Lester knows that The Beatles aren’t actors, and since no one’s going to see this movie hoping to see John play King Lear, everything works out just fine as a result. They have their lines to deliver – all of which require zero acting chops – but you can tell that they’re just trying to be themselves without putting on a show for their audience. It ends up being a really cool kind of insight into the normal, jovial personalities of the biggest band in the world, an insight that you really don’t get from listening to their albums.
It’s also cool, if not somewhat sad, to see the guys at a time in their career when they were simply a group of clean-cut friends still getting used to their newfound fame. Makes listening to Let It Be that much more bittersweet.
Then again, the music is as much a part of this movie as anything else. It’s The Beatles, what did you expect? And considering that all the Beatles albums’ are freakin’ phenomenal, soundtracks don’t get much better than this either. Seeing the movie probably isn’t as good of an introduction to the band as it to just listen to the album, but that’s just me, either way you’ll hopefully be sold.
But the most surprising thing about this movie is that it’s actually really funny. A lot of the dialogue is really witty and the plot ends up being an excuse to go from one great gag to the next and I couldn’t believe at how many times I found myself laughing out loud. Not only does it work really well in shedding a new light on the band, it also shows that they had a great sense of humor to boot. Either that or the script is just really funny, but I like to think it’s a little bit of both.
And strangely enough, I actually ended up liking Ringo the most. Still not my favorite Beatle, but way to go Ringo all the same.
A Hard Day’s Night is just a fun, lighthearted movie that doesn’t feel dated over fifty years later and serves as a really cool inside look into the personalities of the Fab Four that I never knew were there. Even if you’ve never heard a single song by them, even if you have George’s face tattooed on your chest, this movie is a great time that also serves as a wonderful little document to the personas of what a lot of folks would argue were the greatest band of all-time.
Like I said – awesome.
The Abyss (1989)
VERDICT:
7/10 Deep Encounters
It’s kinda like Armageddon, only it’s under water, and it doesn’t suck.
The Abyss is about a group of deep-sea drillers that are commissioned to escort a team of Navy SEALs down to the bottom of the ocean so that they can investigate a sunken U.S. submarine that was believed to be shot down by the Russians. So they make camp in a high-tech research station, they check out the sub, and the SEALs put everyone’s lives in jeopardy when they start hijack a nuke and lose their shit. Oh, and it turns out that the Russkies had nothing to do with it. It was aliens all along!
YAY!
It’d been a long time since I’d seen this and I wasn’t too keen on it the first time around, but since it’s “James Cameron Rules The Universe” month according to every media outlet on Earth, thought this was as pertinent time as any to give this one a second chance. And while I’m happy to say it was better than I remembered, Cameron’s still done better.
I recently watched a 60 Minutes segment about Cameron where Morley Safer (or whoever it was) got to talking about how this movie was, and probably still is, regarded in the movie biz as one of the most notoriously grueling and insane film shoots anyone’s ever had to get through, and considering almost all of it was filmed under water in an abandoned nuclear reactor, I’m not surprised in the least. The scale and vision of this thing is nothing short of freakin’ epic as Cameron pretty much has the entire depth of the ocean to work with, turning it into this experience that seems as foreign and awesome as a movie shot in space. But that’s old hat for Cameron, dude knows what he wants and he gets it done.
And while the special effects are still pretty good and had me going, “Wow, that’s cool,” from time to time, they’re no T2. Kinda goes without saying anyway.
But the coolest thing about this movie is probably all these neat little futuristic ideas Cameron comes up with. The diving suits look like mini versions of Ripley’s cargo suit in Aliens, then there’s the aliens, of course, and this brilliant concept of oxygen-infused water that you can breathe into your lungs and keep on trucking instead of making you drown on the spot – which in turn allows you to dive to superhuman depths. Now that was really cool.
So as per usual with Jim’s movies, there’s a lot of kickass stuff going on. Unfortunately, his script kinda sucks. It’s fine for the most part, but it doesn’t do anything to really stand out. The action scenes and the life-or-death scenarios are great, but the dialogue, the characters and the relationships amongst them all just feel like any old script from the ’80s. Considering how unreal everything else is, it’s kinda strange how effing corny this movie gets (e.g.: trying to revive someone using CPR for a full ten minutes then finally bringing them back to life by slapping them in the face and screaming at them to “FIGHT!“).
Get ready to roll those eyes, folks.
The acting is also fine. I like Ed Harris for the most part, but he’s just alright here as head driller “Bud” Brigman. Same thing goes for Michael Biehn (aka: Kyle Reese from The Terminator; what the hell happened to that guy?) as the head SEAL who goes batshit crazy. Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (who I’ve never heard of) is fine too as his ex-wife, Lindsey. The problem is that since the script gets so ridiculous, everyone’s forced to start overacting at some point, and that’s just no good.
But all in all, The Abyss is still a pretty wild and intense ride for all its faults. It’s over-the-top without being ridiculous, it still holds up really well even by today’s standards, and it’s a James Cameron movie so it’s probably regarded by the world’s top scientists as the greatest thing to ever happen to mankind since fire. If it had the awesome dialogue of some of his other scripts, I’d consider changing my tune to follow suit.
And has anyone heard of this movie Avatar? I hear it’s gonna be the indie hit of the season.
The Wackness (2008)
VERDICT:
5/10 Fitting Titles
Well, at least the soundtrack kicks ass.
The Wackness is about a teenager in 1994 New York City that spends his Summer dealing dope to raise money for college, hanging out with his aging shrink and paying for his sessions in dimebags, coping with his parents’ mounting money problems, and trying to get his shrink’s stepdaughter to go steady with him.
Cool idea for the most part, but unfortunately it doesn’t really work out as planned.
It’s the debut or sophomore effort by writer/director Jonathan Levine (couldn’t figure it out from his IMDB page) and therein lies the double-edged sword of this movie. As a director, Levine is pretty solid. He’s got a cool visual style that really brings out the feel of New York in the early ’90s back in a time when everyone was listening to B.I.G. and A Tribe Called Quest instead of Lady GaGa and Taylor Swift, and back before Giuliani started cleaning up the joint. Part of it is that I dig movies that serve as a kind of NYC period piece, but even so, it’s a pretty cool movie to just watch and take in. New York is sweet.
On the other hand, the script kinda sucks. You ever go to a movie and find yourself feeling like the only person in the theater not on crazy pills as half the room bursts out in laughter while you just sit there with a “What’s so funny?” look on your face? That’s how I felt during The Wackness and I don’t think it’s due to a crap sense of humor on my part either. The gags and the dialogue just try so hard to be funny and witty that it ends up feeling forced instead of natural. Man, I hate that feeling.
The other thing is that the plot is freakin’ all over the place. It seems like there are a dozen different relationships going on amongst the characters and we’re all supposed to have some invested interested in all of them. This ends up taking away from the main story lines that actually are interesting – the relationship between the teen and shrink and the relationship between the teen and his shrink’s stepdaughter. But alas, both of these end in a whimper, too.
Point is, script could have used more work, could have been more focused.
But the acting is pretty on-point. The almighty Ben Kingsley plays the shrink, Dr. Squires, and, needless to say, he’s good. I’ve already gone on my Ben Kingsley rant in my Sexy Beast review, not gonna belabor the point any further.
Our favorite drug-dealing teen, Luke Shapiro, is played here by Josh Peck (of Nickelodeon fame, for all you kiddies out there). The only other thing I’ve seen him in is this wild independent movie that came out in ’04 called Mean Creek (worth checking out) where he was great, and he’s pretty good here, too. He actually has a couple lines that are funny and he makes Shapiro into a pretty believable protagonist. Keep an eye out for Peck, kid could go places.
Method Man’s also in it, and who doesn’t like Method Man? And for some reason Mary-Kate Olsen is in it this as a dirty hippie named Union that somehow finds herself hooking up with Ben Kingsley in a phone booth after a night of binge drinking. That was weird.
But in the end, I wish I could say I liked this movie more than I did. Seemed like it would be right up my alley and I was pretty bummed out when it ended up being one of those movies I just kinda forgot about the minute I walked out of the theater. It’s got the potential to be better than it is, but it gets too caught up in its own muddled script to set itself apart. It looks pretty, the soundtrack is awesome, and the acting is good for the most part, but there’s just too much going on for The Wackness to come together.
Go watch Sexy Beast, then watch Mean Creek, then go listen to Ready to Die by Biggie instead. Five hours well spent if you ask me.
Cut The Crap Movie Reviews 
