VERDICT:
9/10 Armageddons in Retrospect
Finally, a movie that has a sense of humor about the end of the world. Lighten up, Deep Impact.
Dr. Strangelove starts with a nutjob General in the US Air Force who orders a nuclear air strike on Russia because politicians don’t know a damn thing about what’s best for civilization, because he’s got some deep-seeded women problems, and because there’s no way in hell you can trust a nation of people who have vodka running through their bodies instead of water. Unbeknownst to the said General, the Russians have secretly developed a “Doomsday Machine” that will trigger a worldwide nuclear holocaust if anyone from any country tries to bomb the old USSR. Word about this unfortunate chain events reaches the President of the United States, so everyone gathers in the War Room at the Pentagon and starts scrambling to figure out how in the hell they’re gonna prevent the impending apocalypse.
So for a guy who never quite made a name for himself as the funniest director on the lot, what with all the ultraviolence and bear suit bee-jays that are coming to mind, it’s somewhat surprising that Stanley Kubrick decided to go the comedy route on this one. What might be even more surprising is that it’s funny as hell for subject that could have fallen on the total opposite end of the spectrum. Yeah, it looks like a Kubrick movie with all the wide open indoor spaces and super-intense close-ups on faces that look like they’re chiseled out of granite, and that’s all good, but that’s actually the least of the things he does well here.
God, it’s hard to pick out the biggest strength amongst the cast, the script, the premise and the execution because they don’t really shine on individual fronts, they all just melt together.
Well, let’s just talk about Peter Sellers. Initially slated to play four different roles (but the dude just had to sprain his ankle and give up one of ’em to Slim Pickens), Sellers plays meek British Group Captain Lionel Mandrake; the President of the United States, Merkin Muffley; and invalid, ex-Nazi weapons expert, Dr. Strangelove. Man, there are a lot of laugh-out-loud moments in this movie and most of ’em definitely belong to Sellers. From a phone conversation between President Muffley and the drunken President of Russia, to Lionel Mandrake harassing Col. Bat Guano (“If that is your real name…”) to shoot open the lock on a Coke machine, I was making a damn scene at the laundromat while I was watching this. But whether it’s Strangelove, Inspector Clouseau or Chauncey Gardiner, Sellers was always a seriously funny guy and he gives each one of these three uniquely eccentric individuals his all.
And he also might have one of the best final lines of all-time. Could not have picked a better moment to cut to that final montage.
Then again, that’s just Sellers. George C. Scott is perfect as the warmongering General Buck Turgidson; the forgotten badass that is Sterling Hayden is perfect as Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper; and even though he’s no Peter Sellers, I can’t really see anyone else fitting the bill of Major “King” Kong quite like Slim Pickens does. Now that’s a guy with some great lines.
But it’s just so damn crazy! With the exception of maybe A Boy and His Dog, I can’t come up with one other movie that’s so gloriously absurd and has such an effing blast with a premise that most writers and directors tend get pretty heavy with. And while there is something heavy about it because over the course of almost 50 years this still stands as a regrettably fresh satire on global nuclear relations and the trigger-happy puppet masters who’ve got access to the launch codes, the end result seems to stand out a whole lot more since it has such a good time with it instead of moping about all that extinction crap.
And that’s where the script comes in. Like I said, I’m thinking the script wouldn’t really send it home without the unreal cast it has to deliver it, but it’s smart as a whip and is that much funnier because everyone is just taking themselves so damn seriously. Just look at everyone’s names: you’ve got “Merkin” (go ahead and Google that term), “Bat Guano”, “Jack D. Ripper”, “‘King’ Kong”, and a guy who changed his name from “Merkwürdigeliebe” to “Strangelove”. You don’t even really need to hear them talk to realize that everyone here is a bit off their rocker, but that’s why it works. After all, war is crazy, it only makes sense that the people behind it are, too.
I’d like to say it’s totally unlike anything Kubrick ever did, but Kubrick was never much for doing the same movie twice anyway. All the same, who knew the guy had such a sense of humor. So if you’ve ever loved anything by Kurt Vonnegut, if you have a mean jones for dry, deadpan humor, if you still get a fuckin’ hoot out of the Cold War, then Dr. Strangelove should be right up your alley. There’s always something to be said for a movie like this that doesn’t feel dated in the least so many years later after it was supposed to be relevant, but that’s just one of the many reasons why it’s a classic. Not quite sure how this lost Best Picture to My Fair Lady, and while I’m sure that’s a fine motion picture in its own right, sounds like comparing chalk and cheese to me.
And the best Kubrick movie is…
FULL METAL JACKET!
Man, haven’t seen this in ages, but I do recall it having the same damn problem as Stripes: first half is unreal, but what the hell happened in that second hour? Then again, the first half of Stripes is one of the funniest things you’ll ever see and the same goes for the feel-good boosts of confidence from R. Lee Ermey in FMJ, too. Well, a lot of solid choices this week and we have ourselves a winnah!
Swell voting, folks. Looks like it’s high time I revisited this.
RESULTS:
– Full Metal Jacket: 19 votes
– A Clockwork Orange: 10 votes
– 2001: 10 votes
– Dr. Strangelove: 10 votes
– The Shining: 7 votes
– Spartacus: 6 votes
– The Killing: 2 votes
– Eyes Wide Shut: 1 vote
– Paths of Glory: 1 votes
– Lolita: 0 votes
– Barry Lyndon: 0 votes (anyone seen this? any good?)
Pretty sure I’d shit my pants on a daily basis with that mean bastard telling me off from sunup ’til sundown. What a performance, but someone needed to give that a guy a freakin’ bear hug.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
VERDICT:
8/10 Magic Militias
Might be better than the book. Yup, I went there.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix picks up with 15-year-old HP returning for his fifth year at Hogwarts and – surprise, surprise – shit is still a total hassle for the kid. First he gets court-martialed for saving his hideous cousin’s life from a Dementor (you’re a better man than I, Harry), then he heads off to school after being cleared of the charges and finds that the Ministry of Magic has taken the biggest bitch in all of England and put her in charge as the worst Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher/Dean of Discipline in the history of Hogwarts. Why all the hubbub? I’ll tell you why, fool! Because The Big V is back in action and the Ministry of Magic refuses to buy into it, so they target Dumbledore and HP for spreading lies, and as a result, Harry starts building up an army of his own so he’s doesn’t end up with a Death Eater’s wand in is hooha.
And Draco’s still a piece of shit.
So I was kinda let down by The Goblet of Fire. Not gonna be a broken record about it, but I was somewhat skeptical that this franchise could return to the glory days of Azkaban after all was said and done. But in comes director David Yates and it’s instantly apparent to me why they’ve kept him on board ever since. Yeah, Cedric getting offed was pretty serious stuff, but that dark, ominous tone that should have been better established when the Dark Lord made his big comeback at the end of the Triwizard Tournament is now here in full effect from beginning to end.
The thing Yates does well is that he doesn’t bother so much with the magical aspect of things, but instead stays focused on his characters and what they’re going through while maintaining this uber slick style that would probably work wonders in a BMW commercial. And that’s great, it really adds to the increasingly mature tone of the storyline, and when he does finally start to focus on the magic during a flat-out epic duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort, it skyrockets to a plateau of badassery that the previous four movies don’t even come close to matching. Among other things, I thought Goblet of Fire definitely took a step back in this regard, so it’s that much more awesome to see Harry and his pals growing up at the forefront of things.
And better yet, hardly anything got left out. Huzzah! The novel is still a bit too lengthy to religiously adapt into a two-hour-and-15-minute span, but the only minor complaints I’ve got is that there isn’t a whole lot of focus on The Order of the Phoenix itself, nor is there a whole lot of back story on Sirius, HP’s dad and the rest of the Marauders during their time at Hogwarts. But whatever, their past with Snape is properly addressed, I don’t think anyone lost sleep over Kreacher taking a backseat to things, and while I wish The Veil had actually been explained before Sirius gets up close and personal with it, it doesn’t take away from the impact of the moment whatsoever.
So way to go screenwriter Michael Goldenberg. You da’ man!
But back to the whole “better than the book” remark. In my humble opinion, this was the weakest of Rowling’s efforts. It’s phenomenal during the last 200 pages or so, but everything up to that point pretty much boiled down to Harry bitching and moaning about how Dumbledore doesn’t want to be his friend anymore, how Dumbledore didn’t make him a prefect, how people won’t believe him about Voldemort and how it’s just so damn hard to be Harry-fucking-Potter. Good God was that annoying. Hope I wasn’t like that at 15.
Anyway, during the few times that Harry does start pushing people away because they just don’t understand the struggle of being The Boy Who Lived, he turns around and takes the high road right quick in the movie by opting to smooth things over with Ron and Hermy instead of moping around all day like a bastard. His furious rage towards getting the cold shoulder from Dumbledore feels justified rather than overdramatic, all that prefect noise has been written out entirely and there’s still no sign of S.P.E.W.
DOUBLE HUZZAH!
And the characters are still pretty solid. Hat’s off to Imelda Staunton as Hogwarts’ new batshit crazy cat lady, Professor Umbridge, and the way she somehow manages to bringing Rowling’s most infuriatingly unreasonable creation to life (and Rowling’s got a lot of ’em up her sleeve) without making me want to snap the damn DVD in half. But other than that, Grint is getting better by the year, Watson‘s still good, and Radcliffe apparently had a serious sit-down with the last four movies and has done a swell job of not getting over-emotional for once. Kid is much easier to watch this time around, so well done, old chap. Still miss Richard Harris even though Michael Gambon’s Dumbledore is growing on me, and I am all about the quality one-on-one time we get with Gary Oldman as good ol’ Sirius Black. Doesn’t yell as much as he used to, but that’s fine because he’s still an awesome godfather, he clean up damn well and this is pretty much his movie anyway. Can’t ever go wrong with Oldman.
Wasn’t a big fan of Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange though. Too much of the batshit crazy cat lady factor going on. Still not sure how I feel about Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood though. Will report back in the next HP review.
Man, there’s a freakin’ ton of characters in this franchise, huh?
Anywho, I laughed, I cheered, I was kinda floored by the visuals during the final Act, and it’s just glorious to watch an HP movie again and be able to say “That was great” as the end credits started to roll. Just so many fantastic scenes whether it’s HP building up Dumbledore’s Army and everyone casting their patroni for the first time, or Alan Rickman flipping out with the utmost subtlety during Snape‘s occlumency lessons. Even the Dursley’s are more fun to be around, which is a huge accomplishment in itself. The Order of the Phoenix is the last movie of the series that I’ve actually seen before, and as if this giddy-as-sin review hasn’t been evidence enough, I’m pretty effing pumped for The Half-Blood Prince.
Keep it up, Yates. Makin’ the wizard community might proud.
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
VERDICT:
9/10 Long Cons
Coolest. Life. Ever.
Catch Me If You Can is inspired by the life of one Frank Abagnale, Jr. who forged over $2 million in fake checks across the globe, successfully impersonated an airline pilot, an FBI agent, a doctor, a lawyer, and his High School substitute teacher…all by the age of 19 with the just Feds always one step behind from nabbing him.
Man, it really doesn’t get more awesome than that. Maybe growing up in ancient Sparta, that was probably some wild shit, but the teenage years of Frank Abagnale, Jr. are still pretty epic.
It’s not one of Spielberg’s showier efforts, and if he hadn’t followed this up with The Terminal two years later, it’d probably stand out as the most un-Spielberg thing on his resume. But whatever, as humdrum as it may seem in comparison to a dude getting eaten of a porta-potty in Jurassic Park, Spielberg’s the man and he knows how to make a kickass movie regardless of scale. Even though his involvement might actually be the least memorable aspect of this whole thing, he still moves it along at a perfect pace and does a bang-up job of balancing the tone between heartbreakingly honest and larger than life.
But like I said, Spielberg’s just the guy behind camera here thanks to Abagnale and the cast that brings this crazy-ass coming-of-ager to life.
These days, I’m still on the fence with Leo. Dude is too serious for his own good, but along with his turn in What’s Eating Gilber Grape?, this is hands-down the best freaking thing he’s ever done. The reason he rocks it as Abagnale because he gets caught right up in it all, he’s clearly having a blast when the chips are stacked in his favor, and even though the stuff he’s pulling off is probably more suited for veteran crooks twice or thrice his age, he never loses sight of the fact that he’s still very much a kid. See, Abagnale is a top candidate for Best Liar on the Planet, he makes that scumbag from Match Point look like a nervous four-year-old with piss pants trying to pin the blame on his imaginary friend for breaking the family china. But as smooth as he is, he’s not in it for the money, he’s not in it for the notoriety, he’s simply motivated by the desire to make his dad proud and the only friend he’s got in the world is one guy in the FBI trying to put him behind bars.
So I watch this all play out, I see what kind of range Leo’s got at his disposal and I wonder why every movie he’s done recently lately boils down to him just being super intense all the time. Not that he’s bad in that regard or anything, but he’s better when he branches out. All the same, Abagnale is the original “Barefoot Burglar”, a fantastic, complex character who’s in way over his head but keeps on treading water like a pro, and Leo just nails him.
And then there’s Tom Hanks as the said FBI agent with the world’s best knock-knock joke, Carl Hanratty. It doesn’t even need to be said, but Hanks is out of sight and the same goes for Hanratty’s relationship with Abagnale as it develops from disgraced predator to confidante/co-worker over the years. Love their back-and-forths, love the way Hanratty downs that eclair when Abagnale tries to bargain for it over how he passed the Bar, and you gotta love his Long Island accent. I’ll just leave it at that, this ain’t the right review for a Tom Hanks all-out love fest.
And Christopher Walken is also fantastic as Abagnale‘s dad. Considering that he’ll literally take any role that’s offered to him, be it The Deer Hunter or Gigli, it’s been a good while since I’ve seen him so vulnerable in such a legit role. He’s everything his son is, he’s everything his son isn’t and the way his “never give up” attitude is as inspiring as it is tragic. Just one more great character and one more great actor to throw into the mix.
Bonus points for a Martin Sheen cameo and a bit role from an up-and-coming, brace-faced Amy Adams. Never hurts, right?
Folks, I love Catch Me If You Can. Chances are if you turn to TBS at any time on any weekend, this will be just starting up, and I don’t know how anyone in their right mind could possible resist that temptation. Endlessly fun to watch, great acting, great characters, more choice one-liners than you can shake a stick at, and the best part about it is that it’s all true. Alright, maybe it’s not a verbatim adaptation of the Abagnale’s autobiography, but he did give it his seal of approval, the important stuff is all there, and holy crap is it nuts.
One of those rare “crime totally pays” stories that works because no one gets physically hurt in the process and completely caters to the devil on our shoulder that men struggle to suppress whenever the idea of robbing a bank comes to mind. Can’t believe this was written by the same guy who penned two Rush Hour sequels and Speed 2: Cruise Control, but way to go Jeff Nathanson, you’re alright in my book.
Rashomon (1950)
VERDICT:
10/10 Living Hells
One of the most profound movies ever made about the true colors of the human soul.
Rashomon is the story of a priest, a lumberjack and a passing commoner in Feudal Japan who find themselves waiting out a torrential storm by recounting the trial of a recent murder case that has left them numb, distraught and hopeless. Told through the testaments of those involved and those just trying to make sense of it, the three men find themselves confronted with the ugly face of human nature while unraveling the truth behind a woman’s rape and her husband’s death.
I don’t why it’s taken me so long to get around to writing this. This has firmly been in my Top Ten since the fateful day in High School when I got my wisdom teeth removed, rented it from the library on a whim and was flat-out floored by it in a way no movie had affected me before or since for that matter. The only excuse I’ve got is that I had to watch it just one more time before giving it the rundown it deserves, but considering that this is also the first Kurosawa movie I’ve reviewed, I might as well contemplate seppuku for the shame I’ve brought upon my family.
So there are a good deal of movies out there that have shaken me up, made me bawl, made me cheer or plain old pissed me off, but like any movie that strives for the same emotional weight as Seven, Kramer vs. Kramer, Back to the Future or The Tillman Story, that’s to be expected. But then there’s Rashomon, and with the exception of The Seventh Seal, I can’t even think of one other movie that comes close to the haunting power this movie carries on such a universal subject as the inherently flawed state of man.
The plot plays out like a cross-examination, jumping back and forth between those on the witness stand and the men weighing in on the validity of their testimonies. The trial begins with an arrogant thief who confesses to raping the woman and then murdering her husband after a lengthy duel. Next is the said woman who claims that the thief forced himself upon her, but she instead confesses to murdering her husband after he refused to forgive her for allowing the disgraceful act to happen. Third is the deceased husband – speaking through a medium – who claims that he took his own life after allowing the thief to run away with his wife after raping her because she was no longer worthy. And then there’s a fourth surprise witness, an individual with no ulterior motive who saw the reality of the situation first-hand but opted to confess long after a verdict was reached for fear of sticking his nose in places it didn’t belong, but I’ll let you figure out who that is for yourself.
As the “truth” comes out, the facts just get buried deeper until the only certainty left to go off of is that even in shackles, even in mourning, even in death, people will stoop to any low and ruin anyone regardless of the damage caused as long as it gives them a good name. Though their intentions might seem righteous upon first hearing, no one is innocent. Why? Because that’s the way people are.
It’s as utterly disheartening as it is brilliant and it’s sad because, in many ways, it’s true. Just turn on the news and see for yourself. It forces the cast and audience alike to take a step back and measure out which side of the spectrum they want to be on even if they might not be able to control it in the first place.
But Akira Kurosawa, man. From the script to the final product, this all goes back to him. This guy is a legend for good reason and this here is a wonderful little crash course in why that is. The dude was mastering non-linear storytelling way before non-linear storytelling was cool, he used light and shadow in ways that film makers had never seen or even thought to utilize, and word on the street is that he drained the entire water supply of the town he was filming in just to create his outrageous rain storm.
Doubt those villagers were too happy with the guy, but talk about epic.
But the beauty of it all is how deceptively simple the whole thing is. It’s a no-frills picture, Kurosawa always keeps his characters at the forefront of things and makes them drive the story rather than letting his skills behind the camera do the work. As good as it looks, it never fails to be a human struggle told by human beings, and to dress it up as something else would just take away from the dark heart that makes it stand out.
And the acting ain’t too shabby either. Machiko Kyo is solid as the manipulative wife, Masayuko Mori is solid as her stern husband, and Takashi Shimura is both solid and heartbreaking as the lumberjack. But Kurosawa regular Toshiro Mifune totally steals the show as the crazy-ass bandit, Tajomaru. The guy is just so far out there in comparison to everyone else that’s he’s impossible to ignore. Maybe could have done without him hamming it up so much, but whatever, the act ultimately ties in quite nicely to the final impression we get of the guy.
So it’s black-and-white, it’s 60-years-old, it’s got subtitles, the scenes drag on here and there and the pacing is a bit on the slower end of things during the first Act, but do not write this off. You’d be crazy to write this off, it’s only 88 minutes long anyway.
Folks, Rashomon is the kind of movie that would make Sartre clap in his coffin, but as memorable as it is for being so ruthless and dire, it’s the brief silver lining that really brings it all home in the long run. Yeah, you can turn on the news and chances are 95% of it is gonna be pretty depressing, but there’s always that 5% right at the very end that brightens your day, makes you forget about all that other noise and reinvigorates your faith in the goodness of man. Human history has always had its ups-and-downs and that’s probably the way it’s always gonna be, and while that existence is far from a perfect one, it’s amazing the way a small display of selflessness can speak volumes far louder than a tsunami of greed.
A damn fine place to be introduced to Kurosawa and one of the greatest movies ever made.
The Land Before Time (1988)
VERDICT:
7/10 Tree Stars
Quite the Debbie Downer for a kid’s movie, but jam-packed with more nostalgia factor than an ’80s baby can handle.
The Land Before Time is about five little dinosaurs who get separated from their respective families after 526 earthquakes take place over the course of five minutes because the Earth is a total mess of volcanoes and tar swamps. With a T-Rex hot on their tails and only each other to rely on, they head off towards the sunset in search of The Great Valley where their families are waiting for them amongst a veritable feast of leaves that would make any herbivore spontaneously combust with sheer excitement.
God, it’d been eons since I last saw this movie. Growing up, I had a few staples that my parents would always slap into the VCR so that I would stop begging them to get me another Happy Meal before I had a meltdown like they wouldn’t believe. There was The Neverending Story, my precious Ninja Turtles re-runs, some Mickey Mouse Valentine’s Day special that was set to Taylor Dane’s “Tell It to My Heart” because the ’80s were just that awesome, and of course there was The Land Before Time. All of these things were viewed ad nauseum by little Aiden and let me assure you that he loved every minute of it, Happy Meal or no Happy Meal…but preferably with Happy Meal.
So watching this again way down the line as a grown-ass man really was something else. With each new scene that elicited one new flood of childhood memories after another, I couldn’t help but turn to my good buddy Fred (who remembered the movie vividly) to continually remind him that “This is crazy,” and “I remember that!” Fred was kind enough to nod politely during the full hour and change that I kept him updated on subject, but not since rediscovering Beauty and the Beast has a movie taken me on such a thorough trip down memory lane.
And as much as I’d like to say that it’s 20 times better than I remember it, a lot of the love for this one goes back to my being raised on it. In comparison to something like The Little Mermaid that came out just one year later, this doesn’t really hold a candle to anything that came out of the Disney studios during their glory days. The artwork looks dated, the writing and humor is nothing special, and the characters are canned. One of those animated efforts that the parents are gonna get dragged to and the kids are gonna love, end of story. Even with Steven Spielberg and George Lucas attached as producers, this wasn’t exactly setting the bar.
But the story is fine, it ain’t the most original thing out there, but it’s a good way to teach the youngin’s some of the basic life lessons. Then again, the two main issues we’re dealing with right off the bat are dinosaur racism and learning to move on after your mom dies.
Yikes. Guess you have to have that conversation some day…
It does cheer up as the plot progresses and you can bet your sweet bippy that there’s a happy ending in store (because nothing screams “happy ending” like the life of a dinosaur), but even I was pretty bummed out by the sad turn of events that take place during the first Act.
Some awfully memorable music though. Sounds like a mix between the Jurassic Park theme and E.T., and that’s alright by me.
But as much as I can weigh the pros and cons of this movie, it’s almost not even worth it. When the day finally comes where I take on the mantle of “Pops”, I’ll undoubtedly be crying and laughing with my kids when I introduce them to the Toy Story trilogy, I’ll absolutely be vegging out during the inevitable Spongebob marathons when father and son/daughter start faking sick together, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that The Land Before Time will find its way into the collection of family favorites, too. I grew up on it, it’s an Aiden classic, and as much as I can be a nitpicky blogger about it, it’s pointless for me to bother with the flaws.
Man, being a kid was sweet, huh?
127 Hours (2010)
VERDICT:
9/10 Home Surgeries
That will to survive sure is something else.
127 Hours is the story of one Aron Ralston: an engineer with a life-long passion for the great outdoors who heads out on a solo run in the canyons of Utah in 2003 without telling anyone where he was going or when he’d be back. Fate being the cruel bitch that it is, he climbs down a crevasse and accidentally shakes loose a boulder the size of a small planet which falls down with him and completely crushes his right forearm against a rock wall. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, 18 miles away from his car and with no chance of a rescue party coming to find him, Aron goes five days surviving on the bare minimum until he eventually bites the bullet, cuts off his own arm with a dull knife that you could barely cut butter with and hoofs it back to civilization.
And since he’s just that extreme, he’s still climbing and breaking records to this day with a fancy new icepick prosthesis where his arm used to be. Talk about earning your Man Card.
So a number of things came to mind when I first heard about this movie:
1. It’s the new joint by Danny Boyle, so therefore it will probably be awesome. Like, 13 dollars awesome.
2. Not that I even need another reason, but it’s also about Aron Ralston and his flat-out insane story of survival, and that’s a story I am all about.
And, 3. Raltson gets trapped, he’s in there by himself for five days, he cuts off his arm, then he goes home…how is this movie 94 minutes long and how will it avoid being a snoozefest?
And now we backtrack to Danny Boyle, because without him, there’s a distinct chance this baby could have bombed. From the frenetic, seemingly unrelated opening credits to the semi-Indian soundtrack that plays throughout the whole movie, it’s easy to see that Boyle is still lingering in his Slumdog period. And that’s fine, that’s great, that’s why he won the Oscar and that’s the very reason he manages to make this story of a guy and his boulder as wild and intense as anything else he’s put out there. It’s a movie about an adrenaline junkie and it looks like it was filmed by one too. Whether it’s Ralston hauling ass down the side of a mountain on a bike or just him daydreaming about his past, future and present, it’s always moving, it’s always fluid, and even at its craziest, Boyle is always in control and he truly knows a thing or two about how to make a pretty movie.
Now, I haven’t read Ralston’s account of what happened or what was going through his head, but the thing you don’t account for before seeing the movie is what would actually go through your head if you were in a situation like that for 127-FREAKING-HOURS!? You’ve got one-man talk shows, reminiscing on relationships treasured and loves lost, fantasies of escape and borderline wet dreams about the Gatorade sitting your trunk among other things. As a passive observer, you learn a lot about Ralston from what goes on in his head, how he exhausts every last conceivable option to escape and how he bides his time, and what might be the most amazing thing is that it all goes by in a flash. Didn’t check my watch once, doubt anyone else did either. Farthest thing from a snoozefest you’ll see all year.
But as great as Boyle is and always has been for all the said reasons, the bottom line is that this is about Ralston.
Walking out of the theater, I was having a lot of trouble figuring out the right words to describe this man. My gut was leaning towards “awesome” and “badass,” but then my good buddy Fred chimed in and asked me to explain my reasoning for why it was starting to sound like I wanted to marry the guy. I tried to come up with some sort of logic behind all my gushing, but long story short, as “awesome” and “badass” as Ralston might be in a conversation about “real men”, those two words aren’t exactly fitting for the circumstances he was placed in. “Epic” and “unreal” might be more on the right track, because truth be told, if I were in his shoes and my two options were either chiseling through my arm or dying, there is no option. Sitting in front of your computer and wondering if you could cut your own arm off to stay alive is one thing, but I think that if the situation presented itself, you’d get awfully comfortable with the idea of writing lefty.
Then again, I’ll probably never be in his shoes and that’s why his story is so incredible to hear. Getting trapped like that was a one-in-a-gazillion chance, and while I like to think I would do the same thing he did, I can only guess whereas he’s living proof.
And James Franco does a damn good job playing him. Big fan of Franco’s to begin with and he just plays Ralston very naturally. Very full of life, very easy to like and you buy what he’s feeling no matter what kind of emotional state he’s in. Always helps to have a lot of funny, genuine dialogue to work with, but wouldn’t be surprised if he got an Oscar nod for this. Definitely one of the more sought-after roles of 2010.
In the words of Ralston after taking in the gravity of the wildly effed up situation he found himself in, “This is insane.” I was leaning towards giving this an 8 because I don’t know if I could see myself sitting through it a second time, but not since Touching the Void (see that if you haven’t) has mankind been treated to such an unbelievable testament of hope and perseverance through film. Ralston is the kind of guy who would get a high-ten from The Jigsaw Killer, a guy who makes Bear Grylls look like a door-to-door Girl Scout (nothing against all you proud Brownies out there, but you know what I mean), and the fact that he came out of his living nightmare by his own doing is more than enough to bump this trip up to a 9. God, can’t even begin to imagine what kind of mental state you have to psyche yourself into in order to go through with an operation like that.
And, yeah, the amputation is brutal to the point where I still get a shiver whenever I flex my right arm, but as usual, it’s just a movie, feel free to close your eyes. If it were a documentary, I’d probably be hurling in the aisles too, but you’re tough, you can handle it.
And the best member of the Fellowship is…
BOROMIR!
Well, folks, I think it’s safe to say that someone has finally beaten the system. Either that or there is an outrageous amount of love for Agent 006 that I never knew about. Yeah, he went out like a boss, but the dude didn’t even make it to the sequel, and he totally became the ring’s bitch for a minute there. I don’t know, someone please defend this guy. I call “bullshit”.
RESULTS:
– Boromir: 26 votes
– Aragorn: 16 votes
– Gandalf: 11 votes (shocked that he didn’t win this)
– Gimli: 9 votes
– Sam: 7 votes
– Legolas: 5 votes (might have been my pick, but I’ll elaborate in the inevitable LotR marathon reviews)
– Pippin: 2 votes
– Frodo: 2 votes
– Merry: 1 vote
But here’s the real question, folks: which are better, the books or the movies?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
VERDICT:
7/10 Polyjuice Potions
Doomed to disappoint from the get-go, but still a fine adaptation of a phenomenal book.
Harry Potter and the Goblet Fire picks up with 14-year-old HP during his fourth year at Hogwarts. This time around, the legendary Triwizard Tournament is being held on his home turf, and by some evil tomfoolery of the highest order, Harry is entered into the running despite his being under the age limit, despite never volunteering himself to compete in the first place, and despite his new shaggy haircut which must be in violation of at least 36 different wizard by-laws. All the while, he’s got a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to feel out, he has to grow a pair and actually ask a girl on a date to the wizard ball, and it looks like The Big V himself is getting that much closer to returning to his original form.
Yeah, well…I had to take the PSATs. Good luck using gillyweed to pass that shit, Har.
So, new director Mike Newell was fighting an uphill battle from the start with this one. He’s working with the best book in the series which happens to be 300 pages longer than Prisoner of Azkaban, he still has to fit it all into the span of two-and-a-half hours, and since Alfonso Cuaron blew the roof clear off the bitch in the last movie, he’s also got that to live up to. All things considered, Newell doesn’t quite capture the same magic that Cuaron did and his biggest strength seems to be emphasizing that whether you’re a muggle or a wizard, it rains like a bastard in England, but he’s still a step up from Columbus and he’s quite sufficient behind the camera. Nothing fancy, just sufficient.
Then again, the recurring problem of the movie actually doesn’t have a whole lot to do with Newell, but rather screenwriter Steve Kloves and what he decided to include or exclude from Rowling’s source material. I dug how the first Twizard challenge with the Hungarian Horntail gets turned into a broomstick chase scene around the heights of Hogwarts (almost makes up for skipping over the entire Quidditch World Cup scene), I actually dug all the challenges for that matter, the final one in particular that left out all the stranger obstacles like a sphinx that tells riddles and just stuck to the threat of a living labyrinth instead. So in terms of the Triward Tournament, Kloves is on point, but then he spends an inordinate amount of time on Harry and Ron in their quest talk to girls, and the tournament becomes an afterthought of sorts.
And, man, is Ron a whiny bitch or what? Yeah, he’s a drama king in the book, but at least Rowling gives us an explanation for it because he’s always playing second fiddle. Here, he’s just giving Harry the cold shoulder and moping around like a chump, and even after that whole phase of his ends, we’re still not clued into know why he lullaby’s HP to sleep with a nice, tender “Piss off!” in the first place. And why wasn’t Rita Skeeter written out of this? Dame’s annoying in the book and adds nothing to the movie.
Although I am grateful for Dobby being left out along with that whole S.P.E.W. plot line (which I actually liked in the books but most definitely could do without in the movie). Also glad we didn’t have to see those fuckin’ Dursleys for once.
But the whenever the plot was dragging through a sea of awkward hormones and I was hoping out loud that the plot would move along to my favorite parts already, those ended up being letdowns, too. Like when Voldy finally turned up, I was psyched. Voldy’s one mean bastard, he was lookin’ the part to boot, and you usually can’t go wrong with Ralph Fiennes on any day. But then Ralph starts dancing around his merry band of gothic klansmen on tippy toes, yelling and hissing for no apparent reason and borderline overacting a role that I always envisioned as far more on the subtle end of things. Just wasn’t what I expected considering Morty (that’s what his friends call him) has officially entered the highly elite pantheon of super villains over the past decade or so. Sorry if I just spoiled that turn of events for anyone, but come on, like you didn’t think he was coming back.
And the same thing goes for Dumbledore’s speech in the great hall at the end of the tournament. That’s probably my favorite scene in the whole series, I got choked up like whoa at that scene, it’s a complete summation of why Dumbledore is Rowling’s greatest creation, and while it did sound awfully similar to how Rowling wrote it, it didn’t have that same powerhouse effect. The circumstances are still a bummer, but since the whole rift between Dumbledore and the Ministry of Magic on the matter of V. Shnizzle is never addressed and it just doesn’t sound quite right coming out of the mouth of Michael Gambon, the effect is somewhat lost. Again, I miss Richard Harris, he would have nailed that shit.
Although speaking of nailing shit, Brendan Gleeson is an awesome addition to the cast “Mad Eye” Moody, and, man, is that one gross-ass eye he’s got. Here’s an actor who just doesn’t get the props he deserves, and since Moody’s a pretty awesome character to begin with, Gleeson does it up well. Only issue is that his true colors are kind of given away pretty early on, what with all the ticks and such, but that ain’t Gleeson’s fault in the least. And everyone else from the last three movies are still super duper. Snape‘s got some choice moments, Grint‘s getting better, Watson‘s still solid and Radcliffe still needs to stop laughing/yelling/crying/generally anything outside of staring straight ahead and squawking “Accio!” at everything in sight. Didn’t hate Rob Pattinson as Cedric Diggory though, and that was a nice surprise. A lot more likable when he’s not doing the whole albino spider monkey thing.
It should go without saying that this movie never had a chance of one-upping Rowling’s source material, and while it’s still doesn’t hold a candle to what Cuaron pulled off with Prisoner of Azkaban, I still had a good time with Goblet of Fire. Wish it hadn’t felt so rushed, wish it were funnier and I wish this review could have sounded a bit less like a nitpicky fan boy wrote it, but with the books getting longer and plot lines getting the axe, there’s only so much that could have been done about that. Still a great story that’s nicely filmed, and that’s enough for a 7.
Wasn’t too big on Warwick Davis crowd surfing during a wizard rocker show though. But huge bonus points for having Jonny Greenwood and Phil Selway from Radiohead in the band. You bet your ass I’d dance like a hippogriff if they were kicking out the jams.
The Battle of Algiers (1966)
VERDICT:
7/10 Freedom Fighters
Unbiased, uncompromising and unfortunately pertinent over four decades later.
The Battle of Algiers follows a violent band of Algerian insurgents from 1954 – 1960 as they use guerrilla tactics to spark a revolution and ultimately gain independence from the French government that’s been occupying their nation for over a century. But since these are guerrillas we’re dealing who tend to bomb first and ask questions later (followed up by more bombing), a paratrooper regiment from the French army is sent in to fight fire with fire and take down the Algerian National Liberation Front by any means necessary.
As usual, I knew nothing about the history behind this story going in. For years I actually thought this was a documentary and didn’t realize it my mistake until the movie actually started, but whatever, the good thing is that you really don’t need much of a history lesson anyway. Doesn’t take long to pick up on the volatile relationship between the Algerians and the French, and even without a whole lot of back story to work with, the struggle is awfully familiar.
Directed by one Gillo Pontecorvo, the reason this movie stands out at all goes back to the way he presents both sides of the battle. In Algiers, there are no “good guys”, there are no “bad guys”, and just as one might be able to point the finger as a passive observer, it’s damn hard to say who, if anyone, is in the right. Because it ain’t right to oppress an entire nation of people, then again, it ain’t right to shoot a French officer in the back of the head as a way to fight back. And just as it ain’t right to use the terrorist tactics that result in the mass deaths of men, women and children, it ain’t right to retaliate by torturing and bombing the said terrorists with their own methods. The thing is, one side can just as easily “justify” their actions as the other. Regardless of the collateral damage and lives taken, they’re all just a means to an end.
And hasn’t that always been the story?
This is just the Algerians and the French, but I’m sure the Axis powers thought their mission was just as “right” as the Allies, and the same probably goes for us Americans breaking away from the Brits back in the day. And from the viewpoint of someone with no involvement in the affair and no invested interested outside of something new to write about for his blog, it’s impossible to get behind either cause. It’s devastatingly ugly through and through, it’s the wrong way to go about a revolution and it’s the wrong way to go about suppressing one. But at the same time, I’m not part of the conflict and I could easily imagine myself singing a different tune were the circumstances different. It’s complex stuff, but Pontecorvo does a impressive job of putting us in the mindset of both the French and Algerians. Not something I typically find in a war movie, and that’s worth praising.
But as much as I admire Pontecorvo’s approach to such a difficult subject, I still didn’t find much of an emotional connection. It’s not that I couldn’t empathize with what the characters were going through (because I wasn’t exactly living in a state of constant fear growing up in Suburbia, NY), it’s more the characters themselves that I couldn’t get on board with. The face of the Algerians is represented by Ali la Pointe – an illiterate hothead who spends his days in and out of prison before being recruited for the FLN. And as for the French, our guy in charge is Lieutenant-Colonel Mathieu, a decorated strategist who masks his ruthless tendencies with a calm demeanor. Their backgrounds couldn’t be any more different, and that just adds to their opposition as a whole, but I really didn’t care about either of them. La Pointe in particular is just an asshole and he never convinced me that he actually gave a crap about his cause outside of being a hired gun. And even though Mathieu isn’t quite as unlikable and it’s his job to strike down any resistance, he’s a tough guy to warm up to. Doesn’t help that they only show up on-screen every twenty minutes or so, and maybe this all goes back to how damn grim the story is, but their presence only seemed to distance me from their efforts.
Poor audio, too. Lips hardly ever match up with the words.
But in terms of how the subject matter is handled without villainizing either side, The Battle of Algiers lives up to acclaim surrounding it. It’s easy to paint one side of the picture without painting the other, the hard route seems to be painting both. But the tragedy of it all is that, in essence, The Battle of Algiers is still going on to this day. The US government can demonize Al Qaeda and their ideals ’til kingdom come, but just as we can justify the steps we’ve taken and continue to take in terms of suppressing them, so can they. And the kicker of it all is that Algeria finally gained independence by way of constant protest and rioting two years after the FLN fell and without the use of terrorist actions. Shows to go ya’. Makes me wonder why Americans never follow suit in that regard.
In subtext and context, it’s a tough movie to process, but as much as I initially thought I’d forget about it once the credits rolled, it’s been on my mind like crazy for the last two days. The times may be different but the story’s the same, and until we all start taking a step back to understand the mindset of our “enemies”, I don’t exactly see any revisions on the horizon.
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