Across the Universe (2007)
VERDICT:
5/10 Octopus’ Gardens
One hell of an ambitious movie, but I think I’ll just stick to The White Album.
Across the Universe is the story of a lower-class British boy named Jude and an upper-class American girl named Lucy who meet in the ’60s, fall for each other, become peace activists against the Vietnam War and try to work it out in world filled with so much fighting and confusion.
Word.
The thing that separates this movie apart from every other movie ever is that the story and characters are pieced together from Beatles songs and the whole thing is pretty much a musical celebrating the Beatles’ extensive and legendary career. Cool idea, but like I said, a little too ambitious for its own good.
Well, the first thing Across the Universe has going for it is that it’s a freakin’ Beatles musical. Maybe I’m delusional, but doesn’t everyone like The Beatles? Honestly, what’s not to like? From Please Please Me to Let it Be, it’s all gold. With that being said, director Julie Taymor has some pretty phenomenal stuff to work with.
On the other hand, it doesn’t always work in her favor.
The real challenge in putting together a movie like this is making a story that the audience is going to care about using unrelated songs as your source material and doing so without it just coming off as fan service. This is not an easy task to undertake, but ultimately it all goes back to the songs.
Now, some of the covers here are great. They’re fun to watch, they’re wonderfully choreographed, they get your feet a-tappin’ and it’s hard to eff up a song when it’s so damn good to begin with. Then again, some of the covers here are not so great. This is no fault of the actors, the finger actually gets pointed right over to the Fab Four and Taymor on this one.
Look, the Beatles are unparalleled, they’re immaculate, but like any band, they had some pretty shitty songs peppered into the mix. For a good while in this movie, everything’s just peachy, I was diggin’ it head to toe. Then we eventually get to the period in the Beatles’ career where they discovered The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, things take a sharp turn to the bizarre and oh how quickly my verdict did drop.
It all culminates in this one scene where all the characters find their way into a circus tent – one that clearly wouldn’t have existed without the help of our good pal LSD – and thus force the audience to sit through Eddie Izzard as what can only be described as a zombie/carnie inbreed performing the strangest, most idiotic cover of “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!” I ever did see. It was at this point that my good buddy Fred and I turned to each and started laughing out loud in the theater.
This was a hard scene for me to shake and the rest of movie never really recovered from it.
It’s just that when you have the entire Beatles catalogue to work with, why in God’s name would you be inclined whatsoever to start singling out songs that most Beatles fans would skip over without thinking twice? The answer to this question is beyond me, but “Mr. Kite!” is just one of numerous song choices to Across the Universe that were totally unnecessary.
The acting’s also fine, nothing memorable, but the one other thing I liked about this movie was the way the plot mirrored the Beatles’ own changes as a band, both in their songs and appearance. John, Paul, George (my favorite) and Ringo had a pretty fascinating career from the time they joined up to the time they got Yokoed and I liked that this aspect of the group managed to finagle its way into the script. The world in 1960 was a much different place ten years later and the Beatles – John in particular – have always been a pretty good barometer of that transformation, a musical history lesson if you will and something worth studying.
Even though Across the Universe wasn’t really my thing, I can appreciate why others might dig it. As far as musicals go, it’s pretty epic and it has the balls to match, and while some of the song choices are a tad suspect, the soundtrack remains a major selling point. Definitely has its moments, but me, I’d rather spend two hours re-watching A Hard Day’s Night or buying a bag of whatever those kids were dropping during “Mr. Kite!” and having myself a time listening to Abbey Road on repeat.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
The Running Man (1987)
VERDICT:
6/10 Lightning Rounds
The ultimate in Arnie guilty pleasures.
The Running Man takes place in the distant future of – wait for it – 2017 where a good cop has been convicted of a mass murder he didn’t commit. Because giving him the chair or locking his ass up is so 2010, he’s instead sent to appear on everyone’s favorite homicidal reality TV game show where he has to fight for his life against a slew of heavily armed opponents a la American Gladiators with Chainsaws and Lite-Brite Jumpsuits, clear his name and expose the government that tried to frame him in the first place.
By all accounts, this is not a very good movie. The dialogue is as cheesy as an Arnie movie from 1987, the costumes look like something out of Richard Simmons’ take on Mad Max, and the acting can be quite a freakin’ riot. But then again, that’s kind of the appeal to The Running Man, that and a premise which I actually think is pretty kickass.
Man, I remember seeing this in Middle School and thinking it was the. shit. Wasn’t quite sure why I never got the same response when I tried talking about it with wiser folk, but after seeing it again a year or so ago, I couldn’t help but smile and laugh at 12-year-old Aiden R. and how excited he used to get over this thing. Looking back, I’m not quite sure what it was exactly that drew me to The Running Man, but after all these years, it’s still a fun movie.
The reason this movie works more than it should is because it doesn’t take itself seriously. It totally plays up the Arnie appeal from back in the day by having old women call him “One mean motherfucker,” and giving him choice winners like, “I’ll be back,” before being sent into the game show, only to have the host reply, “Only in a re-run.” And I can’t help but grin like an idiot whenever I hear Arnie lose it and scream, “I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your goddamn spine!”
Too good. That was always my favorite clip back during the whole prank-call-people-using-the-Arnie-soundboard phase I couldn’t get enough of in High School.
But the best thing this movie has going for it is easily Richard Dawson as The Running Man’s evil host. Whoever thought it would be a great idea to get Dawson – the real-life host of Family Feud from ’76 to ’85 (thanks, Wikipedia!) – to play the bad guy and essentially do the same thing he’d made a career out of, only meaner, deserves a high-ten for that casting call. He’s really entertaining to watch and it’s ’cause of him that this movie carries any credibility whatsoever.
And bonus points for having Jesse Ventura and Jim Brown play two of the “stalkers” that are hunting Arnie down.
It’s weird, the more I write the more I’m having trouble finding the redeeming values of this movie, but what can I say, I’ve got a soft spot for it. Watching Arnie ham it up and whoop some ass while cracking shit one-liners is still good times in my humble opinion. No, it’s not the best Stephen King adaptation out there, and your brain’s not gonna get much of a workout, but The Running Man is a pretty amusing version of the future that’s apparently going to take place in seven years where, as far as I can guess, we all decide to vote the lead singer of A Flock of Seagulls into office.
So if you’re looking laughs and gore, grab a beer and saddle up, folks. The Running Man has heard your call and he is in a full-on sprint.
Oh, and one of the “stalkers” is this buffoon of a character – an obese opera singer named Dynamo that can harness electricity while grinding on chicks in his tightie whiteys. Easily one of the worst villains ever put to celluloid, but like I said, hilarious.
La Moustache (2005)
VERDICT:
4/10 Babyfaces
Cool idea, lame execution.
La Moustache is about a guy who up and decides to shave off his mustache after having it hanging off his mug for a good 15 years. So, he gets rid of that sucker, he’s lookin’ all naturale, he shows his wife and friends the big change, but, wouldn’t ya know, no one notices. Naturally, he’s confused, so he plays along until the joke stops being funny. As if that weren’t enough of a head trip, they all claim that he’s never even had a mustache, ever!
“What the eff is going on!” proclaims the Frenchman. “Am I crazy? Is there some kind of facial hair conspiracy going on that I don’t know about? Is this what happened to Tom Selleck?”
And that’s why I will never shave again.
I can see how some out there might find this a stupid premise for a movie, like my good buddy Fred who asked, “How can you make a whole movie about that?”, but it managed to peak my interest all the same. It takes this simple idea of a dude and his la moustache and turns it into this whole new thing that I quickly found myself really wanting to get to the bottom of. Maybe it’s just me, but I dig stories like that.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t pan out as I’d hoped it would. Fred was right again.
The first Act starts out well enough because it’s all about the gimmick and it keeps cranking up the paranoia until no one in the movie or in the audience has any idea what to make of the situation at hand. That’s where it works and it kept me watching in the hopes that it would keep this air of mystery up until the end where it all finally makes some kind of sense. But that’s the things with gimmicks – they’re just gimmicks.
Once the second Act kicks in, it ends up being more of the first Act, just more nonsensical and boring than before. The real problem here is that the main character stumbles upon photographic evidence of his mustache existing but for some reason never tells his wife about it. Why wouldn’t you do that? Don’t be stupid, if someone’s fitting you for a straitjacket, you use whatever ammo you can get to prove their ass wrong. I would have rubbed those Polaroids in my wife’s face like you wouldn’t believe.
Ugh…frustrating.
But then there’s the third and final Act, and who knows what the hell that was about. Not gonna spoil anything, but I couldn’t help but think that the writer here really had no freakin’ clue where to take the story after page 60, so why not take it nowhere. Double frustrating.
If it weren’t for a phone call I received midway through this thing, I would have zonked out on the spot and I probably wouldn’t have cared about what I missed either. It’s not often that I fall asleep during movies and this one just narrowly avoided being in the minority.
La Moustache is one of those movies that may very well be brilliant underneath the surface and have a good deal of payoff for anyone willing to dissect the hell out of it, but I’m not gonna waste my time, I got reviews to write. The acting’s not bad, particularly on behalf of our mustachioed protagonist, Vincent Lindon, and a nice bit role by Mathieu Amalric, but that’s about it. There’s something here, something good, I just know it, it’s just that it sucks to sit down and get invested in something only to feel like an idiot after it’s all said and done.
Damn abstract French films…
Ratatouille (2007)
9/10 Health Code Violations
Pixar, man. That gang sure knows a thing or two about making good movies.
Ratatouille is about a rat living in the French countryside with aspirations to be a chef at the once-famous Gusteau’s restaurant in Paris. After getting run out of the hills and separated from his family, the rat finds himself in Paris and develops an unlikely friendship with the garbage boy at Gusteau’s. The rat starts cooking hit meals, everyone thinks the garbage boy is behind it, so the two work together to keep their job and achieve their dreams.
Since coming to the realization this past year that Pixar movies aren’t just for kids and are actually freakin’ amazing with each new installment being just as great as the one before it, it was due time I got around to this one and stopped being such a biased twentysomething. It’s not quite as good as Up, but who am I kidding, I enjoyed the hell out of this movie.
It’s written and directed by Brad Bird – the same guy behind The Incredibles, which is also an easy 9 out of 10 for a lot of the same reasons this is – and Brad Bird is a storyteller if there ever was one. Even though I’m not really sure how you actually direct an animated movie, let alone critique one, whatever, Bird’s got this game down pat and there’s not a thing I can knock him for in this regard. There’s something to be said for a movie that was made entirely on a computer yet has more heart and humanity embedded in it than most live-action movies you’re likely to come across.
Everything about this script from the way it had me laughing out loud like a total buffoon to the numerous lumps it jammed in my throat is nothing short of out of sight. The dialogue, the sight gags, even the character models are a total riot. Everyone in the story looks like a human caricature with all their unique features from towering fiveheads to Jabba the Hutt-esque jowls playing seamlessly into their personality types.
Man, I can’t remember the last time a movie had me laughing so hard and smiling so wide, just goes to show that good comic writing and timing is something that defies its medium. On top of it all, the characters are all incredibly well-written and fleshed out and you can’t help but gravitate towards them as soon as they enter the picture. They’re easy to connect to because whether they’re vermin or human, they’ve all got the same dilemmas and aspirations that we do.
The voice acting is also great, and even though I’m not really sure how to critique voice acting either, the actors seemed to fit their roles quite nicely. Patton Oswalt, Janeane Garofalo, Brad Garrett, John Ratzenberger (FUN FACT: has a voice acting role in every Pixar movie), Will Arnett, Brian Dennehy and a fanastic job by Peter O’Toole as the evil food critic, Anton Ego, it’s a knock-out cast and it’s always nice to see actors get so lost in their roles like this.
And the animation absolutely gorgeous. No surprise there.
Good lord, I realize how positive this review is and that I’m beating you guys over the head with it at this point, but Ratatouille is just a wonderful movie that made my weekend. Even gave it a little round of applause when it was all said and done. It’s completely entertaining for all ages, it has some really insightful and subtle things to say about things that are innate in all of us despite our inherent differences, and if you’re looking for a way to just feel good about yourself and what you’re capable of, look no further.
I could write more, but you get what I’m driving at. It’s not often I come across a movie that I can wholeheartedly recommend to anyone and everyone with a clean conscience, so trust me on this one, folks. It’s a good’n.
And isn’t just fun to say “ratatouille!” in a French accent? Good times.
And everyone’s favorite Arnie movie is…
TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY!
Yeah, that really is the best Arnie joint. Not much else to say, T2 just kicks that much ass.
Well done, dear readers.
RESULTS:
– Conan the Barbarian: 1 vote (ouch)
– The Terminator: 6 votes
– T2: 16 votes
– Predator: 7 votes
– Total Recall: 5 votes (awesome movie)
– True Lies: 3 votes
– Jingle All The Way: 2 votes (got us some Sinbad fans in the house!)
– Other: 2 votes for Junior (men getting knocked up = comic gold), 2 votes for Kindergarten Cop (that “It’s naht a toomah!” line sure goes a long way), 1 vote for Commando and 1 vote for Pumping Iron (good call)
Not a whole lot of guys can pull off a life like yours, but for a guy who made his start by smokin’ doobies and shootin’ roids, you get a big ol’ pat on the back, Arnie. You made it, man.
Numero uno indeed, Ahnold. Numero uno indeed…
Big Fan (2009)
VERDICT:
7/10 Unhealthy Obsessions
Not your typical sports movie, and that’s one of the many reasons I dug it.
Big Fan is about a single, middle-aged shlub from Staten Island with a dead-end job as a parking attendant, a seemingly permanent room at his mom’s place, and one passion in life – the New York Giants. One day, this guy manages to meet his favorite Giants player and through a course of events happens to get his ass beat to a pulp by the said star quarterback. So that’s where he’s at, press charges against his hero and risk his team’s chances at a Super Bowl title or let it slide and be the loyal fan he takes so much pride in being.
Not a true story or anything, not like Eli Manning is going around putting his fans in comas behind closed doors, but a pretty solid premise all the same if you ask me. Nothin’ fancy, just an ordinary guy dealing with a shitty situation. Simple yet complicated, a tough balance to strike that’s a thing of beauty when done right.
This here is the directorial debut and second screenplay by Robert D. Siegel, who’s first screenplay was none other than The Wrestler. Not too shabby, Rob, not too shabby at all.
From a writing standpoint, Big Fan is a step up for Siegel. Well, the problem with The Wrestler was that the story wasn’t anything new and the best dialogue was all the ad-libbed stuff. Wasn’t bad, but there was room to grow. This time around, you can tell he’s starting to find a voice for himself instead of just letting the actors do the talking for him. The dialogue’s better, the people are more believable and the end product is a really dark dramedy that at times borders on depressing but for the most part does a great job of keeping you as interested in what’s going on as much as the characters are. Only problem is that it almost takes a nose dive into tragically dark, barely pulling out before crashing and burning.
The plot is also pretty unpredictable to the point where I really had no idea what was going on in the third Act until it was staring me in the face. Siegel doesn’t outright tell you what’s going on in his characters’ heads or what their motivations are, their actions speak for themselves and it’s always fantastic to come across that kind of subtlety in movies. Although, this vibe of keeping the audience in the dark can also make for a painfully uncomfortable experience to sit through when you think you know what’s coming and are expecting the worst. Not so much a complaint as an observation.
Script’s got its flaws, but good job, Siegel, all the same.
And our big fan, Paul Afiero, is played by one of my favorite comedians out there right now, Patton Oswalt. If you know Patton, you know he’s one funny mother-effer. If you don’t know Patton, go YouTube Patton and nod to yourself in agreement that he is indeed one funny mother-effer. But all the same, Paul Afiero isn’t Patton, at least not Patton you probably didn’t just YouTube. He can be a funny dude at times, but not piss-your-knickers-from-laughing-so-hard funny. Paul’s just a average joe with a serious jones for the Giants and Patton fits the bill surprisingly well.
Can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but he pulls off the role of endearing loser pretty naturally without making you feel sorry for the guy. That probably sounds like a back-handed compliment, but considering that I’m sure Patton is nothing like Paul in real life, I assure you, it’s a front-handed compliment all the way (if that’s even a thing). His life and affairs aren’t exactly anything to admire, but it wasn’t long before I found myself legitimately caring about him and seeing his situation in a whole new non-pathetic light.
Good protagonist all in all.
Also features some pretty entertaining side roles by Michael Rapaport as Afiero’s arch-nemesis of sorts and Kevin Corrigan as Paul’s best friend (aka: “those guys from every movie ever”).
Been meaning to get around to this one for a while now and even though it’s probably not gonna linger long in the memory bank for too long after this review, it’s great to see an awesome dude like Oswalt shine in the spotlight. If you’re going into this expecting a laugh riot or a formulaic feel-good yarn a la The Blind Side, you’re gonna be sorely disappointed, but hey, it’s something new. Siegel’s not quite there yet, but he’s getting there and Big Fan is a big step in the right direction.
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
VERDICT:
10/10 Rock Hounds
It’s in the Top Five. Shocker, I know.
The Shawshank Redemption is about a man in the 1940s who gets sent to prison with a life sentence after being convicted of murdering his wife and her lover. He settles in, makes friends with a guy named Red and spends the rest of his days in the big house getting busy living instead of getting busy dying.
Look, if you’ve never seen this movie, stop reading now and go watch it, what the hell have you been doing with yourself all this time? This is one of those universally admired movies that rarely comes around and 11 times out of 10 makes on impact on its viewers in some shape or form. Really, go ask anybody their thoughts on this one, anyone. Even better, pull your face away from the screen, yell “Shawshank!” up in the air and get ready to tally how many people race over to your cubicle/living room/toilet stall to talk about how hard this movie rocks.
I remember the first time I saw this movie was after asking my dad if people can make friends in prison (I was younger then). Anywho, TBS loved playing this sucker on a 24 hour loop back in the day and it wasn’t long thereafter that I sat down with my dad and watched it straight through. Shook me to the core back then and the sentiment hasn’t yielded in the countless viewings since. That doesn’t happen very often in movies, maybe it does for one or two scenes in a movie, but hardly ever when it comes to the whole damn thing.
With that being said, there’s no one thing that this movie does right. It’s the entire package that brings it all together and if the 10 out of 10 wasn’t indication enough, one might argue this gem as flawless, and that one fella’ might be me. Something tells me I’m not the minority in this line of thought either.
Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman were already established by the time this little ditty came around, but damn if Andy Dufresne and Red aren’t the best roles of their career; might not be the pinnacle of their acting abilities, but the characters themselves could definitely be argued. Robbins make it easy to see why all the other prisoners more or less live vicariously through Andy, and Red serves as the perfect narrator for an audience looking from the outside-in. They’re both great in their own rights, but the friendship between them is what ties everything together and brings the movie’s message of hope full circle in a setting where hope lost. Just a great relationship to sit back and watch as it blossoms into something everyone strives for in life – true friendship.
But I think a lot of the credit as to why this movie is borderline perfect is owed to writer/director Frank Darabont. Folks, this was Darabont’s first big time motion picture. Let me repeat that. Frank Darabont’s debut effort as a film maker was THE. SHAWSHANK. REDEMPTION. If I were him, I might have just up and quit while I was ahead, but since we have him to thank for The Green Mile as well, he has free reign to do whatever the hell he wants regardless of how bad The Majestic and The Mist were (at least that’s what I heard).
One of the best aspects of Shawshank is not only the phenomenal array of genuinely good and straight-up evil characters who are all just as memorable as the next (major shout-out to Bob Gunton as Warden Norton and Clancy Brown as Captain Hadley – some seriously mean mofos), but also all the great stuff that comes out of their mouths. The dialogue here is really out of sight from start to finish and I feel like this is something that gets overshadowed in relation to everything else that’s so memorable. It’s sharp as a whip, much in the same way King’s writing and dialogue is, it’s really funny when it wants to be and it makes everything feel that much more legit without making it hokey. Some of the stuff here definitely could have come off as corny, but somehow Darabont and King and the cast pull it off like it’s no big thing. Very awesome.
I read the short story by Stephen King that this movie was based off a while back, and while I absolutely love King, isn’t it great to come across movies that actually improve upon the source material? The only big difference between the book and the movie is that Brooks plays a greater role, but that’s about it. Everything else is fleshed out far more substantially by Darabont and, as you can see, it all really works out wonderfully in the end.
I like to think of The Shawshank Redemption as a ’90s version of Cool Hand Luke in a lot of ways – just kinda replace Luke with Andy in a sense – and considering that Cool Hand may very well be my favorite movie all-time, that’s quite the complement. So many memorable scenes that break your heart or lift you up, so many characters that you connect with like old friends or make your blood boil like a common enemy, and a story that is truly timeless. This movie will never get old, it’s messages will never be dated and if you’ve never seen it before, I thought I already told you to stop reading this thing a while ago.
Man, I love Forrest Gump as much as the next guy, but Shawshank deserved Best Picture.
Near perfection.
R.I.P. Zelda Rubinstein
R.I.P. J.D. Salinger
Match Point (2005)
VERDICT:
8/10 Wives’ Worst Nightmares
One sexy and cruel little bastard of a movie. Not your typical Woody.
Match Point is about a tennis pro in England that starts up an affair with his soon to be brother-in-law’s fiance’ – which is naughty and kept hidden – while already developing a open relationship with his brother-in-law’s sister – which is warmly embraced by all. Since monogamy is the relationship of choice in this situation, the tennis pro eventually has to let one of them go, and that’s when things get really crazy.
If you’re walking into this expecting Sleeper or Bananas, I’m afraid you’re going to be sorely disappointed. This is not a funny movie and there is little wit to be found that doesn’t carry some heavy-handed sexual undertones along with it. Match Point is about a bad dude with a horribly warped moral compass and there’s not much to admire about him outside of his being one of the best liars in movie history. Guy could punch you in the face and convince you that you did it to yourself, and after five minutes, you’d totally believe him.
Maybe I’m just out of the loop, but this is some new territory for Woody Allen. He’s never been exactly famous for his efforts in the erotic thriller genre, but apparently he’s had it in him all along. While I can’t really say much to Woody’s visual style other than that this movie look awfully crisp, I’ve always found that Woody’s largest strength as film maker was in his writing and the visuals always kinda played into what was in the script to begin with, like some of the more memorable scenes from Annie Hall that get into what men and women are really thinking rather than what they’re actually doing or saying.
But that’s for another review.
Woody’s dialogue here is great and steamier than a Turkish bath, it’s all about the characters and his characters are endlessly watchable, and some of the plot twists will leave you watching this thing mouth agape. The whole analogy between tennis and luck is also pretty cool (e.g: the ball hits the top of the net, could fall down on either side and win you the point or lose you the point; you get the gist), if somewhat unnecessary.
But what’s most intriguing about Match Point is that this sucker is borderline evil and it revels in every minute of it. Not a huge fan of Jonathan Rhys Meyers, but his character, Chris Wilton – our anti-hero of the hour – is one mean mofo. He’s got the art of manipulation down to a science, he’s dead set on having his cake and eating it in front of everyone’s faces without them even knowing and it’s not long before you realize that this dude needs a good hearty dose of comeuppance. But that’s what’s different about Match Point, Chris is our villain and he’s our main character. He’s not very likable, but you can’t help but see how he weasels himself out of each new situation until everything comes to a head. You want him to get caught so bad, but he’s not stupid when it comes to these kinds of things and luck is very much on his side.
I’m sure it’ll leave a bad taste in some folks’ mouths, but that’s actually one of its selling points. Match Point isn’t a safe movie and it’ll rightfully leave you shaken up. Nobody wins in these kinds of situations, but it helps to have a stone cold heart.
Also features a pretty good performance by Scarlett Johansson as Chris’ back door woman, Nola. Still think she’s more eye candy than anything else, and when she yells she sounds like a guy, but hey, good character who doesn’t take very well to playing second fiddle to anyone. Well-written role, decent casting choice.
Match Point really is something else though. There’s tons of great erotic thrillers out there, but this one feels new in both its tone and plot. It’s not the feel-good movie of ’05 by any means, but if you’re up for some crazy shit involving some crazy people, this one’s a winner. Who knew Woody had such an awesome mean streak?
And Brian Cox is in it, too. Might just be the best movie ever now.
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