And the most unnecessary sequel of 2012 is…
STEP UP REVOLUTION!
Because there was so much left unsaid…
Serenity now, folks. Serenity now.
RESULTS:
– Step Up Revolution: 8 votes
– Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: 7 votes
– The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2: 6 votes (bonus points for an unnecessary amount of colons)
– Taken 2: 5 votes
– Piranha 3DD: 4 votes (actually want to see that)
– Paranormal Activity 4: 4 votes
– American Reunion: 3 votes
– The Bourne Legacy: 3 votes
– The Expendables 2: 3 votes
– Underworld: Awakening: 2 votes (criminally low number of votes)
– Journey 2: The Mysterious Island: 2 votes
– Men in Black III: 2 votes (can’t be worse than the last one)
– Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days: 2 votes
– Wrath of the Titans: 1 vote (again, criminally low)
– Madagascar 3: 1 vote
– G.I. Joe: Retaliation: 1 vote
– Ice Age: Continental Drift: 1 vote
– Resident Evil: Retribution: 1 vote (no idea how that only got one vote)
– “ALL OF THEM”: 2 votes
– “I cannot pick just one”: 1 vote
– “Literally all of these”: 1 vote
21 Jump Street (2012)
VERDICT:
7/10 Gym Class Heroes
No one asked for it, but still a good time.
21 Jump Street is about two kids in high school: one of ’em’s a brain, one of ’em’s a jock, and neither get along. Fast forward, they graduate, they sign up for the police academy, and eventually become best buds as they help each other out through training. Lo and behold, they get their badges, become bicycle cops, and then get transferred after dry-humping a perp’s forehead and forgetting how to read him his Miranda rights. Where do they get transferred to? Why, 21 Jump Street of course! Their new assignment: go undercover as new students at a local high school, find out who’s supplying the kids with drugs, and take that sucker out. Sounds easy enough, but as they soon find out, high school just ain’t what it used to be!
That last sentence? Probably the corniest thing I’ve ever written. But by the same token, that’s the kind of story we’re dealing with. It’s another remake of another TV show that everyone all but forgot about and I’ve never even seen, and it’s existence was inevitable. If Michael Bay’s Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles is any indication, nothing is sacred anymore. But with that out of the way and this in the can, it’s still a lot better than what we’re used to.
Like every other adaptation from The Smurfs to The Three Stooges, Jump Street‘s approach is to take characters we’re familiar with, throw them into our present-day world, and hope to God that hilarity ensues. Every once in a while, this strategy actually works and you get a Brady Bunch Movie to enjoy. But more of often than not, you get three Alvin & the Chipmunks movies to make you instantly forget how much you liked the show in the first place. What sets the Bradys apart from the Squeakquels is that there’s more to the former than simply shitting all over “Single Ladies” along with what’s left of our childhood memories. Since the Bradys were all about family values that had been lost over the course of four decades, not only did it make sense to transport them to the ’90s, but it was a great way to make fun of the ‘70s in the process. While Jump Street doesn’t carry that same kind of pertinence, it’s still a great way to make fun of kids today and the pecking order of high school in general.
Sounds pretty shticky from the outset and at this point there’s only so much that can added to the going-back-to-high-school formula, but what helps is that it’s self-aware. When our rookies get transferred, their commanding officer makes a point to address how re-hashed and overdone their strategy is but that they’re doing it anyway because people keep buying into it. I guess you gotta address the obvious if you want to keep the eye-rolling to a minimum, but since there are enough movies out there that don’t even bother, points shall be granted.
Actually, now that I think about it, it’s the exact same premise as when Billy Madison went back to high school. Channing Tatum rolls up in his police-issue a muscle car, gets outcasted from the start for his carbon footprint, and nearly gets expelled for starting a fight. Once upon a time, that was the surefire way to get a letterman jacket on day one, but now tolerance has replaced being a dick as the easiest way to climb the social ladder. Even though that Billy Madison epiphany kind of just warped my whole view of the movie, it still makes for some inspired, true-to-life scenes that fuel some surprisingly genuine character development along the way.
But more than anything, the biggest reason it’s funny is because the people involved are funny. There are a crap-ton of cameos that keep tagging in and out, Jonah Hill’s very funny as usual, and then there’s Channing Tatum. You know what, I take it back: the biggest reason this movie is funny is ’cause Channing Tatum is involved.
Channing-fuckin’-Tatum, man. It’s a good thing this guy’s a goddamn Abercrombie door-greeter because he has been striking out looking for-freakin’-ever. He was in a movie called Fighting for Chrissakes. FIGHTING! I mean, it’s not like the guy’s hurting for work or anything, but his career thus far has placed a much greater emphasis on quantity over quality. And it’s not like he’s a bad actor, he’s just been getting typecast like a mofo in some really bad movies. So here is once again as our leading man, only this time the movie’s good, and just like that, Channing Tatum blossoms into the breakdancing ex-stripper of a butterfly that he was destined to be!
Physically, he’s a perfect fit as the pea-brained Prom King-turned-pea-brained cop, but wouldn’t ya’ know, he’s got some comedic chops going for him, too. He has great chemistry with Hill, he totally holds his own when it comes to laughs, and after all the shit he’s had to act through, it’s really just nice to see him hit a dinger for once. Easy guy to root for, so here’s to hoping he sticks with the comedies and doesn’t fall out with Soderbergh any time soon.
As for the others, Rob Riggle’s got some memorable lines as the school gym coach, Dave “Holy-CRAP-He-Looks-Like-His-Brother” Franco is solid as the school’s eco-friendly pusher, and while it’s great to see Ice Cube swearing again instead of letting his kids make his career choices, I still feel like he was miscast as the commanding officer at 21 Jump Street. Could have been made for one of the best roles in the movie, something like Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder, but at the end of the day, it’s Ice Cube doing Ice Cube. Not the worst thing in the world, just could have been the best thing in the world.
All the same, the general rule of thumb these days is that if it’s a remake, it’s probably gonna suck ass. The very fact that 21 Jump Street doesn’t cannonball into a landmine of disappointment the way so many others have is more than enough to recommend it. There are hangups to be had, but they’ve all got their silver lining. The plot’s predictable as hell, but I was too invested in the characters to care. There’s a bunch of old gags from psychedelic drug trips to random explosions, but since I was laughing out loud at every one of ’em, it’s kind of a moot point. The action didn’t do much for me either, but there isn’t much of it to go around, not like Pineapple Express at least.
Look, I had fun and it sounded like everyone else in the theater did too. It ain’t breaking the mold and it ain’t quantum physics either, but the laughs were a-flowin’ and that’s what matters. Who am I kidding, I almost gave this an 8.
You go, Channing Tatum.
Bully (2012)
VERDICT:
9/10 Invisible Scars
Makes you proud that this movie exists, makes you appalled at the ugliness that inspired it.
Bully is a documentary that follows a handful of families and teens across America that are, and have been, the target of bullying. It’s as simple and unfortunate as that.
If you’ve ever been to school, you know what it looks like. Maybe you were the bully, maybe you were the victim, maybe you watched it happen, or maybe you tried to break it up. Whatever the part, we’ve all had a role, and for the longest time it was accepted as the norm. Kids will be kids, whatcha gonna do? And then that all started to change. I don’t know if it was Tyler Clementi or one of the many others who decided that death sounded better than another day of torment, but we started treating bullying with the gravity it deserves. But movement or no movement, it seems like there isn’t a month that goes by without a new story of a teenage suicide or teenage shooting spree that wasn’t in some way fueled by bullying.
Needless to say, it was only a matter of time before this movie got made.
Not too long ago, I found myself talking about this movie with my mom and my wife. The more we talked, the conversation found its way to the big question: “Were you ever bullied in school?” When I think about my days as a student, my memories are always fond. I’ve always considered myself lucky in that respect. I probably could have done better on the grades, but I had a great social life, great friends, and I prided myself on never pigeonholing myself into a clique. But by the same token, I vividly remember those occasional bad days, the ones where I felt like the butt of every joke just for showing up that morning, that left me like a ball of rage at the end of the day. I still remember the kids who I made a point to avoid because they made life suck when I couldn’t, and you know the kids I’m talking about. There are some names that people just won’t give their kids, and that’s not ’cause they don’t like the names, it’s because of the people they associate with them. With the exception of Adolf and Anus, I’d say bullies are to blame for those names on the blacklist.
I’m not the only one who remembers these things. When someone hurts you or makes you feel worthless, how couldn’t you remember that?
For instance, the subjects of Bully. It revolves around a scrawny kid whose “friends” stab and punch him on the daily, a gay girl from the Bible Belt whose classmates and teachers reminder her that she’s a “fag,” a girl who got so fed up with the daily abuse that she brought a gun to school, two parents who found their son hanging in his closet, and two parents whose 11-year-old boy took his own life with a gun. They all remember, and for them to be part of this is a textbook definition of bravery. For these kids to go on camera and share their stories, for these parents to do the same in the wake of the world-shattering tragedies they’ve endured, for Lee Hirsch to get out there and make this movie at a time when the world really needs it – that doesn’t come easy.
For these kids especially, to have cameras following them around for a year to catch their anguish on film, it almost seems like an invitation for even more bullying. You hope that it works as a mirror for the kids who’ve made make them a target, but you can’t help but wonder about the off-screen backlash once those same kids see this in theaters. Although as much as we can wonder, I can’t even start to imagine what life must be like for these individuals, and the least we can all do is listen.
But as important as their stories are, I still have this feeling that some people might pass on Bully because it’s already all been said. Bullying is a problem, it needs to stop, what else is there to tell? But that’s just the thing: it’s still a problem, it’s still going on, and this is a story that needs to keep being told until the problem is fixed. Bully might not tell you things you didn’t already know about bullying, but what it does do is put a face to its victims, celebrates those who are working to fix it, and holds accountable those who allow it to fester. It’s one thing to hear about a teen’s suicide, it’s another thing entirely to hear it from his father.
So when you watch a school official “resolve” a bullying situation with a half-assed handshake or put a concerned parent’s mind at ease by saying, “You’ll just have to trust that we’ll do something about this” before sending them on their merry way, it’ll make your blood boil. As someone who plans on being a father himself, the idea of putting them on that bus and sending them off to a school like that scares the living daylights out of me. It’s tough to watch these kids get picked on, but it pales in comparison to the administrators. Imagine a cop standing by while someone got mugged in front of them. That’s what this is like. Rather than address the problem and try to find a way to fix it, they pretend that the problem doesn’t even exist. And unless we’re talking about the troll under your bed, no problem has ever been fixed by pretending it didn’t exist.
I was one of the few in junior high who broke up the fights instead of egged them on, but I still could have been nicer, we can always afford to be nicer. ‘Cause at the end of the day, I still remember the kids that I gave a hard time to, and I still feel like shit about it. So why is it so-freaking-hard to be nice, to do the right thing even if it’s unpopular? What ever happened to The Golden Rule? It’s a lot more understandable when you’re dealing with kids because they can be cruel for even the most inane of reasons, but the adults are just as much to blame.
While the final scenes center on the efforts being made to stop bullying, I do still wish there was more of a focus on what we can all do as parents, as educators, as kids. Granted, there’s no silver bullet to get the bullies to stop bullying and there’s no one thing you can point to as the cause, but the attitude of “There’s only so much that can be done” has only served to foster an epidemic. There is a great deal of incompetency and inaction on display here, and as important as that is to a diagnosis, this could have been an even better venue than it was to start working on the cure.
If someone looks different, if someone’s gay, if someone doesn’t have nice clothes, so what? No one should have to look back on their childhood and think of the hell they had to endure just for being born. To be deprived of a college scholarship because of your sexual orientation, to be deprived of an education due to a group of punks? That crap is just unacceptable and there is no shortage of things we can all do to help.
If you don’t get what the big deal is, I’m guessing you were the bully or your head’s too far up your ass to hear the question because it boggles the mind that a dead child is what got people to address the issue. But if there’s any one reason I gave this movie a 9, it’s the fact that it takes a low point in our history as a people and uses it as a catalyst for change. I mean, bullying has been around forever, and that in itself is a huge reason why no one’s ever done anything about it. But just like the tag line says, it is about damn time we took a stand. These are the kinds of movies that alter our lives, that future generations are going to look back on and be proud of us for. As you can imagine, this is a tough movie to watch, but that tends to come with the territory with required viewings.
Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2012)
VERDICT:
9/10 Shokunin Warriors
A portrait of perfection and a foodie’s wet dream.
Jiro Dreams of Sushi is a documentary about Jiro Ono (no relation to Yoko, I think). Jiro Ono is 85-years-old, he’s generally regarded as the greatest sushi chef that ever lived, his restaurant only has ten seats in it, and it’s located in the back alley of a Tokyo subway station. If you want to eat at Jiro’s, you have to reserve a spot one month in advance, put at least $300 on lay away, and he will stare you in the face the whole time you’re eating. He has two sons: the youngest of which has his own sushi joint across town, the oldest of which has been training for over 30 years to take over his dad’s mantle. He’s had the exact same routine for almost 75 years, that’s how he likes it, and business is good.
So the real question here is, what would compel one to drop such a ridiculous amount of dime on raw fish over rice? If you don’t like the stuff to begin with, you might be better off with those 300 boxes of mac and cheese you’ve been saving up for, but even if you just got into California Rolls, you will come to understand. This is no ordinary sushi joint, this is Sukiyabashi Jiro we’re talking about. This isn’t just rice, it’s rice that only Jiro is allowed to buy because only Jiro knows how to correctly prepare it. Think that’s just any old tuna that Jiro made special just for you? You bring shame upon your family with such ignorance. That’s the highest quality tuna on the market and only Jiro can get it. Appetizers? Dessert? Kill yourself. When you eat at Jiro’s, you don’t pay for food, you pay for greatness. Get with the program.
For Jiro, it’s not about how much it costs to make it or how much you’ll spend to eat it, it’s about the craft, a craft that he’s devoted every ounce of his being to. From the moment he first speaks, he tells us that the day you choose your career, you must fall in love with it and devote your life to perfecting it. He is a living example of practicing what you preach, his restaurant has earned a coveted three-star rating from the folks at Michelin, and he has been declared a living national treasure by the powers that be in Japan. That’s what’s up. But the thing about Jiro is that while everyone else is worshiping at his altar, he’s knocking himself down a peg, continually searching for new ways to improve and convinced that the summit will always be out of reach. He’s humble, he gives most of the credit to his staff, and it’s one more thing to admire him for.
Whether it be a musician, an athlete, an artist, or a sushi chef, I have always been awestruck by those who have mastered anything in life. Jiro’s profession is an extension of himself, like it comes without trying, and it’s something to behold even if you can’t taste it. I could watch him work all day, as torturous on my appetite as that would be.
But I think the biggest reason I found Jiro so fascinating ties into how different, yet similar, our values are despite our wildly different upbringings. I was always told that the world was my oyster, that I could be whatever I wanted if I studied hard and tried my best, and if life threw me a curveball, I’d always have the support to help pick me up by my bootstraps. This is not how Jiro grew up. This line of child rearing, according to Jiro, is why we have so many failures in the world. This is a guy who was abandoned by his parents at seven, worked his ass off to survive, and continues to work his ass off past retirement because, to him, life is an excuse to better oneself. These are the lessons he imbues in his sons, that perfection is the goal and failure is not an option, and from them he expects a life of unwavering dedication. The world is their oyster, as long as it’s sushi.
I don’t know about you, but I hear something like that and my eyebrow shoots up. If I was Jiro’s kid, I’d take that as an invitation to start chain smoking, tattoo up, and start a J-pop band called Fast Food. You’d almost feel bad Jiro’s sons, but you really can’t since they’re not bitter in the least. They love what they do, they never once pine for a life they could have had, sushi is as much of a keystone to their lives as it is to their father’s. And from Jiro’s perspective, what father doesn’t want their kid to follow in their footsteps, to achieve greatness beyond what their parents were capable of? The relationship amongst the three of them and the inevitability of Jiro’s passing is so universal and just so interesting from both a familial and cultural standpoint, especially as an American who had it comparatively easy growing up.
At one point in the film, an associate of Jiro’s says that everyone today wants an easy job that gives a good salary and a lot of free time, and that’s why Jiro is as great as he is. In that regard, I wholeheartedly agree. The man is a living testament to the fruits one’s labor in a world where unwarranted entitlement is commonplace, and if you want to study under him, it’s a ten-year education. More people could use a kick in the ass like the one Jiro gives to his sons, myself included. Then again, it’s hard to see myself leading a life like Jiro’s. Not because of how demanding it is, but just following the same daily routine at the same job I’ve had for, literally, a lifetime. Folks, as much as I love writing these reviews, I cringe at the idea of being remembered as The Movie Guy 50 years down the road. Maybe I just need to find my calling, and maybe it’s just the difference between Japanese and American cultures, but as much as I’d love to try everything under the Sun before my clock runs out, there’s something to be said for anyone who uses each minute to its fullest.
And the same can be said of Jiro’s whole staff. Watching his apprentices slave away on egg sushi for the 200th time, massage a dead octopus for 50 minutes straight, and keep everything so damn clean you could eat the countertop for dessert, it’s like Zen in motion. One of those movies you just want to sit back, soak up, and forget about the subtitles (not that subtitles are ever an issue). Part of the credit goes to director David Gelb’s beautiful cinematography that perfectly mirrors the simplicity and complexity that goes into Jiro’s food, but who am I kidding, it’s no accident this stuff looks as good as it does. This is art that happens to food, not the other way around.
Reading back on what I’ve written, it probably sounds like Jiro Ono is a hardass. While there’s a good deal of truth to that statement in respect to his work ethic and parenting, the impression I came away with is that Jiro is happy. At 85, he is proud of his sons, he is proud of his craft, and even though he still longs for better taste buds, he has enjoyed his long life in ways that I can only hope to. It’d be one thing if wore his achievements like a feather in his cap, but that’s why Jiro is worthy of this documentary, one that had me smiling and salivating right to the final course.
The narrative structure may be a bit all over the place, but it comes together regardless. It’s a story of fathers and sons, of true fulfillment that’s riddled with wonderful, poignant moments and filled with wonderful, poignant people. It’s a story that’s going to stick with me for a while. They say that if a restaurant gets a three-star Michelin rating that it’s worth flying to that country just to eat there. Even if I didn’t like sushi, even if I didn’t watch the Food Network more than is probably healthy, I’d say this is impetus enough for me to start planning my next Japan trip.
BATTLE ROYALE!
Granted, The Hunger Games hasn’t exactly had time to simmer over the years like its Japanese counterpart, but the people have spoken. Fanboys and fangirls, argue all you want. Still not sure where I stand on the matter, but it’s a cult classic for a reason, folks.
Swell voting, y’all!
RESULTS:
– Battle Royale: 12 votes
– The Hunger Games: 8 votes
– Lord of the Flies: 3 votes (only read the book, worth seeing the movie?)
Chronicle (2012)
VERDICT:
7/10 Psycho Kinetics
Good things happen when nerds make movies.
Chronicle is the story of an unpopular teen from a broken home who begins videotaping his daily activities because that’s just what kids do these days, I guess. After he and his cousin befriend the most popular kid in the school, they stumble upon a sinkhole in the woods and start playing Cave Explorer because that’s just what kids to these days, I guess. Once inside, they find an otherworldly mega-crystal that taps into their brains, gives ’em some seriously gnarly nosebleeds, and a whole slew of super powers to boot. As they hone their abilities through the art of Punking, our unpopular teen takes to it like a boss and soon finds himself in neck-deep in The It Crowd. But then things start to go South, he decides to take it out on the world for being dealt such a crap hand, and it’s up to his two best buds to stop him before someone gets a Space Needle up their caboose.
For all intents and purposes, this sucker was tailor made and custom fitted for me to geek right out over. Twenty-something male, constantly fantasizes about the day he discovers his Jedi powers, has seen Akira more times than his wife would ever care to know. I am the target audience and that’s a big reason why I liked it as much as I did. But here’s the thing: five years back, I made a short film with my college roommates called Zeroes. It was about six kids with superpowers who compete to see which of them can go the longest without using their respective abilities. There was a whole lot of swearing, a whole lot of drinking, and a good time was had by all. Four years later, after 50 some-odd rewrites, I finally turned it into a full-length script, and I was stoked.
Then I saw this.
Maybe I’m just bitter that Josh Trank beat me to the punch, but as I watched these superboys win beirut, test their healing factors, and move Pringles with their minds, I nearly flipped-the-eff-out. My first thought: someone owes me a royalty check for Zeroes. My second thought: I ain’t gettin’ that royalty check. My third thought: fuck that noise. My fourth thought: thanks for somehow stealing the best parts of my script, you rat bastards. Looking back, I should have at least yelled out a few F-bombs since I literally had the theater to myself. I mean, how could they do this to me, sending me back to the drawing board after all my hard work? Who does that to another person? Could this be grounds to sue? I should have punched that Lorax poster on the way out. Serenity now…
Look, I’m not trying to play the woe-is-me card, especially since that script mine’s come a long way in light of said developments, but for those 84 minutes, I was a mess. It’s a shame that things played out like that, because it is a good movie and it’s rare that I’m so jaded while trying to keep an open mind. The point is: if Josh Trank hadn’t made this movie, I would have made this movie, and that’s as much as complement to his finished product as it is a great way to jump on to my Shit List (that is if I had a Shit List). But with personal vendettas aside and a couple months to clear my head, it’s still not quite an 8.
The one thing that holds this movie back from achieving a new level of awesomeness is ultimately borrowed it felt. The first two Acts are basically Carrie on steroids, and the last Act is basically Akira without that giant baby. As far as the former is concerned, you’ve got the evil parent who thinks their kid is the devil, the misunderstood teen who uses his brainwaves to bully the bullies, a public shaming in front of the whole school, and the one or two friends who try to talk him off the deep end before things get ugly. As far as the latter is concerned, I was half expecting the characters to forget their names entirely and start yelling “KANEDAAA!” and “TETSUOOO!“ instead.
The upside is that those are by no means the worst movies to be borrowing from, and since it’s only a matter of time before we get a live-action, whitewashed Akira remake that nobody even wants, it’s nice to have this to look back on as an unexpected surprise of sorts. The downside is realizing that the movie you’re watching is an awful lot like movies you’ve already seen, and that’s never any fun. But as far as reference points go, the story’s progression from Carrie to Akira does come off as an incredibly natural fit.
Although the way Chronicle does stand out as something all its own is how these kids react to their newfound powers. Whereas Carrie White and Tetsuo just used ’em to kill folks, these high schoolers do what any of us would do in their shoes: have some fun. Fly to that place across the globe you always wanted to go to, gain a reputation, impress the ladies, defy the laws of physics without lifting a finger, make life easier on yourself. There’s not a person out there who hasn’t daydreamed about the “What if?” of finding out you’re Kryptonian, and I loved the way this movie just nosedives into the endless possibilities. It’s not what we’ve come to expect from superhero movies, and with Marvel running out of franchises to reboot, it’s great to have a different point of view.
The cast of newcomers here is also surprisingly strong, particularly Dane DeHaan as our self-proclaimed “apex predator” of the hour, Andrew. As the kid everyone loves to pick on, not only was he well-cast from a physical standpoint, but he really sells it, too. Very easy to sympathize/empathize with him, and even though you can see where his character arc’s headed from pretty far downfield, you still can’t help but root for him given the circumstances of his shitty life. But aside from DeHaan, the kids here do a really good job of just acting their age and naturally reacting to things as they come.
I don’t know whether to be mad at myself or mad at the movie, but the thing that kills me is that if I’d never come up with Zeroes and hadn’t been so invested in it since, I would have given Chronicle way more love than I have already. For a formula that’s been itching for a good kick in the ass, Chronicle does just that thanks to the healthy dose of realism it brings to the equation. But let’s just state the obvious – isn’t it about time we gave the “found footage” thing a rest? Getting kind of ridiculous up in here.
The Hunger Games (2012)
VERDICT:
8/10 Running Women
Better than the book. There, I said it.
For the five of you out there who haven’t read up, The Hunger Games takes place in a dystopian future where society is ruled by a government that makes Syria look like Vermont. So after an uprising fails to gain its citizens’ independence, the powers that be decide to take them down a notch by divvying everyone up into 12 Districts and seeing to it that life sucks for them all the damn time. As if that weren’t enough, they decide to hold a reality TV special each year where 24 kids from each of the Districts are forced to fight to the death. Bad times all around, really. And so our story begins on one such year when a young lass from District 12 (far and away the shittiest District) volunteers to compete alongside a young lad who sat behind her in Algebra II. Though initially placed at the bottom of everyone’s office bracket, the two youngsters start surprising the pants off people and make lemonade out of the situation amidst a whole lot of “maybe they’re into each other, maybe they’re not” teenage innuendo.
If you haven’t heard, folks have been going a tad ape over this book lately. Understandably, it’s a mighty quick read, it’s an awfully intriguing premise, and let’s face it, the world needs something to cling to now that that Twilight noise is coming to a close. But even after doing my homework, I still wasn’t totally sold on this movie.
As far as books go, The Hunger Games is fine. The gettin’s good when the kids start offing each other, but that’s just one-third of the whole shebang. Can’t say I was all too invested in the whole Team Peeta/Team Gale stuff either, and that right there is the other two-thirds of the book. Granted, it’s not the hardest stuff to overlook and enjoy for what it is, but the hardest thing for me to get past was that it seemed like a whitewashed rip-off of Battle Royale. Now before I get verbally dropkicked for that last sentence, go read or watch Battle Royale, compare plot points, and get back to me. Not to say that Battle Royale‘s a masterpiece by any means or that it’s even better than The Hunger Games per se, but the story’s been told and it’s weird that the connection isn’t much of a detractor for (seemingly) anyone but myself. Chalk that one up to cultural divides, I guess.
Anywho, there’s my two cents on the book. Now onto the movie that I thought America would never have the balls to make.
When you buy a ticket for opening night, you know what you’re getting into: reactions from the crowd that keep messing with the tone, everyone forgets how to whisper, and that damn assembly line of people coming and going to empty their bladders/re-up on Cookie Dough Bites. The Hunger Games was no exception, and the fangirls were out in force. With the exception of the last Harry Potter movie, this is no way to experience anything in life and it’s usually enough to ruin a movie entirely. But the unusual thing about The Hunger Games was that it didn’t really matter ’cause it was easier to focus on what the movie was doing right than what the crowd was doing wrong.
In fact, the only time I really noticed the masses around me was when one of the side-characters ate it and about half the theater started openly bawling for five minutes, despite knowing full well that this individual was on borrowed time. Not an exaggeration, it was as if they all found out Santa wasn’t real at the exact same time. Although as bizarre as that was, I guess that’s more of a complement to the connections people have formed with this story and these characters than it is an observation on the emotional H-bombs that declared this “THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE” when we were waiting on line. I might not have both feet in the bandwagon, but this story carries weight and I can appreciate why so many out there are in it for the long haul.
For me, the big difference between reading The Hunger Games and watching The Hunger Games is that the latter left me wanting more, and I mean that in a good way. Once the end credits started rolling, I actually wanted to pick up Catching Fire and see how things play out for The Girl on Fire, whereas before I was mighty content with reading any one of the 500 other books on my shelf instead. As I watched Katniss and Peeta go from peasants to Tributes, I cared for them this time, I cared about everyone they met along the way, and I cared for their cause instead of just their survival. With the book, I felt like I was just trudging through everything that wasn’t The Hunger Games, but with the movie, everything just gelled.
No, the transition from book-to-film isn’t verbatim, but then again, when does that ever happen? If you’re flat-out nuts about the book, you might be disappointed by what gets left out and what aspects get more attention than others. Although given my passing interest in the book, I was pleasantly surprised by the liberties that were taken. The solid cast certainly helped with standout performances from (of course) Stanley Tucci, Woody Harrelson, and my man Lenny Kravitz, but I also really appreciate how it didn’t get too hung-up on the puppy love stuff and did get a lot more hung-up on the societal repercussions of The Hunger Games themselves. That’s the stuff that’s gonna keep me coming back, not whether Katniss ends up with the tall guy or the short guy.
Nevertheless, when I consider that much of the crowd I saw this movie with will probably be seeing Breaking Dawn: Part 2 at midnight (on a school night no less,) I can’t help but feel happy. This is a well-written, well-acted, mature movie whose central themes of life, death, and revolution make the existence of Twihards that much harder for me to comprehend. That series is the Wonder Bread of storytelling, whereas this is more like 100% whole grain. Kids, boyfriends aren’t that important in the larger scheme of things, and this is the kind of validation that young adult fiction needs.
But as far as complaints go, the pickin’s are slim. I wish the 1% didn’t all look like extras from the set of Brazil, I still wish the writers had thought of something other than mutant dogs to hurry up the climax, and the importance of survival skills needed to win The Hunger Games was seriously downplayed. I seem to recall these kids having a bitch of a time finding water, and only a dumbass with a death wish would start yelling out for people in the woods. But that’s all I’ve got really, nothing egregious with the exception of one nagging issue. For everything it improves upon and as well as the subject matter is handled, there is still something fundamentally warped about a story that throws kids in a Thunderdome and tells ’em to go nuts. In its defense, it’s not out to glorify or celebrate the idea of a teenage deathmatch, and it’s not like some whacked-out kindergartners are gonna re-enact this shit at recess, but even with its implied violence and implications that are more of a reflection on our present-day society, it’s hard to justify the PG-13 rating. Very strange hearing an audience erupt when one kid saves Katniss by killing another kid in the nick of time, ’cause at the end of the day, you did just kind of cheer for that kid’s death. Something to think about is all.
While The Hunger Games probably isn’t something that I’ll still be thinking about by the end of the week, there is something to be said for how much more invested I was in the adaptation than in the source material. There’s nothing particularly exceptional about it, but it works where it counts and that goes a long way. Sure it helps that I read the book almost a year ago and didn’t tweak out over it either, but I enjoyed this story a lot more when Gary Ross was telling it. Also great to see Donald Sutherland in something that doesn’t suck for a change.
And the best movie of 2011 was…
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2!
The muggles have spoken, and they have chosen well.
There were some good ones out there last year, but few moviegoing experiences will ever top seeing the last HP movie at midnight with a lightning bolt drawn on my forehead. Swell voting, folks, and make sure to check out some of the more colorful write-in’s at the bottom of this three-month long poll.
RESULTS:
– HP: 142 votes
– Drive: 64 votes
– Midnight in Paris: 49 votes
– The Artist: 44 votes
– The Help: 37 votes
– The Tree of Life: 36 votes
– Bridesmaids: 26 votes
– Moneyball: 20 votes
– Hugo: 19 votes
– The Descendants: 16 votes
– The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: 4 votes
– Bellflower: 2 votes (Amen to that)
– Attack the Block: 1 vote
– Win Win: 1 vote
– 50/50: 1 vote
– Jane Eyre: 1 vote
– Take Shelter: 1 vote
– The Muppets: 1 vote
– Crazy, Stupid, Love.: 1 vote
– George Harrison: Living in the Material World: 1 vote
– Footloose: 1 vote
– Warrior: 1 vote
– My Week With Marilyn: 1 vote
– Martha Marcy May Marlene: 1 vote
– Tucker & Dale vs. Evil: 1 vote
– Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives: 1 vote
– Joyful Noise: 1 vote (Didn’t that just come out?)
– The Woman: 1 vote
– Nina: 1 vote
– Transformers: Dark of the Moon: 1 vote
– The Dilemma: 1 vote
– “Battle Los Angeles (in other words, anything but The Tree of Life)”: 1 vote
– The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1: 1 vote
– Beastly: 1 vote
– Mere Brother Ki Dulhan: 1 vote
– Avatar 2: 1 vote
– “Ayu Azhari movie”: 1 vote
– Real Steel: 1 vote
– “REAL STEEL MOTHERF*CKERS!!!!!”: 1 vote
– “REAL STEEL MUTHAF*CKAAAAAAAA!!!!!”: 1 vote
– “sex”: 1 vote
URGENT!
I know it’s not the most romantic evening imaginable, but for those who haven’t seen it, The Interrupters (the #2 best movie from last year) is playing on PBS tonight @ 9/8c. If you can, I urge you to check your local listings and watch it, it may very well change your life.
That is all, you can thank me later.
The Best Movies of 2011: #20 – #1
You’ve been patient, you’ve behaved yourselves like the fine young boys and girls you are, and I’m just proud as can be. For those in the know, skip on down, but in case you missed it these past four days:
Day 1: #94 – #81
Day 2: #80 – #61
Day 3: #60 – #41
Day 4: #40 – 21
So without further ado, I now give you the best of the best of the best of the best, as deemed by Aiden.
20. Jane Eyre
Impossible to do the source material justice in a two-hour time span, but this came pretty close. The world would be a better place if more girls read that book.
19. Submarine
Richard Ayoade: remember the name, even if you can’t pronounce it.
18. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
The antithesis of every spy movie we’ve gotten out of the past couple decades, which is exactly why I dug it. Tough novel to adapt, but those Brits sure know how to act.
17. Poetry
An unlikely powerhouse that’s as profound and subtle as it is complex and devastating.
Doesn’t look like much from the outset, but it is something else and then some.
16. Cedar Rapids
Still the funniest movie I saw all year. John C. Reilly for President.
15. Win Win
Laughed, felt, cheered, the whole shebang.
Just can’t beat movies about real people with real problems, and that kid was so damn good.
14. The Artist
Flat-out brilliant and it charmed my pants off.
Couldn’t be happier to see this clean house during awards season.
13. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II
One of the best moviegoing experiences of my life.
Still up in the air about whether this or Azkaban is my favorite, but what a perfect ending regardless.
12. Black Death
Right up my alley and makes a strong case for Sean Bean being the most badass man alive.
Makes you wonder how film makers kept screwing this formula up for so long.
11. Catching Hell
Mind-blowing. Chicago owes Steve Bartman one big-effing-apology.
10. Attack the Block
Best characters of the year, #2 best script of the year, straight-up awesome from beginning to end. Have to say that the movie’s been mighty kind to me as well. Trust.
9. Moneyball
#1 best script of the year and the cast ain’t too shabby either.
Still amazed at how well this lived up to one of the best books I’ve ever read.
8. Coriolanus
All that crap I said about Shakespeare in the past, I take it all back. That dude was no joke.
Will someone give Fiennes a freaking Oscar already?
7. Senna
Still not enough to make me watch racing, but what an emotional, incredible, and extraordinary story. Hell of a year for alternative sports movies.
6. Beginners
Beautiful. Magical. Brave.
Doesn’t do it justice, but it truly deserves the ranking.
5. Take Shelter
What Jeff Nichols did here is nothing short of jaw-dropping and Michael Shannon gave a performance without equal. Flipping outrageous how fast this came and went.
4. Bill Cunningham New York
A life-changing movie about a model human being. We should all strive to be like Bill.
3. Midnight in Paris
A wonderful surprise through and through.
Couldn’t have wiped that smile off with pliers and a blowtorch.
2. The Interrupters
If you only saw one movie last year, it should have been this. Required Viewing 101.
1. Bellflower
Folks, some movies just make you want to make movies.
And that’s all she wrote. I repeat: I’m no authority on these matters, but after 188 hours spent watching movies this last year, these are the ones that made it all worth while. If you haven’t seen ’em, I urge you to give ’em a whirl. Not promising anything, but you could do a whole lot worse than most of the shit Hollywood wants you to see.
Alright, climbing off the soapbox now. Thanks a mil for reading and continue to keep it real.
Cut The Crap Movie Reviews 