Freaky Friday (2003)
VERDICT:
7/10 Mid-Life Crises
Did not think I’d like this, was almost 100% sure I wouldn’t, but I was not expecting Jamie Lee Curtis…
Freaky Friday is about an uptight mother and her rebellious teenage daughter who’s all about playing rock music and boys and all that gross stuff that parents just don’t understand. Eventually things come to a head in a Chinese restaurant, so, naturally, a wise old woman sticks her fat nose into their business and gives them a magic fortune cookie which forces them to switch bodies and walk a day in each others’ shoes until they learn to love and respect one another.
Nope, it’s not the most original movie out there, but since it seems like there’s a law stating that this same premise has to be used once every couple years, it must be doing something right. But look at me here, complaining about this like some snob who wasn’t giggling like an idiot amidst confused stares from his good buddy Fred. I had a time watching this movie and it’s pretty much all due in part to one woman…
I’ve seen my fair share of J.L.C. movies before this came along, and perhaps I was just out of the loop or something, but she’s never really done it for me, never really stole the show. She had her moments in True Lies and with the exception of Kevin Kline, I don’t even think A Fish Called Wanda was all that funny. So along comes this unsuspecting Disney movies of all things and my whole idea of what Mrs. Curtis is capable of is changed forever.
She’s fine when she’s playing the stern mom, but once the switch goes down and J.L.C. starts acting like her daughter, that’s when the magic happens. J.L.C. loses herself in the role and I immediately started having as much fun watching her as she obviously did acting it all out. She steals all the scenes, she plays a teen better than most teens would, and she totally kicks ass. This was all news to me at the time, but I couldn’t get over how good she was. J.L.C. makes this movie a blast.
Please stop doing Activia commercials, girl. You can do better.
Lindsay Lohan is also pretty good as J.L.C’s daughter, but she gets upstaged and it’s just not as much fun watching her act like a mom. Then again, her performance gets bonus points simply because it stands as some of the last living proof that LiLo wasn’t always a walking trainwreck with a mean jones for the nose candy. Girl had some potential going there what with Mean Girls and all going for her, too, but whatcha gonna do. Let’s just hope she gets the memo one of these days.
Not much to say about the rest of the cast as they all kinda take a backseat to the Lindsay and Jamie, but they’re fine, I guess. Well, Chad Michael Murray’s in it as LiLo’s main squeeze, so that’s probably a selling point for all six of you One Tree Hill fans out there.
Not much to say about director Mark Harmon either. He directs the movie. That’s it.
Anywho, Freaky Friday isn’t paving new ground in anyway, but thanks to a killer performance by the J.L.C. it takes on new life and winds up being pretty darn fun. The writing’s A-okay, the dialogue is too, and despite your hesitations, I’d say it’s actually worth giving a shot.
Fun for the whole family. Good stuff here, kids.
V for Vendetta (2005)
VERDICT:
8/10 Anarchist’s Cookbooks
Definitely one of the stronger Alan Moore adaptations out there.
V for Vendetta takes place in a future England ruled by an Orwellian and fascist government that controls its citizens with an unquestioning iron fist. The story follows Evey, a prostitute who is taken under the wing of the one man in the country who is hell bent on taking down this new U.K. and giving it back to the people one explosion at a time – a Guy Fawkes fan with a knife fetish named V.
When I first saw this in theaters, I didn’t really know what to think of it; I knew I liked some aspects and didn’t like others, but I don’t think I could have given it a fair score out of 10. Pretty sure those sentiments were a reflection of how the source material affected me and in turn I had to be a nit-picky bastard about the differences between the movie and the original story. So, here I am four years later giving it another shot and, whaddaya know, I can’t believe how good it is.
Looks like it’s time to dust off that graphic novel and give myself a refresher course.
Going into the second viewing, there were two things I distinctly remembered disliking about it the first time around: V’s annoying “V-word” intro speech at the beginning and how the cast delivered the Wachowski brothers’ lines like they were all plugged into The Matrix, like they were programmed to speak. Upon further reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that V’s speech is still annoying – but he redeems his cool factor rather quickly thereafter – and the reason it probably felt like I was in The Matrix was because every time V speaks I can’t help but hear Agent Smith instead. Dude’s got a distinctive voice, that’s all there is to it.
Natalie Portman’s still nothing special as Evie (the bald look…that didn’t help either) and it’s too bad all you get out of Hugo Weaving is his voice, but everything else was a lot better than I remembered it being – props to director James McTeigue as this was his debut effort (not too shabby).
And, as always, it helps to have a refreshingly original and well-executed premise to begin with. The story here kept me entertained and interested from square one, and it’s as pertinent today as it was back in the ’80s, as is the major theme of “People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.” It isn’t often a movie resonates the same emotions I felt upon first discovering Rage Against the Machine way back when, but that’s the uncompromising political vibe I got, and that, dear readers, is a very good thing.
I can still think back to some of the more obvious liberties that were taken from the graphic novel, and while some of them don’t work out quite as well, for the most part they are welcome additions and changes that really bring everything full circle and make for a solid adaptation. It doesn’t follow the movie religiously and it ends up being it’s own little monster, but that’s alright since it pulls it off well.
If only I could say the same for Watchmen – the latest adaptation that Moore wisely distanced himself from like it was carrying swine flu. But I’m willing to give that one another shot, too.
Considering how skeptical I was when I hit “PLAY”, V for Vendetta delivered the goods and shut me up right quick. It not only work as a dystopian thriller and a badass action movie, this sucker makes you think and puts a nice big smile on the face of anarchy that you never knew was there. Nonetheless, follow my lead and read the graphic novel. These adaptations really don’t do Moore justice.
Observe and Report (2009)
VERDICT:
8/10 Stun Guns and Pepper Sprays
Eat it, Paul Blart. Eat it.
Observe and Report is about mall security guard named Ronnie whose otherwise unspectacular life takes on a whole new meaning when he is tasked to take down a renegade flasher that’s been terrorizing the female clientele at his place of business before the cops get to the guy first and steal all of Ronnie’s glory.
After hearing what seemed like nothing but utter hatred for this movie from everyone I know and everyone I don’t know, I didn’t have very high expectations going in and more or less gave it a chance because I’ve been looking for a movie to whale on lately. But every once and a while the Earth and Uranus align in such a rare fashion that it triggers off some freak flaw in my DNA and I end up thoroughly enjoying something that I really didn’t think I would. It’s about as infrequent as a lunar and solar eclipse occurring at the same, but when it happens, boy howdy, it is beautiful.
So here I stand before you, folks, giving this crazy bastard of a movie an unsuspecting 8 out of 10. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it was right up my alley.
Director Jody Hill’s only got two other credits to his name – a funny, yet outrageously depressing indie comedy called The Foot Fist Way and one of the funniest effing shows I’ve seen in a long, long time called Eastbound and Down. If you’re not familiar with the guy, some might say you’re better off, but for all you thick-skinned daredevils out there, get ready for something new. Hill is one dark mofo with a twisted sense of humor that’s more likely to offend than make you part of the choir. At the same time, that’s why I’m really starting to dig what he’s putting out there.
This movie isn’t safe, it’s not very accessible and it doesn’t let up. But it’s also a freakin’ riot.
The whole vibe Hill is going for here is probably best captured in the movie’s main character, Ronnie Barnhardt. By all accounts, Ronnie is pretty pathetic. He’s the head of mall security and – in his mind – he is therefore the shit. It’s almost endearing watching him talk so much game about something so unimpressive, but you end up laughing at him more then with him.
But then in one magical moment, all that talk is finally put to the test and we collectively realize, “Holy shit. Ronnie Barnhardt is a total fucking badass.” From that point on, everything changes. He’s no longer the laughing stock, he’s the real deal. Ronnie is the anti-hero this movie needs, he is this 21st Century Travis Bickle with a maglite in hand instead of a gun up his sleeve, and once he evolves into the walking, talking middle finger to everyone and everything that totally deserves it, Ronnie becomes the man.
Sometimes it’s just great to watch people fuck shit up.
Seth Rogen is great in the role, but the same goes for everyone else, too. Ray Liotta as his arch-enemy in the police force, Aziz Ansari as his arch-enemy in the mall, Anna Faris (finally breaking away from Scary Movie) as his trailer trash love interest, Michael Pena as his right-hand man and Danny McBride as a crack dealer. Every last one of ’em – totally awesome, totally hilarious.
But alas, this is another one of those movies that I can’t outright recommend because it doesn’t take much tact to see that Observe and Report isn’t everyone’s idea of a knee-slapper. When it comes to bad taste, it crosses the line once or twice, but that might definitely be more than enough to make someone turn this baby off mid-movie without thinking twice. This is a movie that needs to be taken with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila, but if you like Hill’s other stuff and you’re looking for some sharp and edgy shit that really doesn’t fall into the category of “mainstream comedy”, the payoff is more than worth it.
Also (unfortunately) features some pretty gnarly dude-ity. Just a heads up.
And sorry for all the swearing.
Julie & Julia (2009)
VERDICT:
7/10 Bon Appetits
It’s Meryl. How bad could it be?
Julie and Julia is the story of Julia Child’s rise from stay-at-home wife in Paris to the best thing that’s ever happened to French cuisine in the 1950s. It’s also about one woman named Julie Powell in 2002 who has this epiphany that she needs to do something with her life, so she decides to plow through all 524 of Child’s recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking in 365 days, all the while documenting her journey on her runaway hit of a blog.
I think I speak on behalf of every guy out there when I say that Julie Powell is one of the best. wives. ever. Same goes for Julia Child. Ladies, it’s true what they say about the way to a man’s heart. This sucker had me salivating.
Nevertheless, this kinda movie usually isn’t my thing; well, most Nora Ephron movies usually aren’t my thing. Then again, they could remake The Banger Sisters with Meryl Streep in it and I’d be happy to see that baby on opening night. Julie and Julia is no exception.
Honestly, I don’t even have to say it because I think the six Oscar nods she gets every year for just stopping by the sets of movies she’s not even in speak louder than anything I could write here. But what the hell, I’m gonna say it anyway! Meryl RULES! She rules the SCHOOL! The School of RULING!
Going into this, I didn’t have any clue about what Julia Child looked or sounded like, but like every role she plays, Meryl makes it her own and you can’t take your eyes off her or wipe that big-ass grin off your face. It was only about five minutes ago that I finally YoutTubed Child and I’m tellin’ ya’, Julia’s a peach, but I think I like Meryl more.
Whatever, you don’t need me to tell you that she steals the show because you already know it anyway. She may very well be one of the top three actors out there today and that’s been the story for the past 20 years. Someone elect this woman to office already.
So Julia’s story is awesome and the parallel between her and Julie Powell’s literary/culinary careers works quite well, but in the end, Julie’s story doesn’t quite measure up. Even though her success story is pretty damn inspiring from a fellow blogger’s perspective, it’s just not as entertaining, nor is the uninteresting and overdramatic relationship between her and her husband. But Amy Adams is fine as Julie and she cooks up some pretty awesome feasts.
And a big shout-out to Stanley Tucci as Julia’s husband, Paul. Wasn’t until recently that I realized what a good actor this guy is thanks to his being one of the few saving graces of The Lovely Bones, but he is just impressing me left and right at the moment. Very cool guy, I need to check out more of his stuff.
Sorry that this review kind of turned into a Meryl Streep fan letter, but since Julie and Julia is all about Meryl, that’s just the way it’s gonna be. Although it sure as hell does wonders to make French food out to be as unbelievably delicious as it totally is and it’s pretty likable for both the guys and the ladies, the rest of it is only so engaging.
Here’s to hoping Cut The Crap gets the Julie Powell treatment one of these days. After all, I could rattle off my similarities to Julia Child ’til the sun comes down.
And everyone’s favorite Hollywood God is…
MORGAN FREEMAN!
The people have spoken and, folks, it was a slaughter. Not quite sure what else there is to say, but congrats, Morgan. I’m guessing that you were the best part of Evan Almighty.
RESULTS:
– Morgan Freeman: 15 votes
– Alanis Morissette: 3 votes (good sense of humor, though)
– George Burns: 2 votes (ouch)
– Other: 1 vote for Graham Chapman from Monty Python and the Holy Grail (well played)
Anxious to see how Morgan fares against the winner of this week’s poll.
Funny People (2009)
VERDICT:
6/10 Endless Dick Jokes
Considering the title, I thought it’d be funnier. Still has it’s moments though.
Funny People is about a big time comedian/womanizer/overall Debbie Downer named George Simmons whose life gets turned upside-down when he finds out he has cancer. Not really sure what to do with his remaining days, he tries to win back the one girl he ever loved, goes back to his standup roots, realizes he’s not funny any more, and starts paying an up-and-comer to be his personal servant and write jokes for him. Everybody grows, you know the drill.
Up until now, Judd Apatow has had a pretty phenomenal track record. Freaks and Geeks should never have been cancelled, same thing goes for Undeclared, The 40 Year-Old Virgin was a launching pad for everyone involved, and Knocked Up seemed to be a culmination of everything prior. So yeah, they’re all great. Unfortunately, can’t say that this one falls into the same category as it’s easily his weakest effort.
I guess the first reason this movie didn’t really do it for me was because only about half of the jokes actually land like they’re supposed to. A lot of this probably has to do with every other gag being about how old people’s balls look or the many wacky things one can do with their penis. Usually I’m all for a good joke about old balls, but I’m not kidding, it seems like Judd was trying to have a contest with himself or something. It’s a little much and there is no way ordinary guys talk this much about their junk.
But since this is a 50/50 situation we’re dealing with, when this movie is funny, it is damn funny. Some of it is the standup routines, some of it is actually due to some freakin’ hilarious scenes featuring Aziz Ansari (one of the funniest comedians out there today), and there’s also a heated exchange between Eminem and Ray Romano of all people that cracked me up right good. Luckily, that stuff had me howling. And when the hell is someone going to give Ansari a leading role already? Get with the program you Hollywood fatcats.
It’s also funny to watch Adam Sandler make fun of his movie career and how far it’s fallen from the Happy Gilmore tree, the only problem is that his alter-ego George Simmons sucks. I don’t know if it was just me or whether it had something to do with me being hungover at the time I watched this, but the guy’s a dick and there’s not a whole lot of development on his part when it comes to him not being a dick. Just didn’t care about him from beginning to end and definitely wouldn’t want to spend another two-and-a-half hours with that walking, talking buzzkill of a guy.
And that’s right, it’s two-and-a-half hours far too long.
Seth Rogen is also okay as George’s protege’ and only friend, but he can do better (dude’s lost some serious weight though, he’s lookin’ tip-top). Jonah Hill and a number of other Apatow regulars are also here, but again, not reaching their fullest potential.
Although Eric Bana is pretty amusing as George’s ex’s husband. Even though Bana’s done nothing but crap since he’s come stateside, I still like the guy and I’ll happily shout him out here. Check him out in Chopper, you’ll be on the Bana bandwagon, too.
But all in all, Funny People‘s not a bad movie. There’s some solid cameos by everyone who’s ever been in any movie ever,
it’s got some heart, it just doesn’t know how to get it all out with its atypically weak script. The big problem is that I wish it made me care more about the characters, their stories and putting me in George’s shoes so that I could relate somewhat to his “miserable” life, but then again, it is funny. It’s the least funniest thing Apatow’s done, but semi-funny by Apatow is still a hell of a lot better than a lot of what’s already out there. Worth a look, but no big whoop.
Hey Folks,
Sorry for the extended absence with the reviews and whatnot, it’s been a whirlwind holiday. Slowly posting new reviews and such, a few of which are below this week’s poll results, but I’ll be back on track in a jif. Just didn’t want y’all to think I’ve been slackin’. Anyway, thanks for reading, keep on checking back and keep on keepin’ it real.
– Aiden R.
And the best movie of the decade is…
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND!
Well, folks, it was a squeaker, but go ahead and give yourself a good ol’ pat on the back, Michel Gondry.You earned it, buddy.
Yes, there were a lot of awesome movies this past decade, and it ain’t easy to sift through the best of the best, so I tip my hat to all of you out there who supported your favorites and even threw in some great alternates for me to go back and re-watch/discover over this fine vacation of mine. Here’s to hoping the next ten years of cinematic entertainment is just as boss.
RESULTS:
– Memento: 4 votes
– The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: 2 votes
– Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: 5 votes
– Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father: 0 votes (tragically overlooked)
– Children of Men: 4 votes (nice)
– Lost in Translation: 1 vote
– The Royal Tenenbaums: 0 votes
– Amores Perros: 1 votes
– Traffic: 1 vote
– Up: 1 vote
– Other: 2 votes for There Will Be Blood, 2 votes for Oldboy (review coming soon, finally), 2 votes for No Country for Old Men, 1 vote for The Departed, 1 vote for The Bourne Supremacy, 1 vote for Serenity, 1 vote for Pan’s Labyrinth (need to revisit that one), 1 vote for Where the Wild Things Are, and 1 vote for Cinderella Man (good movie, horrendous title).
Hope you dug my top ten list, feel free to post yours, too.
Oldboy (2003)
VERDICT:
8/10 House Arrests
Totally nuts, but in a good way…for the most part.
Oldboy is about an otherwise ordinary Korean guy named Oh Dae-Su who gets picked up off the street after a drunken bender and, for reasons unknown, is imprisoned in a makeshift hotel room for fifteen years. Then one day he’s set free, so he hits the road to find out who locked him up, why he was locked up, and a multitude of other questions that pop up on his quest for revenge.
The first time I saw this I had to watch it with English dubs on because it’s hard enough to get other people to watch an obscure Asian movie they’ve never heard of, let alone convince them to read for two hours on top of it. Point is, English dubs always suck and it’s about damn time I gave this one a second chance after not giving it the fair shot it initially deserved.
And while I totally dug it, I’m not so sure I’d go so far as to call it the best movie of the decade. Then again, can’t say I’ve ever seen a whole lot of movies like Oldboy before.
After seeing Three…Extremes not too long ago which also featured a segment directed by Chan-wook Park (or is it Park Chan-wook, anyone care to clear this up for me?) and giving this one another go around, I think I’m finally starting to realize why I’m falling back in love with Asian horror movies. The reason? You can get away with anything in Asian cinema, far more so than the American censors would ever allow. Kill Bill: Volume 1 is about as far as we’ve gotten.
Case in point: Oldboy.
Now, this is a movie that pushes your limits. A lot of the stuff that goes down will have you twisting your face around in utter disbelief and might just be totally off-putting if you don’t know what you’re getting into, and even if you do know what’s coming it’s still pretty out there. It’s taboo, it’s brutal, and it’s not for everyone, but it is a freakin’ wild ride all the same.
This is mostly due in part to two things.
1. The script here is great in that it’s totally original and shamelessly unafraid. If the synopsis alone is enough to draw you in, everything else that follows will only make you want to keep watching. Oh Dae-su’s journey is one that continually ups the ante on itself and will stick with you for a good long while after he figures everything out. After all, who doesn’t like a good revenge story? Some homeys need to pay. Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right? Right?
2. Chan-wook Park is one badass director with style to burn. The guy gets down and dirty with everything the script has to offer and makes it look beyond cool in the process. One of the most insano uncut fight scenes I’ve ever seen featuring Oh Dae-Su singlehandedly taking on roughly a dozen armed thugs in a narrow hallway using only his bare fists and a hammer? Nuts. Having Oh Dae-Su eat through a live octopus while its writhing tentacles wrap around his hands and face? Double nuts. I’d go so far as to say this movie reaches the pantheon of “Quintuple nuts” or whatever comes after that, but alas, you’re gonna have to find out why for yourselves. It also helps that Park’s got one wacko sense of humor to offset, or rather complement, the wacko nature of the plot. Had me laughing out loud at parts.
The characters are also great. So is Min-sik Choi’s performance as Oh Dae-su. That right there is one hardcore dude.
But like I said, Oldboy most definitely isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s it’s one downfall. I wish I could recommend this sucker to everyone and give it the holy 10 out of 10 Home Arrests, but the truth is that I’m going to be very careful about who I’m gonna be lending this out to. One of those things that’ll almost put a bad taste in your mouth the further down the rabbit hole you fall and make some folks question your judgment in all things decent the minute that octopus scene goes down.
Nonetheless, if you’re up for it and you’re looking for something new with a “Korean Tarantino” feel to it, go ahead and check out Oldboy. Just don’t write me back about what a sick freak I am. I gave you more than enough of a fair warning on this one.
Sherlock Holmes (2009)
VERDICT:
5/10 Games Afoot
One more strike-out for Guy Ritchie.
Sherlock Holmes is about everyone’s favorite British detective and his right-hand man Watson as they try to stop the devious occult leader Lord Blackwood who has seemingly returned from the grave in order to take over Parliament via a mass killing spree.
This is unfortunately one of those movies that I went into expecting a fun ride but ended up forgetting about the minute I walked out of the theater. I was actually in the middle of writing another review when I realized I had seen this a few days ago and had to start all over, and that doesn’t happen a whole lot. The best answer I can give for why this one totally slipped through my memory was that the whole time I was watching it I just didn’t care.
Now, I’m pretty unfamiliar with the source material by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but I’m gonna go take a shot in the dark here and say that this isn’t exactly what he had in mind. Some may see it as a “re-envisioning” of Holmes, I see it as more of a tarnishing if anything else.
A lot of things here don’t really work that well, but the thing that most surprised me in this regard was the bromantic relationship between Holmes and Watson. I’ve always figured that Holmes was the brains and Watson was the braun, but I never got the impression that they could pass as the 19th Century version of the Ambiguously Gay Duo. Not only is the whole dynamic very strange from beginning to end, it’s really just annoying listening to them talk to each other. That scene in the trailer where Jude Law is repeatedly telling Robert Downey to get the violin bow out of his face? The whole movie is like that and it’s as annoying as having someone point their fingers in front of your eyes while saying “I’m not touching you!” over and over. It’s not funny and after a while it had me wishing they would stop.
This leads me to the script, a script that was written by three different people. After seeing The Lovely Bones script turn to shit at the hands of three different writers, I’m starting to think there’s a pattern emerging here. There’s way too much going on, not enough development to give me any reason to hold any interest in what’s up with these characters and whether they live or die or solve the crime, and it’s far more confusing than it needs to be.
But I think the reason I ultimately didn’t care for Sherlock Holmes is the same reason I don’t care for the show House. The thing with House is that it presents you with a mystery that you are never going to solve because it always ends up being solved in the most obscure, bizarre fashion that no one would ever see coming. But since House is the biggest thing to happen to medical dramas since Michael Crichton, Holmes is jumpin’ on the bandwagon. Like anyone would look at a burned rhododendron leaf and think, “Oh that was totally used to kill someone and I know exactly how they did it.” By the time the movie tells me how it all went down, I’m beyond the point of trying to figure it out that it just doesn’t matter any more.
So way to go, Holmes, you and Dr. House would get along like gangbusters.
Robert Downey, Jr. is also kind of annoying. Part of it is due to my dislike of American actors with fake British accents, but he just didn’t do it for me. Can’t really put my finger on it, but I’m thinking it’s that pompous attitude of his that works really well at times and totally doesn’t at others. Still like him, though.
And why does Jude Law keep landing roles? Yeah, he was alright in Road to Perdition and Cold Mountain, but Jude here is living proof that just because you have a badass name doesn’t mean you’re a badass actor. If he took more roles that required him to get his head smacked in with an oar like in The Talented Mr. Ripley, maybe I’d be singing a different tune, but until that time, I’m not much of a fan. An odd choice to play Watson and he’s not doing much to help the movie’s cause.
Rachel McAdams is in it too as Holmes’ love interest of sorts, and while her performance is fine I guess, their relationship is just as aggravating to follow as everyone else’s.
On the other hand, it is pretty cool to watch. Even if everything else is forgettable at best, Guy Ritchie knows how to make his movies look good and he could teach Zack Snyder a thing or two about filming fight scenes in slo-mo. So much potential…
The best thing I got out of watching Sherlock Holmes is that it’s inspired me to finally go and read the stories that this mess was based on because I’m feeling cheated out of something that could have been quite awesome. But who knows, this might be the one to get Ritchie back to doing Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels clones – which would be great. Well, that and his split with Madonna. That wasn’t gonna work out anyway.
Here’s to hoping.
Cut The Crap Movie Reviews 
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